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I need you now, Barbelith

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22:34 / 29.05.06

Can you think of anything you might've said or done that's turned him off you?

It is, perhaps, a little unsympathetic but I thought exactly the same thing myself. People can be cruel, of course, and petty and emotional, but are less likely to be incomprehensible on the whole. These friends of BMF sound like they feel justified, even in BMF's account where there is no hint of justification.

23:04 / 29.05.06

I think they feel justified, because D was one of the original four guys. So somehow they see he has a veto on who lives in the house? Despite subsequent arrangements... Beyond that, all I can figure, is that he isn't/they aren't telling me something.

Also, we wanted a 5-bed house, in a certain locale, with a lounge, and that was proving to be a lot harder to find, than we had hoped. At least, a lot harder than finding a 4-bed with lounge.

Oh yeah, me and one of the dudes girlfriends don't get on either.

Beyond that - It's straight out of the blue. Totally unexpected. D and I are opposites really - He's disorganised, a bit of a fuck-up. Currently living with people who he doesn't get on with, BECAUSE of this.

Hmmh. And maybe they just aren't as comfortable with the idea of living with me as with D. They'd prefer D, despite the fact it's quite wrong to go that way, and they know it.

It's as if he brought up the issue, and they want to pick the VERY easy option - Go back to the original arrangement, and fuck their responsibilites to me.

So, not really friends at all, maybe...

23:08 / 29.05.06

And maybe they just aren't as comfortable with the idea of living with me as with D.

Any idea why?

23:16 / 29.05.06

I asked for the truth of the situation, on the phone to them the other day, and, they told me, that it has ALWAYS been assumed we would find a 5-bed house, UNTIL now, and D's little announcement. So...What else? He told them he didn't know me and didn't want to move in with me becuase of his past problems with people he didn't know.

Apart from that, man - We're talking about someone who acted cool to my face, then backstabbed me the same day I was gone, according to these boys, and suddenly stopped talking to me. Complete and utter shut-off - And totally cowardly.

He tried to gain my acceptance once by asking me whether he should hit some dude in a nightclub we were in at the time, over a female he'd been seeing that said potential-hittee-dude was chatting to...I told him he shouldn't give a fuck who the fuck his one-night-stand-ex was talking to. D is NOT a toughie.

No, D's a fuckhead and a failure, and maybe is pre-empting us not getting on next year? Based on, you know, other more MATURE and RESPONSIBLE people not digging him either...

23:19 / 29.05.06

Ganesh, D is popular with many people - Because, having been in Uni for two years, he knows more people...I am, somewhat the opposite...

These boys, however, are my mates. Wht do I think it would be easier for them to choose D?

Hmmh...Because they like him more?

23:34 / 29.05.06

Hmmh...Because they like him more?

Okay, fair enough. It's just that, in your initial post, I got the impression they were closer to you than to D, or found you more fun or whatever. I wondered whether there had been some sort of event or falling-out generally which might have made some of these guys more sympathetic to D than to you. You've mentioned not getting on with one of their girlfriends, which is probably quite a biggie. I wondered whether some of your mature, independent taking the lead stuff might've come across more negatively to them? Like pushiness, maybe? I dunno, I'm kind of casting around for possible reasons they might have for cooling on you, apparently suddenly, and seeming not to want to confront you directly about it. Do you think you're a difficult person to confront?

All Acting Regiment

23:42 / 29.05.06

So we checked maybe 5 houses, and none of them felt right. I started to get a bit frustrated because it was getting close to the end of term/the year and I was worried we wouldn't find a house in time.

If this helps, BMF, exactly the same thing happened to me- with the added bonus of both 1) them not being capable or interested, to any healthy standard, in the house-finding procedure, and then 2) the revelation, after a month and a half of stress and shite, that actually, my equivalent of B had already planned and booked to move in with another group, and that we had been strung along aaaall the fucking time- all the pissing about and looking at houses was done for naught because he was never going to be there anyway.

Neither my B nor any of the, oh, at least three other people who were in a position to tell us the truth did so. Also, I now have an extremely bad rep with the housing agency (because it was me who did the organising, so I get the blame for any fuck-ups in the group). Fucking pathetic.

Add to this the fact that there had been rumours in the air about this which I had decided not to listen to (trusting B rather too much) and the fact that I went out to a bunch of these houses on my own, made lists and took photos. Oh, and the fact that the one time B actually got out and looked at houses, he turned down two properly nice ones because of "all the p*kis around here". Dickhead.

Of course, according to the wider group, it's "all water under the bridge now". Well, no, not really.

So...that was my emotional reaction to your situation. I'll read the whole thread closely again and come up with some advice that doesn't involve acting out scenes from The Soft Machine.

23:50 / 29.05.06

Strong-headed definitely, and pushy? Probably...I'm a few years older than them...But, it was more a case of being pushy because we've found damn-near what I'm certain are the two best houses we're gonna find and, as I'm the one who has been doing all the looking and know the market better than them as a result, etc, I feel like my opinion DOES, naturally, carry more weight - Whilst they seem to be holding out for a house that probably wasn't gonna happen...I did communicate this to them.

And when I say all the work, I mean EXTREMELY tanacious in my approach...Such as, calling landlords in other areas, asking if they have any properties we might be interested in coming available but not yet advertised, so we'd get first look (there's a lot of 5-people groups STILL looking) and also, calling letting agents every other day...Really giving it my all, because that's how we do round here...And I made this intensive workload known to them, too...

Two of the boys WERE well up for the second property, the one we've got a say on...It was D that wasn't...That was about a week ago...

23:55 / 29.05.06

Yeah, that whole confrontation thing is probably true. My Dad reckons they're probably a bit intimidated by my business-like approach to these matters.

15:29 / 30.05.06

you needed a girl in the mix from day one man. otherwise, no matter how peachyfine things went, yur house woulder stunk a shit in a fortnight anyhow. these blokes just sound like young student blokes to me - shite at doing practical things.

sorry, no help at all is it? you still should have got yourself solid girl-friends in the first year.

All Acting Regiment

15:45 / 30.05.06

Gumbitch is heartily seconded. In general, males aged 18 to 23 are a bit shit at most things apart from Mario Kart. It is an enormous help to live with girls (if they can stand it).

16:04 / 30.05.06

Hope you find somewhere to rest your head BMF.

It all sounds a bit crappy. I'd just try to concentrate on finding a place to live and deal with them (or not) later. It doesn't sound like you owe them anything (except whatever tickets they've actually paid for).

Sort yourself out, and let them take care of themselves.

Thought...would it be possible for you to go back into Halls? I know uni's can be a bit funny about that, but perhaps if you explain the situation you could get one if it becomes vacant (callous I know, but first-year students do drop out).

Might make some new friends too.

All Acting Regiment

23:28 / 02.06.06

There are also private halls.

Hows it going, BMF? Any good news?

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