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Asheeees!!

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10:28 / 10.11.06

Freddie has said that he's not going to get too despondent about it. "We are slow starters...", he said, after a 166 run lashing from the Prime Minister's XI.

OK. If we're known as slow starters we're also known as fast losers in Australia. I would be worried. Cards on the table: I think we (England and Wales) are going to get stuffed. I will be delighted to proved wrong, though, and I would be happier all round if Simon Jones was around to ease my pain a little.

09:52 / 14.11.06

Tresco has flown home with a recurrence of a stress-related illness.

I can't help but think that this is good news for England, he's horrifically out of form and it stabilises the top order quite nicely.

If Geraint Jones were attacked by a flaming galah and lightly sprained something to make way for Read, I'd start feeling a bit more confident. I'm still not particularly hopeful of England's chances though

10:27 / 14.11.06

I've just been listening to some nasty comments about Tresco from listeners on 5Live. Bunch of shits. As a centrally contracted player, his employers have clearly been supportive towards him and he's shown a certain amount of courage in admitting that he's in no state to continue.

It doesn't improve our chances, though.

It was good to see an improvement in the bowling in the 2nd Innings against NSW, and always good to see a ton from Ego Piet.

15:46 / 22.11.06

I agree. Some of the unkind stuff thrown at Trescothick has been pretty appalling, I think. He's unwell, it's a shame, he's handled it responsibly and with dignity, fair do's.

Mike Brearley, the average cricketer and disproportionately successful England captain turned psychologist (psychiatrist?) has been doing the rounds in the press pointing out how cricket more than any other sport can challenge the resolve, as evidenced by the high number of suicides among cricketers compared to other sports. Quite interesting stuff and something to console myself with next time I'm toiling away for a dismal 8 runs on some tatty industrial north london wicket.

With Tresco and Vaughan out and Bell in despite injury scare, the batsmen pick themselves. The only selection decisions are between Giles and Panesar and Jones or Read behind the stumps and this means a largely settled side for the duration of what will be a pretty gruelling series. This is a good thing - more than any other series, The Ashes is a marathon, not a sprint (and other sporting clichés) and stability will be crucial for the mental side of the game.

6 hours to go...

17:31 / 22.11.06

Brearley's collar. Brearley's collar. My brother used to do that.

I’m completely at a loss about Monty vs King of Spain. I really really want Monty to be great, but feel he’s always going to come up short being compared to Warne. I can’t see England having a punt on the first test, even though it would look like ‘coming out fighting’. I’m too scared he’d be completely mullered, and I think he’s a sweet boy who should be cuddled. I am gutless. Also, stat-wise, I’m not sure Monty’s really got the edge over Giles: 32.4 at 2.58 vs 39.6 at at 2.84. Gilo’s had longer to work towards crapper figures.

They’re going to go with Jones (he’s a boy who needs a hug, too), even though he can’t catch. Or anything.

(How am I doing at crick-talk? I’ve only ever prattled on to Kath down the pub, and we reckon we must know everything because all the guys wander off. They know when they’re out of their league!)

Anyway. I am prepared for sleeplessness.

Tabitha Tickletooth

21:33 / 22.11.06

Welcome from the heart of the siege. East London, secreted Aussie, air of nervous tension building. Ian Healy on Sky - met him, what a wanker. I've been looking around the internet to see if I can get an Australian radio feed just to hear a less hostile voice in the wee hours of the many dark nights to come. If anyone has a suggestion for accessing Australian online radio feed, it would be massively appreciated.

I do think the first test is key - but for Australia more than for England. *We* have to come out firing on all cylinders. This is serious pressure time - Australia has been able to tell itself some stories about how the Ashes were lost in Britain, but there is no story to be told here. Anything other than a very impressive performance for Australia will be damaging.

With reference to the comments above about Trescothick - I did hear some of the tossers on Radio 5, but what I was really overwhelmed and impressed by was the maturity and respect of the sporting press overall in handling his injury sensitively. I'd have little faith in the Australian press to handle an illness that you couldn't show dripping blood or a scar for as well.

Giles not Monty - I'm loving that.

21:50 / 22.11.06

And Australia win the toss and insert themselves...

That's not what I ordered.

21:56 / 22.11.06

and you're dead right, the press have been pretty decent. I kinda overlooked that. It's just the chumps down the pub talking bollocks.

22:05 / 22.11.06

And that's that, then. Thanks, Steve Harmison. Gah.

22:21 / 22.11.06

if the aussies keep this up, might as well put the english team on the boundary - 0/21; a first ball wide from harmison, then all fours!

might be a long hot summer, eh?

(am in china, inconsistent access to net, gonna miss this chat, dammit!)

nedrichards is confused

00:38 / 23.11.06

Allez Fred at least, a good wicket there, my resolve to stay up all night is weakening.

I believe in you Steve! Believe in yourself too!

07:35 / 23.11.06

I bailed just after that. What did I miss? Other than Langer in magnificent form and England looking toothless..

07:40 / 23.11.06

I confess I went to bed at about 12.40. It was when Boycott came onto the radio. Then things got worse.

Woke up, heard news, went to Waitrose and spent £100 on nice stuff. It didn't work. I've got a house full of food and no appetite.

Tabitha Tickletooth

13:35 / 23.11.06

If Harmison's first ball was a cunning ploy to lure Australia into a false sense of security, it may have worked. I dozed in front of it off and on all night. Not sure about some of Flintoff's field placings, but that was hardly the biggest of their troubles. The online press reaction in the UK is already a bit excessive though. It's one day - did you think it was going to be easy??

Planning to snooze this evening and stay up for as much as possible tonight. I suspect England might get to bat sometime around 6am (if things go to Aussie plan) so at least there is the prospect of waking up early to see how they go with the bat.

Twice very kindly sent me some commentary links which I'm going to give a go tonight. The Sky mob aren't unmitigatedly awful, but they can be pretty hit and miss. I am particularly prone to being wound up by Botham. Although I love TMS commentary, there is a risk that Boycott will start spouting some of his top level twattery and I might harm myself in the rush to the radio to make it stop.

Langer played well but I thought the shot he got out to was a bit weak. Still, 82 off 98 is not a bad first innings - that early run rate was looking pretty devastating for a while there. Would I be right in thinking that we could possibly do with a nice thunderstorm starting to build over Brissy around mid-afternoon - not your actual rain, just a nice rise in humidity before England bat, perhaps?

14:20 / 23.11.06

The press reaction has been quite severe but I think that's more than just because the series has been so hyped. For Australia to amass a huge first-innings total at this ground goes a long way to guaranteeing victory at tha Gabba, particularly as it looks like Warne might make hay on a pitch that's starting to turn. Australia's record in Brisbane is brilliant, even by their standards.

At the risk of being a bit knee-jerk, I'm feeling pretty pessimistic.

And I agree with you about Flintoff's field placing; Langer in particular batted wonderfully but that trademark shot square often goes high and with the big Gabba outfield, I think there was more to be gained from stacking fielders on that side rather than 3 in the slips. That said, Flintoff was the best thing about England from what I saw and his influence will be more keenly felt through his own performance rather than his tactical nous, perhaps.

06:08 / 25.11.06

The silence is awful. A little jig from Tabitha might even cheer me up this morning.

One small blessing is Ben Dirs’ Live Text Commentary on the BBC website:

1729: Another fifty from Punter. No smiles, just a business-like raise of the bat. Pietersen bowling the final over of the day and that's that. That was horrible. When I finally get out of this place I'll stagger into the sunlight like someone who's just witnessed a particularly grisly horror film. If anyone's still up for this drivel tomorrow, I'll see you then. 181-1

Of course, the decision to play Giles and Jones was thoroughly vindicated by their relative success with the bat. Ahem. Freddie’s duck is almost symbolic (if anything can be almost symbolic) and commentators have already been heard muttering that, like Botham, he can’t take the extra responsibility. Personally, I think it’s unfair to even begin to blame the captain. The England attack is pokeless, and 8 England batsmen have just been out caught, mostly behind.

Huge credit to the Aussie bowlers, though, who have threatened in ways the English (none of that ‘we’ nonsense!) didn’t even begin to. Pigeon McGrath, elderly he may be, really showed his class with 6-50, and Warne wasn’t even needed for more than 9 overs. Which kinda sums it up. I shall drink tea, now, and be calm. Later, I might watch England try to play rugby.

Tabitha Tickletooth

15:24 / 25.11.06

God Toes, I hope you didn't do the rugby thing. I admit that I've popped into the thread a couple of times, but posting almost seems unsporting. There's not much positive to say about England at the moment, but I hope for everyone's sake this test gives them the slap they need to play some cricket. At least proper Barmy Army types have a wealth of experience in dealing with this kind of performance in Australia - I should think things have so far been quite confronting for some of England's 'newer' cricket fans who've stumped up a fortune for flights, tickets, etc.

I wish Punter had forced the follow-on, really. It would be over quicker... There is very little joy in this first test for anyone. There is some joy, of course, but not as much as one might expect.

I agree that it's a little harsh to blame the Freddie in any way - I personally wouldn't have made him captain had I been England, not just to avoid the additional pressure but because I think it makes it difficult for him to bowl himself properly, as it were. And he's a massive inspiration to the team whatever role he takes. Still, there's not exactly a long line of people begging for the cap, are there?

Think I might snooze now, so I can watch a bit of tonight's proceedings. What's the feeling out there people? Will we see day five? How long do you think Australia will give themselves to bowl out the Poms? I suspect we'll bat for the first session tomorrow then have at 'em. Can England possibly rescue a draw?

22:22 / 25.11.06

I'm biting the bullet,now. 650 runs in hand is far too much. Rickie's quite right: he wants to really put the boot in. He wants to set a massive total and then make fools of the English* batters.

Rickie's problem is that there are 5 batsmen who are capable of knuckling down and pissing on his fireworks. In the past, and elsewhere, Athers has done it, and Nasser's win in the dark of Pakistan showed the first glimmers of fight that England need to call upon.

Ian Bell and Andrew Strauss are the key players. What really frightens the Australians, though, is the idea that Ego Piet might actually knuckle down and play the innings of his life. The man's a genius, and if he can contain himself he could go for days without giving away his wicket. If.

I just want us to lose this one valiantly.

23:20 / 25.11.06

um, mcgrath's old and past it, isn't he? and langer can't bat any more... i hope we don't get five such one-sided affairs...

was a bit chuffed to attend a swank dinner in HK friday night and have ammunition against a distinguished ex-concorde pilot. he was a bit shattered - can't imagine his state now! any odds on england getting half way to the total?

Tabitha Tickletooth

23:21 / 30.11.06

Come on - you've won the toss and you're batting on a cracking batting wicket and *still* there is Ashes thread silence. What are you people waiting for? It's not going to get more optimistic than this. I think this might be testing. I'm glad that McGrath is there, but I'm not sure he'll take the early wickets. I sense there will be some settling in time. Could be interesting....

06:59 / 01.12.06

My 'Closet Cricket Fan' friend from Scotland texted me at 11.30...THEY'VE PICKED THE SAME FFFUCKKKKING TEAM!!' Hardly an aggressive move. I think it was inevitable. Was visiting last night and had to wait for morning to find out how things were going. I got into the car as Aggers was saying 'good day for England' and the relief was huge. I can't really comment, other than to say that Collingwood's looking rather tasty (and I admit I would have considered him a weak link). Strauss is usually so reliable but at the moment he's a duffer. Is he missing Tresc as partner? Glad that Bell is maintaining some sort of form, and delighted that Piet's showing a tiny bit of maturity (that must feel very odd for him).

The big news, though, seems to be Glen getting injured. Did someone say 'old man'? The commentators this morning were talking of really giving him a workout tomorrow - basically to try to exacerbate it - which seems a little bit mean, but...er...hard to argue with. Did I say 'I can't really comment'? Ha.

04:21 / 05.12.06

Oh. England 129 all out. Where did that come from? Please...no. Don't let it be all over already.

lord nuneaton savage

08:39 / 05.12.06

Aaaaand, collapse.

Cheers lads.

Tabitha Tickletooth

10:06 / 05.12.06

I don't think there is anything cricket-related that I could post to this thread that would not, as an Australian, seem like gloating.

14:50 / 05.12.06

Gloat away, Tabitha, we were shocking.

ONLY NICE THINGS

23:38 / 05.12.06

It must be said - snatching defeat from the jaws of victory is one thing, but snatching defeat from the jaws of a draw is just pitiful.

Tabitha Tickletooth

11:54 / 08.12.06

This reply was going to contain a list of Ashes jokes that I have just received, but actually it felt really mean when I went to post it so I've changed my mind. I live in London - I was here when we lost. Do unto others, etc.

Instead, I will say how dignified I thought Martyn's statement about why he was retiring was and wish him the best of luck. Must have been a tough decision to quit before his home test, but perhaps he'd rather not risk going out on a dud by failing to perform in front of the home crowd for his last outing.

I know absolutely nothing about the newbie but somebody must think he's the bollocks to give him his debut in an Ashes test. Not young though - 27, I believe. You'd think he might have featured before now if he was good enough. We shall see...

14:11 / 09.12.06

I will say how dignified I thought Martyn's statement about why he was retiring was and wish him the best of luck.

I agree. It is sad, though, that he should be seen as jumping before being pushed. Commentators seem to be talking about him as though he was a ‘nearly man’ who never really met his potential. Whatever potential he had (and an average of 46 in 100 odd innings is pretty hot), I think he’d probably suffered more from messy selection decisions in the past. I think they probably knocked the stuffing out of him.

Yesterday, the way forward looked clear for England – drop Anderson and play both Giles and Panesar – but last night Jimmy went and got 3-47 in 23 over. On the other hand, this might just be underlining the extent of his lack of potential at test standard.

I nominate Jason Gallian as patron saint of this thread. Interviewed on the radio yesterday, he was having such difficulty with the notions of ‘we’ and ‘they’ that I ended up feeling pity for him. So post them ‘jokes’, Tabitha…’we’ deserve ‘em.

Tabitha Tickletooth

06:59 / 15.12.06

Well, Toes, you got at least part of your wish. Monty is in and what a school boy error he has made it look to leave him out for the first two. I mean, okay, this pitch is the best for him so far but still - his bloody enthusiasm! He's so clearly excited to be out there. He's up for it and having a good time and he really wants to play cricket. Just having him out there has got to lift the team through sheer force of 'enjoyment' will.

Watching the end of the first innings yesterday morning, I have to admit that I really started to wonder if Flintoff doesn't have a problem with Monty. I realise that the better he does the more questionable the decision not to play him becomes, but Freddie really did seem quite cold to him. I don't know enough about Freddie as a person to know whether it could be a race issue or whether it is simply that he doesn't like him, but I'd be interested to hear the thoughts of others. He didn't seem keen to celebrate with him, he really looked disinterested when he spoke to him. I could be completely misreading the situation, but I felt a bit sorry for Monty and it seemed at odds with the whole jack-the-lad Freddie persona.

It was all rather odd that we suddenly (in England) started hearing that it wasn't Fletcher's decision not to play Monty - it was Freddie! Something's going on there and I'd really like to know what's at the bottom of it. I mean, come on, you can blame your captain for a lot of things (ask Ricky) but team selection? Seems a little harsh.

Anyway, I was out photographing an insanely boring work event until the middle of last night so I've got no intention of going to work until the last ball is bowled this morning. I hope I am a lucky charm and things will go well while I'm on duty. I know I should probably want England to win this one so that it's a real competition but frankly, I don't. I want to win it this test, take all the pressure off and enjoy the rest. Unsporting? I don't think I am but I really want the nasty bit to be over and then just enjoy the cricket!

Plus, I want to buy Zelda for the Gamecub tomorrow and having compelling competing interests could be a problem...

02:28 / 19.12.06

this thread is remarkably quiet. am back from a few weeks hols in china to find we have the ashes back (well, a claim of ownership, if not possession...) and no-one here seems to have noticed?

i thought monty was a standout, and i am equally pleased to see 'pup' (m. clarke) getting back to a young-ponting best. i have long rated him.

two dead rubbers to play - what chance an english victory among them??

22:39 / 21.12.06

...and what chance a st shane ton in one of his last two tests??

00:16 / 05.01.07

five-nil, five-nil
five-nil, five-nil...

bloody hayden, though. no sense of history. hits a six to put the scores level and all he has to do is hold out for two balls, and let the retiring langer face up next over and [hopefully] hit the winning run, his last in test cricket. but, noooo... bloody hayden.

at least mcgrath got the last wicket of the match.

i still rekun punter oughta have put in langer and mcgrath to open, then have warne come on if a wicket fell...

so, my predicted white-wash. is this why no-one at 'lith has been bothered much to post here?

on more particular cricket matters, i still don't know if i rate 'roy' symonds as a test player - his mode of dismissal in this match was a bit too careless and his team was still a few runs [30 odd?] from passing the english total. lacks the disciplined patience, i rekkun, for serious test cricket. any thoughts?

one dayers anyone?

Our Lady Has Left the Building

09:57 / 05.01.07

Part of the problem has been that the series is on satellite TV and not national, so even less people would have been interested in it, beyond the terrestrial-locked fans with insomnia. I wonder whether the British success in the last Ashes series would have been such a big deal if it had only been on satellite telly, there was certainly a build in interest as it became apparent we had a chance and people were tuning in to Channel 4. Presuming we have the next Ashes series with two relatively even sides, I'm not sure they'll be much interest if people can't see it.

22:16 / 07.01.07

i saw only the first day's play on boxing day, otherwise, pretty well most of my ashes intake was via radio or cricinfo live ball by ball 'net coverage.

has telly become that pervasive even on the 'lith?? and anyway, there are some aussies on the site, and the cricket is still free-to-air here, so...

but mebbe it is 'cause it's at midnight and beyond in the old dart?? anyway, no more ashes til '09. be different line-ups by then. mebbe a more even contest, too!

07:59 / 08.01.07

Not really Ashes any more...but I was impressed at just how quickly Freddie got dumped. I suspect that his captaincy was pretty duff and may have contributed to England's general lily-liveredness. Say it quietly, though, lest one wake a sleeping giant...

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