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Hitmanning Haus

 
  

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Shiny: Well Over Thirty
15:46 / 28.11.07
Seth, I implore you - sometimes it might seem like Haus is the only thing standing against you becoming god of a new world. But killing him wouldn't help, not really. His slightly irritating acolytes, possibly named Iaus and Jaus would just wait a few years and then defeat you, whilst never being at any point half as entertaining or clever as Haus himself.......
 
 
Phex: Dorset Doom
15:56 / 28.11.07
Also, I heard that if you kill Haus you become Haus. I think he mentioned it one time. Or he might have been summarizing the plot of Jet Li's The One. Or that might have been somebody else.
 
 
My Mom Thinks I'm Cool
16:41 / 28.11.07
Isn't it true that all of Barbelith is but a dream in Haus's sleeping brain? And that if he stops dreaming that dream, we (and by extension, the universes we believe ourselves to live in) will cease to exist?

I'm sure that's in the wiki somewhere.
 
 
Evil Scientist
19:31 / 28.11.07
Yeah, but Fly dreams Haus so we'd only die if Fly was contemplating leaving the site.

...

...

Ohhhhh!
 
 
petunia
19:42 / 28.11.07
Will you Break his Spine,
Or Crush his Skull?
In this most magickal,
resplendent Cull?

Chop off his arms,
or Bleed his legs?
A Simple Cap to
Send him to bed(s)?

But 'What...' I say,
'What of his skill?
His sharpened blade,
his fencing "quill"?

I hear he stalks children
Through parlours grey,
Scaring the night awake
to entice the day.

Dressed in mean fedora
trenchcoat to his feet
a heavy duty sports bag,
he stays yet still discreet.'

Now, how to approach him?
You, who dare so high
You, who still do tremble
When caught afront his eye.

Perhaps from behind!
Sneak up all Big-Cat-like!
But a glass-jar'd mind
Would catch you in the light
that shimmers in his bell
Three-Sixty-Full-Round-Sight!

And front on now?
Not a fucking chance!
Against such a man and
His bullet-sabre dance!

So from above?
A sneaky-spider be!
For the heavens behold
His eery reverie,
His thoughts and words
Grown up high on Mont Olympe,
They see like gods,
They'd never miss a shrimp
from miles away,
which is to say
He's got Telepathic-Think!

All directions covered
except for down below.
But as we've prediscovered
it's naught down there but woe.
His feet are big!
They're made rough-sharp!
Stomp-crush-kill and maim
upon our hitman's art...

So where do we stand,
we daring few,
Who'd kill a man
to purchase a view
Of the Holy, the Magickal,
the Above and Beyond?

Just nuke the fucker and get done with it.
 
 
Quantum
19:51 / 28.11.07
Flyboy In My Mind=

 
 
Feverfew
20:04 / 28.11.07
Isn't it true that all of Barbelith is but a dream in Haus's sleeping brain? And that if he stops dreaming that dream, we (and by extension, the universes we believe ourselves to live in) will cease to exist?


Isn't that Rarg? Flick the switch! Flick the switch!
 
 
Triplets
20:12 / 28.11.07
"Bring me everyone"

"Whaddayamean "everyone"?"

"EEEEVVVERRRRYONNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!"
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:17 / 28.11.07
You still believe that jarred brain houses Haus' mind? And that you could put an end to him merely by destroying it?

You fools.

You poor, poor fools.
 
 
Dead Megatron
20:34 / 28.11.07
Cut Haus' head off, and two more will sprout to take its place.

And do we want two Hauses? Can we handle it?
 
 
Phex: Dorset Doom
20:57 / 28.11.07
I heard that Haus actually has a can of Whoop-Ass. He has opened it once and only once, to prevent Dark Haus from devouring the Universal Source.
And I heard that one time he punched this once guy in the face and this guy's face was all messed up for like a month.
 
 
Mistoffelees
21:10 / 28.11.07
I heard that Haus actually has a can of Whoop-Ass. He has opened it once and only once, to prevent Dark Haus from devouring the Universal Source.
And I heard that one time he punched this once guy in the face and this guy's face was all messed up for like a month.


Ronald Spiers: You wanna know if they're true or not. The stories about me? Did you ever notice with stories like that, everyone says they heard it from someone who was there. Then when you ask that person, they say they heard it from someone who was there. It's nothing new really. I bet if you went back two thousand years, you'd hear a couple centurions standing around yakking about how Tertius lopped off the heads of some Carthaginian prisoners.
Carwood Lipton: Well, maybe they kept talking about it because they never heard Tertius deny it.
Ronald Spiers: Maybe that's because Tertius knew there was some value to the men thinking he was the meanest, toughest sonofa**** in the whole Roman Legion.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
21:58 / 28.11.07
If this all goes through, can we do a TV show of it, where Haus gets whacked in a really bad nightclub by Pete Waterman (or an assassin who looks much like him, perhaps for reasons of disguise and subterfuge)? We could call it The Hitman And Haus.
 
 
Saint Keggers
01:03 / 29.11.07
What we do is raise a million dollars then implant Haus with a capsule containing the combination to the safe with the money in it. We let those facts become know to the world and have a tv crew follow him around. We can call it "Who Wants to Wack Haus?"*

Or not.

* I do not infact condone this and the idea of killing Haus is solely for entertainment purposes only. Even if he deserves it.*


* He doesnt.
 
 
Dead Megatron
10:30 / 29.11.07
It just hit me that only the combined forces of Jack Bauer and Vic Mackey stand a chance against the Might of Haus

Provided they don't torture the wrong person, which would make Haus very angry.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
13:55 / 29.11.07
That doesn't make him angry.

Bad grammar makes him angry..
 
 
Dead Megatron
14:12 / 29.11.07
I stand corrected
 
 
petunia
15:31 / 29.11.07
To quickly make a angry Haus all weve got to now do is poorly grammatise?
 
 
grant
16:00 / 29.11.07
In Classical Greek, I think.

That always works, as far as I've seen.
 
 
petunia
16:24 / 29.11.07
Oh yes.

Shall I perhaps get a tattoo that says 'Veni Vidi Philo'?
 
 
Phex: Dorset Doom
16:25 / 29.11.07
But do we really want to make Haus angry? You see, while trying to save the life of teenager Rick Jones Dr. Haus Tanner was caught in the blast of a Beta Bomb and became a rampaging monster with near-limitless power. We might end up liking him if he was angry.

I propose we fire him into space.
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
16:54 / 29.11.07
Surely a Beta Bomb would just have the effect of turning you into a Scottish psychedelic band of awesome promise that quickly implodes due to internal tensions and mental instability?
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
17:25 / 29.11.07
 
 
Mug Chum
19:49 / 29.11.07
I would pay only if the killing plan includes bringing him back as a zombie afterwards. Then I would pay even more so Haus would be chained to a computer writing stuff, only so we could see what a really smart zombie would be like (sure, there's a chance that'll be just a more articulated version of "braaaains!!!" but I'm willing to take that chance -- and seeing what the high-brow version of "BRRAAAIIINS!" would be like is good enough).
 
 
Quantum
20:02 / 29.11.07
Why are we all talking about Haus? We're like a celeb mag gone wrong.
 
 
electric monk
20:11 / 29.11.07
Or a Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator.
 
 
Mistoffelees
20:23 / 29.11.07
Why are we all talking about Haus? We're like a celeb mag gone wrong.

Admit it, you donĀ“t want him dead. You want him on the cover of marie claire, wearing only fresh woad and a leather jacket.
 
 
Mug Chum
20:30 / 29.11.07
I want him replacing Dr House on House and saying stuff like "not under this Haus' roof!" very angrily (as a zombie medic who fights diseases with karate and a swingball set).
 
 
grant
20:38 / 29.11.07
"Time for your therapy, Mrs. Parker!"
 
 
petunia
20:53 / 29.11.07
We're like a celeb mag gone wrong.

I have upskirts of Haus that I will sell to the highest bidder.

All proceeds go to 'the cause', obv.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
21:47 / 29.11.07
Do you think it might be Lupus?
 
 
Dead Megatron
07:42 / 30.11.07
Incidentally, has anyone heard of Haus ever since this thread(t) started?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
07:56 / 30.11.07
I've still heard of him!

His fame only increases.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
08:04 / 30.11.07
Much as it pains me to write anything that might possibly be mistaken for a defence of Megsie, that's rather a cheap shot. Prepositions in English are tricky buggers, especially subtle distinctions like "heard of" and "heard from."
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:01 / 30.11.07
Well, yes. The gag just sprang to mind because of the stuff above about Haus being talked about as if he was a celebrity. I apologise for any offence Shut Up Dead Megatron!!!
 
  

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