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TV Shows You've Never Seen

 
  

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miss wonderstarr
07:55 / 24.09.06
This may be a crackpot idea for a thread, but it struck me that as someone who doesn't actually watch much TV, and hasn't since the domestic introduction of the World Wide Web, there are huge swathes of cult fiction I only know about in passing, second-hand.

The difference between these and the films I haven't seen ~ which could be a new thread... I don't think I've seen The Deer Hunter, Apocalypse Now or One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, for instance ~ is that to "watch" the TV I've missed would involve a gigantic commitment. We're talking in some cases about 5 seasons of 24 episodes of 50 minutes each, aren't we: it's not the same as catching up on a movie. A TV show involves a major relationship.

Anyway, here are the shows that come to mind that I've never or rarely seen. I thought I might also add what I figured those show were "about", as a point of interest to demonstrate how much someone can pick up second-hand... or how much they can misunderstand.

NB ++ NO GOOGLE ALLOWED ++ THIS IS A CLOSED-BOOK TEST YOU MUST REVEAL YOUR OWN IGNORANCE

BUFFY: seen one episode of this. It was one, I think, where Faith is bodyswapped with Buffy. The payoff final line was "five by five," which I believe was meant to indicate that "Buffy" was Faith. I actually quite enjoyed this, and as you can see, I seem to have understood the episode.

Why didn't I make more effort to catch up with Buffy? To be honest, the fandom put me off. Or more specifically, the academic fandom. There are too many academic anthologies with bad puns about stakes and vamps, with too many (I suspect, perhaps wrongly) weak grad-student essays in them. There's even a Buffy-specific conference and a Buffy-specific scholarly journal. That's the only conference or journal I've heard of that's just about one show. I suppose I have a resentment towards Buffy because I feel it's been overrated in that sense.

What's Buffy about, in my understanding: erm... Sunnydale or something? Is the "Hellmouth", an entry-point for demons. Buffy is meant to be neither the prettiest nor the most popular, nor the most intelligent, nor the most athletic girl in her school, but she's designated a Vampire Slayer. Vampires look normal but they go through some kind of special effects phase and show their demonic side. Eh... she has a friend called, can't remember. I do know it, but honestly can't remember it. [++ GOOGLED: it was embarrassingly obvious with hindsight.] Played by Alison (sp?) Hannigan? From American Pie. Who is a Wiccan and was developed as lesbian. The show was radical in its depiction of same-sex relationships in this regard. Anthony Head is a ... Watcher? Faith is some kind of Bad Buffy. Spike has this bleach punk 'do and carved cheekbones. Also got together with Buffy, I think. In fact, the whole show seems entirely charged with barely-sublimated sex, which probably explains why there's a ginormous online library of slash exploring the various possible pairings between its characters. Finally, Angel is her way-older evil on-off enemy/boyfriend, who spawned a spin-off in LA, which I think ran for a surprising number of seasons that I also didn't see.

THE SOPRANOS: Have seen one clip of this because a girl I knew was in the episode "University", as a stripper who's beaten up. Why didn't I ever get to watch this show? Maybe it was on a digital channel I couldn't access, when it began. What do I think it's about? I seem to remember the original hook was that James Gandolfini's character was in therapy, like the concept behind the movies Analyse This/Analyse That. I suppose I expect it to be very much like The Godfather trilogy, about a family. They live in New Jersey, as I understand it.

SIX FEET UNDER: Seen a trailer, the logo, a DVD box. What do I think it's about? "Dark whimsy" (which is probably why I never watched it) about a family that runs a funeral business. "Ghosts" feature as characters. Whether these are the ghosts of the person who's being buried in that one episode, or longer-running characters, I don't know. I have some idea that this show was also recognised for its sensitive treatment of a gay character. [Sorry, that sounds very 1950s, as if gay = social issue and personal dilemma. I hope you know what I mean.] It ended recently. Apparently the finale was heartbreaking. What's it actually about? A... a family, I guess?

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: Seen maybe four episodes of season 1. I think the idea that there would be a season 2 put me off. It seemed more acceptable as a finite drama (as indeed was the case with Lost, but I suppose I was more hooked on Lost, the one programme I do commit to, by the time I realised it was never-ending.) What's it about? Eh, is it set on Wisteria Avenue? Teri Hatcher et al are the titular housewives. One of them cheats on her husband. One has a teenage daughter. One of them (Alice... something?) died just before the start of season 1, and narrates from beyond the grave. I think the mystery was, who killed her.

That will do for now as I started doing CSI: NEW YORK, could only remember the main star's name as David Carradine, Googled it and realised it's not just Caruso but he's in CSI: MIAMI anyway. There is fascinating, acceptable ignorance, and then there's me embarrassing myself. Next!
 
 
Spaniel
09:39 / 24.09.06
I assume you also haven't seen The Wire. That makes you a bad human being.

I'll be back to this thread later.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
09:49 / 24.09.06
I can do my understanding of DEADWOOD and BABYLON 5 later, if you like.
 
 
Triplets
10:55 / 24.09.06
Babylon 5 - It's like Deep Space Nine, only some of the aliens are proper alien aliens. Like big, black spider things? The writer had it all planned over five years, including outs in-case an actor kacked it or left the show. And it was CGI'd on an Amiga.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
14:10 / 24.09.06
+_+ MORE IDIOTIC MISCONCEPTIONS AND SHAMEFUL ADMISSIONS +_+

DEADWOOD: never seen one episode. I think it was originally on a channel I couldn't get, again. Ian McShane stars. There's a lot of swearing. The place, or a character, is called Swearingen. The plot is notoriously complex. It's just been cancelled with series 3.

BABYLON 5: like Buffy, I know something about this from reading an academic book. There are Babylon space stations (or is this the last of them? I guess I didn't take in much from the book) and this one is a sort of galactic community centre for three or four key ethnicities, including humans. Was planned out in a huge arc for 5 seasons, with a "mosaic" storytelling technique. I watched 5 minutes and felt it was a bit hokey, I'm afraid.

ANY STAR TREK APART FROM THE ORIGINAL SERIES: I watched the first episode of TNG when it first came out, but apart from that, I have only picked up the key names and their character traits (ie. I know who Picard and Data are... is Geordi LaForge the one with the spacey shades? That sort of thing) as they seep into the general consciousness. It just seems too huge to engage with now, even if I really wanted to: perhaps a person either goes for Star Trek or Star Wars, in which case I made my choice a long time ago. However, I have enjoyed all the ST feature films I've seen (maybe half a dozen).
 
 
All Acting Regiment
07:49 / 25.09.06
Never seen an episode of Happy Days. I know it's about a man called Sid who used to work at the chip shop, though.
 
 
Thorn Davis
08:46 / 25.09.06

24 - Caught about 20 minutes broadcast on Finnish TV and dubbed so that you can almost make out the English dialogue under the Finnish. I think at the start of each series someone (the Government?) captures Kiefer Sutherland's wife and makes him go and kill terrorists for a day. I heard there was a skydiving lesbian in it, which sounds OK. And each episode takes place over the course of one hour, although presence of advertising breaks problemitises the real-time gimmick.

Wonderfalls - Set in a gift shop at the Niagra Falls where a lonely girl develops a psychosis in which the gifts start talking to her and telling her to do things to the customers. Probably less frightening than it sounds.

Grange Hill - Unsettling look into inner-city education defined by misbehaviour, misery and children disrespecting adults. Probably had drugs in it, lots of concrete, working class kids and words being spoken poorly. I'm extrapolating from the fact my parents wouldn't let me watch it, and these were the things they feared most.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
09:44 / 25.09.06
That's a far better reading of Desperate Housewives than I could have managed. All I got was rich hott wimmin with nothing to do suffer the kind of boredom that means you loose sense of social boundaries and do outrageousthingsTM.
 
 
gridley
14:21 / 25.09.06
I've never seen "The Bachelor" but I'm pretty sure it's about a handsome gay man who is purseued by an endless parade of single women despite his best--and oftentimes hilarious--attempts to convince them he's just not interested.

I've never seen "The New Adventures of Old Christine" but I assume it's about an ancient Sumerian priestess whose sexy mummified corpse is resurrected by a teenaged science whiz and their subsequent fish-out-of-water, high school hijinx.
 
 
Triplets
14:39 / 25.09.06
lots of concrete

Halloween. Parent's house. Dressed as a parking garage.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
15:52 / 25.09.06
I haven't seen That Mitchell and Webb Look, or indeed their earlier series, Peep Show.

Guessing from the titles, the first is an expose on strip shows and other live high street erotica and the second is them doing something along the lines of What Not to Wear but more What Not to Not Wear, if you see what I mean.

I've only seen a small bit of Nighty Night and guessing from the pure comic obnoxiousness of it, it's about a woman in a wheelchair who goes round killing people in their sleep.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
17:50 / 25.09.06
SOLDIER SOLDIER: I really can't imagine how "Unchained Melody" was incorporated into a show I imagine to be something like REDCAP or Ross Kemp's ULTIMATE FORCE (?). I had thought this was some kind of contemporary army drama, so I'm unclear as to how the two leads Robson and Jerome ended up singing a duet.

CROSSROADS: Someone called "Benny" was in it, a bit simple and wearing a woolly hat. Notorious for shaky sets. That's absolutely all I know about this long-running soap. I think it was renamed Crossroads Motel... or the other way round, it started as Crossroads Motel. Or actually, that could have been

EMMERDALE: Was rechristened from Emmerdale Farm. The central pub location is called the Woolpack. I think there was a family of ne'er-do-wells, and the daughter went on to present You've Been Framed?

SMALLVILLE: Superboy, pitched on the selling-point that it wouldn't feature capes, flight, tights or superpowers. In fact, it wouldn't feature any of the defining aspects of the character (most obviously, that he's "super"). That leaves the "boy" bit, and I understand he's a very fit boy. Glimpses at slash on people's LiveJournals have led me to believe that the show is officially about Clark Kent and heterosexual romance (Lana Lang I assume, though I don't know) but actually more about Clark and Lex Luthor, collectively dubbed "Clex". Apparently various powers have been introduced during the seasons, and various other cameos from superheroes such as Aquaboy but without costumes or obvious metahuman abilities: that is, cute teenagers. So I suppose it's pretty much like Dawson's Creek. You would pitch it as "Dawson's Creek with superpowers", except that, well.

SPOOKS: Surprisingly grim, topical and expensively produced recent BBC drama, of which I have seen part of one episode about a 7/7 type terrorist attack. A key character shockingly had her face pushed into a chip fryer early on. Main cast members are not safe from the same fate. That's all I know.
 
 
Spaniel
18:44 / 25.09.06
Powers were always gonna be in Smallville. Flying was ruled out, however (and even that's made an appearance).
 
 
miss wonderstarr
19:32 / 25.09.06
Oh yeah, "no flights, no tights", that was the rule wasn't it.

But I heard some guys talking about an episode where Aqualad turned up, and there were jokes about starting a JSA, but the guest star was just some cute guy in casual clothes who... could really swim well. It seems (in my ignorant understanding) to be a show about a superhero for people who have no interest in comic books. It's like making a cop show entirely about off-duty policemen.
 
 
Mirror
04:22 / 26.09.06
I haven't seen any episodes of any of the shows mentioned above, save for two Buffy episodes, neither of which I remember - except that in the second, Buffy killed (disintegrated?) a couple of baddies with a staff and some fancy martial arts moves, all in a very distracted fashion that suggested she really didn't care so much about killing said bad guys. The baddie characters seemed to be complete ciphers, injected into the story simply so that she could not care about killing them.

Perhaps my greatest pop-culture transgression, however, is that in all of the time it's been on the air I've seen perhaps 15, tops 20 episodes of the Simpsons.
 
 
matthew.
05:03 / 26.09.06
No West Wing for me.

It's about a president who makes decisions. People yell. People slam their hands on nice oak desks in the Oval Office. Shit happens and people try not to let the media know.

I've never watched it because I wanted to see it from the beginning. Then ten years later and it's canceled and I've seen probably one minute of the show.

The complete series is coming out soon, so maybe I'll find it cheap on ebay in a year.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
06:21 / 26.09.06
in all of the time it's been on the air I've seen perhaps 15, tops 20 episodes of the Simpsons.

Yeah, I think I've seen maybe 10 of them. I find it funny & clever when I watch it, so I'm not sure why I've just never bothered. Maybe because I feel the concept is so easily understood (spelled out in the credit sequence) that all I'm missing by not watching it is a sequence of gags, rather than any kind of developing story.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:34 / 26.09.06
Farscape- um. They're in space. There's a human guy and some aliens. It's like Lexx but not as funny. But people like it and hate Lexx, which is one of my all-time favourite shows, so there must be more to it than that.
 
 
Triplets
12:00 / 26.09.06
King Kong (either). It's about a big monkey who fucks shit up and is eventually killed by his own hubris. And bi-planes. The new version (starring that fat guy who fights the devil through song) is supposed to be a pulp-actiongasm. Still really want to see this.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
12:10 / 26.09.06
Wrong thread Triplets!

FUTURAMA: Simpsons in space, but less funny and more aimed at kids. The Jetsons to the Simpsons' Flintstones.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
12:29 / 26.09.06
Stoatie,

I'm certain Farscape was about a man who was an airforce pilot who got sucked through a wormhole and then met up with a bunch of people who flew a ship that was a living organism that photosynthesised and had at least three characters that got really horny when there was fighting going on. Subsequently there was always a lot of fighting.

Guessing from the two episodes I kind of watched, the whole premise involves the pilot trying not to get killed by cliches and sleep with pretty aliens.
 
 
Axolotl
16:19 / 26.09.06
Miss Wonderstar: You're so wrong about the Simpsons and Futurama, especially Futurama which is all kinds of magic wrapped up in a delicious animated coating.
I have never seen classic Dr Who. I imagine it's like new Who, but with lower production values and wobblier sets.
 
 
grant
16:23 / 26.09.06
I've never seen most of these. I sort of turned my back on TV around the time ST:TNG was winding down (although I've seen a lot of those, not so much the subsequent series and only a couple episodes of DEEP SPACE NINE).

I'm currently watching BUFFY & BABYLON 5 on DVD, though. I'm always stumbling across spoilers in here. Thank you, Netflix. It's always 1995 somewhere. (And I've just this week started getting FIREFLY, too. It was a Western! Who knew?)

I did see an episode of NIP/TUCK that made me think David Lynch was finally allowed to produce a TV series. I've been told it wasn't typical for the show, but it all seemed to be about three different narratives spliced together involving group sex, alternate realities and the afterlife.

Everything I know about THE SOPRANOS I've gotten from public radio interviews with actors and writers. Hidden sexuality of killers and extortionists is what I get. "I get to emote brutality, but with a hidden soft, cuddly side that gets me in trouble!"
 
 
miss wonderstarr
16:40 / 26.09.06
I think of NIP/TUCK as some sort of similar show to CUTTING IT, which in turn I think of as similar to FOOTBALLER'S WIVES ~ that is, glamorous people have affairs and exchange sniping remarks, loosely based around a certain work milieu. I haven't seen one moment of any of them. I think I spend too much time on places like this displaying my ignorance to actually watch these shows.

(I have just seen the final episode of Blakes 7 though, for the first time in about 25 years).
 
 
grant
16:47 / 26.09.06
BLAKE'S 7 - Something like Pertwee/Baker(Tom)-era BBC special effects hamstringing an attempt to be gritty and tough in the far future? Hardened cops and outlaws in space (that looks a lot like the inside of a soundstage)?
 
 
miss wonderstarr
16:54 / 26.09.06
Actually I was pretty impressed by the sets and costumes in the episode I saw, having expected them to be awful. They are (to my mind) circa-Tom Baker standard. One remarkable thing about Blakes 7, apart from the Spooks-like way main cast members were permanently killed off, was the overripe-fruitily melodramatic dialogue and its delivery.
 
 
Spaniel
17:26 / 26.09.06
Grant, look hither

Now, if you haven't seen an episode of that I'm gonna have to throw my DVD box set across the ocean and into your DVD player. I will then hire men who will force you to watch it.
 
 
grant
04:25 / 27.09.06
Twin Peaks was a major social event when I was in college. Actually, I remember learning the theme song for what turned out to be a kind of strange gig -- it was the last night of season one or first night of season two, and somehow we either wound up opening for a less "known" band or (more likely) a more "known" band wound up opening for us, all based on them wanting to be at home to catch the episode.
I've seen them, yes. Cancelled too soon, of course. As was the subsequent one with Squiggy and the TV station.
 
 
Sniv
12:54 / 27.09.06
I think I saw an episode of Lexx once when I was younger (possibly 15 or 16? Years ago, anyway. When did it air?), and I remember thinking it was some kind of sci-fi porn, which for a sexually frustratred teenaged geek can only be a Good Thing. 30 frustrated minutes later, I discover, no, it's just a sci-fi show with bad acting and dodgy production values. Bah! Is there anything to this, apart from looks-like-porn?

I've also never seen any CSI, all I (think I) know about it is that each series is a different colour tint, it's got that red-haired guy from NYPD Blue and a seemingly endless series of forensics-themed murders in a variety of cities. Sounds utterly missable.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
13:23 / 27.09.06
Ah, CSI. As far as I can tell, it's Quincy, but without Quincy. I fail to see the point, as Quincy was what really made Quincy, which is probably why they named Quincy after Quincy.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
13:24 / 27.09.06
(incidentally, I LOVE Quincy).
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:12 / 27.09.06
I think I've seen one episode of LEXX, and at the end of it I understood it even less than I did before I watched it. Admittedly, I think it might have been a Very Special Episode - it involved a poor man's Alan Rickman playing Oberon, and lots of gender-bending and pantomime. At no point was a spaceship actually involved.
 
 
Triplets
16:20 / 27.09.06
What do we think, Lexx fans, was Haus watching Brigadoom?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
16:27 / 27.09.06
I think he may well have been.

That was a QUALITY episode. And predated the musical Buffy by several years.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
18:00 / 27.09.06
Stoats: Ah, CSI. As far as I can tell, it's Quincy, but without Quincy. I fail to see the point, as Quincy was what really made Quincy, which is probably why they named Quincy after Quincy.

Well, Quincy's one of those shows that you watch because you can't believe how ridiculous the whole thing is - how much is Quincy going to interfere in shit that has fuck-all to do with him this week, kids? Will somebody finally punch the unbelievable egomaniac in the knob for sticking his fucking nose in? How come every single city official ever is corrupt? How come every single person who doesn't work in the same building as him is on the take (bar that one cop and the pillock who owns the bar, natch)?

The crime isn't the thing - that's just the hook to hang the painfully obvious and overblown social commentary on.

The appeal of CSI seems to be the gloss. And the howdunniy, obviously, but th gloss first and foremost. Gloss isn't something you could ever accuse Quincy of having.
 
  

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