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Keggers Guide To Being A Guy

 
  

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Not Here Still
11:26 / 25.08.05
28: Get an old pair of tights for your legs, and push as much newspaper down them as possible. Use an old jumper - one which you don't mind burning - for your top half. Gloves (washing up gloves will do) can work as hands.

29: If you want to be really fancy, do a papier mache head. If not, just use a paper plate with a face drawn on it.

30: Charge more than a penny, for God's sake...
 
 
■
11:27 / 25.08.05
Are you sure? Oh, well, better invest in some lube. Anyone free for some gayering this weekend, so I can check?
 
 
Ganesh
11:31 / 25.08.05
31) Marry Madonna, and establish your Guyness (in no way defensively) by going on about "poofs" in interviews.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:31 / 25.08.05
31)Always pretend not to know that the penis is not a patch on the phallus but secretly live in fear.
 
 
Ex
11:39 / 25.08.05
32) If you need a patch on the penis, go immediately to casualty. But do not cry.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:40 / 25.08.05
32)Practising oral sex on women=gay
 
 
Ganesh
11:43 / 25.08.05
33) Practising anything = gay. Guys don't need to practise.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:44 / 25.08.05
33)Never be able to see what the fuss is about.
 
 
Ganesh
11:47 / 25.08.05
Addendum to 33) - except in the case of football, when there can never be enough fuss.
 
 
■
11:47 / 25.08.05
34) Fail to understand why you need to clean under the toilet, as it's not as if anyone ever touches it.
 
 
Sax
11:50 / 25.08.05
35) Fail to understand why you need to clean under the glans, as it's not as if anyone ever touches it.
 
 
Ganesh
11:56 / 25.08.05
36) Hate (male) bisexuals.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:57 / 25.08.05
36)Salivate over female bisexuals. As long as they're fit and getting it on.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
12:00 / 25.08.05
37)Women only ever kiss each other for your titillation. Fact.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
12:01 / 25.08.05
addendum to 37)whistling/catcalling at this display is obligatory. Unless they are butch/you don't fancy them, at which point abuse is obligatory.
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
12:01 / 25.08.05
38) Gather nuts for the winter.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:12 / 25.08.05
39) Drink Stella.

40) Pretend Stella doesn't taste like Kronenbourg someone's put a cigarette out in.
 
 
■
12:30 / 25.08.05
41) Put cigarettes in Kronebourg.
 
 
modern maenad
12:31 / 25.08.05
41) eat steak, raw, preferably still attached to animal. Anything else is rabbit food.
 
 
■
12:39 / 25.08.05
42) Except rabbits, which are guy food.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:47 / 25.08.05
you
 
 
HCE
13:18 / 25.08.05
Everything good happens while I'm asleep. Let's see about getting England on PST, please.
 
 
Warewullf
14:46 / 25.08.05
43) Woman who don't want to sleep with you really are lesbians.

44) Everyone wants to hear whatever you have to say. At any given time. Although sometimes they will pretend not to.

45) Never say die.


Or "gorgeous".


That's a gay word.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:49 / 25.08.05
Unless you are saying "All right, gorgeous, fancy a shag?"

Even then, make sure you are not saying it to a man. But not by looking too closely at his or her parts, in case it _is_ a man. Look at its chest instead. If it is a lady, you are looking at boobies, annd if it is a man only the absence of boobies, and looking at nothing ipso facto cannot make you gay.
 
 
Warewullf
14:50 / 25.08.05
46) Your cold is ten times worse than anyone else's.


Especially your girlfriend's.


She was just a bit sniffly.


You're dying.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
15:51 / 25.08.05
47) Never ask for directions.

48) When using a public urinal, don't talk to other men. And never when you have a cock in your mouth.
 
  

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