Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

Why the HELL did I do THAT?

Page: (1)2

19:54 / 08.04.07

/...slap.

I have a spider plant. A SPIDER PLANT.

There I was shopping merrily away in a lovely charity shop full of pretty cheap things and at the till the nice lady offered me a free spider plant because they were giving them away. I felt sorry for it and took it under my wing.

Now it sits smirking at me among the basil and poppy seedlings, poking sinister stripey leaves out and *touching their pots* like a creepy old uncle, exuding an air of relentless spiderplanty purpose. It's like discovering you've put on a pair of grubby track suit bottoms instead the trousers of your nice suit to go a job interview.

What possessed me? My dear little basil seedling, freshly hatched, is looking up at me, unreproachful, seeking only an explanation that it can understand.

"Daddy? Is Uncle Spider going to stay with us for EVER and ever?"

Also, I think imagining Talks to Strangers as an incorporeal entity in the Readings of Other Posters Names Thread may have been a mistake.

21:47 / 08.04.07

At first I thought they sold you a spider hatching device, like seamonkeys but with spiders instead. Than I googled the actual spider plant, and it looks really ugly. Also reminds me of the type of plants that stand around in offices, and I wouldn´t have any office plants at home.

As consolation prize, here is a excerpt of a short spider plant text:

The spider plant cringed as its owner brought forth the watering can. "I am spider plant!" it cried indignantly. "How dare you water me before my time! Guards!" it called. "Guards!"

...

The plant sobbed muchly as Borin laid down the watering can. It was not pleased. Too, it was wet. But this did not matter. It was plant.

link, maybe NSFW, because there is a tiny photo with a visible nipple for whatever reason at the bottom of the quoted text

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

21:51 / 08.04.07

Look, just buy a cat and the spider plant will be dead and eaten within three hours. You can just tell the other plants it went to a farm up-state, where there was plenty of room to run around in.

I'm wondering why the hell I was so unhelpful with the Accomplice's family frustrations this morning when I should shut up and just listened, nodding.

22:51 / 08.04.07

The cat won't touch it. It's cursed.

23:01 / 08.04.07

An Accomplice's family can be an awkward business, indeed.

Unfortunately I am in no position to offer helpful suggestions other than the obvious one which is to avoid them.

07:17 / 09.04.07

now you need a get a bird plant - the little old lady who swallowed a fly swore by them, i'm told...

Kirin? Who the heck?

12:32 / 09.04.07

The Spider Plant page on Wikipedia tells us that you can pretty much give up hope of death by deliberate neglect: ‘[the spider plant] is very tolerant of neglect, being able to thrive in nearly any type of condition’. However, all is not bad news. They are apparently ‘particularly effective in absorbing formaldehyde, xylene, benzene, and carbon monoxide from the air in homes or offices’. Nasa said so, so it must be true. That spider plant may well one day save your life! In fact, better go back and ask if they have any more.

jentacular dreams

13:48 / 09.04.07

Cool! I've been looking for a clean method of disposal for formaldehyde and xylene waste! I think the dean's office has some houseplants, I'll have to bring it up at the next meeting.

I'm also particularly excited by the bit which reads: [a]lthough Spider Plants are generally considered to be non-toxic, ingestion can often result in vomiting and temporarily altered behavior.

Tell me you're not curious...

14:18 / 09.04.07

Mist, you've stumbled across a plant satire of Gorean sex roleplay.

18:20 / 09.04.07

Thank you for the heads up, XK! I´ve just read the wiki article about gorean, and am once more pleasantly reminded, in which unique and unexpected ways I can learn something new thanks to the internet. Wondering about spider plants, I was only one click away from a philosophy with erotic elements, which has its roots in science fiction novels!

18:21 / 09.04.07

Wondering about spider plants, I was only one click away from a philosophy with erotic elements, which has its roots in science fiction novels!

I wonder if this is what happened to Tom Cruise?

21:02 / 09.04.07

As consolation prize, here is a excerpt of a short spider plant text

You have succeeded only in leading me to conflate my natural suspicion and distrust of spider plants with misogyny, so now I feel guilty about my treatment of the basil seedling AND the spider plant.

I daren't water it. It's from a charity shop and thinks it has rights.

Kirin? Who the heck?

21:13 / 09.04.07

I’d watch it with the basil seedling. You’ve gotta break ’em young, y’know.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

23:36 / 09.04.07

Just don't take yr spider-plant to the butcher's on a lead.

23:59 / 09.04.07

Are you sure they're sipder plants? Are you?

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

00:07 / 10.04.07

The "Why the Hell did I do that?" thread became a hardcore spider-plants discussion so gradually, I didn't even notice.

Kirin? Who the heck?

00:50 / 10.04.07

Yes, my friend, and their ability to slowly, almost imperceptibly take over anything they want shall be our doom!

BE VIGILANT

01:38 / 10.04.07

See? SEE?

02:20 / 10.04.07

i have spider plants lurking up in the wild part of my back yard. i keep ignoring them, hoping they will go away, but it seems that i had better be more proactive, or they might just take over the whole yard!

02:24 / 10.04.07

I like spider plants. Them and african violets remind me of summer at my grandparents.

02:44 / 10.04.07

Can I send you my spider plant's soon-to-be infinite progeny?

11:20 / 11.04.07

Oh BOLLOCKS.

I've just erased an entire clinic by accident. The consultant's going to have to re-do the tape.

BASTARD.

Oh well, it was only 15 minutes long.

That's what I get from spending all day reading Barbelith instead of concentrating.

See you all later...

11:48 / 11.04.07

Yesterday something similar happened to me. I wanted to delete a file beginning with D, instead deleted my complete downloads file, with lots of music and the tv episode I just then wanted to watch. I am amazed though, how fast I could replenish my losses!

12:20 / 11.04.07

"Can I send you my spider plant's soon-to-be infinite progeny?"

Thanks Sibelian, but no thanks. I'd only end up by killing it.

12:33 / 11.04.07

I'll stick the little blighters on the freecycle thread then, when they appear.

13:18 / 11.04.07

I feel sorry for yout spider plant. It's probably really sad to hear how much you dislike it. I bet it was delighted to finally find a real home but now it knows you don't like it and it's crying invisible, spidery tears.

You evil spider plant hater.

If you do not like it that much you can always send it to me and I will love it, despite it's not looking as pretty as my basil.

13:40 / 11.04.07

Oh, yes, YES, feeling sorry for them that's how it all STARTS.

13:42 / 11.04.07

IT'S CRYING.

13:47 / 11.04.07

Well it needs these experiences. How's it going to learn about the world? Hm?

jentacular dreams

14:58 / 11.04.07

Careful sibelian, knowledge is power. If you're going to teach it about the world, make sure to feed it an equal amount of disinformation. You know, just in case!

15:41 / 11.04.07

Hmf. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give it some attention.

Hey, little fella.

/... strokes leaves

Well, you're not such a bad little veggie after all, are you? Ooh! That's quite a grip! Ha ha. Ouch! that nips! Ha ha. Ha HA!

HEY! LEGGO!

AaAaAaAaAaArrrgg...

15:42 / 11.04.07

Good evening.

15:46 / 11.04.07

Please stop being mean about your spider plant. What can I do to convince you to be nice to it?

Seriously dude, it knows.

*

15:58 / 11.04.07

I... think... Sibelian's quite convinced now, Lula...

*backing away*

15:59 / 11.04.07

Blink

/... waves stolon...

Page: (1)2