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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Signs a movie will suck

  
  

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Cop Killer
09:08 / 09.02.02
quote:Originally posted by Ria:
anyone from SNL.

Bill Murray was a SNL alumni, so was John Belushi. Both of them made some damn good movies.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
09:08 / 09.02.02
(%) It's an American movie about historical events.
 
 
Ganesh
09:08 / 09.02.02
quote:Originally posted by Loz' Sweet Exile:
It's an American movie about historical events.

With Mel 'Dodgy-Pseudo-Patriots-R-Us' Gibson.
 
 
Sax
09:08 / 09.02.02
Similarly, it's an American movie about Northern Ireland...
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:08 / 09.02.02
Umm... I... kind of... liked High Fidelity. THERE! I SAID IT!

I tend to go by the reviews- not the content, but the source. If they're all from the Sun, Daily Star, Loaded, Mizz, etc., it'll suck.
Lost In Space was apparently better than Star Wars, according to (I think) Mizz.

(If they're ALL from Sight & Sound, it'll probably not be quite as good as you're supposed to THINK it is, but won't actually suck.)
 
 
that
20:59 / 09.02.02
If it features someone/several someones who you know have been cast purely because they look vaguely like a famous/popular actor. [I think this probably only goes to show that I spend far too much time watching godawful made-for-tv teenagery films].

I hated 'High Fidelity'. But I loved the book, it made me laugh on the tube...
 
 
A
12:14 / 10.02.02
* it was made in Australia. (where movies are made not to watch, but to stroke one's beard to)

* it features the king of the straight-to-video release, Eric Roberts.
 
 
that
12:22 / 10.02.02
oh. god. eric roberts. *shudder*
didn't they eat him in South Park once?
 
 
Burning Man
12:55 / 10.02.02
I heard this one for real "From the director that brought you Ace Ventura 2"

If it has an SNL actor playing an SNL character.

Any movie that stars an actors who are dating and/or married to each other.

Any post Man with the Golden Gun James Bond movie. I know people who have to go to these, they usually drag me along-and they totally suck
 
 
T*M*U*M*A
13:44 / 10.02.02
anything described as an 80's 'Brat pack' movie.

anything starring Molly Ringwald.

anything that could be called a 'modern dance movie' ie Flashdance..

[ 10-02-2002: Message edited by: The Most Useless Man Alive ]
 
 
Jackie Susann
19:41 / 10.02.02
You are insane!!

Those are all Good Things - okay Molly had a bit of a career slump but ferchrissakes you're writing off The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, etc. And heaps of 'modern dance movies' - including Flashdance! - are great. What about Footloose or Hairspray?
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
08:44 / 11.02.02
quote:Originally posted by count adam:
* it was made in Australia. (where movies are made not to watch, but to stroke one's beard to)Ah, bollocks. Australian movies usually suck because they have people pretending to be Australian in them - hello, Mel? Or else, Bryan Brown's in them. Bastard.

Hmm. I'd like to see someone beardstroking to such shite as Tim. Or any of the filmic equivalents of The Secret Life Of Us: Love And Other Catastrophes wasn't exactly philosophically charged, was it?

Actually, let me add an Antipodean rider to this: if the movie stars, or is produced or directed by Yahoo Serious, it's really going to suck.
 
 
A
08:44 / 11.02.02
Yahoo Serious, misguided though he may have been, made movies to be watched, not critiqued.
AND, as far as i know, he didn't attend Australia's film school, NIDA, which every single fucking actor in Australia did, and which teaches it's students the exclaim/mumble method of acting.
"Hello! Dave! Are! You! Catching! Any! Fish!?"
"Nup!"
"Well! Why! Don't! You! Stop!?"
"ylrght"
 
 
rizla mission
10:27 / 11.02.02
quote:Originally posted by count adam:
* it was made in Australia. (where movies are made not to watch, but to stroke one's beard to)


What about Mad Max?

Or The Cars That Ate Paris?

Or .. maybe some other films that possibly involve gratuitous automobile destruction .. maybe it's a cultural thing..
 
 
rizla mission
10:28 / 11.02.02
quote:Originally posted by The Most Useless Man Alive:

anything starring Molly Ringwald.


To cultured individuals such as I, that is the sign of a good film.
 
 
Sax
10:32 / 11.02.02
Exactly! Pretty in Pink, man. I mean, wow.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
13:02 / 11.02.02
quote:Originally posted by count adam:
Yahoo Serious, misguided though he may have been, made movies to be watched, not critiqued.Or enjoyed, really. I'd argue that even people who make selfconsciously chin-scratchy movies still have a vested interest in having them watched, too. You can't really critique it unless you watch it first, can you? quote:AND, as far as i know, he didn't attend Australia's film school, NIDA,NIDA's not just the film school, at least not in the same way that the US or elsewhere might have film-schools. As far as I can tell, there's a reasonable amount of non-NIDA talent treading the boards, some great, some shithouse. But maybe you just watched shitty movies in and of themselves.

Though nothing rescues anything with Paul Hogan in it. Who is decidedly non-NIDA.
 
 
hanabius yamamura
16:23 / 12.02.02
re suck etc...

most things starring mark hamill nowadays - NOTE : not s.w trilogy and see recent simpsons piss-take !

  
 
Anaconda Jones
16:57 / 12.02.02
1. It's advertised as "the feel good movie of the season".

2. It's directed by Alan Smithee

3. It's written by Akiva Goldsmith. Up until "A beautiful mind" he was known for really bad scripts".
 
 
T*M*U*M*A
19:51 / 12.02.02
if it stars Bette Midler, Liza Minnelli or Barbra Streisand

*shudders*
 
 
Ganesh
19:53 / 12.02.02
quote:Originally posted by The Most Useless Man Alive:
if it stars... Liza Minnelli

Unless, of course, it's 'Cabaret'.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
09:10 / 13.02.02
That's only 'cos there's just enough Joel Grey to balance her out...
 
 
Ganesh
09:15 / 13.02.02
Oh, c'mon, don't be unfair. That's the one film the poor woman's ever been any good in...
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
09:25 / 13.02.02
Well, that is true. She's much better than whoever's on the soundtrack recording from the revival.

...was that my outside voice?

But yes. It's excepted from her auto-suckage. But only just, 'cos it proves she can parley obnoxious into a dramatic role.
 
 
Hieronymus
09:45 / 13.02.02
Anything Joel Schumacher directs. He should've retired after putting out stuff like The Lost Boys and St. Elmo's Fire but noooo he had to wallow in Grisham novels, put nipples on Batman and screw up a perfectly good Andrew Kevin Walker (se7en) script.
 
 
shirtless, beepers and suntans
09:49 / 13.02.02
i'm reading this thread, and i'm laughing at all the people who're saying if it's an american movie, it sucks.

typical eurotrash anti-american penis envy. i could sit here all night compiling a list of american movies that are without peers across the pond, but it still probably wouldn't be good enough for some of you people.

getting back to topic, if the TV commercials feature interviews with the actors talking about what a great movie it is...there's a good chance it's for a movie starring Britney Spears or Mandy Moore.

[ 13-02-2002: Message edited by: the shirtless moron ]
 
  

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