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Really Panda? You holding? Is, uh, Holden Caulfield at the party?
FADE IN, Wild Wild Chest Bar, Grill, erotic revue and convention centre, Scranton NJ, location for this year's Barbies. Ext.
Paramedics are pushing Phex on a stretcher into an ambulance, a security guard is holding him down as an EMT adminsters oxygen.
Announcement (from inside convention centre): and Jefe de Jefelaces... so without further ado... the winner of the Elanor Roosevelt award for 'most impressively padded groin' goes to... Phex!
Phex immediately springs up from the stretcher, clubbing the security guard with a clostomy bag, he runs inside the convention centre trailing several IVs and a catheter.
Wild Wild Chest Bar, Grill, erotic revue and convention centre, Scranton NJ, location for this year's Barbies. Int.
Phex staggers onto the stage.
Phex (welling up with tears): Oh. Wow. This is so unexpected... I'd just like to thank my agent, Peter 'The Pecker' Peckervich, Jesus...
Stoatie (in audience): My god... well he certainly deserves it, look at that thing...
Keggers: Does it have... an arm? Wait, where'd my cat go?
Phex: ...I wish I could be Jupiter and lie down in the firmament...George Bush, he, uh, doesn't like black people or something...probably Mexicans too...
Xoc (in audience): The dry-heaving certainly adds something to the speech, don't you think?
Phex: Um, I am a grateful grapefruit... yeah that's a good one... Oh, and I'd like to give a shout out to our fighting men and women overseas...
Flyboy: FASCIST!
Solitaire: I'll say, I think that leaky catheter just regime-changed the stage from the dictatorship of not-having-pee-on-it to a free market democracy of bodily fluids. All of them.
Alas: Yeah, just like Iraq, the stage is now 85% Shiite.
Phex: To conclude... uh... Though my stuffed crotch may be an affront to God and Man alike, I consider your crotches to be worthy of this award in their own right, you each have wads of toilet tissue that even I am impressed with!
Haus (in audience): He ended a sentance with a preposition! BUM RUSH THE STAGE! KILL HIM!
FADE OUT to sounds of gunfire and the inhuman screams of the thousand Rhesus monkeys waiting backstage for the final musical number. |
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