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Pete Doherty Q&A

 
  

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Alex's Grandma
00:20 / 03.09.06
Hi guys. As some of you may know, I've been in the headlines quite a lot recently. Virtually none of it's true, of course - when me and the lads get off stage, we like to relax over a pot of tea (this is not a euphemism for taking heroin,) and a game of backgammon, (this is not a euphemism for taking heroin,) and possibly a vanilla slice (this is not a ... Christ, do I have to explain to you guys about everything?! I am not your Jesus!!) if we feel as if we've been particularly rock and roll that evening! It's not blood on the hotel carpet the next morning, it's raspberry coulis!

Anyway, I gather that I'm considered to be kind of a guru by some of you characters out here/there (Here? There? It's ... it's mental, isn't it?) on the web, so until the rickshaw driver turns up with my vitamins, I'm here for you, for all of you, with my heart.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
00:25 / 03.09.06
Dear Pete,

R u and Kate Moos really getying marred?
 
 
Ganesh
00:30 / 03.09.06
Pete,

What's with that not-taking-shit implant in your stomach? And has Russell Brand really showed you his dinkle?
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
00:34 / 03.09.06
Dear Pete:

When's the next edition of 'All Quiet On The Western Avenue" coming out? Football seems to have lost its poetry since the last edition. Or so I'm told, 'cuz, if I'm honest, sadly I never even read the fanzine when it first came out or since, for that matter. But I really would like to jump on the bandwagon, while there's time, and get a piece of any fresh action...know what I mean?
 
 
Alex's Grandma
00:37 / 03.09.06
The last time I checked (it's all a little hazy, to be honest,) I love Kate and want to marry her. But I love my poetry (this is not a euphemism for taking heroin,) and my music (Oh what's the point ... all right, I admit that things lately have been a bit ... disorganised,) very much too, and I don't know if ... Sorry, what was your point, again?

Being a poet, not that any of you would understand about this, is ... well it is ruff.
 
 
Ganesh
00:39 / 03.09.06
I'd also like to say, Pete, how impressed I am that you're turning up for this thread. On time.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
00:44 / 03.09.06
Ganesh, I think he's nodded off...
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
00:44 / 03.09.06
Ganesh, this thread was scheduled for JULY.

Yet again, the "popular music-loving proles" are being taken for a ride.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
00:46 / 03.09.06
Well I have fate that ur not a heroin addct Pete. I no its the suga from the cakes thats making u hazy.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
00:47 / 03.09.06
Somebody poke him with that microphone stand.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
00:55 / 03.09.06
Ganesh;

The thing with the implants was complicated. As I went under (top buzz!) I had the feeling that the doctors were maybe laughing. At me. And I felt a little sad. What had I done to them, after all? They'd probably listened to at least one of my tunes (one of the ones that I wrote, not the dead man,) in the car, on the way into work. On the one hand, I can see their point - what they do for a living is basically a side issue compared to what I do, so they're obviously envious, but on the other, where would those guys be withot people like me? They'd have nothing to dream about!


PW; I will reply to your comments, I'm a man of the people, but I've just written a very long poem in the style of Andrew Motion (this is a euphemism for taking heroin) and I may need to pass out for a short while.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
01:16 / 03.09.06
Ok.

Sorry, everyone, if I seemed a bit 'I am a rock star ...' It comes with the territory I suppose.

My left arm is still dangling listlesly over the chair, but ... welll anyway, I have seen Russell Brand's old fella, and it was bigger than I thought it would be - everything, that evening, was bigger than I thought it would be. Including QPR!

I just want to feel alive.
 
 
Triplets
01:30 / 03.09.06
How did you find Brad Pitt when you starred opposite him in Fight Club?
 
 
Bubblegum Death
01:42 / 03.09.06
Are you related to Shannon Doherty?
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
01:42 / 03.09.06
Yeah Pete, was it like:

"I am Pete's over inflated sense of self-denial. I make things harder than they should be. I won't apologise for that, it's the way I am"?

Oh yeah, "The first rule of Fight Club is..."
 
 
Alex's Grandma
02:16 / 03.09.06
Triplets: He was all right, Brad. He was a good bloke. If you met him, you'd like him.

The Undertoad: During my relationship with Shannon, I fell in love with hir, each morning, in a different way. You kind of almost have to, where that 'lady' is concerned.

PW, or should I say 'Carl'; Look mate, I'm sorry that things ended as badly as they did. I was on the brown, and the white, and all the other colours; I made some dodgy decisions. I still love you, Carl, of course I do. It's just that I don't think I can make any more music, beautiful or otherwise, with anyone, not just you, until I've stopped taking heroin. And crack. And staring blankly at a fistful of maggots at three in the morning. Maggots that I've actually raised, from early, to be my very bestest friends ...

Hey, I'm just funnin'. Have a good night.

Keep on buying my records,

Pete.
 
 
Ganesh
23:24 / 03.09.06
Somebody poke him with that microphone stand.

That's not actually a microphone stand; it's Kate Moss.
 
 
Ganesh
23:30 / 03.09.06
Bonus alternative ending:

Somebody poke him with that microphone stand.

That's not actually a microphone stand; it's Russell Brand.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
00:03 / 04.09.06
"The SWINE!"
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
00:07 / 04.09.06
Dear Pete,

How, exactly, do you intend to save "the culture", and make this once-proud nation into the Albion of Blake and Shelley once again?

Also, how is The General holding up?

Yours,

The legal representative of L. Von Mises, Esq.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
00:19 / 04.09.06
Brand, I can tell you all from personal experience, has actually got quite a fat arse.

But I'm mainly into my poetry and music these days - I've written a short thing that I'm going to read to Kate on our wedding day.

It begins;

'Kate, Kate,
Don't make me wait
My love, not hate
You must sate ...'

It's been heavily edited and it goes rapidly downhill from there, I'm afraid.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
03:39 / 04.09.06
The Car You See Too Late;

Yes, The General is fine. He's the, I don't know, 'vibes controller' in my new band, Babyshambles ... what could he possibly have to worry about? And, for that matter, what could I have to possibly worry about, either?

On the subject of my new band though, would it be possible to have 'Toksik' literally banned from this board? He seemed to be implying, in a post I can't really link to at the moment because of the heroin, that me, my poetry and my music aren't fashionable any more.

But I am.

I am still fashionable.

Well it's me or him.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
03:50 / 04.09.06
"Oi! Doherty! Get up off the ground, dust yourself off and try again...and...and... put the spike thing down, yeah?... (sniff)...Sheesh!... You coming to the lav or wha? (sniff-sniff)"
 
 
ZF!
07:47 / 04.09.06
Dear Pete

I used to hate you. I would loathe everything that you made or did. I would utter obscenities at you everytime you appeared on television or your name was mentioned (I shan't repeat them they are too, too terrible).
You know, I hated Kate Moss because of you. Actually I think I still hate her. You can do better Pete!

But since I read that interview you did for that free tabloid, Metro, It completely changed my point of view about you.

your biggest fan
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
10:21 / 04.09.06
Pete mate, I'm in a bit of a dilemma over the cheese sauce for the grilled chicken. Should I go with cheddar and stilton or brie and gruyere?

Thanks, TSK.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
10:58 / 04.09.06
Pete, that peom is not as hlarious as the 1 u put in teh NME. I licked that 1 more. Where is the paert about the gate?
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
15:40 / 04.09.06
Three more months of torture, eh, Pete?

Oh well, the wait will be horrible, but it's gotta be better than being banged up and surrounded by people you can't trust, and feeling scared that a bucket load of smelly mud is gonna land on your head and stick at any minute, eh? Seriously, I'm really glad you've avoided that particular hell for a while and I pray you and others less affluent than you escape such a terrible ordeal. So keep up the poetry, mate, it'll help pass the time. And if things go arse-over-elbow, watch out for the screws this Christmas: they'll be missing their turkey and guess how you'll be feeling?

Sorry, Pete. I'm tired, and, well, we've been here before, eh? Not that I'm an angel, of course...
 
 
Alex's Grandma
16:04 / 04.09.06
Yes, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing out of prison either. While I don't personally feel that anyone should be given a custodial sentence for the possession of scheduled narcotics, I'm aware that it does happen, and quite often to people less fortunate than I. After all, in my line of work all I'd have to do is keep a record of my thoughts while detained, in the manner of Oscar Wilde or Jeffrey Archer, and that's the rent taken care of for another couple of years.

If nothing else, I do think I should at least be made to do some community service on account of my last album.

Somebody up there must really like me, eh readers?!
 
 
Phex: Dorset Doom
17:02 / 04.09.06
Hi Pete, my name's Phex, long time listener, first time talker-toer. I have some questions:

1) What's the best way to clean up a whole fuckload of blood? A friend of mine needs to know.
2)Snakes on a Plane- your thoughts?
3) This one time I was at the beach and somebody dared me to eat a bunch of sand and I did.
4) Do you play World of Warcraft? Can I join your Guild? I bet it's awesome.
5) I'm looking into getting a new printer/scanner combo- is it best to buy seperate units or go for a combination one? What's the best deal for under 150 quid?
6) I know you're not gay or nothing but if you had to do a guy, like if somebody had a gun to your head, then you'd probably do Wentworth Miller off Prison Break right? I've got this mate who says you'd be more into Topher Grace from That Seventies Show but I'm all like 'Topher Grace? WHATEVAH!!'
7) I can't get past the song 'What Katy Did Next' in Down in Albion because my 27th Level Wood-Elf Ranger keeps getting ganked by Swamp Ghasts during the lines 'If you love her, then tell her you love her and/You could be kissing her soon'. What am I doing wrong?
8) If you had a superpower, what would it be? Would it be invisibility so you could go to where they film Prison Break and touch Wentworth Miller's bum and breathe on the back of his neck and he wouldn't be able to see you?

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to reply to my questions.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
17:57 / 04.09.06
Thank you for your questions Phex. Which, as promised, I will try to answer to the best of my ability.

1) The best way to clean up a lot of blood? Well it's a question I've often been faced with during my career as a wandering minstrel, and best practice here seems to be move hotel rooms, and get one's manager to deal with any complications that arise thereafter. Do try and resist the temptation to, for example, start painting a series of canvasses that you later on try to sell over the internet for £150 a throw with the offending blood though, and I mean this especially if the blood was not yours in the first place. I still blush a little when I recall that incident.

6) If Wentworth Miller's the one with the prison escape plan tattooed all over his body, then it's a no-brainer really. At the moment I seem to be fighting the law and winnning on a pretty much monthly basis, but sooner or later there's a chance I'm going to run out of credit at the karma bank, at which point the memory of my night together with Wentworth might very well come in handy.

7) I would skip that song altogether, if I were you. It was not one of my better efforts. I still blush a little when I think about it.

8) I'm not sure. Possibly the power to walk through walls, but on the other hand, that doesn't seem to be much of a requirement at the moment.

I hope this has been helpful. I will try to answer your other questions later on, but at the moment, the muse is upon me, and I have to get back to sailing the Good Ship Albion to Arcadia, and so on.

Plus I'm clucking like a turkey on Christmas morning.

Oh and PS, TSK, I'd go for the brie and gruyere.

Love,

Pete.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
23:06 / 04.09.06
Hi Pete, love your work. The paintings, I mean.

Anyway Pete, I've got these annoying little patches of dry skin under my eyes - could be stress, could be an allergic reaction to my moisturiser. What I was wondering is, would smack cure it? And if so, how much should I use?

I've got some important parties coming up and I'd be grateful for your advice.
 
 
astrojax69
01:41 / 05.09.06
dear pete

congratulations on your nobel prize for medicine. fab-tastic stuff; and you try to make music too, how nice.

wait, that's another peter doherty? an australian? oh.

sorry. i don't suppose you know how to cure bird flu, do you?

warm regards anyway,

astro [a-choo...]
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
08:00 / 05.09.06
Cheers Pete, knew you would be good on the sauce.

On a more personal note, what's more important to you as a british sleb; money or the vapid fawning of adolescent groupies?

Also, if you find your career flagging and wallet feeling a little thin, would you consider an attempt to revive your popularity through low-grade british porn, possibly involving Cathy Barry?
 
 
ZF!
10:55 / 05.09.06
Oh yeah my question...

I too want to be a jack-the-lad-lovable-rogue-type-wandering-minstrel-poet, traipsing around Albion, capturing the hearts and minds of ladies young and old, like some sort of modern day fairy tale hero, with just my guitar and cockey smile and sense of humour to get me through.
Do you have any advice for one such as me?

I'm not too keen on the ol' smack, is there any way around this, or is it, like I suspect part and parcel?
 
 
Alex's Grandma
00:25 / 06.09.06
(Mods;

Am I allowed to talk about the creative and/or medicinal benefits of teh smack on here? I feel as I should ask, being new to the board - I got into a terrible lot of trouble over the head of that issue on libertines.org, I can tell you!)

Aside from that, I don't know who Cathy Barry is, but if it seemed as if the Good Ship Albion was in danger of running aground then yeah, probably. There's almost nothing I wouldn't do to get the Good Ship Albion to Arcadia, apart from ... well all right, it's a fairly extensive list.

I believe I'm on the right path though. After all, I've been on 'The Jonathan Ross Show' twice now. What have any of you ever done?

Love,

Pete
 
  

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