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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Lines to hit your funny bone on.

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Lazlo Woodbine [some call me Laz]

21:28 / 01.10.01

"My son is gay,
I love my dead gay son !"

Possibly one of the funniest lines in "Heathers"

21:31 / 01.10.01

Yes, it is. As is the silent display of Mineral Water from one cop to the other.

Can't disguise that the film sucked, though. Stupid over-the-top lameness. And Christian Fucking Slater. That ending... appalling. It has its moments, it's just its not the five-star classic everyone says it is.

Tryphena Absent

21:36 / 01.10.01

When she puts that red hairband on I get really pissed off. Another Hollywood ending, devoid of any real significance, trying to create some lame arse symbolism.

uncle retrospective

12:52 / 02.10.01

I love it.
And I love the line "Dear dirary, my teen angst bullshit has a boby count."

Gem.

Brain candy.
"Is made from monkey cum."
Makes me laugh every time.
And the classic, "Surely you can't be serious?" "Yes I am and don't call me sherily"

20:59 / 02.10.01

Brain Candy is chock full of good quotes:
"Um, would you agree with me that Paris is the capital of France?"
"Why, yes Don."
"OK, now that we're back in agreement..."
Fucking classic, and the Danzig-esque singers song from the beginning:
"Some days are dark/some days I work/I work alone/I walk alone/Because I..."

09:08 / 03.10.01

quote: Poor Derek

Who's going to look after his aviary now?

The only ones he identified with were those birds

09:08 / 03.10.01

Not a single line per say but Peewee Hermans death in Buffy the Vampire Slayer...rolling on the floor still to this day.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:08 / 03.10.01

Heathers is one of my all-time favourite movies.
BUT no matter how much I try, tell myself "it's just a lame sports movie, AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE SPORTS, FERCHRISSAKE", White Men Can't Jump never fails to have me pissing myself. The entire "You can't hear Jimi" exchange is just fucking genius, as is the immortal line:
"I'm goin' to my car. Get my other gun. Shoot EVERYBODY'S ass."
Still think basketball's boring, though.

Jack The Bodiless

09:08 / 03.10.01

'Life IS pain. Anyone who says different is selling something.'

deletia

10:01 / 03.10.01

LOVELY Westley...

Jack The Bodiless

10:19 / 03.10.01

'Do you have six fingers on your right hand?'

'Do you always begin conversations this way?'

10:19 / 03.10.01

quote:Originally posted by kegboy:
Not a single line per say but Peewee Hermans death in Buffy the Vampire Slayer...rolling on the floor still to this day.

You could fill up a whole forum with quotable Buffy:

quote: Oh, bugger! I thought you'd gone!

10:23 / 03.10.01

quote: "Aha! I see you are using Bonetti's defense against me!"

"I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain."

quote: "No more rhymes now, I meant it!"

"Anybody want a peanut?"

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:58 / 03.10.01

Princess Bride lines:

quote:"Inconceivable!"

"You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

quote:"Sleep well, my friend - and dream of large women."

quote:"But Westley - what about the R.O.U.S.?"

"Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist."

<huge rat creature jumps on Westley>

Buffy line (the first of many):

quote:"Well - I sing."

11:47 / 03.10.01

- We'll never survive!
- Nonsense, you're only saying that because nobody ever has.

- Give us the gate key.
- I have no gate key.
- Fezzik, rip his arms off.
- Oh, this gate key.

11:48 / 03.10.01

*Not specifically spoilers per se, but if you were going to rent Tremors 3, don't read these.*

"What kind of supreme being would condone this kind of irony?"

and, less philosophical

"Is your head up your ass for the warmth?"

Re: Buffy (line from U.S.'s last season, so quasi-spoiler)

G: "It's clearly supernatural in origin."
B (I think): "How can you tell?"
G: "Well it's so shiny..."

Lazlo Woodbine [some call me Laz]

12:40 / 03.10.01

More of a whole quote really, but it is my favouritest quote ever.

"First i shall cut off your hands at the wrist, then your feet at the ankles, then i shall cut out your tounge, your eyes and nose shall be next"
"Yes, yes then my ears i suppose, lets get on with it....."
"NO your ears you keep, So that every babe who cries, every woman who screams 'my god what is that thing' will rattle in you perfect ears for eternity.
That is to the pain!"

13:23 / 03.10.01

Withnail and I!

Whole damn thing!

(runs for cover)

16:01 / 03.10.01

"Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulance of 1947."

"You're right. No..human being would stack books like this."

Murray, I think I love you.

20:24 / 03.10.01

quote: “Nihilists... fuck...

Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism: at least it’s an ethos.”

Thanks for the Ghostbusters quote, Johnny: it's one of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite films.

09:02 / 04.10.01

"Shop Smart. S-Mart."

"This is my BOOM stick!"

Warrington Minge

09:26 / 04.10.01

mis-quote I admit...

"You people know only two things thats jack and shit......and jack just left town!!"

and

( piano tinkling )

"They hate this....ok boys its dr venkman"

09:48 / 04.10.01

Ray: “Where do these stairs go?”

Peter: “They go up”.

(I think this pretty much encapsulates my sense of humour.)

or,

Dolores: “What are those assholes doing on the porch?”

Dr Hfuhruhurr: “Those aren't assholes. It's pronounced azaleas”

STILL makes me laugh.

09:51 / 04.10.01

I think "Real Genius" is my favorite movie that I never hear anyone say is their favorite movie. With probable errors:

"Would you consider that a launch problem or a design problem?"

"Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?"
"Not right now."
"A girl's gotta have her standards."

"I had this really strange dream last night."
"Was it that one where you're standing on a pyramid in sort of Sun God robes and there are a million naked women screaming your name, and throwing little pickles at you?"
"Nnnno..."
"...Why am I the only person who has that dream?"

"AND KENT: STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF."
"It is God..."

For some reason, the line from Kids in the Hall that cracks me up the most is just absolutely the reverse of funny. I'm sorry:

"Lopez!... ...Lopez! ..........Lopez!......................................... ......Lopez?..........LOPEZ!"

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: doubting thomas ]

gentleman loser

16:40 / 05.10.01

The Big Lebowski. For sure.

Walter Sobchek (looking at man in iron lung): Does he still write?

Women: Oh, no! He has health problems!

Maude: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?

Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?

Maude: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.

Dude: Oh yeah?

Maude: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.

Dude: Johnson?

And of course, the ever popular, "Shut the fuck up, Donny!"

15:10 / 08.10.01

From Time Bandits:

Randall: Look, do you want to be leader of this gang?
Strutter: No, we agreed: No leader!
Randall: Right. So shut up and do as I say.

17:32 / 08.10.01

quote: What's a crop?

Kevin Costner, Field of Dreams

22:35 / 09.10.01

"Pardon me Ladies , but could you spare some change for a moral cripple ?"

Peter Lorre
can't remember from what film though...sorry

01:04 / 10.10.01

I could have sworn I've already posted this on another thread, but here it is again:

Vincent Vega: Want some bacon?
Jules Winfield: Naw, man, I don't eat pork.
Vincent: Are you Jewish?
Jules: Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent: Yeah, but bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good.
Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eating nothing ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.
Vincent: How about a dog? Dog eats his own feces.
Jules: I don't eat dog, either.
Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy, but they definitely dirty. But dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well, we have to be talking about one charming motherfucking pig. I mean, he have to be ten times more charming than that Arnold on "Green Acres," you know what I'm saying?

03:23 / 10.10.01

"Take that, subspace" from Sealab 2021.

Oh, and doubting thomas, just so you don't feel so alone anymore. Real Genius is my favorite movie in spite of myself. I can't find it right now, but there's a site out there with mp3's of every quote from the film.

05:10 / 10.10.01

Jimbo Jones, in full seduction mode in 'the Simpsons', working on Bart's Baby sitter:
"My shirt's chaffing me, MAN"
-removes shirt.
"Oh no, now my pants are chaffing me"

07:19 / 10.10.01

"The trees have NO mercy"

Dr Who

14:00 / 10.10.01

quote:Originally posted by [Your Name Here]:
"Take that, subspace" from Sealab 2021.

You're so fantastic.

22:43 / 22.11.01

Don't know about specific lines but the entire gay stick up men section of Vanishing Point is inspired.
Dude-esque slacker film alert:

"I don't have time for your chinese food based mind games!"

"Once again marijuana has saved what would otherwise have been a shitty day."

or alternatively

"I thought you said you're dog does not bite?"

"That is not my dog..."

or predictably

"I have something I must tell you...I am not left handed!" (and "Nice try" Award to Star Trek TNG for the Q based Robin Hood episode attempt to use that line)

but surely this entire thread would equally work with implausible but not intended classics from HK translations like the frankly ridiculous

"Check if there's a hole in my underpant?"
"No! I saw a vomiting crab!
(thanks John Woo for Full Contact)
and who can ignore the valuable ghost hunting advice:

"I won't dump the used napkins anywhere too.!
"Not to let the vamoires use them as tea bags, right?
(Eternal Asia)

07:28 / 23.11.01

Life of Brian: The centurion questions the hunchbacked jailer:

CENTURION:
Where have they gone?!

<<Jailer looks confused. starts to stroke the centurion's shiny leather armour>>

JAILER:
We've-- we've got lumps of it 'round the back.
CENTURION:
What?
JAILER'S ASSISTANT:
Oh, don't worry about him, sir.

He's ma-- he's m-- he's ma-- he-- he-- he's m-- m-- m-- he's m-- he's m--
He's MMMmmmad, sir.

CENTURION:
Have they gone?!

JAILER'S ASSISTANT:
Oh, ye-- nnnnn-- Ay, n-- na--

JAILER:
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

JAILER'S ASSISTANT:
Na-- na--

JAILER:
Heh. Heh. Heh heh...

JAILER'S ASSISTANT:
Na-- na-- na-- na-- n--

CENTURION:
Oh, come on!

JAILER'S ASSISTANT:
N-- nnnyes, sir. Eh, huh. Anyway, get on with the story.

<<Centurion leaves>>
JAILER <<in perfect received pronunciation>>:
Well, I knew she never really liked him, so I kiss--

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