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What the fuck?!?!?!

  
  

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Liger Null
21:15 / 20.05.05
Realizing that this is not the ideal forum for such matters, I need some kind of sounding board for this. Bear with me.

So my ex-bf ran out of money and now he needs a place to stay. I told him in no uncertain terms he cannot stay with me. He was cool with that (or so he said) but then he sends me this letter:

I have three persons on my friends list...but when I check to make sure I have typed right...I squint my eyes....am I emaiiling the right person? do you really remember me? who am I emailing? at least I can try and spell correctly... at least I can still have that sparkle in my eyes...unless of cousre...consider that that sparkel has left me...never the less I email. I can still type...I hope. somehow...someway I have managed to make myself better by means of booze, and that chemical inside me has impulsed me to email you, Scarlet. can I reacd this text? NO. But can I feel the delicasy, the elagance of my ignorance? yes. I don't belong here. but here I am, so here I am stuck, because no matter what...I cannot kill myself...alsas, I have already tried...and my friend Carrie saved me...she showed me that in my darkest of hours...it is worth it. why must I stay where I don't belong? why must I stay where no one cares? If I die, the world will go on....without missing a heartbeat...is it time for me to be on my way a thousand miles away...somewhere else? NO WAY! I pace beside my bed every day...and even if my reality seems bleak to you....it is something that destroys me. I remember sitting with my cousin, and his son... I could not take it...the bond...the father son bond...that they shared... and there I was...the cousin. I have no where else to turn. No mother or father or grandmother or grandfather.....no one...not even a sister to care....and on the eve of my mothers death... I still party. Yeah, I party, and here I sit, crying...isn't it odd that after all this time...somehow I( find it in me to cry? I have no-one...and here I sit crying...what do you guys think of that? BAMMMM I get hit in the eye!!!!! BAMMMM I get hit in the eye by his son. Open your eyes c----, you are not that imprtant. open your eyes, the real problem is you. that night, Mike and his son battered into me like crazy. I was on the straight side and they were crazy. I was in a concusion and they were passed out. I walked to Winchester and they slept.....I was in pain and they had a GUN..and they thought at least we did not shooot him...well, I did not call the cops....I have to much honor as far as that goes. maybe I am misunderstood...but if they had shot me...then I would be closer to death than they, and therefor bettter than they. but I have had all this time to SIN, and that makes me worry. If I were to die now, where would t hat left me? I don't believe A word that they say. It is unbelievable...my cousin Sh--- lives in New York, andf I pray to hang with him...but I fear that he is a crazy pyscho dick,,,and then I party with friends like I did tonight....and I wonder if they were friends or just part of my pyscho delusion. who are the? who am I? am I crazy? makes me wanna go booom! know what I mean? am I going down? I don't know. crazy death magic... in my soul...my mother always told me I was special...but maybe thats just soem special ED shit she got off my teachers. But where am I now? I am emailling you>? i guess so. And the beat slows down...so down...so utterly down... talking to someone who.... ... to someone who....who....well I do not know....about you...but I know abot me. and I know thast I suck. just like the guitars puonding in my head...I suck and I am waiting for the nerxt song...that I hope will rock.. why am I still awake? why do I still type? I do not know....maybe if I intice death a lttlwe longer....maybe If I think back to a distant time...maybe if I try to go back to my youth...I might find love...and suppose god is love....andf suppose I am crazy....suppoose I cznnoot. type...suppose I send this email amnyway....suppose aI cannot see you...do I deserve this? yes I do. and then some. but here I am emalinng you. whpever you are. why? why do I email you? I already know that I will sen d this to you and you will send a reply that is ONE SENTENCE...a simp,e a simple rwespomnse...so easy ...so easy...and I hold on...waiting for that meaningful responmnse folding into oblivion...into nothingness...who is this....thgat would replt y such bullshit?????? please. just show me that you care. please. but I know that of all people, YOU will read. You are S----- and you read everythi9ng....you reD d every6thing...you read everything...even this. that is why I love you...Is because I KNOW that you are EVEN reading THIS. And for whjat it is worth, I do love you. even though I am drunk and prolly druker than I should nbe....but I fall...and I falll and you ARE strong. you are strong. but who are you to understand that? who are you to understand that? I do not know...but here I am buzzzing your nummber. am I a slob? yeah. then when I wallk towards doom.. and when I find salvation...and salvation sends me away...and they caliam that I am nothing going for me...an I am a broken flipper...on a busted pinball machine...and I keep on goig..fuck you, now I really know whAT you R about...I am a broken fliper, yeah. like a hobo without a stench like a hippie without a real bad dream...it is a beautiful day...there isd somethig wrogng with me but no one can see it. and I cry and I type... my fingers are trying to be nice and notr t meane. dojn't be afraid we are goijng down into obliviojn.... death dont seem sope bad... or does it? I sit here looking at myself...and I por myself another drink...another drink....is it the one that will kill me? we'll see. I see the worlsd diffrerent than you. I cannot belivfe you did not email me tonight. I guess you think about other t6highs....I guess you think asbot other things.... I could tell you about whaty I think about...but I fear the one sentence resdponse that you wouldsend. I know that if I were tio email you or tell you face to face about my stories imaginitive or reality , you would reply with monosylobic bullshit...simple bullshit...that would make me upset....saving your soul for someoe else...someonme special...I guess I am not special.. no mattetr how hard myt heart beats...you will take it and chew it uop anjd spit it pout. I know that is harsh but you seem to like harsh. you bettterr watych out, for future reference...one day yuou might find yourself in a foriengn countrty and with a man...and might nit nknow whTR TO SAY..... i KNOW YOU as a styrong female...and tyhat I resoect. a watrrior...a fighter....you will never find me and never you... but you refuse to release yourself...and here I am emailing you this. I always say that your emails are recluse...and they are. you are VFERY thick sklinned...but what does it matter...it is just chuck...an d this emai l is just wastweecdded....justy wasted..dfid I tyope that right...and the helivcopter bladers crircle ahead....suffer...and gthen the gunsdhshootsss....and I likeperiods...periods...periods...death....the end...but then aghin I am a SPECTRUM TBHINKER I AM A SPECTRUM THINKIER....wether or not I sopelled it tright or not...that is what I am... both sides...both sides.... why? why? is that not the question? fuck shakespear...wjhy is thw question.and all these friends that show me qaall this shit...are you any different...all I'm reallt y sure is that you are impressivee...you have a degree..and you keeepp p youtr job...you are strong...you are impressivfe....can I see through? can I see youZ? YES. am I drunk? you may never know. shiould I come over right now? no. because you said no. and no matter where this shit makes me...I still hope tyou are my friend. I woulox.ldldldld walk 56000 miles for touyou S---. I have been in worse. and I will be in worse. and I stillo hope that YOU YOU YOU YOU thats right caapital Y O U will be theree. and when I think that...IO think of you. you know who I mean. I love you . I want to make you prpooud. so bget get usdsed to me. I will show you. um...maybe I should end it here,

Should I be worried? Or could this be another one of his guilt trips?
 
 
w1rebaby
21:20 / 20.05.05
Appropriate response:

Dear (X)

What the fuck? That made no sense whatsoever. If there was any meaning to that please rephrase in a sane fashion.

Regards, (Y)

and if the response indicates that he thinks it *was* meaningful, rather than just being drug/drink-crazed nonsense, I'm afraid that your boyfriend is batshit crazy.
 
 
w1rebaby
21:21 / 20.05.05
Uh, ex-boyfriend, I mean.
 
 
Ganesh
21:22 / 20.05.05
I think you should be worried by his inability to use basic grammar and punctuation. Otherwise, he's a grown adult and, as such, carries responsibility for his own well-being: you are not partner, parent or psychiatrist, and you have no obligation to play nanny to his infant. Whatever he does is his own business; don't get drawn into his game.
 
 
Liger Null
21:22 / 20.05.05
Thanks Fridge, I'll try that.
 
 
Liger Null
21:24 / 20.05.05
Thanks Ganesh, I was thinking along those same lines myself. Plus I wouldn't be surprised if the poor grammar was in fact calculated to make him look drunker and more fucked-up than he was.
 
 
Papess
21:32 / 20.05.05
Ouch.
"...calculated to look even drunker or more fucked up"?

Calculated? That is even more fucked up than I bet he intended it to look.
 
 
Liger Null
21:43 / 20.05.05
Well, he's usually a more articulate writer than this, even when he's a bit over-refreshed.
 
 
Papess
21:50 / 20.05.05
I meant that I think it is the sign of a very sick mind, at least that of an adult, when they need to be so terribly manipulative.

I am glad he is your ex, Liger. from reading that, he sounds like someone who isn't very forthcoming or honest. not that he may tell outright lies, but he won't tell you the truth either. You know what I mean? Sneaky and deceptive.
 
 
---
21:50 / 20.05.05
It looks like he was pissed, you can tell by looking at a lot of the errors and then looking back at the keyboard. The added letters that shouldn't be there are right next to other letters in the words.

I mean, fuck that anyway, it looks pretty obvious that he's pissed there! He seems like he's obsessed with you a bit, fucked up on drink and maybe some other stuff, and that he hasn't really let you go. I don't like the 'so get used to me' bit at the end, but fuck knows, maybe the drink and also that he feels like you've done him wrong because you're no longer with him. He seems depressed aswell.

He's going to really, really hate himself if he has to read that back to himself though, especially if he knows you got it.
 
 
Shrug
21:51 / 20.05.05
Maybe he is travelled to the land of beyond drunk where cross eyed naiads swim in vodka rivers and liquered up pixies puke on their shoes and sing "The Raglan Bog" and he won't remember in the morning.

However is he usually absolutely fucked up and manipulative or do you suspect this is a actual cry for help which he could by the sounds of it desperately need.
 
 
Papess
21:55 / 20.05.05
Oh, I can't feel sorry for this guy. Not even I can whip up as much pathetic drama as this guy, in one lousy email.
 
 
Ganesh
21:57 / 20.05.05
... actual cry for help which he could by the sounds of it desperately need

One's ex being entirely the wrong person to whom one's cry for help - needy or not - should be directed.

Boundaries, people, please. Remember those?
 
 
Smoothly
21:59 / 20.05.05
Pissed my arse. Pissed like a schoolboy with a can of Top Deck.

Plus I wouldn't be surprised if the poor grammar was in fact calculated to make him look drunker and more fucked-up than he was.

That's certainly what it looks like to me. I'd go as far as to say, I bet he drafted it. The ellipses are a bit of a giveaway there, aren't they? I'm surprised he didn't include stage directions [rolling my eyes] or throw in the odd hic! and *sob!*.
 
 
ibis the being
22:06 / 20.05.05
I'm surprised he didn't include stage directions [rolling my eyes] or throw in the odd hic! and *sob!*.

Me too. The letter reeks of calculation and manipulation. If it were my ex, or even a purported friend, I wouldn't respond at all - you'd just be playing right into this little melodrama he's crafting.
 
 
ibis the being
22:08 / 20.05.05
"are you any different...all I'm reallt y sure is that you are impressivee...you have a degree..and you keeepp p youtr job...you are strong...you are impressivfe....can I see through? can I see youZ? YES. am I drunk? you may never know."

I mean, come on - he's pretty blatantly mocking and taunting you right here.
 
 
Saint Keggers
22:13 / 20.05.05
I want to grab him and hold him tighly and tell him everything is going to be OK. Then hit him with a brick.
 
 
Liger Null
22:14 / 20.05.05
The weird thing is-he was the one who broke it off...

As for boundaries, we were doing the "still friends" thing. And keeping it on the up-and-up, no booty calls "for old time's sake." I had made that mistake in past relationships, but not with this guy. I HAD offered a shoulder to cry on, so I highly resent the veiled accusations of abandonment.
 
 
JOY NO WRY
22:28 / 20.05.05
I think perhaps we're being a little harsh. I know at times I've been drunk enough to just run with my emotions and do things I regret. Maybe judgement should wait until you've talked to him sober. I don't feel sorry for him but I can empathise with his stupidity. He'll probably feel worse about it than you do when he wakes up.
 
 
Saint Keggers
22:32 / 20.05.05
Especially if you copy it and send it to eveyone he knows.
 
 
Liger Null
22:33 / 20.05.05
Or post it on a message board.

Oops.
 
 
Saint Keggers
22:36 / 20.05.05
heheh..

Yeah, just let him sleep it off and pretend it never happened. Thats the polite thing to do.

Now here's what I'd do...
 
 
Liger Null
22:37 / 20.05.05
I'm listening...
 
 
Alex's Grandma
22:38 / 20.05.05
Some of those typos do look a bit calculated, certainly, but only some of them - basically, that young man has had too many lagers, and should be treated accordingly.

It's one of the down sides of e-communication, for everyone concerned, that it's now possible to inflict one's private drugged-out thoughts on whoever's e-address one has without the ( necessary ? ) social corrective of having to look over it again the next day once one's found a stamp and an envelope, and the basic motor skills to redraft it legibly.

Similarly, it'd be virtually impossible to get through even half of that kind of ideas-fest over the phone - any half-decent answering machine would have cut it short after half a minute in.

To the extent that you'd want to sympathise with this guy, it should be with regard to his hangover, and how he's going to feel when he checks his 'sent messages' tomorrow - I'm guessing, a bit bad...
 
 
Liger Null
22:51 / 20.05.05
I did send him a sort of gently humorous response. The thing is, I'm really sick of him pulling stunts like this. This isn't the first such email I've gotten, just the longest (and most entertaining.)

He is a functional adult and he needs to start functioning (I've already said as much to him in the past). I realize that he has trouble making friends or whatever, but I'm tired of feeling guilty because HE'S not doing what he needs to do to straighten himself out.

And I DO feel guilty...

And I am ashamed of that...

So now he's made me feel guilty and ashamed.
 
 
Ganesh
23:02 / 20.05.05
Don't be.

He.

Is.

Not.

Your.

Responsibility.
 
 
Jack Fear
23:03 / 20.05.05
I did send him a sort of gently humorous response.

Let that be the last. Seriously. Delete any future e-mails from him unread; get Caller ID (if you don't have it already) and don't answer his calls.

Because you're done. You're finished with him, and he's finished with you, and this is what it means to be finished. Cut him loose, cut him off, cut him out, and, if you meet him in the street, cut him dead.
 
 
Saint Keggers
23:07 / 20.05.05
"Because you're done. You're finished with him, and he's finished with you, and this is what it means to be finished. Cut him loose, cut him off, cut him out, and, if you meet him in the street, cut him dead. "

That line should be in everyone one of those post college angsty Wynnona Ryder/Ethan Hawke type movies.
 
 
Liger Null
23:08 / 20.05.05
if you meet him in the street, cut him dead.

But wouldn't that just make him more powerful than I could ever imagine?
 
 
Jack Fear
23:11 / 20.05.05
Piffle. At most, he'll be able to appear in your campfire from time to time.
 
 
Saint Keggers
23:11 / 20.05.05
No, that would be cut him down. Cutting him dead will be just fine. And keep those nice CSI people on TV.
 
 
Liger Null
23:16 / 20.05.05
Then I think cutting him dead would be a very bad idea indeed...
 
 
eye landed
23:19 / 20.05.05
ldldldld walk 56000 miles for touyou Scarlet.

i say hold out for a better offer. thats only about twice around the world.
 
 
Saint Keggers
23:21 / 20.05.05
I wonder if he reads Barbelith?
 
 
Liger Null
23:22 / 20.05.05
Yeah, he'd walk twice around the world, but he wouldn't get a job and help out with the rent when we were living together.

GRRRRR, maybe I need to rethink the "cutting dead" thing.
 
  

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