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Barbelith Expose

 
  

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Kiltartan Cross
21:04 / 06.09.06
inflatable Dalek ... faux-Rose

For some reason, I mentally skipped the Dalek.
 
 
*
21:09 / 06.09.06
Damn you, Ganesh! Damn you!

I hear that Xoc has a crippling fear of plastic flamingos which was unknown to him until he and Ganesh visited a certain poster in Florida one winter, who collects them insatiably. Hotels were full up and they had no choice but to stay with said poster in his West Palm Beach Bungalow and Scenic Flamingo Ranch, where Xoc was a drooling mess by day three.

Out of an admirable courtesy, so far as I know, said poster has not yet written on the rampage that followed for his paper.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
21:22 / 06.09.06
crippling fear of plastic flamingo

Too close for comfort! Too horrible to explain. Too flamingophobic even to go there. Just don't talk about the mannequins with plants for heads...

I pass a pub on the way to work that has plastic flamingos decorating its front. I close my eyes and think of my Happy Place.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
21:25 / 06.09.06
When Xoc is confronted with flamingoes, he closes his eyes and thinks about his Happy Place. Once he was so flamingoed out that he decided to, erm, give his Happy Place some air. The resultant court case is the basis for a new BBC sitcom, provisionally entitled "It's Cold Out- Well, Put A Xoc On It Then". Early word on the script is that it's rubbish.
 
 
Ganesh
21:28 / 06.09.06
Stoatie can eat the most pork scratchings out of everyone in Stoke Newington.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
21:33 / 06.09.06
Wonderstarr is Lee Child, or at least the *Lee Child* who shows up for the interviews, book-signings, publicity shots and so on - this allows Reacher, Wonderstarr/Child's *creation,* to maintain the fiction that he doesn't exist, and, accordingly, the freedom to get on with the job at hand.
 
 
COG
21:39 / 06.09.06
Jack Denfeld runs an illegal crab fishing operation off the keys, and sells the nippy beasts to the local casinos.

The profits go towards a huge winnebago.
 
 
Mistoffelees
21:53 / 06.09.06
IĀ“d like to play along too, but I forgot which poster used to snort ground up dandruff off of unsuspecting subway travelersĀ“ shoulders.
 
 
COG
21:59 / 06.09.06
Haus has a huge ginger beard and always wears a Kaiser helmet.
 
 
astrojax69
22:13 / 06.09.06
grant removed dead megatron's arm canon and had it surgically implanted in the photinia on 's windowsill.

it's true, go look.
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
22:32 / 06.09.06
Seth can be seen playing the Simmonds Kit as a session musician in a rarely-repeated performance on Top Of The Pops from 1985 by Bros. At one point the camera focuses a little too lingeringly on the logo of the She-Ra:Princess Ov Power-themed boxer shorts ze was wearing to mark the occasion. It is observable to the keen trainspotter of such sartorial matters that they are in fact counterfeits produced by Thee Temple Ov Psychick Yoof to spread subliminal mis-spellings on national television, and hence cause Acid House to manifest. We all know where that led.
 
 
Essential Dazzler
23:05 / 06.09.06
Paranoid Writer is the only UK native who isn't sent into convulsions by the "comedy" of Lee Mack. I'm not saying he is Lee Mack, but look at the evidence! Can't we ban him just in case?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
23:12 / 06.09.06
Tuna Ghost was the original bass player for Panic! At The Disco, but was fired for having a "look" that was "too preppy".
 
 
Seth
23:12 / 06.09.06
Will someone please make me those pants?
 
 
petunia
02:23 / 07.09.06
Mordant Carnival owns two-fifths of Antarctica, and an eight of the Isle of Mull. She says it gives her 'options'.
 
 
Disco is My Class War
05:01 / 07.09.06
Cat Room has a special secret garage under his house in which sits a fleet of 6 pink Mini Cooper S convertibles with "Hello Kitty" exhaust pipes:




He bought them on Ebay, intending to start a chauffeur business catering to the growing kawaii wedding market. Since then, he's become so obsessed with the aesthetic effect of six copies of himself driving the cars that he's poured the remainder of his savings into Raelian technoccults.

You heard it here first.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
06:12 / 07.09.06
.trampetunia has snuck onto the set of every Kevin Smith film ever. This is for no other reason than to steal Jason Mewes sandwiches.

He like sun-dried tomato, cream cheese and sliced cornichons on basil and olive foccacia.

I only know this because Dead Megatron stole a proof copy of her kiss and tell book for me.
 
 
Ganesh
06:19 / 07.09.06
Seldom Killer loves cycling so much, that he has succeeded in technically marrying his bicycle, under an archaic 1908 ruling he unearthed after much research in Canadian law libraries. The cycle's notional sex had first to be established, using rather old-fashioned 'crossbar = female' guidelines, to ensure that his union was not a homosexual one.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
06:27 / 07.09.06
My original attempt to register it as a homocyxual one was foiled by an attentive registrations clerk.
 
 
Quantum
09:39 / 07.09.06
Evil Scientist used to work as a professional Dalek, and was once given a pair of dress shoes by David Boreanaz signed 'to the Time Lord'.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
09:44 / 07.09.06
Wasn't he fired for excessive method acting?
 
 
Quantum
10:00 / 07.09.06
David Bore-analz?
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
10:12 / 07.09.06
Evil Scientist
 
 
Quantum
10:16 / 07.09.06
Mr Boreanaz commented Who me? Yeah, I gave the guy some shoes, so what?

 
 
Evil Scientist
11:11 / 07.09.06
Quantum was actually the third person to play James Bond, in between Connery and Moore. Unfortunately a freak chip pan fire destroyed the only known copy of "James Bond and the Rats of NIMH vrs The Green Ooze."

ignominious is, of course, best known as a daredevil stunt pilot and the first person in the world to perform a loop-the-loop in a zeppelin whilst juggling three flaming torches, a small cat, and nine Barbelith members.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
11:17 / 07.09.06
Some old-school favourites:

Mengstein's Horse loves candy floss!

rATaTWEE knits sails for submarines.

Yuffy! (boiled first) is just a fucking idiot. Can't think of anything better to say about zir.
 
 
petunia
13:08 / 07.09.06
The only reason Rage will BOP YOU UP hasn't posted for a while is that she's become addicted to crossword puzzle books and forgotten which year it is.

"They're really hard, but that's why they're fun!" She is rumoured to have said, just before her last sighting.
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
13:20 / 07.09.06
I thought Rage hadn't posted because she'd recently invaded, annexed and had carpeted the mythical land of Norway.

Speaking of oldies, Reformed Robot Man is sadly no longer with us ever since s/he was assassinated by the topiary, shnauzers of Shub Niggurath after the beautiful, transexual, freedom fighter with the ever so sensitive nipples probed to far into the Kris Kristoferson/Lizard connection.

RRM, here's to you.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
13:31 / 07.09.06
Evil Scientist used to work as a professional Dalek, and was once given a pair of dress shoes by David Boreanaz signed 'to the Time Lord'.

This wins as my favoritest post ever. Or at least of the moment.

Suedey is fond of calling girls "Sugarbutt" and keeps cereal in his pockets in order to lure them.
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
13:36 / 07.09.06
I don't know which one it was, but a drunken moderator once moved that a post be deleted by going to the server farm and trying to knock the post out with a claw hammer.

This led to the infamous Barbe-Crash thread where it was decided too much tech talk on the forum makes people unhappy.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
13:39 / 07.09.06
Apparently, if you've got a problem, Jack Denfeld can solve it with his fists.
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
13:44 / 07.09.06
Ganesh once misheard a news story and spent hours wondering why Mel Brooks would make anti semitic comments towards a police officer.
 
 
Quantum
13:44 / 07.09.06
kali- astonishingly, although I don't know if that's true of Teh Scientist it is 100% true of my colleague Dale* who I am looking at right now. I am one degree from Who, or is it two, I don't know how it works.
*that's right, just one letter away...
 
 
Alex's Grandma
13:49 / 07.09.06
Ganesh hangs about after hours on Primrose Hill every night of his life, like a phantom, in the hope of meeting Bobbie Gillespie, making friends with him, and then stealing his drugs, drugs and drugs, in that order, I fear. He gets invited to all these parties, but they mean nothing to him, now. He applies his medical knowledge in ways that are ... frankly, 'unconventional'

And then he gets a cab up to Highgate, to the boneyard ...
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
13:50 / 07.09.06
Quantum, have you considered the possibility that Dale is Teh Scientist?




















Have you?
 
  

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