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Underground > Art, Fashion & Design >

If you were a fashion dictator...

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10:15 / 14.04.06

I wear blu-tac on my head all the time. So does my. boy. friend. I think it looks fine.

We could both be wrong.

The Natural Way

16:17 / 14.04.06

I'm just suspicious of people disliking stuff that looks too posey. Sunglasses really come in for it. They're not just to keep the sun out, they're also worn for aesthetic reasons. We all know this, but, as soon as this becomes overt, the knives come out. I really don't care if someone wears sunglasses at night etc.

The Natural Way

16:39 / 14.04.06

Incidentally, I'm sitting opposite a colleague with big, brown, buggy, 70's style sunglasses perched on her head - she looks great, really pretty and not in the least "that vain wanker with her head head up her arse...electroclash wankers....grrr.."

I seem to care more about this issue than maybe I should, but I think sunglasses are a good cipher for the whole posing about, dressing up thing that I suspect some lithers might dislike on principle.

17:21 / 14.04.06

I do know what you mean, punce. I kinda regret even mentioning the sunglasses on head thing, and I felt like a bit of a twat as soon as I posted.
I agree with you about sunglasses. Let's be honest, shading the eyes is, in the main, a secondary motivation for donning them. I notice that Kalahari bushmen don't wear them, and I think those who object to people wearing shades indoors or at night are deceiving themselves or missing the point.

So to answer your question, the sg's on head thing pisses me off purely because I think it's over accessorising, and I personally don't like it. I like sunglasses, I just think they should be worn on the face, and one pair is enough.

But it would depress me even more if anyone gave a shit about what *I* thought of their mode of dress.

07:33 / 15.04.06

*sigh* If only you noticed me Smoothly. I've been dressing for you all this time and nary a remark.

While I agree that there are worse things in life to worry about than sunglasses on heads, you could say that about this whole thread, which kind of defeats the point of poking fun at some silly fashion trends.

I have a personal issue with this one as half of my countrypeople come to the UK and insist on dressing like they're on the gold coast, with flipflops, singlets and sunglasses perched on heads in all weather. Or perhaps in jeans, rugby jersey and sunglasses on heads. It just sort of carries an air with it of refusing to acknowledge that anything in your life may have changed due to moving to the other side of the world and carrying your entire identity unchanged with you throughout life.

11:33 / 15.04.06

Well, hang on - wearing sunglasses on your head isn't *necessarily* just pointless accessorising - it can sometimes be the practical thing to do. Sat on top of your head, a pair of sunglasses can be used to keep your hair out of your eyes/off your face. They're like Alice bands, but not. 'Cos I can’t really make an Alice band work for me when I'm operating heavy machinery, say.

15:23 / 15.04.06

While I agree that there are worse things in life to worry about than sunglasses on heads, you could say that about this whole thread, which kind of defeats the point of poking fun at some silly fashion trends.

Yeah, but I think it was right of Runce to question me on it. Poking fun at people's clothes can be a pretty loathsome kind of playground bullying (which I'm guilty of myself, thus squicking me out even more), and I think we've seen how easily it shades into expressions of a desire to outlaw certain kinds of *people*. To be honest, there's something about the whole premise of this thread that makes me uncomfortable.

And I agree with you, Bedhead. There are situations where a pair of sunglasses can be pressed into service as an Alice band, and there are cases where it wouldn't even register with me as looking stupid. Such is the danger in generalising over these sorts of things.

I'm still thinking about this:

Smoothly, does the sg's on head thing piss you off because it's so self-consciously intended to look cool and do nothing else?

And this:

I'm just suspicious of people disliking stuff that looks too posey. Sunglasses really come in for it. They're not just to keep the sun out, they're also worn for aesthetic reasons. We all know this, but, as soon as this becomes overt, the knives come out.

In the first case, I think the answer is kinda 'yes'. It smacks of cocksumerism (™ Haus) - displaying one's accessories rather than using them. But why I should have a problem with that, I'm not sure. There's always an element of display with these things.
On the second point, I've been trying to be honest with myself about situations where I assess someone's dress negatively. More often than not it's when I decide that someone's 'trying too hard'. But WTF? What does that even mean?

Sorry, I'm probably not making much sense.

03:29 / 16.04.06

I would ban hoodies, to demonstrate my ABSOLUTE POWER.

Then I would allow them again, to demonstrate my mercy.

08:17 / 16.04.06

When I'm ruler of the fashion world, all polo shirts will be burned in great pyres. Especially the short-sleeved ones.

Why?

WHen I was a child, the TV told be, nay, promised, that if I wore an Izod or Le Tigre polo shirt I would be irresistable to the the opposite sex.

The TV lied, and I've never forgiven it or polo shirts.

06:42 / 27.04.06

I look like such a dork in polo shirts. I can't stand them.

That said, I'm not sure who actually looks good in them.

16:52 / 27.04.06

I agree with some of what's already been banned, most notably the sport sandals. Hideous. Unfortunately for men I think most men's sandals are pretty ugly. I'm against any and all big clunky Jesus sandals, and this includes Birkenstocks for both sexes no matter how comfy. They're ugly. Also, side note on sandals, anyone wearing shoes that show their toes will, when I'm fashion dictator, have presentable toes. You need not have a pedicure and you can't help it if your feet are hobbitlike. But please, please, just wash them and take care that the toenails are trimmed. Thank you.

Also, cargo pants will be banned. These are not flattering on anyone ever. They have no shape.

Shrugs are banned. Long-sleeved shirts, cardigans, and jackets shall suffice to keep the arms warm.

Super low-rise women's pants are banned immediately. Aside from the butt crack factor, these are universally unflattering. Even on very thin women they cut the hip/belly section in half and form rolls and lumps where no rolls or lumps should be.

Sequins are BANNED. Who decided that sequins could come back in again? There is no way to wear sequins without looking like a mother-in-law at a wedding. BANNED, BANNED, BANNED.

17:02 / 27.04.06

I would ban Paris Hilton.

02:17 / 28.04.06

Shrugs banned?
Take it to policy, Ibis. (smiley denoting jocularity here)

Dressing gowns that aren't warm and cosy. I don't want to wear one and I don't want to see anyone else in one either. Fie upon them!

Clothes with too many extraneous tassles and extra non functional jiggerypokery on them.
How much is too much? You'll know it when you see it.

Any kind of bright orange and green combination. Does damage to my brain, that.

Jake, Colossus of Clout

03:47 / 29.04.06

I would ban anything with an obtrusive manufacturer's logo on it. I can think of nothing more crass in fashion than those Dolce & Gabbana bags wallpapered with the interlocking "DGs." Ditto the Louis Vuitton "LV" patterns.

"Oh, look! See my bag? Notice that it's a Dolce & Gabbana? It's very expensive, don't you know."

Vomit.

Sweaters and polos with little emblems on the breast would be allowed. Those who wear logo all-over print jeans and bags would be first against the wall in my fashion dictatorship.

05:21 / 29.04.06

I'll double Gnosis' ban on any patetically self-concious branded material. The second the logo becomes more important thatn the quality of the goods, INTO THE FIRE!

23:04 / 29.04.06

Shrugs banned?
Take it to policy, Ibis.

Heh heh.

I also ban ring tees, pointy shoes whose points extend >2" past the big toe, and lekvars.

05:13 / 30.04.06

I have often stated my fervent wish that Hitler rather than his trademark little moustache had favored a soul-patch so that I would never ever have to see that goddam, awful, affected, stupid little chin scrub ever ever again apart from when browsing the history channel.

All Acting Regiment

08:13 / 01.05.06

Clothes with raggedy number two's all over them. And sevens. Actually, just, any pattern that's applied in am ore complex way than it needs to be/ripped into the fabric/blah blah. I just wanted to say "raggedy number two".

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:28 / 11.08.06

I would like to introduce some kind of draconian legislation which did something about a serious problem that faces us today, namely:

Men who are still, in 2006, basing their "look" on Mike Patton in the 'Epic' video. Long hair. Baggy t-shirt. Wacky trousers. PUNCHY PUNCHY.

lord nuneaton savage

10:20 / 11.08.06

"pointy shoes whose points extend >2" past the big toe"

I will FIGHT!!! you for my right to wear ridiculous pointy shoes.

Ditto on the overt logos. It is thoroughly vulgar and unnesa...unesca...unnesca...pointless.

23:22 / 12.08.06

I second the low trouser thing, but it's not for the back, it's for the front. There is such as thing as too low and it's when you don't have to consider whether collar and cuffs match anymore because it's already there for you to see.

But the thing is, I'm probably just jealous. I also want to ban belly button jewellery and short tee-shirts but that's because I am hopelessly jealous because I have stretchmarks and can't wear such things anymore.

I do have one proper ban though and it's women who draw their lipliner slightly further out than their lip line actually is. It doesn't fool anyone, it doesn't make your lips look more full, it just makes you look like you are incapable of putting your lipstick on properly. Don't do it, just don't.

ORA ORA ORA ORAAAA!!

04:58 / 13.08.06

Anything, anything that costs more than $10 (australian).

Because really, you don't need it. Do you?

No.

(this is a little extreme, I admit, and not something I can live up to, but that's not the point!)

Also: ring-sleeve t-shirts, yes. Die, die, die! Way to make anyone look like a weirdo freak with bubble shoulders and extremely long arms (especially us long-armed people), shirt.

Slogans, again, but not all slogans. Just ones that suggest doing something that you would actually really not appreciate if everyone did (I'm thinking t-shirts with "catch me if you can", "kiss and tell", "kiss me before my boyfriend comes back" etc etc. You don't want everyone to do that, why tell them to?).

"Sexy!" and similar emblazoned on the chest of tiny, prepubescent girls, on stretch lycra, in sparkles.

Jackets that only cover the ribs.

Scarves, in concert with very little clothing at all. If you are cold, please wear pants, not tiny tiny shorts and a scarf. The scarf is not helping your legs to keep warm.

Actually, I really don't care enough to ban any of these things except raglan sleeve tshirts. And fetishisation of prepubescent girls. And four thousand dollar handbags/shoes/jeans.

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