I was looking for that old psychology study that suggested that kids who are corporally punished as a child tend to be more conservative and attracted to authoritarian political figures. Does anyone know what that study is and whether it's still credible? I think I heard about it a psych or sociology class in college, and have heard it vaguely referenced since then as one of those studies we've all heard of, but my web-fu isn't working today.
Anyway, while looking for that, I came across a chapter entitled "Raising Real Children," from George Lakoff's recent work, Moral Politics: How Liberals and Conservatives Think.
Lakoff's book as a whole focuses on the tendency of conservatives (he's focusing on the US context) tend to apply a "Strict Father" model of the family to politics and political figures, while liberals tend to view the role of government through the metaphor of the "Nurturing Parent." The former tend to be authoritarian, while the latter seek to be "authoritative."
Here's how he's defining those two categories:
The Authoritarian Model
*Attempting to shape, control, and evaluate the behavior and attitudes of one's children in accordance with an absolute set of standards.
*Valuing obedience, respect for authority, work, tradition, and preservation of order.
*Discouraging verbal give-and-take between parent and child.
The Authoritative Model
*Expectation for mature behavior from child and clear standard setting.
*Firm enforcement of rules and standards using commands and sanctions when necessary.
*Encouragement of the child's independence and individuality.
*Open communication between parents and children, with parents listening to children's point of view, as well as expressing their own; encouragement of verbal give-and-take.
*Recognition of rights of both parents and children. "Firm enforcement" and "sanctions" do not include painful corporal punishment.
Obviously, it's that last point that's mainly in dispute, here: I don't think anyone's advocating an authoritarian family model, but to what degree can any form of corporal punishment be a part of an authoritative, nurturing approach to family? "Painful" is a particularly interesting word in this context.
And, in answer to grant's question above: I just meant that the classic "guilt trip" that parents are likely to use ("Don't you feel bad about what you just did?" "Aren't you going to say 'I'm sorry'?" "Do you see all the work I had to do because you failed to ..." "After all your father and I have done for you, you decided to ...") can be manipulative and cloying. (And that I have heard similar phrases come out of my own mouth is at least as embarrassing as the urge to smack a child in a moment of passion.)
My college students love to talk about these experiences, when I'm teaching basic Foucault, and will say: "damnit, sometimes I wished they'd have just hit me!" While I suspect that many such students don't really know what it can feel like to be really hit, I do think they've experienced emotional manipulation.
Thus, I was just trying to say that while I'm opposed to smacking and spanking for good reasons, those good reasons are entangled with some class issues (which I think may be also relevant to Lakoff's argument). I think Grant and I basically agree: We were a "time-out" family, too. Those time-outs are important both for the child and the parent to have some time to get distance and clarity--maybe to see some alternatives--and cool off. I'm of the good-enough school, however, and believe that it's the structure of the relationship that's most important--occasional failures are not the end of the world.
So: I don't see time outs as cloying or manipulative, although I suppose any tool in the parental arsenal could be somehow misused if one is of a sadistic bent...which would mean being not primarily focused really on nurturing the child's growth but on reasserting one's own power. It is terrifying that it's not always easy to tell when one has crossed the line between those two points.
Which, I'm finding, is a challenge that doesn't necessarily go away even once the child has gone off to college; it doesn't come out in the physical punishment, probably, but in terms of "I'm paying your tuition bills, and while that's the case, you'll . . . ." |
