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Are you a bad person?

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18:38 / 26.11.06

in the last week I have:

killed off a relative (who did actually die quite recently) to get time off work

stole the free cd's off of magazine covers

taken a wide variety of drugs

and vandalised public property.

Admittedly none of this is exactly muurder in the first degree or anything, but some of this makes me feel rather bad about myself, so share tales of similar naughtiness to alleviate my conscience and make me feel less guilty about being me.

Jawsus-son Starship

20:06 / 26.11.06

I pretended to have conjunctiveitis(?) this week. And went over my overdraft because I wanted to play poker.

I also lied about playing said poker to my mate.

20:07 / 26.11.06

see, don't you feel better for having got that off your chest?

20:16 / 26.11.06

A quick straw poll round the kitchen table came to the following conclusions;

1) and 3) are basically all right, though in the case of 3)if either crack or heroin were involved you shouldn't take them again, really, and in the case of 1) be wary of saying this about living relatives - you'd feel terrible if anything happened.

2) seems more misguided than bad - those free CD's vary wildly in quality, from abysmal to just about OK, so it seems a shame to risk embarrassment at your local newsagent's over the head of adding to your collection.

4) just depends. Defacing an advert for, say, the general excellence of your local public transport system with a marker pen is possibly defensible, whereas smashing up a phone box probably isn't.

20:33 / 26.11.06

Indeed. If you're truly meaning to impress with your badness, this is fairly common currency. I suspect you're aware of this (hence the "light to mid badness") and will have a think about ways to frame my own... stuff. Before writing more.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:54 / 26.11.06

I've done much worse in my time, but right now the thing plaguing me is that I let one of my friends ride his motorbike home from my house at about 2 this morning after about 28 hours-worth of beer and drugs. Don't get me wrong- I offered him a place to stay, and did tell him he was in no state to ride the thing, but I was barely conscious myself and really couldn't cope with a fight; I'd already had quite a big argument with him about it way earlier in the day when he'd gone home to get some of said drugs.

That's bugging the shit out of me at the moment.

20:56 / 26.11.06

I suspect that if you had done a really bad thing then you would be quite unable to post about it in a conversational thread on the internet. I mean there's being horrible to someone elses dog and then there's proper bad isn't there?I think that proper bad makes you feel so ashamed you can't tell anyone. Ever.

Then there's the blatantly illegal which I supppose would just be foolhardy and reckless to discuss.

Whisky Priestess

22:13 / 26.11.06

Well, I trust all of you implicitly and totally so I'm sure you won't run to the cops when I tell you that it was I (and my friend Lord Lucan) who was responsible for London winning the 2012 Olympic bid. Don't hate me now.

Oh, and various other stuff - Princess Diana's assassination, the Barings thing they pinned on that poor Leeson chap, the Great Train Robbery, most of Jack the Ripper's victims etc.

And I shoplifted quite a bit when I was twelve.

02:28 / 27.11.06

I drank for 5 days straight, fell out with one of my best friends and made a cock and balls of a situation with my ex.Its winter too and I think that might be my fault

07:08 / 27.11.06

I pulled faces behind miss' back when she was writing on the blackboard...and I'm not even at school anymore.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

11:40 / 27.11.06

WP: it was I (and my friend Lord Lucan) who was responsible for London winning the 2012 Olympic bid

I have a sneaking suspicion that it was a friend* who also holds some part responsibility for this dire evil. Ze was part of a team which made a crop circle supporting the bid in a field in northern France which was splashed across the front of the Sun in the days before the decision was made. Everyone knows it was the Sun wot won it, after all. So ze is cupable in some small way.

Me? I'm beyond reproach in all matters, ever.

*not Lord Lucan

13:27 / 27.11.06

I tell lies in conversation (the dialogue, not the forum) simply because it is more interesting. So far, no one seems to have noticed.

01:09 / 28.11.06

I felt really bad about the sudden desire to whisper profanity in a nun's ear when she was standing in line in front of me...

I feel bad about having thrown a bottle at my friend's head for no apparent reason (shrooming at the time, so doubly bad).

01:23 / 28.11.06

Once I picked up a penny I found on the street. Oh, I'm fainting from my own horribleness. I'm like a Roald Dahl villain. To be crushed by a gigantic fruit would be justice!
*swoons, faints, smokes a cigar and laughs*

08:02 / 28.11.06

My bad?

Global warming, and those pesky hoody-wearing killbots plaguing the inner city.

I'd apologise, but really you all brought it on yourselves.

08:59 / 28.11.06

I mean there's being horrible to someone elses dog and then there's proper bad isn't there?

I had a flashback/memory yesterday of when I was a kid (7 or 8) and I ran over a cat on my bicycle. the cat just wanted to play with me, and I was an evil little shit. I felt really bad about it when I thought about it, becuase I love cats now. I went and gave my kitty a hug.

08:59 / 28.11.06

I think the cat survived, btw. It ran away and must have made a mental note to stay away from nasty children.

10:33 / 28.11.06

I killed a bat. I was 8 and it startled me in the shed when it was dark and I didn't know what it was until it'd stopped moving.

To add insult to fatal injury I covered it up from my parents by burying it in the dog shit bin in the back yard.

I'm sorry, little dude. I'm sorry I gave you a funeral fit for a turd viking.

13:54 / 29.11.06

*imagines a turd-viking, on a little porcelain boat, sailing off to new adventures on the endless sewerseas*

You can't be a bad person, you just made me smile

Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns

14:07 / 29.11.06

I agreed to do another Indiana Jones with Connery, so if you folks think you're bad people, I just raised the bar!

15:08 / 29.11.06

The things we did in our childhood are usually the worst. I won't mention mine. Instead i will go for my late teenaged endevours:

Once my friends and i 'broke in' to a big superstore/gym that was being built (i use apostrophes because it had a massive house-sized front window without any glass in it and a small fence that just wanted to be moved. 'broke in' here is 'walked in'.). The building work in the corridor we stopped in was obviously near completion - with light fittings and painted walls. I used a fat marker pen to write on the recently painted walls:

'Smaller buildings are better'

It felt good at the time - rebellious; I got laughs from my friends. But ever since, i've had haunting visions of proud builders turning up to work the next day to have this comment thrown at them. I wonder at night if they cried, if they packed in their jobs, if they were never quite themselves again. I see a ruined career and a shattered human life.

It worries me. But it was quite good fun. This, it seems to me, is the eternal dilemma faced by all who are bad people.

Oh yeah, while i'm at it, and seeing as i'll never dare tell this one in a confessional:

I once used protection while having a less-than-hetero threesome in a catholic church that i had broken into.

I'm not even sure which part of that is worse.

But God still hasn't caught up with me for that one, i can only assume He approved.

You're right; it does feel good to get this stuff out.

15:41 / 29.11.06

.trampetunia, you just revealed how incredibly erotic blasphemy can be.

Get thee to a nunnery!

22:44 / 06.12.06

in true confessional style (that is, hoping that by writing it here i will feel less guilty about what is essentially, a very minor bad):

this morning i was reversing out of a narrow driveway into a very narrow road, and i dinged the car directly behind me - it left a noticeable dent in the door. that's not the bad bit - the bad bit is that i just drove off without leaving a note.

bad, bad sorenson.

Whisky Priestess

09:13 / 07.12.06

That is quite bad, though, isn't it? Won't their insurance people make trouble for them? Isn't it like smashing someone's mug or something and not owning up to it or getting them a new one? I suppose it's more mean and dishonest than it is actually evil, though. Mid-bad, I guess.

Whisky Priestess

09:15 / 07.12.06

Forgot to ask, why didn't you leave a note? Is it a no-claims bonus thing?

09:53 / 07.12.06

Yech, someone did that to my car once. Luckily the damage wasn't too bad but it put me in a foul mood for the rest of the week.

Bad karma on you Sorenson, BAAAAAD KARMA!

13:16 / 07.12.06

I got in a bar fight this week... My friend had initiated conversation with this stranger because we overheard that he worked with our housemate (who wasn’t there); we had all been getting on just fine and dandy, and given how drunk we were it was a wonder he was giving us the time of day. Anyway, somehow he got onto the topic of how he really didn’t like being touched by other men, thinking I was the height of wit I instantly embraced him saying “Awh; don’t worry about it man” ... In a nanosecond he grabbed me by the neck and pushed me off my bar stool. There was a little rough and tumble, and some wrestling off of his friends who tried to hold us both back, fortunately my housemate indicated quite heavily that it wasn’t a good idea and I sat back down. Drunkenly I felt injured of pride - machismo really isn’t my thing, but there was some kind of burning bloodlust there for the rest of the night. I did apologise to him by the way, whereas he completely refused to acknowledge that he had been somewhat excessive.

Anyway, the really dickhead-ly part was that when I got home I recounted the story, heavily exaggerated, to the housemate that has to work with them. Strangely, my friend got called to a meeting the next day - the group of them that had been out that night turned out to been the department’s Christmas party - with management and all; they had apparently, the following morning, given a warning to the guy who had pushed me off my stool, and the meeting was to draw some kind of resolution to the incident. My housemate; disheartened by my demonisation of his work colleagues (which was really quite heavy handed), decided to hand in his notice - something he had been considering for a while. Anyway, senior management had apparently been present at this meeting, and now, thanks to my housemate handing in notice, the entire department is being investigated about the incident... The escalation of such trivial incident was astounding; I don’t even know if I really feel guilty...

17:11 / 07.12.06

Dovetailed, at the end of the day you broke that guy's comfort zone deliberately and about two seconds after he told you. That is a bit dickish.

Excessive? To be honest, if I told you "I don't like spiders" then you put a spider on my head I'd try and deck you too.

The guy might have very valid issues about male/male contact. How do you know he wasn't touched up by a bloke as a kid?

17:37 / 07.12.06

Or, on the other hand - someone attacked Dovetailed because he tried to hug him.

Though you do have a point there, Triple O', i think it's pretty amusing that a fight started from a hug. But then, i am quite the child at times. (though twatting a guy for putting a spider on your head? sheesh...)

I'm more shocked by sorenson. Exactly how much damage did you cause to this car? Are you aware that fixing that sort of thing costs, y'know, real money?

But enough. It is not the role of the priest to condemn - we shall leave that to God.

And if we keep criticising people's badness, we'll never get to read the really juicy stories...

Ex

18:02 / 07.12.06

I killed some people.

18:18 / 07.12.06

Dovetailed, at the end of the day you broke that guy's comfort zone deliberately and about two seconds after he told you. That is a bit dickish.

Excessive? To be honest, if I told you "I don't like spiders" then you put a spider on my head I'd try and deck you too.

I agree to an extent; I certainly did overstep a line and I regret it (even back then at the time I regretted it)... It just felt a little on the excessive side given how jokey and laid-back the conversation between us before hand had been. I full well intended it as a joke, I thought that it was obvious - my intention was not to piss him off or to break his comfort zone; hell, I was getting on with the guy. Admittedly I was quite drunk; my sense of humour tends to regress about 10 years when I am that sloshed, most times it just results in me waking up feeling like a prat - which as usual I did. But still, for what was clearly a (poor) joke in the context of a jovial, drunken conversation, strangling someone off their chair and pinning them to the floor by their neck did feel a little excessive, yes.

I am perfectly willing to accept that I was responsible - I had only met the guy half an hour before, and I shouldn't have presumed his reaction would be non-violent one. However, I would still argue that his response was disproportionate.

18:57 / 07.12.06

i know! i am bad! i have been feeling terrible ever since.

i didn't leave a note because, well, this is complicated and i am not sure how much detail to go into, but let's just say i was running very late for work for a reason that i could not tell work about. very late. a reason i definitely couldn't tell them. so, the thought of stopping and spending another ten minutes trying to find pen and paper etc was just too much.

also, the only other time i've ever been involved in a car bumping incident was when my partner gently tapped one of those horrible shiny city-only 4wd's - it just left a little scratch on the bumper bar. she left a note, and the owners of the car used it as an excuse to blame her for a bunch of other minor but expensive damage that she definitely didn't cause, and it ended up costing us a lot of money. and we don't have a lot of money right now.

the dint that i caused - it wasn't very big. but still, it was a dint.

and my reasons are shitty and yes, i am a bad person.

18:59 / 07.12.06

Are you aware that fixing that sort of thing costs, y'know, real money?

yes. and their car and the suburb it was parked in indicated that they most probably had a lot more real money than i do...

(i know, shitty reasons. i am bad)

12:13 / 08.12.06

See, urinating on a cop car doesn't seem so bad compared to all of this. I might just be an okay person after all!

Muchas gracias, mis amigos.

Mysterious Transfer Student

06:13 / 05.01.07

Queueing with a basket of shopping in a high-street supermarket the other day, as I reached the till the woman behind me asked if she could go first as she had only one item. "No," I replied, and continued on.

I'm not really sure I can defend this kind of behaviour... except to say that the one item she had wasn't a pint of milk or even some cat food, but a bottle of Cherry Lambrini.

Rudeness on the grounds of someone else's poor choice of alcoholic beverage is still rudeness, children.

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