BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Waaaaay Too Much Information.

 
  

Page: 1(2)34

 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:06 / 05.10.05
(UNIVERSALTRANSLATORTHINGOFFSTARTREKGO!!!)

Strangely, whenever my (usually saucy... giggle) adventures are being written down by Garth Ennis, I appear to become Irish.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
12:05 / 05.10.05
I HAVE ARMS LIKE BULLS! THIGHS LIKE TIGERS! A CHEST AS SOLID AS THE CORE OF A MOUNTAIN! EYES OF THE HIGH EAGLE! HAIR SILKEN AND GOLDEN AS THE OILRAPE 'FORE THE HARVEST!

Cilla Black: "And where would you take Sharon on a date, number two?"

I WOULD DRAG THE WENCH TO THE CREST OF A HILL BELOW WHICH A MIGHTY BATTLE RAGED, WHEREON I WOULD SHOW HER DISMEMBERED ENEMIES, SLAIN BEASTS, THE VERY MEAT AND DRINK OF LIFE!

Cilla Black: "Oo, dismembered enemies, eh?"

*Audience laughs saucily*
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:14 / 05.10.05
I was not a streetwalker. I was a high-class escort. And don't talk to me about Manolo Blahnik, he said my sugar-daddy looked like a donkey, incredibly rude! And he's not a Tory MP, he's a television and radio presenter employed by the BBC. And it was Ukraine not Uzbekistan.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:21 / 05.10.05
Okay, maybe we're all being a bit too mean to Oddman by feeding him lies. I'll share a little bit of genuine biographical information, because it's really difficult to discuss things on messageboards like this without it, isn't it?

Where to start: I was born on a night when midnight rose from its dark fire and swallowed up the moon, its lips sliding across the lunar surface as they would the silver curvature of a teaspoon until there was only the crimson shadow of the elder creature's gullet. Standing in shadows glowing black like the undersides of blankets strung over beds and bodies in northern cabins, the plants around me ashen, still, leaves craning skyward in awestruck alarm, the nocturnal sounds of the sprawl were struck dead from the air and I watched the frigid, cosmic feast in absolute silence.

I say born, of course, in the sense of an awakening, a stirring of something deep within me that had yet to be fathomed, that had yet to draw its hands across my heart and mind, to find secret entrances for whose existence I was completely unprepared for, to pull open the gates and loose upon my being a million different shades to which I had been blind. I was in fact born some twenty years before that in a hospital on the shores of a suburb whose name has now ceased to be. This time I did not scream until much later, too absorbed in watching a stranger's glowing face recede from a world smelling of Norway Maple and the damp carpeting of last year's fall. Months and years later I would cry and crumble in fetal devastation, but for now I was a shivering witness, dumb in the mid-ground of a stand of broad-leafed invaders, watching the silver whorl's slow ingestion.
 
 
Ex
12:26 / 05.10.05
Oooh! My mate's getting me the silver whorl's slow ingestion off bittorrent, so DON'T SPOIL IT.
 
 
Sax
12:35 / 05.10.05
Flyboy, you really are very naughty indeed.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:40 / 05.10.05
Who is this "Flyboy"? My name is Petey Shaftoe. That's my real name, too: I post under my REAL name, because that's what mature, intelligent people do on mature, intelligent message boards. Actually I'm surprised we don't do that here. The other board I go to, the one run by the man, with the beard, and his friends, who are women, and are a bit younger than him, and own more corsets, well, on that place, you HAVE to post under your real name! To show you are mature.
 
 
Jack Vincennes
12:52 / 05.10.05
Face it Nina he does look like a donkey. Maybe not as much as I made out though. Sorry about that.

Name: Manolo Blahnik
Sex: M
Age: 52
Height: 4'2"
Location: Wherever Fashion Is (maybe Italy?)
 
 
Quantum
13:02 / 05.10.05
Petey Shaftoe- I don't think you're quite understanding how this works, it's age/sex/location, do you see?
 
 
Quantum
13:05 / 05.10.05
My Swedish friend Katrina is a perky 21-yr old blonde nymphomaniac who likes to post on messageboards posing as a middle aged fat man with a beard- she gets some sort of sexual thrill out of it, but I think she's a perv.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:12 / 05.10.05
Oh ok sorry thanks:

Name: Peter Alan Robert England Shaftoe
Sex: yes please haha!
Age: "let's just say I fought for the South" as is said in one of my favrite movies
Height: don't know
Location: Gangstead Heath
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
13:14 / 05.10.05
That's the best idea for a sitcom ever.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
13:16 / 05.10.05
That was meant in response to Quantum, but, y'know, now I come to think of it...
 
 
Mourne Kransky
13:19 / 05.10.05
And it was Ukraine not Uzbekistan

Ha! So you lied in the Camel Confessions thread when you bragged about winning a gold medal in the Kyzyl-Kum Camel Rodeo! I knew that was an impossible feat, in heels yet.
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
13:20 / 05.10.05
With Swedish Goths at the vicarage?

"Hi Reverend Twiddler, my name is Hella, I'm from Goteborg and I'm your new au pair! We're going to have to see about putting up some black drapes in here, but I love the big, strong, thick candles and all those crosses and the incense is cool! Hey, do you mind if I vogue for a little while, ja?"
 
 
Evil Scientist
13:21 / 05.10.05
You really don't like the idea of people revealing their names online do you Petey?

However you have badass taste in films.

The South?
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
13:23 / 05.10.05
The South

Was it for Croydon?
 
 
Quantum
13:50 / 05.10.05
The Borough, I heard.
 
 
Tim Tempest
14:04 / 05.10.05
"They only want you when you're seventeen", sang Ladytron, but in your case, Oddman, that does not apply.

Damn.


Did we scare him off? He´s been quite the silent type.

Nah, I’m just in Canadia. (That’s how we say it). So, my time zone is a bit off from yours. In fact, you’re probably sleeping right now as I type this.


Maybe we could get together in my hot-tub and Oddman could check out just how identical we are?

Well, ok. But you’re paying for the plane ticket.


Oddman you are freakishly tall. Like a lot of Barbelith people I notice- maybe it's something they put in the hot tub water.

Actually, it’s probably because of regions of nucleic acid that parents pass to offspring during reproduction as chromosomes in nuclei of gametes. These entities encode information essential for the construction and regulation of proteins (such as enzymes) and other molecules that determine the growth and functioning of the organism.

Oddman, Sax is lying to you. He is actually a large, talking, cartoon saxophone.

Actually, I suspected that.

What I want to know is, how does a seventeen year-old have his own safe?

I’m a little paranoid…But it’s a step up from the old lunch box I used to have.

Tjäna pegar på fritiden. Vi söker vuxa, ansvarsfula personer. Såg att du utövade de sporten och bodde i Stockholm. Var tränar du?

Yes. I quite agree.

Sex: yes please haha!

Petey, I specified Gender as opposed to Sex so that we could be mature without those silly school-boy quips.

And nice knife, by the way.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:25 / 05.10.05
One of the best things about being an internationally-renowned star of the comics book world is that considerations of age, height and gender are essentially irrelevant. Despite being a megastar, I can go shopping for anything apart from comics without anybody in the shop being the wiser. On the other hand, if I happen to be at a convention, billing champagne and specialist subscriber channels to the organisers until their tiny bearded purses rupture like ballbags in zero gravity, then everybody already knows who I am, what kinds of alcohol I like sent over to my table, how much it costs to be photographed with me - the whole messy shitbucket (as we say in my native Scotland). They also know, of course, that their girlfriends are fair busting their corsets at the sight of me, but then it doesn't take much sheer stress for one of those lumpy loves to burst a basque, eh, readers? Not that there's anything wrong with a bit of meat on a girl - I make it a point to give the fat ones a bit of attention - costs nothing and their looks of gratitude make it all worthwhile.

Does that answer your question? If not, my bio and glossies are available from my agahahahahahahhhhhaaaaa.

Ahhahahahaha.


Hah.
 
 
Sax
14:28 / 05.10.05
You are Dudley D Watkins and I claim my five poonds.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
15:03 / 05.10.05
Actually, it’s probably because of regions of nucleic acid that parents pass to offspring during reproduction as chromosomes in nuclei of gametes. These entities encode information essential for the construction and regulation of proteins (such as enzymes) and other molecules that determine the growth and functioning of the organism.

Nah, it was just mutants pissing in your hot tub, dude. You need to get a security system in place. One of these would do:

 
 
Mistoffelees
15:09 / 05.10.05
You people are raving lunatics and lucky that there are some sane people here, who stop you from drinking bleach or something!
 
 
Mourne Kransky
15:32 / 05.10.05
Security Duck is guaranteed to prevent inadvertent bleach drinkage too.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
15:59 / 05.10.05
I need a Security Duck. It would be so much more vigilant than my security blanket.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
16:18 / 05.10.05
You can sleep with Security Duck but you can't float with a wet security blanket. Duck beats blanket every time. Security Duck is a well 'ard Mallard.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
16:40 / 05.10.05
Name: Niccoló Maledictus
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Country: &Western
Hobbies: Chess, Politics, Brigandage
Height: 5'10"
Place of birth: The Sheraton Park Hotel, Beirut
Favourite colour: fuchsia (honestly)

And Haus - that was the joke
 
 
Quantum
16:51 / 05.10.05
regions of nucleic acid that parents pass to offspring during reproduction as chromosomes in nuclei of gametes.

Shit, there's a Barbelith gene? Must've skipped my generation, I'm not even six foot, but loads of posters are well over that. At meets I often have to look up at almost everyone (see the pic upthread? that's my experience of meets). Oddman, you are definitely a natural Barbelither, rather than nurtured like me.

Xoc, I'm shocked- you slept with a duck? What would G say? (& are you pronounced shock? I've often wondered)
 
 
Tim Tempest
17:18 / 05.10.05
Oddman, you are definitely a natural Barbelither


Well, thank you Quantum. That was a very pleasant thing to say. That entire statement was designed to make me experience a feeling of pleasantness and comraderyship.

I appreciate that. So I will attempt to reciprocate:

You seem like a very well informed intellectual who, if we had an enforced hierachical-esque system, would probably fit right up there at the top.
 
 
Aertho
17:37 / 05.10.05
That's probably something worth asking Conversation.

Xoc.

Shock, as in ouch?
Zock, what bees put on their feet?
Zsock, Zsa Zsa Gabor?
Christoc, cuz you're goth?

Which is it?
 
 
Mourne Kransky
18:11 / 05.10.05
Don't suck up to Quantum, Oddman. He's already got a swollen head because of being barbequoted so often of late. I'm a much more worthwhile suck.

Zsa Zsa Gabor, Chad? Hadn't thought of that pronunciation. She is an appropriately camp and stellar icon to reference. I liked it when she said after one of her scandalous affairs with legendary playboys (Porfirio Rubirosa or similar): Macho does not prove mucho.

Also, Haus reminds me very much of George Sanders, Dahlink...
 
 
Mistoffelees
18:27 / 05.10.05
Or the x could be pronounced like the ch in Loch Ness. Isn´t that how Mexicans pronounce x? "Mechico"?

Then it would be Choc (no, not like in chocolate). Makes your throat hurt.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
18:39 / 05.10.05
Haus reminds me very much of George Sanders, Dahlink...

The difference being that if you teach one member of Barbelith something, it is not immediately known by all the other members of Barbelith. If you teach a member of Barbelith something and it is still known by that member of Barbelith by teatime, you're doing pretty well.
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
18:39 / 05.10.05
Maybe it is pronounced with a !click, like the Xhosa use?

Could it be that in fact Xoc is unspeakable, in a Lovecraftian manner?
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
18:41 / 05.10.05
The difference being that if you teach one member of Barbelith something, it is not immediately known by all the other members of Barbelith.

Can we thus deduce that there is therefore no "100th member of Barbelith" principle?
 
  

Page: 1(2)34

 
  
Add Your Reply