| |
|
Threadrot continued
Well I always thought the Black Ken was much hotter than the Caucasian Ken...
And why isn't there a Latino or Asian Ken? Asian Ken would be yummy...I could dress him in a white sillk Armani suit...
I am a sick, sick person.
Haven't you heard? Barbie gave Ken the heave-ho last year. She's now dating some Aussie surfer dude named "Blaine." Poor Ken, after 20+ years together, Barbie has literally traded him in for a newer model. Ah well. Perhaps this will finally give Ken the opportunity to get together with those handsome hunky G.I. Joes (Grr. Meowrr. Men in Uniform...). It probably really is for the best, considering that Ken is so very, very, gay. If you doubt, look at these pics and become a believer:
Queer Ken.
I found this hysterical bit of fluff on the net, and it's too damn good not to share with my fellow barbeloids/lithers or whatever you want to call yourselves.
The popular Barbie doll from Mattel Inc. has a new
love in her life, an Australian surfer named Blaine.
More than 2 million people worldwide logged on to
Barbie.com to help Barbie choose a new beau after she
ditched Ken, her longtime beau, earlier this year.
The Top 20 Changes in Barbie's Life
Now That She Has a New Boyfriend
20) The once-pristine Malibu Dream House now reeks of Vegemite and Foster's.
19) Has to keep Ken on standby in case Blaine gets eaten by a shark.
18) Sudden increase in turtleneck outfits to hide hickeys.
17) Once again, she has to begin that endless discussion of why she has no genitalia or nipples.
16) "For the last time, it's Barbie! B-A-R-B-I-E. Not Sheila! BARBIE!"
15) She no longer has to worry about her boyfriend borrowing her pink Corvette.
14) Massive sales of the new "Barbie Wrestlemania" set, because *everyone* wants to see Blaine kick the Crocodile Hunter's ass.
13) Drugged-Out-Party-Whore Barbie comes complete with tabs of E, glowsticks, a bottle of water and a pacifier.
12) Increase in drunken 3 a.m. phone calls from Ken insisting he's now anatomically correct.
11) Snappy new short hairdo, 'cause Blaine's a puller.
10) Newfound comfort that 30 seconds in the microwave will help her melt off those extra pounds she put on while with Ken.
9) Fortunately for Barbie, Blaine managed a late surge to beat out front-runner California Kobe.
8) Sales of pinhead-sized Ortho-Novum at an all-time high.
7) Ken is free to find the love of his life and get married -- at least in Massachusetts.
6) G.I. Joe's friend Pfc. Lynndie no longer stopping by to point and laugh at Barbie's boyfriend's lack of genitalia.
5) Nothing's changed: Another anatomically incorrect boyfriend means she's still a 50-year-old virgin with home-delivery service from Duracell.
4) Finally, big brothers won't be the only ones bending her limbs into unnatural positions.
3) Now that she has the new Australian guy, she finally gets to experience the joy of a boyfriend who goes down under.
2) A battle royal is brewing between the "Malibu Dream House Electrified Perimeter Fence and Surveillance Camera Set" and "Restraining Order Ken With Authentic Stalking Action."
and the Number 1 Change in Barbie's Life Now That She Has a New Boyfriend...
1) She can still have the occasional fling with Ken, provided you purchase the optional "Dream Motel on the Outskirts of the County" play set. |
|
|
