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Wedding List Dilemmas

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14:59 / 27.07.05

In my limited experience as a wedding-goer, lists or registries have been a godsend. I suppose I've never realized that they implied an obligation to stick to the list. Thinking back on the pile of useless crap I got for my one friend who did not register, I'm thankful indeed for the ones who did. Would I ever have known that Johnny & Susie really really wanted a paisley tablecloth? No, I would never have guessed such a thing. So good thing they let it be known.

And I do agree with those who point out that it's only decent to give a gift in exchange for the party. I remember spending about $40 on a friend's wedding gift, at whose wedding I had fancy hors d'oeuvres, dinner, cake, and unlimited drinks all night. Fair? Certainly. But I'm big on birthdays too. I like celebrating others' happy occasions. In my view, if I don't care enough to spend $30-$40 on someone's wedding gift, I don't care enough to go to the wedding anyway so no harm done.

My S.O. and I have tossed around the idea of registering someday... we do live together but there are plenty of household goods we still need, being check-to-check laborers. However, we're not fancy nor interested in top brand names, so we figure we'll register at Target or some similarly cheesy department store.

15:01 / 27.07.05

"If somebody invited me to a party like that without a marriage being involved I'd tell them to work on their plans a bit."

This is an excellent point. Wouldn't you like it if your friend got married and you could just show up in jeans with a bottle of wine and watch a (brief, 5 minutes or less) video of the previously-taped ceremony, then spend the afternoon eating yourself silly? Small formal ceremony, big casual reception, that's the ticket.

Tryphena Absent

15:22 / 27.07.05

Sorry, did I just hear the word "casual" linked with weddings. HELP MY FEEBLE BRAIN. No way can you take away the dress abusing that must happen at all weddings, if only in my head. No, you can't take that away from me.

15:22 / 27.07.05

we're not fancy nor interested in top brand names, so we figure we'll register at Target or some similarly cheesy department store.

I knew someone once upon a time who had their wedding list at Argos and had things on it like a paddling pool, a game of Hungry Hippos, etc. Lots of other people got very sniffy about the whole thing and how unbearably cheap and tacky it was.

I thought it was great. Imagine getting to take Hungry Hippos on honeymoon.

04:57 / 28.07.05

http://www.uglydress.com/

06:59 / 28.07.05

well, i was confronted with a wedding with a list recently and just thought bollox to it. it just isn't me, it isn't them (or so i thought), and anyway i was skint till just before the wedding, so i couldn't have got anything off it even if i'd wanted to. However, a bottle of chamgaigne was presented to the happy couple at said wedding by my good self which is far more me and (i think) far more them. (And yes, it is Ghadis' recent wedding i'm referring to, and so sorry Ghadis and *****, i can only hope that you two aren't too offended by my horror at such bourgeois gifting rituals!) Smoothly, while i'm basically with you on this one, i suspect you're not being English so much as 'alternative' to find the custom a bit ick.

08:26 / 28.07.05

I’m really not at all alternative, Bill; not generally anyway. I suppose I can see the point of lists – particularly for people who don’t know the couple well. But if the weddings I’ve been to recently are typical, the list seems obligatory rather than last resort. Thing is, I like buying presents – I like thinking about it, I like the shopping, I like giving someone something I’ve chosen for them. And as discussed here, I kinda think presents should be precisely the things someone wouldn’t choose themselves. I want to buy them a gift, not pay down their credit card, if you see what I mean.

So I think one of problems I have with wedding lists is that they make the whole thing less about giving a gift and more about making a payment (with all the attendant anxieties about paying more or less than other people). I went to a wedding recently where there was no list, but instead a request for John Lewis vouchers, and I’m sure I’ll soon go to one where they’ll only accept cash, and a little piece of me will die.

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