Keggers Guide To Being A Guy

03:12 / 25.08.05

1. Men dont cry
2. Deal with things. Doesn't matter the personal cost, get it fixed, get it done, get it delt with.
3. Be there Be the rock that people can lay their troubles on.
4. Never hit a woman. No matter what.
5. Family above all.
* Keggers addendum to 4: Friends ARE family. Very few people are friends.

03:14 / 25.08.05

Unless the woman is a zombie, or goddess, or some kind of supernatural being.

03:20 / 25.08.05

All Women are supernatural beings you idjit!( Ofcoure the same can be said about all males..)

03:22 / 25.08.05

I might be an idjit, but at least I'm not married to Inspector Gadget! Hahahahaha.

03:23 / 25.08.05

Is this a for real guide? If so it's like a tough guy type of being a guy isn't it? Kinda Jesse Custerish (except Jesse did eventually cry)

03:27 / 25.08.05

Jack< I have no clue as to whom you are refering to. But yeah, its a serious guide. It's a compilation of all the thing drilled into me as a youngster.

03:29 / 25.08.05

The main dude from Preacher! He lives by those rules too! His daddy told him, "Son, you gotta be one of the good guys. Do you know why?" And then little Jesse was like, "Because the world has enough bad guys!". Or something like that.

03:31 / 25.08.05

I'm not big on rule 1, and I think the word family should be replaced with friends. But otherwise not too shabby.

03:31 / 25.08.05

"Son, you gotta be one of the good guys. Do you know why?"

My answer would have been: 'Cause I dont trust them fuckers not to screw it up"

aus

03:53 / 25.08.05

3 is no good. It seems like work. I don't have any ambition to be a nurturer. That's not a guy thing, it's a metrosexual thing. (I live in Tennessee, so I've never actually met a metrosexual and could be wrong about whether it's a metrosexual thing, but it's definitely not a guy thing.)

By contrast, 2 isn't work, it's just getting stuff done. You gotta do stuff.

1 goes without saying.

4 applies to angry hitting, but there is a nice form of hitting... ;-)

5 is completely wrong. It's self above all. Deep down, every guy knows that. Friends and family might come and go, but you're stuck with yourself for life.

04:15 / 25.08.05

6. Centurions were better than Visionaries. Just live with it.

Jake, Colossus of Clout

05:09 / 25.08.05

7) Haus is a loony. Centurions only beat Visionaries if the Visionaries are dead drunk and in their beds.

06:15 / 25.08.05

8) Even though Jakegnosis is a girl, it is OK to hit him.

Mistoffelees

07:41 / 25.08.05

I hate that "men don´t cry" crap. When I was a child, I often cried, and with good reason. And the adults always said "Ein Indianer kennt keinen Schmerz." (= A Native American knows no pain."). Fuck that, I thought. I´ll be a cowboy then.

Remember, sometimes even Jack Bauer is crying.

07:58 / 25.08.05

I have a feeling cowboys don't cry either. They just have sex with other cowboys.

9) K'Nex? Utter shit.

lord henry strikes back

08:05 / 25.08.05

Smart guys do cry. Girls love sensitive guys and before you know it you're up to your neck in totty. There is nothing more manly than that.

Haus of Mystery

08:14 / 25.08.05

10. If someone asks you 'what's wrong?' DON't TELL THEM. Even if it means a screaming, wall-punching argument.

08:25 / 25.08.05

Girls love sensitive guys and before you know it you're up to your neck in totty.

All right! Gay...

10:00 / 25.08.05

11) 'Feelings' denote weakness. Communicate them (at length) only through the medium of Barbelith; on no account communicate directly with a woman.

lord nuneaton savage

10:34 / 25.08.05

12) When pissing undo ALL your fly buttons. HA!

lord nuneaton savage

10:36 / 25.08.05

13) After shaving, ensure that you rub your newly smooth face and smile smugly into the mirror. At this point an attractive LAYDEEE will appear behind you and put her tongue in your ear. TRUE!

11:01 / 25.08.05

14)'women' are mysterious, otherwordly beings and will never be understood by Man.

(ie, these rules are fucking ridiculous. Suddenly overtaken with teh Fear that someone might think I'm serious.)

15)Men are the ones with penises.
Except when women, and people of other genders have them too.

11:05 / 25.08.05

Could a passing moderator alter the title of this thread so it says 'Gay' instead of 'Guy'? Maliciously, I want any Guys nodding sagely along with Kegger's advice to experience teh Fear of homosexual panic.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:06 / 25.08.05

I wish I was in the Mafia.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:07 / 25.08.05

Then I could have a code of honour!

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:09 / 25.08.05

And guns.

Sax

11:09 / 25.08.05

16) Men only hug other men when they have scored a goal, their team has been relegated, or they are in the woods smeared in bear-shit and celebrating their maleness.

17) Tits, ass, legs, face, personality. In that order.

18) It's impossible for her to be faking it if she's making kitten noises. Fact.

19) Girls like it when you dance really closely to them and grind your loins into their asses or the side of their legs while staring intently into their eyes and breathing Kronenburg and Marlboro fumes all over them. Proven fact.

11:12 / 25.08.05

20) It only counts as gay if you're the penetratee.

Sax

11:13 / 25.08.05

21) Unless you're in jail when it doesn't count as gay at all.

11:16 / 25.08.05

22) Or you're drunk. Or have eaten too much bread.

Evil Scientist

11:17 / 25.08.05

20) Crying is only acceptable if hit in the knackers.

21) Complementing another man on his appearance (unless you're hitting on him) is wrong.

22) Complementing a man on the power and potency of his farts is right in all situations.

11:21 / 25.08.05

24)Not helping your bird on a Thursday is obgligatory.

25)When a women walks up to you with a loaded gun, she wants you. Open your mouth, close your eyes and wait.

11:22 / 25.08.05

26)It doesn't count as gay if you don't tell anyone.

Sax

11:23 / 25.08.05

27) Abi Titmuss is F-I-T.