*This conversation may concern discussions of sexual assault*
So I was reading this blog Haus linked to in the Feminism 101 thread, a blog by Fugitivus (HJ) which had a thread titled "Stuff what boys can do" and it seemed to contain mostly stories about guys walking girls home or defending them from assault- it started me thinking about two things, firstly what can boys do *beyond* preventing rape or acting as impromptu bodyguards against other men, and secondly the Walk Home.
So imagine I'm a het white guy in the UK (which I am) and I'm at a party and a female-presenting friend of mine is drunk and/or otherwise intoxicated and wants to walk home alone through some dodgy neighbourhood or with someone dangerous. (By dodgy I mean 'In my opinion dangerous, likely to lead to attack if they walk home alone' and by dangerous I mean 'In my opinion likely to attack my friend').
What's the best action? I don't want to patronise my friend, but if they're drunk I don't want them to come to harm. Conversely if they were male-presenting I would not fear they would be sexually attacked, but the situation is less likely to arise as most sexual assault is male on female.
So I'm faced with a dilemma of etiquette versus concern, patronising versus chivalrous. I usually try and insist on accompanying vulnerable people home when I can (almost always women, so I'm being sexist in deciding who is vulnerable) and erring on the side of chivalry, but isn't that just another way of enforcing stereotypes that keep women perceived as vulnerable?
Where's the balance between helping and patronising? |
