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The Office Xmas Party

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09:45 / 06.12.05

I've never heard of a work surprise party. How terrifyingly shite. Surprise parties are crap enough without tying them into a crap work do.

Ours is next Friday and anticipating is building, since it looks like a nice place so everyone's keen to go (see link upthread). I've been scaring people by pretending that there's a seating plan and threatening to sit them next to people they don't like. There might be a profit to be made in this. There's also talk of the boss paying for the booze, which would be nice.

09:52 / 06.12.05

I would ask the admin here, but they just sacked her. Merry Christmas one and all.

09:58 / 06.12.05

Maybe they sacked her for suggesting a surprise xmas party.

Goodness Gracious Meme

10:19 / 06.12.05

One place I worked did a great 'surprise' party. We were told the date etc in advance and just told to dress up and assemble outside the office. People who couldn't make that were told the actual plan/how to get to venue.

Then they piled us into coaches, drove us to a club in Soho for dinner, drinks, an 'Oscars'ceremony, music, dancing etc. At the end of the night cabs were waiting.

All paid for. Aces.

Goodness Gracious Meme

10:24 / 06.12.05

worst party ever, one my sister went to.

She works in a university. Dept had just recieved big 3 year funding package. No one was suggesting they spent it on employees dinner, but a bit of a celebration might be in order, yeah?

Their Xmas thing was tapas lunch in a local restaurant. Which they paid for.

The big whoop was that they were given an extra 2 hours for lunch.

Cue extremely grumpy unproductive staff.

Goodness Gracious Meme

11:59 / 06.12.05

oh my. Just checked out your Xmas party, Jub. You have my sympathy. Enjoy the FUN casino.

Mister Six, whom all the girls

12:38 / 06.12.05

Going to New York, no idea what to expect. this will be the first real holiday party I've gone to that I can remember.

My brother-in-law says there'll be celebs there given the nature of the company I work for, but I've heard nothing about it.

15:44 / 06.12.05

I shall not be attending my office Christmas party this year, as I'll sadly be in the wrong city at the time, but in previous years it has been quite the event.

Staff have gathered on a Friday afternoon in the board room for a sherry and a crisp. Secret santa presents have been exchanged, and games have been played. Games like Guess Who's Baby Photo That Is. Sometimes, there have been prizes. Everyone drifts back to work at around 4pm, sometimes with a naughty second sherry.

This makes me sad, because I like my colleagues so very much more after we've all consumed lots and lots of hard liquor, but the opportunity to do so never presents itself at Christmas. It just doesn't seem right.

Lilly Nowhere Late

18:52 / 06.12.05

I just took my employees out for their work do. We first went ice skating at the Natural History Museum and had a great laugh. They also have a little christmas market which we wandered around a little. It was surprisingly nice and not very expensive so we all got to work on our xmas shopping a little. Then we had a drink at the their bar which we could've skipped but they did have little mince pies which were worth it. Next we trundled off to a New Orleans replica restaurant called The Big Easy and had a pretty fabulous meal even if it was nothing like actual New Orleans food. I chose this place because of my own association with N.O. and because they had live music on a Monday night. And the live music didn't suck at all!
A night cap at a silly fake Morrocan-y lots of pillows kind of bar then off to our homes. I feel I have now successfully achieved providing a not horrible work xmas party experience and can rest easy til next year.

07:00 / 09.12.05

tonight's the night for "plundering the pyramids" - wearing suit for relaxing atmosphere? - check; fake bonhomie among staff? - check; already thinking of excuses for leaving early? - check.

07:27 / 09.12.05

07:32 / 09.12.05

classy, no?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

07:59 / 09.12.05

So Jub... let me get this right. You get to watch OTHER people sitting in "luxurious surroundings" and smoking hookahs... and they don't even give you any of their opium?

Good luck, Jub. My advice? Take a book.

Or maybe a gun.

Yet again, our work Christmas do is on the week that our shift's working (as it has been for the last four years), but it's no great loss- all the people at work I'd actually LIKE to have a drink with will probably have our own unofficial pissup anyway, and at least we know the account management team won't be there. Or the freaks on the dayshift. Or any of our bosses. (And they're charging thirty quid if you want to take a guest! Thirty quid! And that's one complimentary drink!)

15:27 / 09.12.05

An hour and a half to go until mine in our plush basement conference rooms. Not desperately looking forward to it. Bad behaviour (striptease, impromptu sumo) is more or less guaranteed though I will probably have gone by then.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:06 / 10.12.05

I await Jub's Dispatch From The Harem with bated breath...

Ex

09:48 / 10.12.05

Yes, but:

All pictures are for illustration purposes only and do not necessarily represent the event.

So the bored nubiles shown above may not even be putting in an appearance. Darn.
(And furthermore: 'All pictures are for illustration purposes'? Does that mean anything?)

10:11 / 10.12.05

I've got mine tonight. Paleface has just pointed out that the boss will, in all probability, make a speech, so my enthusiasm -already a a lowish ebb -has been dampened slightly more. If anyone would like to say "goodness no! that never happens" that would be good.

Stoatie -paying to take a partner sounds a bit harsh, surely it would be a bit more politic to say "no partners"?

11:22 / 14.12.05

Recently announced, our "party" consists of a couple of hours of drinks in the afternoon/early evening, next week when lots of people have gone away, at a bar/restaurant inconveniently across London from this office (but conveniently round the corner from the other office where all the important people are). Top stuff.

11:24 / 14.12.05

Come on jub - are you so scarred that you can't share the details with us?

11:26 / 14.12.05

I reckon he's still lolling in luxurious decadence, amongst the oiled bodies.

12:03 / 14.12.05

We're having a pot-luck in the newsroom (as we do every year). It's today.

I brought corn & black bean salsa. The company traditionally supplies large slabs of dead animal (ham, turkey, something), but the odd things other people bring in are always interesting.

I remember one year a Globe photographer who was an avid hunter brought in homemade sausage from a boar he'd shot himself. I like the comparison between meat sausage on the plate and celebrity sausage in the paper.

13:33 / 14.12.05

Sorry all. Was away Monday and very busy since.

To be honest it wasn’t that bad. Bit contrived and Christmassy, full of people who’s firms had more money than sense of fun (including mine), but that said it wasn’t all bad. We got cabs from London Bridge and went to Battersea park where there’s a giant hall. Inside the lobby people milled about in dinner jackets!! Next room was the bar and we had wrist tags which made it all free. Brilliant. We saw a few of the people in the picture above, lounging about smoking the hookahs etc. I felt very sorry for them – I hope they were being paid bucks while these suited and booted nobs brayed around them like they were zoo exhibits. There was also a fire breathing woman standing over the bar. She was cool.

We went into dinner which was a huge room with about 100 tables of 10 people each. Again it was free booze so we made sure we were heavily stocked up on wine. The food itself was mediocre but I suppose they had a lot to get through – I had cold cous cous to begin, then chicken and spuds, then a gorgeous chocolate mousse thing.

Between courses there was Egyptian dances etc, and it was quite a spectacle. I was that drunk that I did enjoy it, especially between main and pud when they had a great dancer doing the thing with the rope/cloth. You know on the BBC ident thing where they have those 3 people unwrapping a cloth around themselves which they are tied up with and they tumble to the floor. Anyway – she was fab – kept climbing up the rope thing and tying herself up then tumbling down to the ground. Really good to watch to be honest.

After this I got bored and went to play on the dodgems. There was also a casino out in the bar and money went to charidee.

As I’ve said this was being billed as a real event although it wasn’t. I got the feeling that the people that went didn’t get out much, but maybe that’s just me being unkind. To be fair, I saw plenty of people sniffing as they came out the loo and even found three boys smoking bold as brass in the middle of the tables once everyone had cleared off for dancing.

Overall – not that bad – although I’m glad I didn’t spend the 70 notes on it!

Goodness Gracious Meme

13:47 / 14.12.05

n they had a great dancer doing the thing with the rope/cloth

Blimey, I think I may know her. !1!

13:57 / 14.12.05

Works xmas meal is next week.

I got made redundant last week.

Bollocks to it...

14:06 / 14.12.05

adamswish - sorry to hear that. They're generally pants though no?

GGM - tell her she was definitely the highlight. Well, her and the free booze!

Hattie's Kitchen

14:14 / 14.12.05

Well, at my Xmas office party last week, I got pulled into a headlock by one VERY coked-up salesman who then LICKED MY FACE. Afterwards he went around trying to pick fights with people, including his manager, shouting things like: "Oi, you CUNT! OUTSIDE! NOW!"

He was very sheepish on Monday morning...

14:24 / 14.12.05

well we just dioone had an office christmas lunch, kindly opaid for by a supplier (after todat there is two more chriostmas parties) the next half-hour looks like being a bit ricky - not normally a great one for being drunk oat work or on barb, but y'know christmas innit gonna make an exceptuion.

14:25 / 14.12.05

hrr. not so drunk i couldn't have checked my spelling a bit better. never mind.

14:55 / 14.12.05

According to me Mum, C4 likes to get really cerazzy!2222! with its Christmas parties, to the exclusion of anyone over 25: lots of very loud music, bright young things, cocaine, and much sucking of vodka from *enormous ice phalluses*.

15:07 / 14.12.05

Hattie, isn't that always the way? When I was working at Amex every fucking office booze up ended in horror. A good friend of mine was always getting people into headlocks, and/or biting/licking/pawing/barking at them.

Getting thrown out of hotels for cocaine abuse during office Christmas parties was simply par for the course.

After my first office outing I had a senior staff member trying to get me sacked because of my behaviour the night before. Admittedly she was a vindictive idiot and an enormous drama queen, but...

Hattie's Kitchen

15:13 / 14.12.05

Boboss - it was just a bit bizarre considering I've never actually spoken to the guy before, so the whole headlock/face-licking incident was maybe his way of breaking the ice. Uncomfortable and icky though.

15:19 / 14.12.05

Yes, I imagine it wasn't fun.

15:22 / 14.12.05

Do you think he *likes* you?

15:24 / 14.12.05

It's the Law that if someone puts you in a headlock it's officially the start of COMBAT, you should have quickly reversed with a float over suplex, that would have put a stop to his Bushwacker ways.

I've got mine on Friday somewhere in central London. It should be quite interesting seeing as I've only been here about a month, it'll be my first chance to see them in the wild.. I'll do my best to avoid shouting My Name is Bear when they call me by my real name...

15:26 / 14.12.05

Please shout "my name is Bear". Please. You know it's the only way.

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