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SMSargasso

 
  

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Ganesh
11:20 / 24.10.06
Yesterday, at 18:35, the following text was accidentally sent to my 'phone:

Hey bbe! Its jemma taz s cuz sorry if u thought i was laughing at u erlia i wasnt it was jus bit weird how i was saying u were quite fit and then found out u were taz mate!anyway tb luv jemma xx

I've had missent voicemail calls in the past, but this is the first text message that's lost its way and dropped out of the ether and into my mobile. I find myself intrigued by the tiny dramatic snippet of other people's lives. It worries me slightly that the SMS equivalent of the transformative moment in a romantic farce - where the contrived misunderstanding that powers (and spins out) the will-they won't-they plot is resolved, and the star-cross'd couple realise they loved one another all along - has been misplaced, lost... like tears... in rain.

And the responsibility! Should I text Jemma back, explaining that I'm not the "quite fit" object of her desire, and that she needs to get hold of Taz and check his mate's number again? Or should I ignore it, clear my Text Inbox and let the little Jemma/Taz's mate text-flame die? What are my duties here, as an SMS agent of fate?

Do you have any misplaced messages that tell a story? Let's talk about texts, baybee.
 
 
Princess
11:23 / 24.10.06
Reply!
Then fin out here name, follow her to the pub. Learn about her life, become her "quite fit" friend. Marry her.

You must call your first child Serendipity.
 
 
Olulabelle
11:28 / 24.10.06
I think you should reply, because it's horrid to send a text message to someone about something like that but get no reply. You spend ages thinking about it and feeling bad. Then months later you find out the person you sent it to was out of credit and that's why they didn't reply. Or that's what they tell you.

Anyway.

That text might really matter to Jemma.

Plus also, if you text her back you can educate her in the matter of the glorious things that are spelling and grammar.
 
 
Ganesh
11:32 / 24.10.06
Okay! My resolve is quickened! What should I say, Barbeloids? I was thinking something along the lines of

Yeh yeh yeh i is realy fit but b gosh dont i just kno it!
 
 
Triplets
11:40 / 24.10.06
Groom her.
 
 
Ganesh
11:41 / 24.10.06
Seriously, though, I have texted Jemma back with the following:

I think you must've texted the wrong 'phone yesterday. Sounds like you need to check the right number with your cousin. Good luck!

and she's responded, almost immediately:

Ok who is this then

Starting to feel just the faintest bit creepy now. Should I reply?
 
 
Triplets
11:44 / 24.10.06
"Look outside your window and fiiinndd ouuuuttttttttt"
 
 
Triplets
11:45 / 24.10.06
Seriously though, G, what are you like, trying to lure girls into your icecream van?
 
 
Olulabelle
11:48 / 24.10.06
I think perhaps not to reply. Other wise you might get into a whole 'how old are you/how fit are you/meet me down the pub l8tz' type thing.
 
 
Ganesh
11:49 / 24.10.06
I don't think the scary voice thing works so well by text. I've responded

S*****. I don't know a Taz or a Jemma!

except with my real first name, obvieusement, rather than a string of asterisks.

No quickfire response, so my role in the little drama of Jemma and Taz's "quite fit" mate may well be over. I feel a tiny stab of melancholy: I'll never know how it all ended...
 
 
Char Aina
11:52 / 24.10.06
you could always tell her that you are five-o.
that usually puts the shivers up most folks, especially the yoot.
i believe the current lingo is 'feds', if you want to appear to be a down-pig.
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
11:52 / 24.10.06
Well, you can always ask. You have her number, after all.
 
 
Char Aina
11:53 / 24.10.06
is your real name Salome, dude?
 
 
Ganesh
11:55 / 24.10.06
is your real name Salome, dude?

No, it's StJohn.
 
 
Triplets
11:57 / 24.10.06
"My name is P******* W***** and I would like to tell you a little about Stephen Fry..."
 
 
Ganesh
13:50 / 24.10.06
Ahh, paedo insinuations! Makes me feel quite nostalgic...
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
13:58 / 24.10.06
I really can't believe that you missed the opportunity to tell her that you are Ganesh the elephant headed god and for her poor grammer she will feel your wrath.

I say text her and ask for an update on her adventures in the contemporary world of romance. As an apparent autocommunicator I reckon there is a pretty good chance that you'll get some closure.
 
 
Sax
15:12 / 24.10.06
Ganesh, mate, you're gonna get arrested.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
15:29 / 24.10.06
I too have had the misfortune of randon texting. It's so bizarre.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
15:32 / 24.10.06
For ages I was getting messages asking me to go to the pub, and didn't know where they were coming from. As I was usually asleep when they came through, I didn't answer them. It was a good few months before I realised it was Flyboy.
 
 
Triplets
16:15 / 24.10.06
"Grammer"? "randon"? What has Jemma done to you people?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
16:16 / 24.10.06
lol
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
16:33 / 24.10.06
Don't go giving me evils, Triplets!
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
05:57 / 25.10.06
Dictionary.com saves Kali's good name.

However, I'm just wondering what it is that Kali has over Dictionary.com that it would do this or perhaps what price it will extract in return for this favour.

I on the other hand was just apeing Jemma's style.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
10:43 / 25.10.06
I got someone called ******* ringing up a bunch of times and asking me if I'd been trying to get in touch with her about a job as a cleaning lady. Whether it was she or I who was meant to be the cleaner I don't know, but by the third time she was pretty fucking pissed. I like to think she was dialling the wrong number.

I've had unknown agents shouting at me on various Messenger programs as well- it was at a time when lots of new people were adding me so I accepted a bunch of contacts. Lo and behold, I was shortly being accused of taking the piss out of **** on **** with ****** trout pout.
 
 
slinky
10:49 / 25.10.06
i once received a text message stating

'i had fun. pls dnt send ne more txts 2nite, my boyf is getting suspicious'

i had a lot of fun imaginging up scenarios to go with that message - the most obvious one being the illicit love affair.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
11:20 / 25.10.06
Oh, there's an ethical quandry.

Does one reply to the message to advise of the miscommunication and therefore further exacerbate the suspicion of the boyf without knowing of the suspicion is warranted. Or does one accept the request knowing that the intendee may well send further messages and thus goto line 10.
 
 
slinky
12:08 / 25.10.06
indeed. i agonised over what was the best response and ultimately, decided to let fate sort it out. Either the intended recipient would take silence as a 'sign' and stop texting. or the intended would send more texts, maybe a phonecall or two, wanting to know why ze is being ignored and mayhem would ensue.
 
 
Twice
17:24 / 25.10.06
she needs to get hold of Taz and check his mate's number again

Ganesh, could you just text back and ask whether Taz is male or female (or not)? It's just that I'd assume that 'Taz' was 'Tara', unless there's a Looney Tunes thang going down.

The question's irritating me...and now I'm irritating you...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:51 / 25.10.06
I was just wondering if u could satisfy my curiosity. Is yr friend Taz a boy or a girl? Either wd B fine!

P.S. I am MUCH older than u.
 
 
Ganesh
17:55 / 25.10.06
a/s/l???
 
 
Twice
18:22 / 25.10.06
a/s/l???

Mmmnn. Point. You could always PM me the number and I'll ask. It's only a little bit stalky.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
18:26 / 25.10.06
"a/s/l"?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
18:27 / 25.10.06
Whatever you do, this might help- it's almost the same form of illiteracy (thanks TM for the link).
 
 
Twice
18:45 / 25.10.06
This is just like going through Croydon or Battersea at dusk, but this time I get to stop the train and back up a bit, to have a better look.

Age/Sex/Location, Stoats, like in teh nagazines.
 
  

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