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A home of one’s own?

 
  

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Spaniel
08:58 / 12.04.06
Now I live in my partners house in a big city. It's still his house; when we fight he tells me to leave. It doesn't feel like my home yet even though I've lived here since August

That's awful, Lula. Granted I don't know the guy or indeed anything about your relationship but that kind of behaviour just isn't okay, especially when there's a kid involved. If that kind of treatment is at all representative of your experiences of shared living space no wonder you feel insecure.

I'm here to tell you that it is possible to feel secure when living with someone else. I trust my partner implicitly.
 
 
Mistoffelees
09:15 / 12.04.06
Damn! A house of your own with baby owls and bats! I seriously should consider moving to England! (I could have that here, too, but it wouldn´t be the same, I guess.)
 
 
steerpikelet
09:36 / 12.04.06
I live in a very tiny flat over a fancy dress shop, which is far too small for its three highly-strung and hugely energetic householders alone, not to mention all of our friends and lovers.
For the past ten days, both my flatmates have been on home visists over the Easter, and I've finally had the place to myself.
Having lived with practically no private space for six months, I had been immensely looking forward to having noone to snipe at and be sniped at about chores, noone to tell me to turn my weird music down late at night, noone using my soy-milk or the bathroom when I wanted it. I was planning to write and write and occasionally have small breaks for british comedy.
However, barely four days in, I had been singularly unproductive, and was so sick of the quiet, the solitude, that I packed a rucksack and went to stay at another friend's houseshare in London for a few days.
Perhaps because I'm acutely aware of having grown up in a cold and unfriendly household from which I eventually ran at the age of seventeen that I crave company, bustle, would much rather tolerate constant low-level annoyance than loneliness; but I truly believe that some people were designed to function better in close and very mundane proximity to others - not only in terms of general happiness, but in terms of energy, productivity, creativity.

Of my friends who write, I find experiences to be almost exactly split: whilst some prefer to shut themselves away for hours, even days on end, others, like me, become much more productive, much more fired with creative energy when there's human noise and daily drama going on around them. Perhaps an awareness of the prescence of others going about their daily business that serves to bring one back to reality, in an intellectual state wherein one can very easily become 'overinvolved' and subsequently unproductive.

I don't think I would ever live alone, given the choice; in practical terms, I personally feel it IS far less wasteful to live with others, but, extending that analogy to an emotional sphere, for many of us, creative energy that emanates from general wellbeing is similarly wasted when one is living alone.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
10:30 / 12.04.06
REX'S WILDERNESS

Know this

As I write these words it's from within a pit of a dressing gown and uncounted day's face hair. My nails are become claws. I live in a student halls flat with three other guys, but we have separate rooms, and I don't see them. They're not bad guys but I don't see them. They might have gone home for easter, unless they got caught out in the long grass after sundown. Who knows. You don't ask questions like that.

(takes a sip of whisky)

I don't see anyone now that we're off for the easter. There's no lectures or seminars, and I'm not going to the folk's house until the 15th when I take them chocolates.

The bathroom's stocked with toiletries and the kitchen with baked beans and bakewell tarts. And whisky. I don't need to leave.

I haven't seen another human being for a week and a half.

I live like this. For most of the day I sleep fitfully and dream about having my own personal spaceship with saunas but I hear this "ook" "ook" sound and muffled giggles and when I go into the sauna room THERE IS A GORILLA AND A GIRL DOING THINGS

And then I wake up, and try do some more coursework and read some more. Or I play Far Cry.

(takes another sip of whisky)

I completed three levels killing all the bad guys and not dying once. Stoatie knows what that means. Stoatie knows it requires discipline. Just to look at the screen and not see the shadows

And I hear rustling and see faces in the woodwork. I literally thought there was a figure with sunken eyes and crumbling, plastery hands coming to strangle me, and there are tappings at the window

And the road signs say Damascus but the air smells like Golgotha

That is all
 
  

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