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Back to the sympathetic; I am, honestly. Because the experience I’m hearing in this thread is not so far from my own. I mean, I’m married with kids; Christmas, you’d think, is made for people like me. And, to be honest, in recent years, we’ve successfully carved out some traditions and rituals that allow us to enjoy the holiday season.
But it has required us to keep a tight control over who is included in those traditions. And right now, expanding the celebration of Christmas beyond the tight circle of my immediate nuclear family and a few close friends is simply not on the table.
D and I both grew up in large extended families, and our families lived within a few hours of each other—so the whole time we were dating and into the early years of our marriage, our presence was expected at both family homes. And we could never plan it satisfactorily—it seemed we would always leave her dad’s house before dinner, so as not be late at my Mom’s, only to find that my family had eaten dinner without us hours earlier and we’d missed dessert. We were trying to please everyone, and ended up pleasing no one, least of all ourselves.
This continued after we had kids—and by this time, I was directing a choir, which meant that the church basically owned my December; I would lead three weeks of practices, then play five Masses between Christmas Eve and Christmas morning—and then begin the grim slog from one family’s house to the other.
We did this for ten years of marriage.
And then we had enough.
It took a radical restructuring of our lives and a 400-mile move to get off the treadmill. It took some sack, but it had to be done. I know there have been hurt feelings—some of them ours—but it was an overdue and necessary thing. And it’s allowed us to rediscover some joy in Christmas.
I mean, I do love my extended family, but I find I enjoy them more when it’s not mandatory. If I were single—Christ, I think I’d prefer to spend Christmas alone, rather than do that dance every year.
Every year they call and ask if we’re coming “home” for the holidays; and every year I tell ‘em, Geez, no, doesn’t look like finances and work schedules are going to allow for it this year. And then I hang up the phone, and turn to my wife and my kids and my friends, and know that we are home.
Sometimes, you carry home with you. May it be for all of us.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, every one of you. Happy Christmas, guys. |
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