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A Hypothetical Dilemma

 
  

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STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
21:15 / 24.09.06
All right, fine. The devil offers you a choice: He will ensure that you are wealthy and attractive for the rest of your life, but he will smash all the joints in your legs and feet annually with a rock;

Wealthy, attractive, AND entitled to incapacity benefit?

Where do I sign?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:34 / 24.09.06
Could he possibly do it anally with a rock?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
21:49 / 24.09.06
Hey, no changing the contract once I've agreed. Hypothetically speaking, obviously.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
00:37 / 25.09.06
I'd start giggling a lot, over and over until the devil started to become uncomfortable and edged away from me. And the devil would spend the rest of the evening feeling awkward, maybe sit down at the bar and have a couple drinks before trying and failing to sleep because he kept needing to get up to pee. I'd stand outside of his Hellish Apartment Building and ring the buzzer all hours of the night, at random, and then I'd probably walk over to a nearby deli for breakfast, to wait for him to come breezing by for early morning coffee because he never did sleep and the Shadowy Mister Evans expects him to be making the rounds with his soul temptation envelope gig and he can't do that if he's half-asleep, because temptation requires one's full attention, and I'd be there and he'd see me and I'd smile, nod, take a bit of my breakfast, and go back to reading the paper.

Or, you know, I'd stop him right in the middle of offering the envelopes and ask if it was too early to ask for a performance evaluation form.
 
 
the Fool
02:43 / 25.09.06
I like the glassing option. Sly cunt deserves it...
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
03:00 / 25.09.06
Okay. Devil walks into a bar. Got two envelopes. One envelope has twenty bucks in it. The other has his phone number. Which do you want?
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
03:07 / 25.09.06
What's he wearing?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
03:16 / 25.09.06
Prada.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
03:25 / 25.09.06
Could he possibly do it anally with a rock?

What, just the once? You pussy.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
03:47 / 25.09.06
Prada.

Then I'd call him a cheapskate if all he's offering is a twenty.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
06:51 / 25.09.06
Why do angels never offer deals?
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
07:04 / 25.09.06
'cause they ain't got shit
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
07:21 / 25.09.06
What does the devil say when I ask him which one he would choose?

Now the WWJD answer is fallacious because unlike Jesus who, by dint of being part of the holy trinity, is infalliable, you are just a hoomin who should not attempt to emmulate him. There are dire consequences for impersonating a messiah.
Furthermore, Jesus would say God because God, who is omnipotent, could not be unredeemed (like that WHSmiths token from granny that is now five years out of date) by a devil. So really Jesus is trying to get the devil to step up to get the rep up and whom, upon failure will be contractually obliged to rescind claim to any remaindered part of the initial contract, cash on delivery style.

Now here is the the really easy bit. If the entity before you is a devil, then that ultimately proves the existence of God. Therefore you are then incapable of not believing in God and the tenets of Christianity dictate that all those that believe in God love and worship him above all others. So naturally you pick the "person you love the most" and therefore invoke the up page condition, resulting in a null and void proposition and a fairly free license to adopt the original response.

Job done, next question please.
 
 
Kiltartan Cross
07:36 / 25.09.06
Why do angels never offer deals?

Oh, but they do. I'm sure I remember reading it somewhere.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
07:37 / 25.09.06
Isn't the standard along the lines of believe in God or suffer for all eternity in hell?
 
 
Jub
07:51 / 25.09.06
Clarence from "It's a Wonderful Life" was an angel wasn't he?

Anyway, this is really no dilemma at all. Given that this is a true choice and not a trick by the devil; why would I choose a million souls of people I don't know over someone I loved. I wouldn't - there's far too many people in the world anyway, and most of them have bad breath anyway. Fuck em.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
22:43 / 25.09.06
I'd call him a cheapskate if all he's offering is a twenty.

The devil asks if you'd be interested to know how you can earn more than twenty American dollars.
 
 
HCE
00:04 / 26.09.06
I'd like to know how I can earn more than twenty dollars.
 
 
Caleigh
04:39 / 26.09.06
in the grand scheme of things killing a million people
hurts no-one. they will die anyway. sooner or later. it's
not like the premise says that he is going to torture them,
just kill them. no big, we all die.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
06:12 / 26.09.06
The devil tells you that you are a most honoured Business associate and explains that he is the son of the Prime Minsinter of Nigeria. A deal, which my friend unfortunately was rescinded by one of the participants, is in progress involving the sum of $20,000,000 USDollars. Trustworthed associate is required to reconnaitre the money in a UK Bank Account up on which point, the bearer (you) received 25% for your duties.

In the other envelope is CHEAP VIAGARA DO YOU EVER WONDER WHY THEY NEVER MAKE 6" DILDOES? be ALL U CAN BE ++ ALSO ROLEX WATCHES AVALAILABLE
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
09:25 / 26.09.06
Ooh - contemporary, I like it.

I'm going to go with the CHEAP VIAGARA. I only take them for the rolexs though.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:20 / 26.09.06
Ah, I know this one. You tell the devil you'll only do it if he emails you, as identification, a picture of him holding a sign saying "I BLOW GOATS". Then you post it up on the internet for all to see.
 
 
Totem Polish
11:41 / 26.09.06
I ask the devil to have a drink with me while I think over which envelope to pick. This takes some time. Enough time, in fact, for us both to get horrifically drunk. We stagger out of the bar in search of a kebab shop. At this point the devil throws up and the only thing he can wipe his shoes with is...one of the envelopes. Being covered in satanic bile it is now completely unreadable, so he has to throw it in the bin, then wipes his mouth with the other one for good measure. Then looks a little surprised when I start cackling.

Problem solved.
 
 
Evil Scientist
13:23 / 26.09.06
in the grand scheme of things killing a million people
hurts no-one. they will die anyway. sooner or later. it's
not like the premise says that he is going to torture them,
just kill them. no big, we all die.


Just so everyone knows, I'm putting Caleigh in charge of a nuclear silo when I rule the world. For shits and giggles.
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
14:04 / 26.09.06
This thread has had me laughing my ass off at work this morning.

For the record, I would Shift-Delete Nigerian Devil, make a dictator with leg breaking Devil, kill a million people with Original Devil and take $20 from Trying-To-Pick-Me-Up Devil.
 
  

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