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Ohhh, burn - criticism of musicians in songs by other musicians

 
  

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ONLY NICE THINGS
13:04 / 21.09.05
This has been inspired by the arrival in my fetid mitts of Half Man Half Biscuit's new album, Achtung Bono, and its attack on the Libertines, Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo:

I could have put my head in a bucket full of porridge,
And moaned abvout the hopital parking scheme.
I would have saved fourteen pound,
That I just splashed out oon your second album.

'Cause that's what it's akin to, and furthermore
you've got a shit arm, and that's a bad tattoo.


This put me in mind, in turn, of Laptop's classic if rather premature paean to the Strokes, I'm so Happy you Failed. I realise that this sort of thing is quite common in the world of hip-hop, but we can also see How do you Sleep? (Paul McCartney, to which the answer, for future reference, is "on a bed made of compacted money) and You're the Scum (Napalm Death. No, really).

So, how about you? What are your favourite musical bitchfests and slapdowns, expressed through the medium of sweet, sweet music?
 
 
mondo a-go-go
14:11 / 21.09.05
How many times have I played that Laptop song and not, until now, known it was about the Strokes? I suspect this is because I am not actually altogether too familiar with them...
 
 
Jack Fear
20:27 / 21.09.05
Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama," famously, takes a couple of shots at Neil Young in retaliation for his song "Southern Man," to the lyrics of which the Skynyrd boys took exception: feeling that Young's images of lynching and burning crosses constituted a slander on old Dixie, they noted that

Well I heard Mister Young sing about her
Well, I heard ole Neil put her down
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
A Southern man don't need him around anyhow

...

In Birmingham they love the governor
Now we all did what we could do
Now Watergate does not bother me
Does your conscience bother you?


Well, frankly, no: because you've just proven yourself a pig-ignorant racist shithead.

(I note also with amusement that "Sweet Home Alabama" has been co-opted for use as a jingle by... Kentucky Fried Chicken. Kentucky doesn't even border Alabama, fa chrissakes—it's 200 miles north!)
 
 
Shrug
21:08 / 21.09.05
Busdriver in Reheated Pop Sensation.

Buy my posthumous full-length
My colorfully packaged disembodied shriek
Converted to ring tones used in car ads
Sung by winged gnomes over the head of Dick Clark
Cover pages graced by the chiseled hard abs
Of this now charred slab of dead pop diva
Recreated as the head of Biz Mark
Spliced on top of Hello Kitty
On a virtual land mass with a hip-kink
It's lip-synched to my song and committed to telecine
And the nothing left of me is left to bask in a camera flash.


and later

My autopsy was broadcast and shot on a web cam
I'm a dead man with golden blood in my bedpan
But still my pop song climbs
And you can buy it if you shop on-line
Prop my lifeless body up next to the podium as I except applause
I'm an award-winning dead dude
With a tour pending and a celebrity love interest
I signed a movie deal to play a starring role
The film crew doesn't even suspect I'm dead
I'm your own martyr
I'm dead but don't unplug my phone charger.


Falls a little to the left of an ohhh burn! situation but a brutal commentary on the posthumous selling-(don't kill me)-out of the alluded to artists. Fully grabs the morbidity of the situation as PR goes into overdrive. Ohhh burn music business? Ohhh burn executors of their estates? Ohhh burn Dick Clarke and his gnomes?
 
 
Jack Fear
22:51 / 21.09.05
Then there's Elvis Costello in "The Other Side of Summer":

Was it a millionaire who said "Imagine no possessions"
A poor little schoolboy who said "We don't need no lessons"
The rabid rebel dogs ransacked the shampoo shop
The pop princess is downtown shooting up
And if that goddess ain't fit for burning
The sun will struggle up, the world will still keep turning


Things get a little murkier after the first three lines, but those first three are solid-gold Fuck Yous.
 
 
This Sunday
06:23 / 22.09.05
But considering the jabs in 'Sweet Home Alabama' were entirely tongue in cheek, do they really count? That's like counting Peaches and Iggy throwing each the other's lyrics back at them, The Beatles vicious savaging of Elmore James, or that Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon are at each others throats in a recording booth somewhere, somewhen. 'Starfucker Inc.' or 'My Cat' being specific barbs we're meant to immediately identify the intendeds of.
Which is to say, maybe... but probably not.
Not like 'How Do You Sleep?' or what's the name of it... 'Pull my strings and I'll go far...' and such from the DKs?
Eminem certainly has a few, but then, didn't Johnny 'The Gay Pimp' McGovern turn out 'Wrong Faggot to Fuck With' specifically in response to him?
 
 
A
06:34 / 22.09.05
The Beatles' "And Your Bird Can Sing" was supposedly about Mick Jagger (the "bird" in question being Marianne Faithful), which would be pretty funny if true.

When noted right-winger Johnny Ramone stole Joey's girlfriend, Joey wrote "The KKK Took My Baby Away", which Johnny then had to play every night for the next decade and a half.
 
 
Red Cross Iodized Salt
15:20 / 22.09.05
'Cause that's what it's akin to, and furthermore
you've got a shit arm, and that's a bad tattoo.


A 'shit arm?' What's that then?
 
 
Jack Fear
15:35 / 22.09.05
An arm. Which, in addition to having a shitty tattoo on it, is shit in itself.

"That's a shit arm" = "...and the horse you rode in on."
 
 
m
15:46 / 22.09.05
There's that Pavement song on Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain that takes a swipe at Stone Temple Pilots and Smashing Pumpkins.

Johnny Thunders' "London Boys" is about the Clash (or maybe just the whole London punk scene), I think. Crass did some Clash bashing too, but I can't remember the song title. Oh, and the Slits' song "So Tough" is supposedly about Paul Simonen's drug habit.

The Ex have got a song on History is What's Happening Now that uses the cover art from Entertainment to bag on Gang of Four's having signed with EMI ("EMI smiles...now they can exploit them").
 
 
Red Cross Iodized Salt
17:37 / 22.09.05
"That's a shit arm" = "...and the horse you rode in on."

Right. So not an indictment of his bowling skills or some type of grime slang malapropism then. (Which were my first two choices.)
 
 
Red Cross Iodized Salt
17:39 / 22.09.05
What do you know, it really is a shit arm...

 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:19 / 22.09.05
There's also Nick Cave's "Scum", about living with Jim Thirlwell/Clint Ruin/Foetus...

In response to which was Mr Thirlwell (as, I think, Scrapin Foetus Off The Wheel)'s "Sick Man"...

(I don't have the lyrics to hand..)
all I remember is-

Lurchin' round the parkin' lot
A men possessed of not a lot
Skin and bone and teeth and crown
Legs reach right down to the ground...

His constant companion is always at hand
Illegal entries in his diary
The diary of sick man
 
 
Ganesh
22:30 / 22.09.05
Carly Simon's You're So Vain, assuming we go for the Mick Jagger theory.

And Tori Amos's Professional Widow, on the assumption that we ignore her denial that it's about Courtney Fucking Love.
 
 
Tom Paine's Bones
23:50 / 22.09.05
Crass did some Clash bashing too, but I can't remember the song title.

White Punks on Hope, although I am vaguely embarassed for knowing that.

While it's not subtle, I'm quite partial to Don Henley must die by Mojo Nixon.


He's a tortured artist
Used to be in the eagles
Now he whines like a wounded beagle

Poet of despair
Puffed up with hot air
He's serious, pretentious and I just don't care

Don Henley must die
Don't let him get back together
With Glenn Frey, Don Henley must die


and so on.
 
 
m
03:32 / 23.09.05
Black Flag's song ,"You Bet We've Got Something Against You" (how subtle), is played to the tune of "I Don't Care" (from the first Circle Jerks record), and is about Keith Morris (their original singer) using Black Flag material on Cricle Jerks records (whoo!).

Stoat: Wow, I always wondered who "Scum" was about. Does that make the lady in the song Lydia Lunch?
 
 
Mistoffelees
07:49 / 23.09.05
Remember when Morrissey and Marr got sued by their drummer Mike Joyce for royalties and Joyce won? Morrissey was furious and made a song about it on his record Maladjusted:

Sorrow Will Come In The End

Legalized theft Leaves me bereft
I get it straight in the neck (Somehow expecting no less)
A court of justice With no use for Truth
Lawyer... liar Lawyer... liar
You pleaded and squealed And you think you've won
But Sorrow will come To you in the end
And as sure as my words are pure
I praise the day that brings you pain

Q.C.'s obsessed with sleaze
Frantic for Fame They're all on the game
They just use a different name
You lied And you were believed
By a J.P. senile and vile
You pleaded and squealed And you think you've won
But Sorrow will come To you in the end
And as sure as my words are pure
I praise the day that brings you pain
So don't close your eyes Don't close your eyes
A man who slits throats Has time on his hands
And I'm gonna get you

So don't close your eyes
Don't ever close your eyes
You think you've won
oh no sorrow will come in the end

" A man who slits throats Has time on his hands", one of my favourite Morrissey quotes.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
07:57 / 23.09.05
Figroll- there is NOTHING WHATSOEVER embarrassing about knowing Crass songs.

Which reminds me of Conflict singing

NMA build bombs for EMI and support apartheid's foundations
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
21:07 / 23.09.05
Oh, and (can't remember if it's from White Punks On Hope, but I think not) Crass also sang

They said that we were trash
But the name is Crass not Clash
They can stuff their punk credentials
Cos it's them that keeps the cash
 
 
Tom Paine's Bones
14:27 / 26.09.05
Just checked and those lyrics are from White Punks on Dope. With Crass you also have their attack on the Cockney Rejects in The Greatest Working Class Ripoff

Conflict also did Exploitation, the attack on The Exploited:

Well I've heard all the screams of another barmy army
But who sits in hotels with a champagne and salami?
It only leaves you to be the ones who's barmy
You're being led on to make superstars fortune

Yeah, we live in dead cities, and the streets are grey
But I don't need Top of the Pops to make me think that way
I can see this rebellion on my T.V. screen
But no sign of a future for you and me.


Outside the anarcho punk genre, Goody Goody Twoshoes by Adam and the Ants is apparently about Kevin Rowland.

And back at Half Man Half Biscuit again, Moody Chops is allegedly about Thom Yorke.
 
 
rising and revolving
15:44 / 26.09.05
Oh yeah, and "Some Dispute Over T-Shirt Sales" by Butthole Surfers, which is basically the lyrics(?) from "Jesus Built My Hotrod" with a differing tune. Over a dispute over T-Shirt sales, as you'd expect.
 
 
m
17:00 / 26.09.05
Moody Chops! That's fucking perfect!
 
 
mondo a-go-go
17:08 / 26.09.05
Bill Drummond Said by Julian Cope. I can't remember the title of Bill's riposte, though.
 
 
matthew.
01:49 / 27.09.05
Count Adam Knows How To Party --> there's a Beatles song called "Only A Northern Song" which was written by George Harrison. It's about the McCartney/Lennon team (as Paul credits them nowadays) and their derision of Harrison/Starkey's compositions.

Also, the whole Mick Jagger theory about You're So Vain makes very little sense. Why would he sing back-up on a song that slags him? The only way he would is if the song was fun and jokey, but You're So Vain is rather cruel in its approach. At the time of its writing, Carly Simon was dating Warren Beatty. That's my theory. I have support from other sources... but I can't find them. Other than Wikipedia:

"Popular guesses on the subject include Mick Jagger (who sang backing vocals on the song), Cat Stevens, Warren Beatty, Kris Kristofferson, unfaithful fiancé William Donaldson and Simon's ex-husband, James Taylor."

Wikipedia also writes:
By 2004 she had told Regis Philbin "If I tell it, it's going to come out in dribs and drabs. And I've given out two letters already, an "A" and an "E". But I'm going to add one to it. I'm going to add an "R", in honor of you.

wARREn bEAtty, anyone? but then again, mick jAggER.... Based on this evidence, we can omit Kris Kristofferson (no "A") and William Donaldson (no "R").

One final thing, I absolutely love that lyric from Elvis Costello, and at the risk of sounding like an absolute ignoramus, the "poor schoolboy" refers to Roger Waters, right?
 
 
Jack Fear
02:21 / 27.09.05
Yeppers.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
08:08 / 27.09.05
Anna- how could I have forgotten that one? I seem to remember Drummond's riposte was wittily entitled "Julian Cope Is Dead". I only ever heard it once, but I think it began Julian Cope is dead; I shot him through the head.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
08:09 / 27.09.05
matt- I always thought hARvEy Keitel was the most popular theory on that one.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
09:43 / 27.09.05
Matt: you know, that makes a lot of sense of the lyrics of only a Northern Song:

When you're listening to this song,
You may think the chords are going wrong,
But they're not.
I just wrote it like that.


And "moody chops" is indeed superb. I always assumed it was about Morrissey, but Thom Yorke also works:

You're gonna have to join Jools for the jam sketch,
You're gonna have to join Jools for the jam sketch,
Now you've got national acclaim
.
 
 
Jack Fear
09:43 / 27.09.05
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmno. Carly Simon, in a long-ago interview, sort-of confirmed the Beatty theory, saying something weaselly like "It's not about anyone specific, but there's nothing in the song that wouldn't be true of Warren Beatty."

I'll look for a source later—but that one is on the record.
 
 
_Boboss
10:36 / 27.09.05
nice thread. if goody two shoes is adam ant's dig at kevin i'the dungarees, i guess his riposte could be 'buckets of coke in the eighties, you attention seeking gun-wielding mental. plus better songs than you'. kev works in a rehab centre down the road now if the rumours are true.

northern song is definitely an angry song, as the deliberate omisson of the word 'shite' in the second verse hints (or is it just me who hears this?). lennon and harrison were chummy after the beatles split, sharing bass-players on their solo projects and stuff, until the release of harrison's autobiography where lennon gets about four mentions or something. good joke from rory bremner the other day re. robin cook and mo mowlam: 'new labour are like the beatles, dying in the wrong order.'

my favourite feud was between pretty-quiet-since-then battle rapper cannibus and the love of all ladies, llcoolj. canibus started it iirc, leading to a run of about three tracks where all they did was bitch at each other, brought round on a tape to the flat back in 99 or whatever by a very happy friend. james won really, because, well, ca$h counts at least as much as skillZ in hiphopdom and he's all 'ell ELL cool JAY is HARD as HELL' and he had his own sitcom and everything. the best bit of all this was that they were just fighting with songs, and not in real life, which felt quite important at the time, following the recent deaths of fatty and skinny and all that.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
12:28 / 27.09.05
Speaking of hip-hop, howzabout Naz and Jay-Z? Can a historian give us some of their finest rhymes?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:48 / 27.09.05
The Jay-Z attack on Nas in 'Takeover' is a masterpiece because he acknowledges that Illmatic was a great album, and even that another unspecified Nas album was insert equivocal hand-wavering gesture here okay. Then he adds "That's a one hot album every ten year average". This is pretty much the accepted wisdom on Nas: that he made one of the best debuts in hip hop history and never achieved that level of quality again. Saying this, rather than saying "You are shit in every way" as some rappers are prone to do on diss records, made at least a large part of Jay's attack on Nas very hard to refute.

Will speak on Canibus/LL later, have to work.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
19:26 / 27.09.05
Brian Eno, having moved on from Roxy Music, memorialised his unhappiness with Bryan Ferry in Blank Frank on Here Come The Warm Jets.

Blank frank is the messenger of your doom and your destruction
Yes, he is the one who will set you up as nothing
And he is one who will look at you sideways
His particular skill is leaving bombs in people’s driveways.

Blank frank has a memory that’s as cold as an iceberg
The only time he speaks is in incomprehensible proverbs
Blank frank is the siren, he’s the air-raid, he’s the crater
He’s on the menu, on the table, he’s the knife and he’s the waiter


And, to compound the barb, he does an amusing Ferry impersonation on the next track, Dead Finks Don't Talk, when he sings:

But dead finks don't talk too well
They've got a shaky sense of diction


Which is far enough back in time, children, but yet further back was the infamous Lennon/McCartney spat, evidenced musically in Lennon's How Do You Sleep? from Imagine, in which he answers McCartney's Too Many People on the album Ram. McCartney's Dear Friend on the album Wild Life reputedly poured water on the fire.

Too Many People

That was your first mistake,
You took your lucky break and broke it in two.
Now what can be done for you?
You broke it in two.

Too many people preaching practices,
Don't let 'em tell you what you wanna be.
Too many people holding back,
This is crazy, and baby, it's not like me.

That was your last mistake,
I find my love awake and waiting to be.
Now what can be done for you?
She's waiting for me


then the superior craftsman retorts:

How Do You Sleep?

So sgt. pepper took you by surprise
You better see right through that mother’s eyes
Those freaks was right when they said you was dead
The one mistake you made was in your head
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?

You live with straights who tell you you was king
Jump when your momma tell you anything
The only thing you done was yesterday
And since you’re gone you’re just another day
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?

Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?

A pretty face may last a year or two
But pretty soon they’ll see what you can do
The sound you make is muzak to my ears
You must have learned something in all those years
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:36 / 27.09.05
the superior craftsman retorts

Infuckingdeed.
 
 
Jack Fear
19:57 / 27.09.05
Disagree. You could fairly call John Lennon many things, but "craftsman" isn't one of them.
 
  

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