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Hmm. If that’s how Mister Disco said it made him feel, then I have to take his word for it. Although I’d quite like to see an example of a post that is equivalent to having sexual juices smeared over one’s face. Or one of the posts that is ‘explicitly sexual’ rather than suggestive, for that matter. I genuinely might have missed something.
Of course this is all subjective. Which is why I phrased my original post in terms of, "I feel". At the same time, other people have concurred with my interpretation -- so I think it's important to take into account.
And I'm not anti-flirting, or anti-sex, or anti-porn, or anti public sex, or determined that sexuality should be private. At first, I just read the exchange, and realised that if I didn't want to make a lemon-sucking face, then I'd better not read that thread. In the meantime, I exchanged private messages with other people who felt similarly.
I've thought about not posting what follows, and I'm still not sure if it's right to post it, but what the hell. If I do so at all, it's because previously, I didn't quite put my finger on what I thought was happening, or my own response to it. And I'd like that to be clear. At least. Heterosexual mating rituals in which women must objectify themselves to be considered fuckable are shoved in my face all day, every day. They are not only normalised as 'the only way people can flirt/fuck/relate sexually' but also tawdry and demeaning to women. That's my 'squick'. I react to it because I was a woman once, and that behaviour has been expected of me on many occasions. I know what it feels like to think that you have to get all breathy and sexualised and porno to be considered worthy of sexual attention. The flirting dynamic reminded me of myself, aged about 18, getting into some pretty humiliating and fucked up situations with men (and women, now I think of it) who weren't worth my time. (That's a pretty strong judgment, but this is, once again, subjective.)
I know that when you're in that situation, turning yourself into an object worthy of male desire feels like the only way to gain power, and being criticised for it can feel injurious and hurtful. I don't mean this post to be so. I'm also wary of turning Flirtingate (which involves the feelings of real people, reading this, here, now) into an object of intellectual critique, or even a way of riffing on my own political feelings about the matter. So I'm not sure I should post this. And I wish the whole thing would die. Sorry, Kali. But I don't like being told I'm a wowser; it simply isn't true. I wish this whole thing merely bored me, instead of producing a stronger affective response. But there it is. |
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