Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

This boy / girl business...

Page: 1(2)

22:19 / 17.06.05

So, if happy and committed, the notion that there should be or could be other jelly that catches the eye and stimulates the imagination and generally makes one sigh and wonder about cloning is somehow 'wrong' or 'weak' or 'sinful' or whatever.

Oui?

Pas du tout, mon cher.

I've been half of a fairly co-dependent couple for a decade now and, as is widely advertised here and elsewhere, we are happy little bunnies. But I'm not dead yet.

How couples negotiate what they do about those wayward inklings for others beyond the relationship is up to them though and not, I think, translatable to other partnerships. Each of my own long term relationships has had different rules and different levels of respect for those rules.

The arrangements that Ganesh and I make to walk the Dogs of Lust seem to be working fine and rely upon complete honesty and consideration but are not, I'm afraid, something I'm at liberty to explore further in this medium.

22:24 / 17.06.05

Absolutely no girls involved though, so not really on topic.

07:57 / 18.06.05

not, I'm afraid, something I'm at liberty to explore further in this medium.

I agree entirely. Film would be more appropriate I think.

08:38 / 18.06.05

The part of Xoc will be ably played by Clive Owen, although Barbara Windsor's Ganesh will be scoffed at by the critics.

*

16:33 / 18.06.05

A friend of mine (who is an advocate of polyamory) said that she thinks it is unreasonable and impossible to expect to get all of one's needs met by only one person. In general I agree with this, but I expect that what she is interpreting as "needs" include a wide range of "wants" and "would be nice to haves". Making distinctions among those categories-- which differ for everyone, naturally, and I'm mostly being facetious in making judgments about hers-- seems to be an important component of deciding whether you could be happy with one person in particular or with monogamy in general.

And to distinguish imaginal fidelity from tact: Saying to a partner with whom one is trying to negotiate non-monogamy "I'd really like to sleep with my old friend" is not necessarily tactless. Saying "Please can't I have sex with my ex?" while your bits are engaged with those of your monogamy-minded partner is tactless and potentially dangerous to boot.

I tend to do poly and open relationships that are more poly in theory than in actual fact. I am aware that my current state of sexual headspace makes it difficult for my current partner to have sex with me (or rather makes it difficult for me to have sex with him), and since he needs to get some on occasion, our policy is "Let me know beforehand." I haven't gone outside the relationship yet, and I doubt it will happen before we go our separate ways in August.

16:17 / 20.06.05

I can't remember if the concept of imaginary girl/boyfriends was a New College thing or a post-New College thing.

But yes, many of my friends (et I) talk about the imaginary girlfriends. Supermarket cashiers, coworkers from different departments, regulars at the same sandwich joint... always in a situation where one either never talks to them, or does so only in a formal, professional way. Talking like humans breaks the seal.

lord henry strikes back

19:48 / 20.06.05

Straight male, mid twenties, and as some of you may know I've been with doozy floop for a few years now.

The important thing for me, and I don't want to get all schmaltzy about this but it's hard to not, is that, after the first few months, I have not met anyone else that I want to be my girlfriend. There are a lot of people that I want to do down right filthy things with: co-workers, friends of ours (as and when doozy read this she will ask me whom, but there is no way I'm going into that here), strangers on the bus, and those nice ladies who take all their clothes off on certain websites. But all I want is a wordless dirty evening, nothing more. And it all stays in my head. Monogamy is a part of our relationship and it's easy to stick to given everything that she means to me.

Look, but don't touch. Well, ok, touch yourself, you know you want to.

19:58 / 20.06.05

Grant and Lord Henry, thank you for eloquanting what I was trying to say.

Page: 1(2)