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Jesus and the Vikings

 
  

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Enamon
12:40 / 28.05.05
Does anyone else think that there is possibly some grain of truth to the idea that Jesus did not die on the cross but instead traveled way up north to teach kung-fu to the Vikings? I've seen some Nordic crosses with the image of Jesus on them and old JC had on a Viking helmet. So I figure, what, with the guy's penchant for wine and boats, why not?
 
 
JOY NO WRY
13:27 / 28.05.05
If Jesus knew Kung Fu they wouldn't have been able to catch him in the first place.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:40 / 28.05.05
People tend to represent their deities as belonging to their ethnic and cultural group.
 
 
JOY NO WRY
13:54 / 28.05.05
Well, thats certainly true of Jesus, but aren't diety often given other-worldly status by taking away from the ethnic association? I'm thinking of the typical animal-like diety here.
 
 
alejandrodelloco
16:17 / 28.05.05
I want evidence.
 
 
Cat Chant
18:00 / 28.05.05
Should this be in the Temple? It seems primarily religious rather than philosophical/theoretical (in that the question as posed doesn't submit its own conditions of possibility to examination [who was Jesus, why would you think he didn't die on the cross when all the sources that attest to his existence say that he died on a cross, etc, etc], but seems to call for a response from within the paradigm of Christian theology/history).
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
18:26 / 28.05.05
Short answer: No, of course he didn't.

Longer answer: No, of course he didn't, how drunk are you what have you been smoking and no, no-one's dumping this abortion in the Temple without some serious work being put in by Enamon or someone.

Requesting a move to Convo.
 
 
Cat Chant
18:57 / 28.05.05
Sorry, MC - didn't mean to use the Temple as a dumping-ground, & I agree that this topic would need to be reframed in more detail if it ended up there - should have said that explicitly.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:10 / 28.05.05
Aghh, sorry, Deva, not having a go. I'd be quite happy to punt this over to the Temple if it had a wee bit more meat on its bones.
 
 
Papess
20:15 / 28.05.05
 
 
w1rebaby
20:17 / 28.05.05
Kung-fu Jesus Vikings? The Temple certainly didn't deserve to keep this one for itself.
 
 
w1rebaby
20:34 / 28.05.05
Seriously, though, Jesus did know kung fu, didn't he?

I've had a hard life, with a lot of disappointments. I don't know if I could cope with another one. Don't make me kill again.
 
 
Shrug
21:00 / 28.05.05
Upon extensive googling and collating massive amounts of evidence I have deduced that Jesus both knew and condoned Kung Fu. And don't fear Fridge it's undeniableproof.



 
 
alejandrodelloco
21:14 / 28.05.05
Thank GOD.
 
 
Liger Null
21:41 / 28.05.05
Could somebody PLEASE find me an MP3 of this?

You will be handsomely rewarded.

Hoo! Hoo!
Hoo! Hoo!

I am a viking
Praise the Lord in unholy land
I am a viking
Don't fear men but I fear the Lord

I am a viking
Jesus Christ is my King of Kings
I am a viking
My Commander is Jesus Christ

A Jesus Viking, yeah
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
21:54 / 28.05.05
Enamon, your confusion is understandable. That wasn't Jesus ben Joseph, King of the Jews, but Jesus Gonseco y Ramirez, a Spanish heretic and merchant who was chased hither and yon by Torquemada's goons. His story is as fascinating as it is unlikely, but quite profane.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:54 / 28.05.05
But who would win a fight out of Kung-Fu Viking Jesus and Emperor Darth Sidius Pope?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
21:59 / 28.05.05
Darth Sidious is not real, MC. He's a fictional character. Jesus Gonseco y Ramirez was all too real.

Another interesting case in Medeival European kung fu practitioners was the Jesuit Viktor Real Daesecul, a Roumanian Gypsy believed to have been a Vampyre, a Mage, and a robot.
 
 
eddie thirteen
22:59 / 28.05.05
They didn't have robots back then. That's just stupid.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:08 / 28.05.05
Vikings didn't do kung fu, kids. They were totally pirates. Only with puffins instead of parrots.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
23:56 / 28.05.05
Au contrair, mon frer, robots have been with us since prehistoric times, and they are with us today. Stoat, the only Vikings who ever knew kung fu were the ones trained in Xiangxing Quan by Jesus Gonseco y Ramirez.
 
 
alejandrodelloco
00:22 / 29.05.05
Hmm. Now I can finally use "The Immigrant Song" by Led Zepplin as a Christian Hymmn.


AAAAaaaaaaaaa-AH!
 
 
Enamon
02:08 / 29.05.05
Jesus didn't die on the cross. He died on a keg of meade.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
04:02 / 29.05.05
and rose again on the third day.
 
 
Shrug
11:24 / 29.05.05
Sometimes drinking a barrel of meade can result in a three dayer which is far worse than death.
 
 
Triplets
14:56 / 29.05.05
Which just shows that Big J was a master of Drunken style as well as the Shakey Post-Midnight Stance.
 
 
w1rebaby
16:44 / 29.05.05
Kung Fu Jesus

kung fu jesus
 
 
Mourne Kransky
23:11 / 29.05.05
Jesus made great scones.
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
01:55 / 30.05.05
So...will Jet Li play Jesus in the new Wire Fu movie by Ang Lee?
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
08:32 / 31.05.05
Posted by Haus:

"People tend to represent their deities as belonging to their ethnic and cultural group."

Haus is right, an example of this is a 9th century Saxon poem called the Heliand which is effectively a Saxon version of gospel history, though Jesus and the disciples are turned into a merry band of Viking warriors. This is what Sausseye says of it in Religion of the Teutons:

"the Saxon poet reproduces the gospel narrative most naively in the setting of his own time. Landscape, mode of life, character, all has been coloured to be in keeping with the Saxon surroundings. Such scenes as the storm on and the catching of the fish are depicted most vividly, and the feast at Cana is a merry drinking bout. Combat stands in the foreground; the devil is the arch-enemy, the disciples brave warriors who achieve heroic deeds in defence of their chief. Their fealty is of a simple and resolute character, not marred by doubt or hesitancy; their hatred of the enemy violent. The struggle has therefore been transferred from the inner to the outer man, and the corruption of Jesus himself is in keeping with this. He is not the Man of Sorrows, nor yet the heavenly Son of God of the Catholic church, but now the brave Teutonic chief, who valiantly leads his men to victory, and then again the wealthy, generous Teutonic popular king, who gloriously traverses his land to teach, judge, heal and to battle, and who in the end in defeat itself outwits the enemy and gains the victory, - a Christ different from that of the gospels, but one that was living and real to the Saxons."

It was about the trnasformation of a southern religion made relevant to a northern people. The Viking helms with Christ on the nos guard are an example of this process.

There are also parrallels between the story of Christ and Nordic myth such as the story of Balder (revived from the dead, mother figure, spear through the side etc.).

Suddenly I suspect this post maybe to serious for the thread.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
08:55 / 31.05.05
Sauce Eye? Sauce Eye the Viking?
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
07:05 / 01.06.05
Viking of course being another word for Pirate.

Jesus was never a Ninja, kung fu skills notwithstanding.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:45 / 01.06.05
I don't think there's any doubt that vikings were just blonde and ginger pirates, and as such, worthy of our praise.
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
12:08 / 01.06.05
Jesus was ginger! Surely that has serious connotations for religous iconography across the world.
 
 
Papess
14:31 / 01.06.05
Jesus was a black man.
 
  

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