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Hope you let it sit for a while, before tackling the rewrite. Let it all marinate and become it's thing. I've dug what you've posted as teasers, so I hope it's not too dramatic in its changes, though.
I got the murder onna boat thing working pretty good. Stripped out virtually everything already there and turned the info-dumps into a conversation about petty jealousies, putting on stoic serious faces with other people, behind closed doors, a pillowfight and a hairbrushing. And then, while the guy's relaxing, picking out the representations of moonlight and magnolias in the ornate ceiling, the woman is shot with the little poison dart; dies without him even noticing, just excitedly pointing out how this arc and that inset jewel make a flower or a cloud.
Which is weird when you consider the draft I was handed was mostly pratfalls, anger, and half-hearted sex jokes with the death right up front and un-mysterious in any way. The only reason anyone was upset with the murder was because it interfered with their plans. Got a note back from the producer, saying it made him cry at two in the morning, so I figure, under the circumstances, that's a good thing. |
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