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SMSargasso

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18:48 / 25.10.06

According to that translator, what I should have texted back to Jemma is

I THINK U MUSTVE T3XT3D DA WRONG PHON3 YESTERDAY!!1!111 OMG WTF SOUNDS LIEK U NED 2 CH3K DA RIGHT NUMBR WIT UR COSIN!!!1!! LOL GOD LUK!!!1!!!

I'll know next time.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

18:50 / 25.10.06

I'm not reading teh right nagazines lol.

18:59 / 25.10.06

" OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAEVN HALOWAD B THY NMA!!!1!!1 OMG WTF LOL THY KNGDOM COME!!1!! THY WIL B DON3
ON EARTH AS IT SI IN HEAEVN!1!!!! OMG LOL GIEV US THES DAY OUR DALEY BREAD AND FORGIEV US OUR TR3SPAS3S AS WA FORGIEV THOSE WHO TRESPAS AGANEST US!11!!!11 OMG LOL AND LAAD US NOT IN2 TEMPTATION BUT DALIEVR US FROM EVIL!!1!!1! OMG LOL FOR THIEN SI DA KNGDOM AND TEH POWARAND TEH GLORY FOR EVAR AND EVER!11!!!11 OMG
MEN
!!!!!!! LOL"

That's just made my night.

19:05 / 25.10.06

Hey, Twice Five Toes, I'm from Croydon and I resent your tone. Although people there actually talk just like that, complete with exclamation marks. When they text, their messages are composed entirely of fullstops and commas.

Ah Croydon, so great I emigrated.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

19:05 / 25.10.06

TAHT SI NOT DEAD WHICH CAN 3T3RNAL LEI
AND WIT STRANGA AAONS AVEN D3ATH MAY DEI

I'm laughing so hard there are actual tears.

19:06 / 25.10.06

So were mine used to be, coq.

19:30 / 25.10.06

COG. sorry for shouting, but that's the 5th time at least I've been called a coq on this board. Damn that underline/font interface.

19:31 / 25.10.06

lol

19:38 / 25.10.06

I'm blushing, now, cog. Can't say I'm not disappointed, though.

pointless & uncalled for

19:44 / 25.10.06

I understand that this is obligatory.

2 B OR NOT 2 B-TAHT SI DA QUESTION
WHETHER TIS NOBLER IN DA MIND 2 SUFER
TH3 SLNGS AND AROWS OF OUTRAEGOS FORTUN3
OR 2 TAEK ARMS AGANEST A SAA OF TROUBLES
AND BY OPOSNG AND THEM!1!!!!! LOL 2 DEI 2 SLEP-
NO MORA-AND BY A SLEP 2 SAY W3 AND
TH3 H3ARTACHA AND DA THOSAND NATURAL SHOX
TAHT FL3SH SI HEIR 2!!!!!! OMG WTF LOL TIS A CONSUMATION
DEVOUTLEY 2 B WISH3D!!!11!!1! OMG WTF LOL 2 DEI 2 SLEP-
2 SLEP-PERCHANCE 2 DREM AY TH3RES DA RUB
FOR IN TAHT SLEP OF DEATH WUT DR3MS MAY COME
WHAN WA HAEV SHUFLED OF THES MORTAL COIL
MUST GIEV US PAUES!11!11 WTF THER3S DA R3SPECT
TAHT MAEKS CALMITY OF SO LONG LIEF
FOR!1!!!11 WTF LOL WHO WUD BAR DA WHIPS AND SCORNS OF TIEM
TH OPRESORS WRONG DA PROUD MANS CONTUMELY
TH3 PANGS OF DESPIESD LOV3 DA LAWS DELAY
THE INSOLENCE OF OFIEC AND TEH SPURNS
TAHT PATEINT MERIT OF TH UNWORTHY TAEKS
WHEN HA HIMS3LF MIGHT HIS QUEITUS MAEK
WITH A R BODKIN?!!!!!!?? WHO WUD FARD3LS BAR
2 GRUNT AND SWAAT UNDAR A WEARY LIEF
BUT TAHT DA DRAAD OF SOMATHNG AFT3R D3ATH
THE UNDISCOV3RED COUNTRY FROM WHOS3 BOURN
NO TRAEVL3R R3TURNS PUZLAS TEH WIL
AND MAEKS US RATHER BAR THOSA ILS WE HAEV
THAN FLEY 2 OTHARS TAHT WE KNOW NOT OF
THUS??!?!?? WTF CONSCEINCA DO3S MAEK COWARDS OF US AL
AND THUS TEH NATIEV HUA OF R3SOLUTION
IS SIKLEID OER WIT TEH PAEL CAST OF THOUGHT
AND ANTERPRIES OF GRAAT PITCH AND MOM3NT
WITH THES R3GARD THERE CURENTS TURN AWRY
AND LOSE DA NME OF ACTION!1!1!! LOL - SOFT U NOW
TH3 FARE OPHELIA!1!111 WTF LOL - NYMPH IN THY ORISONS
B AL MAH SINS REMAMBRED

19:49 / 25.10.06

I HAEV A DREM TAHT ON3 DAY THES NATION WIL RIES UP AND LIEV OUT DA TRU3 M3ANNG OF ITS CRED -- WE HOLD THAS3 TRUTHS 2 B SALF AVIEDNT TAHT AL M3N R CR3AETD AQUAL!1!1!!1 LOL

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:13 / 25.10.06

HA SQUATED OV3R DA WOLF AND 2UCHED HAR FUR!!111 WTF LOL HA 2UCHED DA COLD AND PARF3CT TETH!111!! DA AYE TURN3D 2 TEH FIER GAEV BAK NO LIGHT AND H3 CLOS3D IT WIT HIS THUMB AND SAT BY HER AND PUT HIS HAND UPON HER BLODEID FOR3HEAD AND CLOSED HIS OWN AY3S TAHT HA CUD SE H3R RUNNG IN TEH MOUNTANES RUNNG IN TEH STARLIGHT WHERA TEH GRAS WAS W3T AND TEH SUNS COMNG AS Y3T HAD NOT UNDON3 DA RICH MATRIX OF CREATUR3S PAS3D IN DA NIGHT BFOR3 HER!1!!11! OMG LOL DER AND R AND DOVE AND GROUNDVOLE AL RICHLEY AMPAENLED ON TEH ARE FOR HAR D3LIGHT AL NOTIONS OF TEH POSIBLE WORLD ORDANEED BY GOD OF WHICH SHE WAS ONE AND NOT SEPARAET FROM!!!1!! OMG WTF WH3R3 SHA RAN TEH CREIS OF TEH COYOT3S CLAPAD SHUT AS IF A DOR HAD CLOSED UPON THAM AND AL WAS FEAR AND MARVAL!11111 LOL HE 2K UP HER STIF H3AD OUT OF DA LEAEVS AND HELD IT OR H3 RAACHAD 2 HOLD WUT CANOT B HELD WUT ALRAADY RAN MONG DA MOUNTANES AT ONC3 TERIBLE AND OF A GR3AT BAUTY LIEK FLOWERS TAHT FED ON FLASH!111!!1 LOL WUT BLOD AND BON3 R MAED OF BUT CAN THEMSALVES NOT MAEK ON ANY ALTAR NOR BY ANY WOUND OF WAR!!11!111 OMG WTF WUT W3 MAY W3L BLEIVA HAS TEH POWER 2 CUT AND SHAEP AND HOLOW OUT TEH DARK FORM OF DA WORLD SURELEY IF WIND CAN IF RANE CAN!!11!!1 OMG WTF LOL BUT WHICH CANOT B H3LD N3V3R B H3LD AND SI NO FLOW3R BUT SI SWIFT AND A HUNTRES AND DA WIND ITSELF SI IN TEROR OF IT AND DA WORLD CANOT LOS3 IT!1!111 WTF

Wow. I really wish I hadn't done that. That used to be my favourite piece of Cormac McCarthy prose.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:19 / 25.10.06

Oh well. At least I've now found a way of reading that passage without crying.

22:26 / 25.10.06

First time I encountered the "ASL?" question was when I revisited the formerly excellent Sissyfight, expecting, as I had encountered several years earlier, a bunch of pissed-up geeks trying to have a bit of a laugh coming up with as inoffensive playground insults as they could for each other. It totally freaked me when I realised all the people there were in fact the sort of teenage kids presented in the game and seemed to be testing real queen-bee tactics with their peers. When I got challenged with "ASL?" and checked Wiki for what it meant, I logged out faster than you could say "Jonathan King".

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