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i'm guessing that the new light the experence has shone illuminates your other desires and indulgences by analogue, yeah?
or do you mean something else?
That's it, really. Also, the sense of having walked through a door that is now shut...I don't realistically think I can return to my previous ways, there is a definite sense of...I'm not sure how to describe it, really...a passing of one phase and the beginning of something new, and 'I'm' going to miss some things, except that 'I' has gone with them, so the 'I' that remains is not missing anything except a slight ache-y fondness for the old 'I'...Make sense?
Plus, a huge dose of Humble, frankly...going without food, at the risk of sounding pious or something, kind of brings a sharp relief to the privilege we all enjoy here, and makes me feel quite disgusted that whole populations of people are killing themselves through deliberately poor nutrition and overeating. Overfed and undernourished. I don;t buy lack of education at all...we all know what's what.
It's weird, walking down a typical high street with a basic remit that you may only eat fresh, pesticide free, nutritious foods, no wheat, no dairy, and discovering that there is very little food on offer that you are able to consume. Loads of food, just no nutrition, at. all.
That's a bit freaky, no? You have to go to special shops to buy natural food. This is the society we have forged for ourselves. Buying things which grow without toxic poisons and hormones and artificial growth processes is a special concern. Extra.
After a 36 hour fast (which I'm now doing weekly, for, as far as I can plan such things, the rest of my life), the entire eating impulse is slowed to a crawl...the need for food feels much smaller, simpler, less desiring of richness and complexity and volume. S'funny, I've indulged myself twice in the last three weeks for things I've basically been avoiding (some chips from a fish'n'chip shop and a packet of salt'n'vinegar twirly crisps), and both times my digestive system has gone haywire in disgust...it just didn't like that shit in there at all. And I didn't enjoy these little 'treats' even half as much as I thought I would...it's like my memories of what I liked are false, somehow, these things are stored in my memory-mind as 'enjoyable / tasty', but the sensory event in actuality is not all that pleasant at all.
It's quite difficult to put into words, actually. Food has diminished in size inside my Universe, how's that? I love eating, but it's all a lot simpler. |
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