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What do I do about Enemy Cat?

  
  

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MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
16:06 / 10.05.07
The Epic Saga Of Enemy Cat can be read in its entirety here, but in brief:

1. I open my windows in the spring/summer to let the cats in and out.
2. A neighborhood cat has taken that as an invitation to chill out at my place.
3. Closed window means unfree unhappy cats that wake me up at all hours to get in and out of the house.
4. Open window means Enemy Cat and freaked-out cats.

What to do?
 
 
Quantum
16:11 / 10.05.07
 
 
Princess
16:14 / 10.05.07
Urinate on your window frames.
 
 
Feverfew
16:27 / 10.05.07
That's your answer to everything...
 
 
*
16:44 / 10.05.07
Set up a sentry post.
 
 
Spaniel
16:46 / 10.05.07
Plan!

  
 
netbanshee
16:47 / 10.05.07
I think you need to set up a selective semi-permeable membrane in your window...
 
 
All Acting Regiment
16:50 / 10.05.07
Train your cats to fight.

Incidentally:




  
 
All Acting Regiment
16:51 / 10.05.07

 
 
Papess
16:58 / 10.05.07
awww!
 
 
Quantum
17:06 / 10.05.07
Cat solution=



Get out, Enemy Cat! YOU HAVE FIFTEEN SECONDS TO COMPLY!
 
 
Saint Keggers
17:16 / 10.05.07
Paintball gun.

I think the main thing to remember is to put the head of Enemy Cat on a pike outside the door as a warning to all other would be enemy cats.
 
 
Phex: Dorset Doom
17:29 / 10.05.07
A TRUE MAN WOULD CLEAVE THE BEAST IN TWAIN WITH A SINGLE BLOW FROM HIS MIGHTY BATTLEAXE. THEN CHECK IT'S CORPSE FOR GOLD COINS AND HEALING POTIONS.
 
 
electric monk
17:33 / 10.05.07
A MAN MIGHT ALSO GET A DOG.
 
 
Happy Dave Has Left
17:36 / 10.05.07
STRONG TRUTH

HURRRR!
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
17:40 / 10.05.07
Just goatse the little feller.

  
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
17:49 / 10.05.07



He sorted it right out!

Dude, I think I can see your brain or something.
 
 
Jack Denfeld
19:21 / 10.05.07
Why can't Socks just chill at your house? Is he messing stuff up or soemthing?
 
 
Happy Dave Has Left
19:25 / 10.05.07
On a side-note, both that blog post and this thread have actually made me fall off my chair laughing.

Er, catapult?
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
19:26 / 10.05.07
Don't let MattS sucker you into his pity story. This man allows his cats to take full advantage of him during hours when all good animals should be asleep or taught the lesson of: "If you ain't in by nine, I'll see you in the morning."

If you're going to leave a window open ALL NIGHT, expect some other creature to be curious and crawl inside. At least, it was a cat. Not anything less kindly.
 
 
Cailín
20:03 / 10.05.07
Get the water gun. Squeeze a couple of lemons into the water for the water gun. Spray Enemy Cat with citrus water (wait for a clear shot - you don't want to get this on your cats). Then throw his ass out. Cats hate citrus. Maybe after a couple of rounds of sprayed with nastiness and given the boot, Enemy Cat will take the hint.


If not, you could always catch him, cage him and transport him to another part of the city like they do with raccoons. Although that would probably be considered wrong on some level.
 
 
Olulabelle
20:26 / 10.05.07
We have had Enemy Cat. He is so wily he spans continents to confuse.
 
 
Phex: Dorset Doom
20:26 / 10.05.07
I wonder how you found out that cats hate citrus. I have wonderful mental images of somebody in a lab coat with a water gun and dozens of monkey lab assistants distilling various flavors into water to be fired at cats that said monkey lab assistants have rounded up. The monkey lab assistants have roller-skates and everything. You're looking over a cage full of sodden moggies with your super-soaker and saying stuff like 'Yesss...sleep my pretties, for soon you shall taste the sting of nature's most terrifying odor... SANDALWOOD!'
 
 
_Boboss
20:37 / 10.05.07
sounds to me like enemy cat's getting a hard time. i've met enemy cat plenty of times before, and he always gets pwned, even when there's been two of zim. your cats have got him outnumbered and everything, they need to fix up.
 
 
---
21:30 / 10.05.07
 
 
penitentvandal
21:46 / 10.05.07
We had an enemy cat, for a while. Big ginger fucker. The whole business stopped after he came in through the lockable catflap, got trapped in our kitchen, and I went after him Chow Yun Fat style with two water pistols. It's surprising how much two-gun action you can get out of a guy chasing a large ginger cat around his kitchen with water pistols. We should have filmed it and put it on youtube or something.

BTW, I did have the back door open at the point it all went John Woo. The stubborn bugger kept running away from the door. WTF is up with that? I mean a wasp will move toward the damn door if you open it and swat it in that direction. But an Enemy Cat will actually, in the teeth of a two-gun water pistol assault, try to get further into your house.

Crazy mofo.
 
 
Saint Keggers
22:04 / 10.05.07
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
22:10 / 10.05.07
Sorry, I should probably add that the pictures I posted earlier are what happened to my cat after he confronted an Enemy Cat.

He's used to it by now, cats that sneak in through the cat flap and steal his food. There's been so many over the years. He used to be right on it, out the door in a flash. He's older now, he waits and waits. Finally, with a resigned sigh, he has to do something about it.

There's only so much a cat can take, after all.

Inevitably, he comes back with an injury of some sort (sporting some nice HEAD BITES up thread) but also, we never see that Enemy Cat again... I think one of them may well have been this big ginger fucker of which Velvet Vandal speaks, I'm pretty sure I thought it was some sort of Tiger. Still, a lost tooth or so later, and he wasn't to be seen again... they never come back.



Although, has anyone ever confronted this notion that might BLOW YOUR MIND? What if your cat is off being an Enemy Cat to someone else? It's cat warfare out there, I tell ya!
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:16 / 10.05.07
You just don't get this shit with dogs. That's all I'm sayin'.
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
22:24 / 10.05.07
My mind's already blown by the number of other people have had Enemy Cat experiences. I seriously thought I'd be the only one.

Loading up the supersoaker ain't a bad idea. All I need is a supersoaker...
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
22:32 / 10.05.07
My mother's cat, another ginger monsteroso, has in his old age become the reverse problem - i.e. unreasonably and aggressively territorial. For a while there he terrorised any poor cat, no matter how small and inoffensive, who dared enter the garden. I think the problem was solved with a dietary swerve - it was just cat hypertension making him crazy or something similar - but for all we know he's still out there making like the moggy Grendel of an evening.
 
 
Proinsias
22:50 / 10.05.07
Ear flicking has always worked a treat, after once or twice all you have to do is advance a joined middle finger and thumb and the enemy will rapidly retreat.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:01 / 10.05.07
My mind's already blown by the number of other people have had Enemy Cat experiences.

Many years ago we had an "Enemy Cat" experience. Only I didn't see him as an enemy. I called him the "Alien Baby Cat", because he was really, really cute. He was utterly mental, though. He used to belong to the family up the road. "Bubbles" was his real name. They got burgled once, and decided to get a dog. The dog didn't like the cat. So the cat got kicked out. (They weren't the most responsible people in the world, let's put it that way. Their kids were wankers, too). So the house I was living in (seven people, always fucked on acid and speed) and the sweet little old lady two doors up took him on between us. Poor little fucker. He'd go to sleep on your lap, cute as anything. The MOMENT he opened his eyes he'd lash out at whatever he could see. I kind of got the impression he hadn't been treated that well when he DID have a home, he was so defensive.

He was an absolute nightmare. But one of the sweetest nightmares it's ever been my pleasure to meet. I miss him. And I'm not even a cat person.

Aww. I just remembered all that and now I'm sad.

Bubbles, the Alien Baby Cat, fucking ruled.
 
 
sorenson
23:12 / 10.05.07
Is this an invitation for enemy cat stories? We had a shocker at my previous house. He belonged to my next door neighbour who also happened to be a very good friend, which meant that violent solutions were not possible. He would come into the house and spray all over it, so that my cat then had to return fire - the house stank. Despite the pissing competition, my cat wasn't quite tough enough to chase enemy cat away. It was a nightmare. We had a dog too, but that didn't make any difference to enemy cat - no dog was going to get in his way. We tried getting a cat door that had a little magnet arrangement so that only our cat could get in and out, but the dog ate not just the cat door but most of the door it was inserted into, so that wasn't terribly effective either. Oh, and my partner doesn't love animals much, so she would periodically get really upset about the whole crazy situation. Fun times!

Eventually we moved - problem solved. No sign of enemy cat at our current abode, thank goodness. We're on a bigger block so not so much of the overlapping territory.

Matt, you could try the cat door that only opens for your cats option - as long as you don't have a dog who will eat it!
 
 
Quantum
23:37 / 10.05.07
+ + =
 
  

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