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The alternative attraction list

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ONLY NICE THINGS

22:06 / 23.07.06

The Rules of the alternative lust list. Any infringements will be moved for deletion. Note: this is not censorship, nor are there issues of free speech - posters have the option of using the Lust List thread for a broader purpose. So, the rules:

1) Nobody who has appeared in a recurring role in a television series of any note in the last decade. This is a judgement call, but fortunately my judgement and the judgement of other moderators is what matters. Certainly, any television series of the last 10 years which has been discussed in the Film, TV and Theatre thread of Barbelith is right out.

2) No professional models, underwear models, professional underwear models.

3) Nobody with a website which offers subscription services for a monthly credit card payment.

4) No popular musician, for the purposes of which let us say nobody who has had a successful (terms to be decided by the moderators) single or album since... oooh, let's say 2000.

5) Nobody who has had a leading role (let's say in the first four or five cast positions) in a successful (again, at the moderator's discretion) Hollywood film in the last decade. Especially sci-fi. Sorry, kids. Just the way it goes.

6) No more than five nominations per person per diem. Any surplus within a 24-hour period, again, will be moved for deletion.

7) Give reasons for your answer. A decent account of the feelings behind a nomination might (might) offset some accidental infringement of rules 1-5. Although, alas, not rule 6.

This thread was inspired by alas' presentation of Barbelith as "slow food" - a place which is more thoughtful and slower than other message boards. Perhaps, like the potter's wheel, one can have two points on the same circle moving at different speeds...

22:15 / 23.07.06

Well there's this girl see.....

She smiled at me this one time and said "hi".
We've never spoken, but I'm positive her boyfriend doesn't understand her.

paranoidwriter waves hello

22:17 / 23.07.06

Threadrot-ish: But, but, but Fiona Shaw was in the Harry Potter films. Does that mean I can't post about her here?

Seriously though, I really like the idea of this thread, but rules 1-6 seem to make it a VERY hard thread to post to.

I mean, Haus, can you give me an example? Start us off as we mean to go on, as it were?

22:25 / 23.07.06

OK, I think I have one. I lust after the man in the printer advert, the one where he prints off pictures and puts his head through them. I like him because I like his facial expressions. He's not very good at selling because I forget the name of the actual printer. Maybe Canon?

I also lust after 'Nicole' of Clio fame. This is also entirely down to facial expression. You do know who I mean.

Clearly there is a pattern with me.

paranoidwriter waves hello

23:37 / 23.07.06

OK, no worries Haus, I've found an example of my own: Katharine Hepburn.

I've always loved her looks (those amazing cheekbones), but for me she's attractive more for her attitude than anything: she didn't wear make-up and wore men's trousers (gosh!) when that was very much frowned upon; she never played the Hollywood game, refusing to give interviews and do photo shoots; she was smart, tough, brave, and (by all accounts) she had a quick and dry wit. She was therefore, in my humble opinion, the epitome of female cool and strength, and was (of course) waaaay ahead of her time.

ONLY NICE THINGS

23:37 / 23.07.06

OK - I choose the young Patricia Highsmith.

I'd like to say that this is admiration for her books, but it isn't, really - I've only read The Talented Mr. Ripley, which I thought was all right, but did not fill me with desire to devour her canon.

One element, perhaps, is that photographs of the young Patricia Highsmith are pretty rare - this one, I believe, was taken by one of the few men for whom she ever felt attraction. Although, it goes without saying, if she'd met me she would totally have wanted to date me. In the main, we see photos of Highsmith towards the end of her life, when she is heroically unattractive - and yet often posed at something like the same angle and at the same distance as this shot. It's a book-jacket shot, almost, or a passport photograph, and as such lives within parameters that make for easy comparison.

To look at it is to travel in time.

Also, she's fit as a butcher's dog. And that astonishing, absurd wave of hair, throwing her face into shadow. How on Earth and why on Earth would one have such an incredible curtain of concealing hair? It speaks of mystery and either a lot of product or no product at all.

PW - actually, I think you've highlighted a failing - I need to put a time limit on #5 - let's say, the last ten years. In those terms, your Jennie Agutter would work perfectly well. Otherwise, as said, a good explanation could potentially overcome the prohibitions. It doesn't really matter if it doesn't float, though - it's a slow thread, after all.

ONLY NICE THINGS

23:44 / 23.07.06

Also, PW - you're in luck - Fiona Shaw is a minor character in HP, well below the "top-four" rule, so she is perfectly valid.

Tryphena Absent

00:15 / 24.07.06

After frowning at this thread for some time, I am so locked in my passion for Kate Moennig you see that I was having some trouble comprehending any other attraction, my brain has been reawakened by paranoidwriter. Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write but Kate Hepburn evoked attraction in me even when she was a jogging 80 year old.

And so from Hepburn to Bacall. I still have a bit of a flame for Bacall, anyone who can criticise people for calling Nicole Kidman a star is bound to invoke a type of respect but it's really the fabulous photo of her sitting with Marilyn Monroe and Bogart that makes we like her best. There's a real sense of feline possesion and grace that rolls off her, she has sharp eyes, like a cat and she seems to be weighing and measuring the world, expecting it to bow before her. That sense of oomph catches me everytime. I find her arresting.

I feel that this counts because although I know that she's starred in a Hollywood film recently 1)I have no idea what it's called and 2)I'm really talking about her as she was decades ago.

My second alternative attraction is Charlotte Rampling. I've seen her in two films recently, Lemming and Summer Things and the configuration of her face fascinates me. It really is a very calm face, she barely moves it to create an expression and yet her emotion comes across with real clarity. It is quite lined but very pleasantly and it looks quite tactile and inviting. Her mouth and eyes are very straight and uniform, I think that's what makes her hott.

00:21 / 24.07.06

I've posted this one in yr common and garden lust thread but Hypnotique qualifies here. I saw her first on Bluepeter (not as a childhood crush, though I'm sure she gave more than one 8yr old tummy tickles). I love the way she looks. Those broad shoulders; that chin and nose; give her a lovely masculine quality. She gives off strength.

paranoidwriter waves hello

01:29 / 24.07.06

my brain has been reawakened by paranoidwriter. Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write

That's the second time someone's typed a back-handed compliment about me on this board, for no apparent reason. And it kind of hurts. It shouldn't do, but it does.

After all, if you're going to say something complimentary, is there any need to include a snidey caveat afterwards? For whose benefit is that?

Oh Barbelith, what have I done to deserve such ill feelings? Am I that bad?

Nobody loves me...

01:31 / 24.07.06

If you can come up with all these rules, surely you can post a picture of someone that fits these rules and also tickles your pickle?

01:39 / 24.07.06

FIVE POSTS UP MIST

02:05 / 24.07.06

For some reason, this modern technology that I'm posting on (which I don't really understand - I remember Father saying much the same about the 'new-fangled dish-washer',) won't let me link to an image, but all the same, that Alan Bennett, of recent 'History Boys' fame, could butter my scone any time that he cared to.

He could put honey, or jam, or even Devon clotted cream on it, and I wouldn't complain.

But I'm not his sort, I suppose.

paranoidwriter waves hello

02:42 / 24.07.06

Alex's Grandma, many years ago, I used to see him every day on my way home from work, riding his bicycle, and I always had to fight the urge to run over and hug him. I just love Alan Bennett. His 'Talking Heads' stuff (in particular) was a big inspiration for me.

Oh, and I've got another one, whom I was convinced I'd already posted about (but seemingly must have deleted) in the Lust List (hence my post above to Haus): Fiona Shaw.

I've always thought Fiona Shaw had a unique kind of beauty, and she seems to be becoming even more elegant as she grows older, as I witnessed on a recent documentary she did on Channel 5 (UK) about portraiture. I also saw her about seven years ago in the lead role of a stage production of "The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie" on the South Bank, and I was completely mesmerised by her performance and completely fell head over heals.

In my opinion, she is beautiful, articulate, talented, kind, clever... And she has a voice that makes me want to close my eyes and dream.

07:46 / 24.07.06

I still carry a bit of a torch for Molly from William Gibson's book Neuromancer. It was all that tight leather, cyber-claws, and no-nonsense kick-ass attitude that did it for Teenage Evil Scientist.

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:45 / 24.07.06

WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR TRAY, MIST? WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE NAP?

Ahem. I saw Fiona Shaw play Medea a couple of years back - not a great production, but a powerful performance, and she does indeed have a remarkable vocal range.

ES - I think Molly's interesting to a lot of teenaged sci-fi geeks, myelf included, in part because of the aesthetic and the presentation, but also because of her emotional unavailability as a character. There's something attractive, I suspect, in a character so reassuringly unlikely to make complex emotional demands...

Second up, Quentin Crisp. Again, this is maybe tied to occulted images. The picture of Quentin Crisp everyone has is of the perfectly-coiffed, pink-rinsed pensioner living in a decrepit flat in New York, or the affected "living work of art" of the Naked Civil Servant, and it's hard sometimes to see exactly what the fuss was all about. Part of that reflects the times that he has helped to create, of course. But it also forgets that in the 40s he was beautiful. There's a photograph by Angus McBean, of which I can only find a small reproduction, here:

'S what I'm talking about.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:12 / 24.07.06

Those sumptuous curves. That unique, eccentric glamour.

Phoooar.

I'd hit it.

09:41 / 24.07.06

I blame my lagging browser for not refreshing enough...

09:50 / 24.07.06

This thread doesn´t say [as fas as I can tell

], the picked people have to somehow be famous. So could we choose non-famous ticklers, too?

ONLY NICE THINGS

10:04 / 24.07.06

Define "famous", Mist. So far, we've had nominations for imaginary ladies and a chapel. I think one problem with using people who are not in some way recognisable, or who do not have characteristics - like iamus' hypothetical beldam - is that that it doesn't really provide much of a conceptual springboard for other members to enjoy. However, if you want to talk about the girl who works at the music store, as long as it is done in a reasonably able and intelligent way, I for one don't see the harm. You do need to post a picture, though.

13:25 / 24.07.06

Ok so I read Haus' rules a few times and wandered off to think about them. It seems to me that beyond just digging up golden oldies (and yes they were better actors in the Golden Era) there was something else I could poke with a stick along the lines of slow-food attractiveness.

There are writers and artists that flip my switches as I'm intoxicated by brilliant minds. Yet I also wanted to resist the urge to go into the past to dig up yumminess that merely circumvented Haus' time restrictions. I feel there is more to be gained by really embracing the slow food approach.

So I offer up a living sexy brilliant explorer, scholar, and all around amazing person:

Ladies and Gentlemen,,,,,Mr. John Anthony West!

"A writer and independent Egyptologist, he is the foremost exponent of the 'Symbolist' school of Egyptology--which sees (and demonstrates) an ancient sacred science where modern academics see mainly superstition. West's work redating the Great Sphinx of Giza via geology (proving that it must be at least 10,000 years old or older) was the subject of a 1993 NBC Special, The Mystery of the Sphinx, hosted by Charlton Heston."

I've been lucky enough to attend his lectures and then ply him with booze afterwards.
All I have to say is you can keep Sean Connery, I'll be more than happy to save my pennies to go on one of John Anthony West's fabulous tours of Eygpt.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

13:46 / 24.07.06

That voice. That demeanor. That ability to sound weary and cynical.

I have been in love with Bogart since I was a kid. Every year here in Atlanta, they do a film noir festival in the summer and every year I go, no matter how many times I've seen his films.

I should think my entry should suffice.

14:30 / 24.07.06

I don't want this to seem foppish, but I adore the posts of a joyful Haus.

After weeks of finding thread after thread of Sir Haus taking the wrong-headed of Barbelith to task, it's when ze's feeling silly that makes the sun come out. Too long to Barbequote, and not precious enough to warrant a Barbecrush, the threads started by him, like this one, pull us to the highest common denominator of what is funny. I read his posts over and over it makes my cold office a bit warmer.

It's the word choices like heroically unattractive that really make me happy. And the fact that, I believe, he edited that from heroically ugly. Sarcastic, but with class.

paranoidwriter waves hello

21:18 / 24.07.06

Brace yourselves; this is a long one:

Many moons ago I was sitting in a Soho café where a friend worked, and making the most of a free bagel, when a very friendly and beautiful young Scottish woman (Ruth) sat at my table and started talking to me. I was amazed, as this kind of thing never happens to me. However, it turned out Ruth was exhibiting her end of degree show around the corner in St Martins College, and that she really wanted someone from outside the college to come and look at her work. For some reason, she had therefore seen me and thought I'd fit the bill.

To be honest, all these years later I barely remember the exhibition, as at the time I was far too taken aback by the situation and... well.... her eyes were amazing, she was brave, talented, clever, and friendly, and part of me was thinking "maybe she didn't choose me at random, and we do get on really well..." You know the feeling.

Anyway, we swapped numbers, had a couple of pleasant phone conversations, but it was obvious to both of us that this was a short-lived friendship, and I never saw her again...

Until years later I saw those beautiful eyes on my TV and I nearly spilt my coffee. I got out my TV guide and sure enough the Scottish actress' name was Ruth. At first I thought, "Nah, that's not the same Ruth, she didn't say anything about acting" (although I'm pretty sure her degree was in Media Arts). Indeed, I tried to put it all down to coincidence. Then, one day I checked the actress' IMDB profile and it turned out she had also studied at St Martins at the same time as the Ruth I'd briefly known.

Of course, part of me thinks this might still be a coincidence, and as I've just discovered for some reason the actress' IMDB profile no longer seems to have a biography, so another part of me thinks I could have screwed up my research. But still, I really like the fact that once I went for a free bagel and ended up spending a lovely and mentally stimulating couple of hours being shown around an art exhibition by someone who might be Ruth Millar, who is I believe a talented actress.

(Oh and for the record, seems I misinterpreted Tryphena Sparks earlier, and it's OK, we're both cool with each other.)

01:13 / 25.07.06

I don't care if it is true or not paranoidwriter, that's a fabulous story!

04:09 / 25.07.06

i once almost went out with a lovely greek girl who had been born in her neighbour's house, her neighbour (and still v close family friend) being mary kostakidis

i still rue the chance not have been able to meet her...

sigh

06:17 / 25.07.06

I very like Julie Myerson:

Not only because she is a hot writer babe but also because I like the way she takes normal, everyday words as what you might find in any dictionary and assembles them in a pleasing sequence what tells a nice story, such as your Me and the Fat Man, Laura Blundy, and Something Might Happen. Haven't read that one about the people who've lived in her house, though.

Also, I like that whenever she's on Newsnight Review all the other blokes such as Mark Kermode, James Brown and John Whatsisface have an intellectual cocks-on-the-table fight to try and impress her.

05:11 / 28.07.06

Kind of a shit post, Stabby.

06:54 / 28.07.06

i was going to give a narky response to that, then reread the part of the summary that said "for people aiming for a more relaxed, thoughtful and slow-moving account of what tickles your pickle."

So, I apologise for the abrupt response. I'll write a proper response later, but feel free to remove the above post till that time...

22:59 / 29.07.06

I think this thread is a good idea. I'm going to be a little predictable with my first one.

Marlon Brando, for, ooh, a whole host of reasons. There's the phwoarr-he's-buff thing, obviously, which is part and parcel of his whole Athenisation, his icon status. There's more to it than that for me, though. I'm something of a fetishist, and generally prefer my pickle-tickling clothed: Brando's onscreen magnetism was pivotal in the elevation to 'classic' status of the t-shirt (prior to A Streetcar Named Desire, t-shirts were generally seen as underwear) and, of course, the leather motorcycle jacket.

(Aside: Xoc, when first we met, was possessed of an oversized biker jacket he'd affectionately named 'Marlon'.)

Brando was open about having had affairs with men as well as women at a time when such honesty was practically unheard of in Hollywood (it's still the exception), and I've always found him an intriguing blend of machismo (although "machismo" does him a disservice, as it hints at artifice or inauthenticity, and the whole gay macho drag thing sprang up in Brando's wake; he himself seemed to inhabit the iconography effortlessly) and androgyny. The feminine individual in the advert which inspired this thread, for example, appeals to me, I think because of her Brandoesque beauty.

He became less androgynous as he aged. Post Apocalypse Now, it's diminishing returns for me, in terms of his allure. As Colonel Kurtz, he does manage to appear sexy with a beetle on his head, not an easy look to carry off.

(And not an easy pic to find on Google Image either, sadly.)

Tom Paine's Bones

16:54 / 30.07.06

I'm surprised her name hasn't come up yet, but Dorothy Parker.

Such style, such wit, such intelligence. And her smile just makes me melt.

I'd like to think it's only the unfairness of chronology that stops up being bestest friends.

19:02 / 30.07.06

Colour photos are ok, right? I found some pictures that could qualify here, but I don´t want to break a only b&w rule!

20:43 / 30.07.06

I give you:

No I don't give him to you, I keep him for myself! It's not the shambolic detective act. It's that he's a Mozart.

Then you add the Wings of Desire angle. Carry me away.

ONLY NICE THINGS

22:15 / 30.07.06

Darlings, please look at Ganesh's post. Try to mirror it. If you don't want to talk about the object of your affections and what he or she means to you, then there's a perfectly good Lust List thread.

22:37 / 30.07.06

I hope, I´ve got all rules unbroken with my pick (I even turned my choice into black and white, which seems to be an unofficial rule so far).

Story to the photo:
I´m on another forum board, too. And they had a thread about a site, where pictures of women who got arrested were shown.

Maybe that is some kind of freedom of information act thing, that arrested people´s pictures are put up on the internet, I don´t know. But of all those photos, this one stuck out.

Why is she among all those pictures? What did she get arrested for? Is she even guilty? She looks as if she never even squatted a fly. And she seems to be so sad. As if she says to herself: "Yes, I am innocent, yes, noone will believe me. What am I going to do?"

Maybe she pushes my attractivness and the helpless=cute button at the same time; I want to run into the police station, throw bail money at the cops and take her away to somewhere, where people don´t end up looking so sad into the police´s camera.

Strange, now that I´ve reread my post and looked at the photo again, she doesn´t look so sad anymore.

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