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for retail workers

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11:29 / 09.03.02

http://www.geocities.com/n8an/mayhome.html

Zoom.

15:45 / 09.03.02

Ahhh. That brings back memories.

"I'm looking for a book. It's blue. That's all I know."

15:54 / 09.03.02

i hate those fucking pop up ads on geocities.

16:23 / 09.03.02

True that yo.

Zoom.

16:41 / 09.03.02

You want funny? Then you want Acts of Gord. Here's just one of billions of stories from the owner of Gamer's Edge:

And Gord's The Rip-Off

"How much can I get for this game?"

"A three year old baseball game?"

"One year."

"It's Triple Play 98. I have 2001's in stock."

"Oh. How much? And cash, not credit."

"About $4."

"What? But it's sealed! And I paid $70 for it last week!"

"Then you got ripped off. 2001's are $49. Want one?"

"How about $30?"

"How about I can buy those for less than $10 each, including shipping. Notwithstanding that it will never sell. People don't want 3 year old baseball games unless they are exceptionally cheap."

"How about $20?"

"I see... So when I said I can get them for less than $10, why would I possibly pay you more than that for your copy?"

"You're a rip-off!"

"That's right. I'm a rip-off. As compared to the hypothetical establishment you purchased that game from last week for $70. But if it makes you feel better, the door is to your left and you can watch the sun set slowly in the distance as you leave. Perhaps that will help calm your soul and bring you inner happiness. Have a good day."

16:48 / 09.03.02

hey, thanks. now that I know there are people of like mind, we can use the magic of the internet to communicate, share ideas and theories of the revolutions, and together, we shall rule.... THE MALL!

16:52 / 09.03.02

A video game store has nothing on running a comic store. The first time I visited Zoom's store I gave him an armload of New Universe comics, and he had the same look of fear on his face that I used to get when people brought in comics to sell. How do you explain to someone who found a bunch of musty copies of The Ray and Booster Gold in their cottage that, contrary to popular belief, most comics aren't worth jack?

17:17 / 09.03.02

And here I thought I'd masked that fear quite well.

Curses.

Zoom.

17:59 / 09.03.02

Heh. Just overheard this yesterday in a comic book shop:

"How much for all of these comics?"

"Um...I don't really see anything in this pile I'm interested in."

"Yeah, I know they're nothing special, but what do you think they're worth?"

"Well, to me, not much, since I won't be able to sell them, so I'm not interested."

"I just want to get these out of the house."

"I would too; that's one of the reasons why I'm not interested."

"C'mon man; I'm moving and I don't want to haul these things across the country. Make me an offer."

"Well...five dollars?"

"Five fucking dollars?! Are you putting me on?! Why so little?"

"Because, as I've already told three times, I'm not fucking interested."

18:06 / 09.03.02

Yup. Everyone's got a box of comics sitting in their basement that's obviously worth millions, but they just wanna get rid of them. I've started telling people that I don't take comics. Gotta start moving the ones that're here first.

Zoom.

18:09 / 09.03.02

why can't these smart, sarcastic people work in the retail outlets I go to?

why instead am I confronted with checkout staff off their tits on drugs or too stupid to even work the barcode scanner?

18:12 / 09.03.02

Back when I ran an off-licence, I'd regularly get people doing the following:

"I'm looking for a bottle of wine. It was advertised on the telly last night."

"Okay. Do you know what type of wine it is?"

"Red."

That site also reminds me of one of my most embarrassing fuck ups. There was a dumb (as in speechless) woman who used to come in every week. Normally, one of the women on the shop floor would help her out (she was tiny and had trouble reaching even the middle shelf). This one week, I'm covering the shop floor.

Over she toddles.

"Hi. Can I help?"

She mouths "Have you got any Strongbow in the warehouse?"

"Yes," I say, "I'll just go and get some."

Except I don't say it. I mouth it back at her, silently. Sudden brain short circuit, I guess, but as soon as I'd done it I realised: "She'd dumb, not deaf, you prick."

18:15 / 09.03.02

actually, i just checked out the website of the comic shop next to the Tescos where I spend a lot of my sad life
http://www.kryptonkomics.com/

not to be confused with http://www.kryptoncomics.com/

I've only ever been in about twice. The site makes them look like it's worth going back in, they might have stuff I actually want, but they need a bit of web design advice, particularly when it comes to image loading.

Here's a question: if I walked into a comic shop and asked one question that would mark me out as a discerning customer, what would that be?

18:18 / 09.03.02

"What's the most valuable thing you've got in here?"

Oh, sorry, you said discerning.

"Do you buy Pokemon cards?"

Ah. Never mind that one either.

"I really loved Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol. Could you recommend anything similar to me?"

That'd do it for me.

Zoom.

[ 09-03-2002: Message edited by: Captain Zoom ]

18:23 / 09.03.02

cool

i just don't like going into a shop and looking like a twat, or twart...

I was going to say that I'd been reading the Authority collections and wondered if I could get them to reserve me copies (which is true, but I don't know if it's still being published or anything at all really), would that do?

[ 09-03-2002: Message edited by: fridgemagnet / w1rebaby ]

18:27 / 09.03.02

Yup.
As far as super-hero stuff goes, Authority is fairly cutting edge these days. Though I think there's only 2 or 3 issues left in the series and then it's becoming a casualty of 9-11.

I think the best one I ever got was this girl coming in, and she walked up to the counter and said "Have you ever read The Invisibles? Is it any good?" She was fairly attractive, so I gaped for a little bit before gushing about how good it really was. She bought the first book, but sadly hasn't returned.

Zoom.

19:26 / 09.03.02

k... whenever I go into comic shops I tend to ask "do you know when Appleseed book 5 is going to be translated and released?" which always seems to piss people off

19:30 / 09.03.02

Actually, this is one of those things that I understand now from the other side. I have people come in a ask stuff like that, but I really only have the same resources that they do. I have tentative release dates for stuff only because I read Previews exhaustively, or I check the Diamond Comics website a fair bit. And with all the publishers having websites now, the consumer and the retailer have about the same access to things. Any retailer only updates that I get sent only reiterate what has been said in Previews for that month. I sometimes feel like the like to keep us off balance.

Zoom.

19:47 / 09.03.02

One thing before I go. Y'know that electricity guy I was talking about in the Quiet Weekend thread. He wasn't the only weirdo I got today. Earlier I had this guy come in and buy a box of Mage Knight. It's a collectible miniature game. So he's opening up this box and pulls out a figure that's extremely rare, selling for about US $50 online. And he starts thanking god and jesus, right there in front of me, looking up into the sky. And he kept saying what a blessing it was. I'm thinking, Guy, it's a fucking dragon miniature who's sole purpose is to wipe out your opponents. Whaddaya gonna do, start a fucking crusade.

It weirded me out.

Zoom.

20:04 / 09.03.02

These mage knight doo-dads...they are valuable? I must purchase some and sell them on e-bay for far more than they're worth. Then, with my ill-gotten gains, I will build my fallout shelter and be tossed into a future when the nukes hit, much like Farnham.

<pulls some lint, a few pennies, and a pencil stub from his pocket>

Damn, thwarted again!

Are people really like that? I don't understand people who obsess over stuff like getting a complete collection of G1 transformers MISB or people who spend hundreds of dollars on Boba Fett dolls. Sure, I'll admit I've picked up an action figure on occassion simply because I thought it would look neat displayed on my desk, but obsessing over little pieces of lead and plastic....good lord...what's wrong with these people?

20:33 / 09.03.02

Randy, I feel your pain. I don't know how many times the only thing I had to go on was "Oh, he was on Oprah. Poetry. Or Relationships. I don't know..." Or, "I heard about this book on the radio. About two weeks ago. I don't know what it was about."

Fridgemagnet, most people working retail have been on their feet for over six hours, and filled their quota for snarky remarks before the first half hour. Good luck on the comic shop front, though. Although many places are really good, there's always that skanky shop where the owner doesn't read comics, is the leader of the local chapter of the Heritage Front, or wouldn't touch anything beyond the standard fare even if it means a sale. Bastards.

20:57 / 09.03.02

I must admit I've never worked retail, but if there was ever a thread on "fucking stupid questions people ask over the phone"...

09:23 / 10.03.02

quote:Originally posted by moriarty:
"I'm looking for a book. It's blue. That's all I know."

Try the blue section.

17:14 / 11.03.02

I can top that one: Girl with valleygirl accent "Hi." (Love that, just Hi. Just... Hi.) I look at her and am about to ask how I may help when she interupts my intake of breath and says "I'm looking for a book." Okaaay. My response "That's good then, you're in the right place." Blank look. I try again, "What book were you looking for?" Realization dawns, "Oh! It's like this book that my friend was reading, it's pink with this picture of a guy and girl on the front Ok?" You know where this is going right? "Do you know what it's called?" "No, but it's about this girl and guy who fall in love and then something happens and they can't, like, be together, but then it works out ok and they're together again." I'm thinking if you know how it ends... Regardless I brighten and say "Oh yes, that book, it's on the wall over there." Point to the entire Romance section. She toddles off and then, get this, comes back 5 minutes later. "Got it! Thanks, this is so amazing! I love this book!" Big high squeak on ah-MAZ-ing! and love.
Kicker: THE BOOK WAS BLUE!
Reason.

17:18 / 11.03.02

quote:Originally posted by moriarty:
I don't know how many times the only thing I had to go on was "Oh, he was on Oprah. Poetry. Or Relationships. I don't know..." Or, "I heard about this book on the radio. About two weeks ago. I don't know what it was about."

oh Ive been there, I used to work in a bookstore for a few years, too

...the best is when they not only have only half-information, but when most of the half-information is incorrect. I love when they get frustrated and pissy when you cant dig through the mire that passes for their thoughts and magically find the title

17:28 / 11.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Reason:
Kicker: THE BOOK WAS BLUE!

See? Blue section. You can always rely on the Blue section.

17:45 / 11.03.02

My favourite ever customer when I worked in a petrol station was the man who filled his unleaded tank with diesel, realised what he'd done, and, instead of calling the garage to come and sort him out, decided, against all advice, to do the macho (i.e. in this case stupid) thing and drive his car home. Clever. It happens a lot, the wrong petrol thing, but most people have the sense to not fuck up their car to "save their pride" (yeah, in the friggin' magic roundabout universe).

07:52 / 12.03.02

'I'm looking for a book. It's by a man.'

... and overheard in a second-hand bookshop:

'I came in two years ago, and you had a book, can't remember who it was by but it had a picture of a swan on the cover. I didn't buy it because it was too expensive, but it's not there now, You haven't sold it, have you?'

The Return Of Rothkoid

07:52 / 12.03.02

The kicker, for me, was when I was working at a bakery in Sydney.

"Do you sell cakes?"

This from a burly bloke, standing in front of a display unit that was full of assorted cakey goodness. Mrrrrrghghg...

13:52 / 12.03.02

The worst one's I used to get when I selled books for MEGA CORP TM, was from the little fuckers from the local public school (nothing personal to any of you here who also enjoyed wearing a crest and boater). Anyway, these raffish chaps aged 8 would venture down to the town to the scary world of the riff-raff, and delight in torturing plebs such as myself:

"Do you have Harold Pinter's collected plays"

...No...

"well, do you have Mein Kampf then?"

.....No.....

"What about Steinbecks Grapes of Wrath?"

....No.....

"Its not a very good bookshop is it?"

.....No....Fuck Off.......

Admittedly they were right, but Jesus Christ, they were 8 for fucksake? What happened to playing with a stick and a hoop and 'Albert Goes Fishing'?

That said, this probably says more about a chip on my shoulder and inadequacies than anything else.....

16:20 / 18.10.04

My favorite memory from working retail.

Scene: concerned mother comes in, hands child's reading list to my coworker, who has been working at the bookstore for 15 (fifteen) years.

Mom: I need these books for my son's class. Do you have these?
Coworker: I can only look them up one at a time.
Mom: Um, do you have this one, Macbeth?
Coworker: Let me see the list. (types it in) Uh, no, it's not showing up.
Me: Oh I'm sure we have that in stock. I'll get it for you.
Coworker: No, we don't carry that, it's not on the list at all.
Me: Well, I'm holding it in my hand right now, here it is. What are you putting in, let me see?
Coworker: That's the wrong book.
Me: You're looking it up under T? Why are you doing that?
Coworker: It says here, The Tragedy of Macbeth.
Me (stupefied): You're looking it up under The?
Coworker (insulted): Of course not. I'm looking it up under Tragedy.
Me: Never mind, I've got the book, let's just ring it up.
Coworker: That's not the right book.
Mom (concerned): I don't want to get the wrong book ...
Me: There's no wrong book! There's only one Macbeth!

(I commit suicide.)

17:17 / 18.10.04

Macbeth! What are you doing here? Small world!

19:27 / 18.10.04

I could kiss you.

20:08 / 18.10.04

I've worked retail, and I know it's tough, shoppers can be the most entitled jerkass people in the world. On the other hand, no need to be a rude bastard yourself to everyone who comes to the counter. If you hate retail, don't do it. I hated it, so I did something else.

Take for instance this barista's gripe from that Geocities site above - "Find your wallet, and check your money situation, before ordering. Please do NOT pay with dimes, pennies, nickles or quarters."

Don't pay for coffee with loose change? Come on! It's not like paying for a Playstation in coins. If it weren't okay to buy a coffee with six quarters, I probably wouldn't have graduated college....

20:31 / 18.10.04

I always went out of my way to try to make people who looked broke and were paying in coins feel comfortable, thanking them and telling them I was really low on change.

Favorite things about working retail:
discounts
ample time to browse catalogs and place special orders
opportunity to push my own favorite (books, films, music) on customers
clerk cool: hard to believe, but many people will kiss your ass if you're a clerk at a book or record store, as though you work there because you have some special knowledge or great taste, and not just because you have no other skills
free posters and promo merch
"free" candy

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