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Taking Sides: Riding A Unicycle v. Dealing Smack

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Regrettable Juvenilia

13:51 / 05.08.05

Allegedly riding a one-whelled circus vehicle makes you a "pretentious dickhead" and BMX's, skateboards, etc, aren't much better, since they were probably* paid for by your wealthy parents. However, I understand that some people also take a dim view of being a heroin dealer.

Can we reason this out, like gentlefolk?

*In the sense of "possibly or possibly not, it's evidence-free speculation either way".

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:55 / 05.08.05

Um. Where's this coming from, Dr. Flybs?

In any case, Gingerbop rides a unicycle, and she is a vision of loveliness, whereas I have yet to meet a smack dealer whose company I really enjoyed. So, God help me, I'm afraid I'm in the unicycle camp for now.

14:00 / 05.08.05

It's a response to the "look outside" thread.

Dealing smack, on balance. Although depending on what you mean by balance, riding a unicycle, perhaps. They're very difficult to balance on.

Dealing smack on a unicycle would be worst.

14:01 / 05.08.05

Nonsense. Heroin dealers perform a valuable service to the community, whereas unicyclists, skate-boards, BMXers etc spend all their time falling down. I’d give them a smack in the face (and not the good heroinny sort!), if they didn’t have that covered all by themselves.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:05 / 05.08.05

I'd like to apologise to Legba for starting this thread, it's nothing personal, it's just one of those crucial issues which we must all face sooner or later.

Tryphena Absent

14:07 / 05.08.05

one-whelled circus vehicle

I'm sorry but I have never head of a one-whelled circus vehicle.

Tryphena Absent

14:09 / 05.08.05

And frankly I'm a little concerned about the extreme sportsman who wants some heroin. The combination of the two together sounds like a cocktail recipe of death.

14:11 / 05.08.05

Don't hospitals use heroin (well, variations thereof) as a pain killer? I imagine unicyclists and skateboarders get hurt a lot. Well, I would, if I tried either.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:12 / 05.08.05

Well, heroin + sitting in a flat all day listening to 'Venus In Furs' has been scientifically proven to kill you, so maybe heroin + exercise would do you good?

14:16 / 05.08.05

Heroin SMAX.

Smaximum full of opiate and no washing powder.

14:17 / 05.08.05

The combination of the two together sounds like a cocktail recipe of death.

I'd quite like to see some of Death's cocktail recipes, I'm sure all that reaping gets up quite a thirst...

Haus of Mystery

14:20 / 05.08.05

This is too important a topic for Barbelith alone. Maybe you could write about it in your blog.

14:22 / 05.08.05

Death in the Afternoon.

Basically; put Pernod in a glass, pour Champagne on it, drink. Not so much a cocktail, more a waste of Champagne.

And a fucker to make on a unicycle.

14:24 / 05.08.05

While I can conceive of an occasion where I might require some heroin, I cannot conceive of an occasion where I would require a unicyclist. Therefore the dealers win.
Mind you I don't know of anyone who's life has been ruined by unicycles, so I suppose that's one for the unicyclists. It's a tricky decision.

14:28 / 05.08.05

Wait till you have children. You might want a unicyclist for their birthday party. It is very unlikely that you will require a smack dealer, at least, until they hit their teens.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

14:37 / 05.08.05

It's only a smal step from unicycles to mime.

Gingerbop notwithstanding.

ONLY NICE THINGS

14:39 / 05.08.05

In Legba's defence, he never said his chum was a smack dealer, only that he was asked for some smack and quoted a price. Dear friends of mine have done the same with coountries and weapons, but would not think of themselves as "arms dealers".

14:44 / 05.08.05

...M'lud.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:45 / 05.08.05

Yeah, and Matt Murdoch didn't admit he was Daredevil last issue, he just said he wasn't a ninja AH DO YOU SEE CLEVER NO, NO NOT AH.

15:01 / 05.08.05

i could prolly get you some smack.
i could prolly get you a unicyclist too.
getting the unicyclist to perform would cost you more but, unlike smack, the experience would get better every time.
i think they are both commodities that your average man about town can easily source.
i mean, who are you if you cant find either?

ONLY NICE THINGS

15:06 / 05.08.05

Henry Rollins?

15:10 / 05.08.05

I bought a Unicyclist the other day, turned out to be cut with Juggler and Human Statue.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

15:11 / 05.08.05

I know of someone in this place who has tried both speed dealing (in a purely card-sharping kinda way, nudge nudge, m'lud) and unicycling, but one cannot mention any names, unfortunately.

As far as I know they have given up the unicycling - though still own a machine of that sort - and the fast doling out of cards (etc...) has long, long ago been dispensed with as a waste of time and money, what with consuming all the product. Eating all those playing cards must have played havoc with the guts! ;-)

Some of the people I have known who have been smack addicts have been seen attempting to ride said unicycle, and I would assume anyone I know who could possibly have been a smack dealer, should I ever have indeed known such a person, which I certainly cannot prove one way or another, would most likely have tried to balance very precariously on one at some time or another.

So the two have been seen in the same room, in close conjunction. Allegedly. Whether it's a good thing or not... I dunno, really.

15:19 / 05.08.05

Well, my dad used to be quite the unicyclist and he turned out to be a successful small business owner. I don't know a single smack dealer though, so what does THAT tell you? Eh? Eh?

15:34 / 05.08.05

for haus;

unheimlich manoeuvre

16:18 / 05.08.05

Now where did I hid my stash?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:39 / 05.08.05

I am remaining silent.

06:51 / 06.08.05

I think it's very clear that anyone who could ride a unicycle while wearing a monocle would be evil. BUt would he be worse than a person dealing smack to children? It's a tough one..

23:41 / 07.08.05

I own a unicycle. But I cannot ride it. Given that although I heffed it hundreds of miles down to where there are ample people to teach me how to ride it, I have not once sat on it since it arrived in London. I would like to ride it not for tricks value, but for going down Hackney Road on it value. People may take more care of you than when you're cycling. And Nick- Corporal mime can be fantastic. If you get the chance to see any shows with Oscar Valsecchi or Kentaro Suyama, do so. They're fantastic.

Thus I place myself firmly, and predictably, in the unicycle camp.

Regrettable Juvenilia

06:58 / 08.08.05

Update! I've heard a rumour that we need to plot another factor here, which is whether the activity is being done in a pretentious or down-to-earth manner. Or is one activity inherently more down-to-earth or pretentious than the other?

Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns

07:34 / 08.08.05

Give me the smack dealer any day.

Trustafarian Carnival folk on 1 wheel is utter filth. I mean what next trance raves for 'buddists'.

Come on smackheads it's WAR!!

We're The Great Old Ones Now

09:39 / 08.08.05

Gingerbop -

I know it, fair one, 'twas a cheap shot. But it's that kind of thread, no?

ONLY NICE THINGS

10:04 / 08.08.05

A down-to-earth unicyclist, surely, is one who has fallen over. Therefore they are no longer strictly speaking a unicyclist, merely someone who is lying under a unicycle.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:14 / 08.08.05

Surely in such a sistuation they would be adopting a pose commonly known as "the gouching smackhead"? Only under a unicycle.

ONLY NICE THINGS

10:44 / 08.08.05

It's an interesting position. As it were.

If you plan to use a unicycle as a means of transport, is that more or less down-to-earth than using it as a tool of one's trade (circus performance)? Both presumably more down-to-earth than just riding it around a park for fun...

Except except, surely riding it around for fun is far less pretentious either than using it as a mode of transport when more logical alternatives exist, or indeed using it to support one's work in the circus, as opposed to digging some roads?

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