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Unrequited something or other and i'll drink till I fucking die

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13:51 / 12.07.05

I'm too sober so I need to drive somewhere. I love you guys. thank you for being nice to me even if you called me morpheus and craig.

13:51 / 12.07.05

but fuckbake my friend,
this isn't a song,
a chorus a bridge, they just don't belong,
i hope that some bard don't look at my words,
and tell me that i have the brain of a bird,
"Oh Denfeld" they'll say while looking my way,
"You don't know the formal parts of a poem"
"You don't know of Cairo or Rome"
"you don't know of wishy or washy or pinky"
"you don't know a gimmy-da-loppy-muh-chimmy"

13:52 / 12.07.05

Godspeed young Fuckbake!

13:56 / 12.07.05

the bridge in the song is the part that I'm not at
the bridge over the river is where I might go splat.
I can fly like a bird sometimes, I have memories of floating.
I know how to work the air and I ain't just gloating. I'll float over the tweakers with their sketchy eyes looking around
and I'll float over the buildings without touching the ground
but when I get to the river with it's nasty water and it's rigs,
I'll dive in like an empty beer can
but the river's not very deep.

ONLY NICE THINGS

14:02 / 12.07.05

You may not care whether you live or die, but lots of other people have not made that decision. Or, to put it another way, if you've been drinking, don't drive. Walk instead. It's comparatively hard to kill somebody by walking into them.

14:10 / 12.07.05

Would you go splat if you fell in a river? Surely splash?

...

I'm just asking.

14:45 / 12.07.05

if you hit the water the wrong way it could be a sort of "splatsh"

but I think there's always going to be an "sh" in there somewhere

16:14 / 12.07.05

Write more poems/songs and exchange crucial words with £50. Then post them here. Insist that we tell you, if we like your work.

20:37 / 12.07.05

Have you learnt nothing?

Essential Dazzler

22:51 / 12.07.05

I'm really glad I have at least 6 months untill my alcoholism hit's this level

23:22 / 12.07.05

I've always thought it'd be cool to go out in a way that's so mundane, it's ridiculous. There was a lad around here who got run over by a bus because he couldn't hear it coming - at the full 10MPH or whatever - because he had his Walkman up so loud. That's ace. Ever since hearing that story, I've made it my life's mission to die after being knocked down by a milk float.

You can have that one, if you want. Just be sure to give me credit.

05:17 / 13.07.05

Hey you guys so I really thought I could fly, and it was kinda confusing when I realized that I couldn't, so I drove home (yeah, I drove. whatever) and went to sleep. and I woke up and cried for hours and decided to get my life together. it's still sort of sitting there, waiting for me.

paranoidwriter waves hello

05:26 / 13.07.05

Do yourself a favour: grab "it" by the throat, slap it silly, and tell it that it has the capabillity of being both Great and S**t, shifting between either in the time and same ease it takes a frog to fart, and that's OK too. You're not alone, but it's all up to you, and that's bloody liberating when you really think about it. And remember, laugh coyote laugh!

Glad you're OK.

paranoidwriter waves hello

05:44 / 13.07.05

Oh, and if I hear that you've driven in such a state again, I'll find you and so help me.... I'll make sure you don't ever add manslaughter to your list of life's crimes.

Seriously mate, it ain't clever.

07:55 / 13.07.05

Quite so. No-one will ever persuade me that we don't all have a moral obligation to take every measure we can to preserve the life and health of the innocent.

It's not 'whatever'. Next time get the fucking bus.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:00 / 13.07.05

I do sympathise but man, you need to get yourself some help. See your doctor. Tell him you're having suicidal thoughts and taking serious risks with life and limb.

Oh, and driving around shitfaced does not = "whatever." You think you feel bad now? wait till they're peeling an eight-year-old off the front of your car and running you in for DUI.

10:32 / 13.07.05

Indeed. Five to ten years in prison with someone's death on your conscience = teh suck. I mean they don't even have beer there, y'know ?

04:24 / 15.07.05

I waited long enough before I drove. I wasn't all that drunk. I was just out of it, but not really drunk anymore. I don't drive when I'm not ok to drive.

I've been painting a lot. I can't paint and I don't know anything about art. I just paint. I don't have it in me to write anything.

paranoidwriter waves hello

04:35 / 15.07.05

... I wasn't all that drunk. I was just out of it, but not really drunk anymore. I don't drive when I'm not ok to drive.

Sorry mate, but: re-read those sentences and tell me you're not being stupid. IMHO, "not really drunk anymore" and "out of it" don't really cut the mustard. If you've had more than a pint, if you're tired or "out of it" in any way, DON"T F**KING DRIVE! Think about it: when you're driving you need / are supposed to be in FULL in control of a huge chunk of metal and plastic (etc) which is travelling at speeds no human can achieve under their own power. As Haus suggested earlier, it's nowhere near the same as being pissed while walking. Please tell me you actually understand this!

Oh, and nice one, keep painting. When you're down, doing anything creative (no matter how badly) can only help.

Best wishes.

paranoidwriter waves hello

04:56 / 15.07.05

I don't want to add to your depressed state, but:

Also, when you're "out of it" you are VERY likely to go into what scientists now call "micro-sleep" -- remember this? Those hallucination you were having may have been a great deal more than your consciousness playing tricks on you; you were probably dreaming. Indeed, many scientists in the field now believe that such instances of micro-sleep may be the explanation as to why so many drivers seem to experience UFO's and other such Fortean phenomena.

As the name suggests, micro-sleep can last for only seconds at a time, but if YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS, that's all it takes before you wake up in a ditch next to a burning coach-load of schoolchildren. Seriously mate, if I knew you personally I'd slap you silly for taking such risks with Life, and / or phone the old bill. You are more dangerous than you realise. Catch my drift?

05:04 / 15.07.05

Yeah, I do. Sorry. I'll try to be more careful.

paranoidwriter waves hello

05:17 / 15.07.05

Good on ya! You've almost got it: i.e. don't "try", just don't bloody well do it; driving isn't THAT addictive, unless you're a racing driver or something. Also, I promise, a long walk home can be bloody brilliant for the thunk-muscle -- have you read this thread yet?

I sincerely hope you start to feel better soon; and I'm sure you will in time. Speaking from personal experience, depression sucks but it's up to you if you let it suck you in whole. Sometimes it's a matter of choosing not to be depressed and telling yourself to "snap out of it", sometimes it's harder; but it's always up to you.

Huggles and good luck comrade.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:18 / 15.07.05

Even I don't drive drunk... and I'm not really known for my "not doing stupid shit" ways...

...glad you're still with us, though. MC (and indeed, pretty much everyone else on this page) is right- if you're feeling like that, GO AND SEE SOMEONE. I know when you're in the throes it can all seem completely insoluble, but someone on the outside can often be much better-placed to rescue you.

07:16 / 16.07.05

Stoatie said: "Even I don't drive drunk..."

Ya know, I was going to let this go, but c'mon....I did wait a while to sober up. After I stopped drinking I walked to my car to get my computer (which took maybe half an hour), then I got on Barbelith. I sent a pm to Haus when I first got on here, and he sent me a pm back right away. I checked the times, and that pm was 2 hours before my last post before I started driving. Ok, that's 2.5 hours of sobering up. I just checked a BAC calculator, and based on how much I drank and how long I waited, I should have been totally legal to drive. And I felt like I was ok to drive. (And yeah, I said I was going to drink myself to death, but I was out of beer at that point, and what I meant was that I was going to wait until the stores started selling beer again, and then I was going to drink myself to death. and once the stores opened, I didn't buy any more beer.)

Y'all should kick my ass for driving while I was hallucinating last week. But can you guys lay off me for the drinking thing? I may have seemed drunker than I was. Ya know, I have other issues that have been making me sort of nutty lately, and I was really upset about the unrequited, um, whatever. But by the time I drove, I was ok to drive.

I do try to be safe. Really I do.

*huggles* for all of you.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:00 / 16.07.05

Well you certainly gave us (me, anyway) the impression that you were shitfaced... I'll take your word for it, though.

08:34 / 19.07.05

Update: It seems that he isn't mad at me. I told him that I'm sorry about the things that I said last week, and he said he didn't remember what I said. That might be true, because he tends to forget a hell of a lot of stuff from when he's drunk, but it might also be that he's just saying he doesn't remember because he's not mad at me and he doesn't want things to be akward. If he really doesn't remember, then someone might tell him, which would probably be bad. Whatever, he's still my friend.

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