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Um....can I ask for advice?

 
  

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fuckbaked
23:50 / 12.05.05
So, I know you guys don't care about my stupid problem, especially since you don't know me (I've been lurking a while....), but I'll just sort of ignore that and ask you anyway.

I seem to have recently lost my motivation to do pretty much anything. I'm not really depressed or anything. I'm sort of...um....out of it and in my own world, if that makes any sense.... I was really stressed out before I started feeling like this. I'm fucking worthless and my life is turning to shit and I'm just sitting here watching it all and I don't really care. Um... does anyone have any suggestions on how to get back my motivation?

sorry to bother you guys....
 
 
alas
00:23 / 13.05.05
Sounds basically like depression to me. Depression is a difficult problem, but generally getting some therapy and some meds is a good idea.

If you live in the U.S. and don't have access to counseling, then I'd strongly suggest starting with exercise: force yourself to get out of the house, get your blood flowing to all your cells. It's not only that it literally gives you an endorphin lift, but it also will probably help your sleep patterns and, if you are very luck, just might generally shift you out of this malaise. You're thinking, "Yeah, right, I don't exercise, I hate exercise." Well, just don't let yourself think: just get out there and walk, fast and hard, as long as you can take it. Eventually, you may run.

The key with depression is shifting yourself out of your current rutted ways of thinking, ways of being in the world. It's easy to get into a state of helplessness, convinced that there's only one way out and it's barred. But although that kind of entrapment is almost never the accurate, we need help to move to a new way of thinking--it's really hard. Meds, talk therapy can really help get you to a place where you can be more active in your own life. But, failing that, I urge you to just get up and move.
 
 
Billuccho!
00:25 / 13.05.05
I know how you feel. I'm the same way. Sorry if I can't think of anything to pull you out of the funk, but I'm in the same boat.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
00:26 / 13.05.05
Shot glass. Chilli sauce. Down in one.

I kid you not.
 
 
*
01:17 / 13.05.05
I second alas' advice. Exercise goes a long way towards helping depression. And once you start doing it regularly, you will find it much easier than you think. The hard part is starting.
 
 
astrojax69
01:29 / 13.05.05
i third alas' advice... exercise is excellent - and make yourself keep busy. wash the dishes, twice. clean the house. garden. get air. lots of it. just do stuff, any stuff.

and see a doctor, for goodness sake.

also, see this site for advice and consolation...
 
 
■
07:02 / 13.05.05
That's very odd. The first thing that popped into my mind was exercise, and then thought "nah, that's too flip an answer", but yes, I can recommend it. It's impossible to understand until you do it. Cutting back on alcohol helps, too.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
08:38 / 13.05.05
I'd go a step further than just exercise and say martial arts, that way you're engaging your entire being in the process of learning something new and empowering, not just moving your body.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
08:39 / 13.05.05
Or you could always try and sort yourself out with a nice orangutang companion.
 
 
w1rebaby
08:40 / 13.05.05
There's not much point telling a depressed person to go exercise. It rarely works. Because they're depressed and have little or no motivation. (In fact, telling people who aren't depressed to go exercise very rarely works IME either.)

Either you get somebody else to bully and annoy them into doing exercise, or try to find some simple way to add exercise without it being much of an effort. If you spend a lot of time sitting in your bedroom, do free weights in front of the computer. If you get the urge to just run away and hide in a hole, take the bus or tube and walk up and down the river for hours where nobody knows you, that's exercise (like alas says).

Things with chilli in them for breakfast are good. Or mustard. Pretzel with mustard.
 
 
lentil
08:42 / 13.05.05
Another vote for exercise, based on personal experience. Towards the end of last year I changed my working pattern so that I'm doing freelance stuff from home two days a week. Often, unless I have something very specific to do on these days, I find it really difficult to motivate myself to work all day, or even to decide what to do, and being at home the temptation to goof off with comics/ the internet / tv etc can get pretty strong. Recently I've got in the habit of going out for a bike ride when the fug of indecision descends, and it works - you get back all puffed and energised, combined with a feeling of tiredness that is so much more pleasant than the tiredness you get from, say, partying too hard.

And I'm not a sporty person at all - never been involved in any team games or anything, but cycling is just so much fun! If you do have a bike, or even are able to pick up a cheap one second hand, that would be my recommendation. Useful too, and saves money.

(That said, I do live in London where things are packed on top of each other, if you're in a more spread out US town it might not be such a practical suggestion.)
 
 
Spaniel
08:52 / 13.05.05
Fridge, when I was depressed I was advised to take up exercise, and I did, and it helped a great deal.

Obviously no-one's fooling themselves that they can get We out of his chair and into the gym. All anyone's doing is signposting useful techniques for thwarting the demon depression.

I mean, the guy did ask for advice.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
09:21 / 13.05.05
My advice: get angry; especially with yourself (but please, don't do anything stupid). I often suffer from bouts of apathy/depression and I generally find that the way out is to either simply tell myself to "fucking sort it out" (and engage in the inevitable, emotional internal dialogue that ensues), or to look for something outside of myself that gets my blood boiling (i.e. Third World debt). Once I'm wound up, that's when I go for a walk and take it out on the pavements. Then, as everyone said, exercise really does start to do the rest.

Now, I know what you may be thinking: "how can I get angry when I simply just don't care..." But if you think about it, the fact that you've asked for advice means that you DO care. Take comfort from this and build upon it, i.e. your apathy is only a mask, you are human/an animal.

Another helpful tip is to eat a few handfuls of pumpkin seeds every day for a few weeks. They are surprisingly effective and a growing number of doctors now "proscribe" them to patients with "mild" depression.

Also, if you're smoking large amounts of weed (which I suspect you may be), cut down or stop for a while. If you're smoking skunk, try smoking some "normal" weed instead; although taking a complete break from toking is more advisable.

Oh, and PLEASE don't think that meds are the easy way out. Our channel hopping culture is far too reliant on quick answers to it's problems and medication is probably the best example of our need for the quick fix.

Good luck my friend.
 
 
Spaniel
09:26 / 13.05.05
Oh god, yes. Cut out any fucking weed.

The amount of people I know who've wallowed in depression for years and haven't even made the effort to eliminate a bloody psychoactive chemical from their routine. A psychoactive chemical that promotes lethargy, no less.

AAARRGGHH

Drives me round the bend.
 
 
Jack Denfeld
09:31 / 13.05.05
Change drugs. Drop weed and start taking uppers. Make goals for yourself? Try super hard to pretend that you've been homeless and out of work, living on the streets for years, and all of a sudden you're in your current situation, so now you're like "Fuck yeah, I've got a job and a place to live!", I can do anything!
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
10:01 / 13.05.05
This is a fairly recurring theme here on the 'Lith.

Try This Thread, which was my own foray into the state you are describing.

If you site-search 'Ennui' you'll also get one from Nick, who actually offered good advice in the thread above.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
10:09 / 13.05.05
I second what Jack said, although not the bit about: Change drugs. Drop weed and start taking uppers. Your brain is more complex than that.

Basically, you need to change your internal dialogue and this takes effort (something you cannot avoid). It's a cliché, but try writing the s**t thoughts down to make room for fresh thoughts. If you do this, however, I recommend you wait at least a week before you re-read what you've written (wallowing in text is still wallowing). I'll bet that when you come to re-read your thoughts you'll find that they are either,

a) embarrassing
b) annoying
or c) both of the above.

That's when the anger kicks in and it's time for a walk.

Remember, nothing truly good comes to those who don't work for it. Take a grip of your thoughts, shift your perspective, and "For God's sake, snap out of it!"

I sincerely believe that each time I face depression (as with writer's block) I have to find a new strategy to trick my mind into recovery (although it always seems to end with a big walk). It's like playing chess with a computer that learns with each game; you become savvy to last week's new technique.

Hmm.... Failing all of the above, you might also try advising someone in a similar position what they should do to get out of a depressed state. It helps with forming a plan of recovery and it seems to have worked for me today!
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
11:15 / 13.05.05
Also - this may sound facile, and twee, but have you checked your diet?

I am frequently amazed, every day, by how bio-chemical consciousness really is. Eat foods that promote healthy serotonin production, which is generally carbohydrate rich stuff, though the actual biological process is complex, and some carbohydrate rich foods actually inhibit serotonin....its complicated because the transport chemical (tryptophan and tyrosine) which goes from the foods to the brain is heavily competed for by other chemistry within the foods themselves, so some foods which contain high levels of tryptophan will actually be used by the body in ways which prevent them from producing serotonin.

Recommendations : pumpkin seeds, pears (and who doesn't love a nice pair?), and if you can really be arsed, syrian rue.

Google something along the lines of 'serotonin producing foods' and do some reading around the subject. You may be surprised if you implement the results. You are, as they say, what you eat.
 
 
Sekhmet
12:50 / 13.05.05
There are also vitamin supplements out there that supposedly help with serotonin production. Also good for preventing post-E crashes.

I'm in much the same sort of hole and trying to climb out, so cheers on your timing.

I'm finding the things that seem to help most are exercise, light meals with lots of veggies (especially tomatoes and carrots), and doing something creative - whatever you have a talent for. Motivation is the tricky bit... you have to kick your own ass to get anything done, and you don't even have the energy to kick. What's the point, right? Or: you don't feel like it right now, you'll start later. Those two thoughts will pin your ass to the ground. Getting angry does help, but only sporadically.

Do you have a friend who might be able to assist? Someone who will come drag you off the couch?
 
 
Papess
15:08 / 13.05.05
Sorry to hear you are feeling like this, We. Some good advice has been given. Weed smoking is definately not going to help someone who is feeling unmotivated. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol isn't either. I certainly know this. It is a depressant after all.

Not that this is a cure for depression or lethargy but taking some b vitamins and staying away from dead processed food might help you. Well, it can't hurt. Eating more salads and whole grains might give you more energy. Especially if your current diet consists mainly of prefab and fast food. Sometimes symtoms such as yours are not strictly from brain chemical imbalances, although don't rule that out till you have seen your physician and had a proper diagnosis.

Just a sidenote: But did you know that the tissue used to make your brain and the tissue used to create your colon are the same? I just learned this! Much like the tissue in your nose is similar to the tissue in your genitals. (Puts sneezing in a different light, hm?) I am huge believer in colonic therapy and I find constipation, diverticulosis, irritable bowel syndrome, and other bowel ailments, can all have a serious impact on one's mood and thinking process.

Exercise is a wonderful idea if you can manage it. At least take walks and get some fresh air. Also, while you are walking, don't wallow in your head, (I can remember doing this when I am down.) Pay attention to things outside of yourself. Hopefully those things can be trees, birds, warm breezes, rushing water....but that might not be possible. If not, and you are residing within a sprawling city, try going to a park and watching kids play. Kids are great, and if you have some, or a relative does, try playing with them. (People, behave yourselves!). The parents won't mind the break, unless of course you are some sicko, which I should hope you are not.

The point is exercise of course, but also getting out of your head can be helpful if you are feeling like you are "in (your) own world". Try to reconnect to the world, especially the beautiful things in it. Remember - you are part of that beauty.

Recently, I have had to drag myself out of a similar state due to some traumatic events and some seriously stressful situations. I am not fully recovered from it and I slip back from time to time. I have found what pulls me out of spiralling downward is that I have created some new goals. I try refocus my thoughts on achieving them and get myself excited about the process. It seems to be helping me a bit.

Anyway, please take care of yourself and see your doctor.
 
 
Seth
15:58 / 13.05.05
I seem to have recently lost my motivation to do pretty much anything... I was really stressed out before I started feeling like this.

What was happening in your life when this changed?
 
 
HCE
16:18 / 13.05.05
Things that have seemed to help when I was feeling the way you describe:

1. Calling a friend. Somebody to give me a mood-boost that I couldn't give myself. It can be hard to ask. Of course you'd do it without thinking for one of your friends, but it can still be hard to ask.

2. As everybody says above, when you can't get it going from the brain end, try the body end since they're connected.

3. Control the music. Banish all Tori Amos and Joy Division. The time for ABBA is now. Dancing counts as exercise.

4. Something funny. Movies, comedy albums, cartoons. Laughing counts as exercise.

5. Cool hobby. Photography, model trains, popup cards, suiseki. The world is full of a number of things, and some of them will probably have the power to interest or excite you. Having something to be curious about can attack the problem of lethargy in a roundabout way.

None of these are meant to replace a more vigorous form of treatment for clinical depression -- these are all just tactics for getting something good out of your days.
 
 
ibis the being
16:22 / 13.05.05
I was thinking along the same lines as Seth when I read your post, We. Did you mean that your life is turning to shit because of your apathy and depression, or that your life is turning to shit and that's making you depressed and unmotivated? Many times depression is not circumstantial, but then sometimes it is. If you're having problems outside of yourself (your state of mind), there may be someone out there who can help - at least by talking you through things.

I've had a pretty rough bout of circumstantial depression in my day, and my advice based on that experience is ASK FOR HELP. And I don't mean just on Barbelith, because even doing that is a fairly isolated activity. I don't know if you're the stoic sort, but I am, and I can tell you that while there's a lot of great advice in this thread, sometimes you just have to let other people in to be able to get out of your funk.
 
 
Scrubb is on a downward spiral
16:46 / 13.05.05
Everyone here seems to have covered what I was going to say. But as someone who is about to head off for a quick jog outside to get my head out of this "aargh what am I doing with my work/life/stuff" state, I'll add my bit, complete with (probaly superfluous) personal anecdotes.

1. Excercise - yes. One of the (many) hideous things about depression is the feeling of being a little disconnected brain in jar (a jar with very thick walls). Getting some outside activity both reminds you that you've also got a body attached to the brain as, and that there is an outside world beyond the jar with air and trees and things. Also, endorphin boost=teh happy.

2. Diet/body intake - no booze. No drugs. I had no idea how down and unhappy I got post-drinking/smoking gear until I cut down massively on both during the past 6 months.

3. Be nice to yourself - in a couple of ways. If you are being harsh on yourself for feeling down, please don't; as the thread shows, loads of us feel like this and suffer with it in different ways. It's not pleasant, but it's not your fault.
Also, do the things which make you happy; reading the comics, having the long baths, watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Bollocks to cool - if it lifts your mood (or makes you think of other stuff) then woo! Belting down the freeways, singing along loudly (and badly) to Aerosmith and Poison (Every roooossee has it's thooorrrrn etc) has worked wonders.

4.Talk to other people - either asking for advice (which you have done - hurrah!) or simply letting them know that you're feeling like you are.

Most important thing - none of the above is a magic solution which will lift you out of your "Gah"-ness and into a world of pro-active happy. These things won't change your life for you - but they will give you the mental strength and tools to allow you to take whatever action you need.
 
 
Papess
17:02 / 13.05.05
I think I am going to print this thread out and hang it on my fridge. I feel one of my spirals coming on.
 
 
lekvar
17:51 / 13.05.05
I had one of these cycles about the tme I started posting regularly - you can still find the thread I started on it - and the responses got were the same.

They're all right, especially about the exercise and the diet.

I started out just going for a short walk around the block during my lunch break. That lead to an hour walk to the town center to get my lunch. That lead to a 10-meter jog. That lead to a 3-mile jog and bringing home-cooked lunches and cutting as much junkfood out of my diet as possible. The point here is to startM. It all gets progressively easier once you start.

I've still got a ways to go before I consider myself in any kind of healthy emotional state but I feel considerably better than I did when I started my "Help" thread.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
19:48 / 13.05.05
Also, re-simplify. If that makes sense.

Re

Simple

Ify

Simple things make me very very happy, though they never used to.

Tomorrow, if the sun is up, thank it. That tree outside your gaff/nearby/in the park? Stroke it. Thanks for the oxygen. Thanks for the chlorophyll, cos green is good. So is blue. Thank blue. A lot. Blue is your friend.

Also, tomorrow, if it rains - thank that, as well. Rain makes lots of blue and green stuff. Lovely rain!

Then call your mum. Tell her she's really the best thing that ever made you happen! If possible, go and see her, and make her a cup of what she wants. Mums like cups of stuff. All mums.

Talk to her about the you feel. She will have the wisest thigs to tell you. Listen closely.

Do not, under any circumstances, listen to any Wet Wet Wet.
 
 
alejandrodelloco
20:54 / 13.05.05
I would second the walking one especially. That is far easier to start doing when you are feeling shitty than running.

Now, out of raw scientific curiosity, why the chili suggestion? I've never heard that one before...
 
 
fuckbaked
21:18 / 13.05.05
Hi everyone. I've been thinking about the things you said. I'll try to get more exercise.

Fridgemagnet said: "There's not much point telling a depressed person to go exercise. It rarely works. Because they're depressed and have little or no motivation."

That's sort of the issue I'm having now with many of the ideas suggested. It would take so much energy to do these things....

I've been meaning to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Um...I have to search my horrible house to find his phone number, or look it up or something.

So, yeah, I am actually smoking large amounts of weed. I have a bit of a problem with that, actually. Um, I'd like to stop. That doesn't seem very likely to happen. I was doing ok despite the weed that I smoke until rather recently, and I think it's possible for me to get things back to how they were. At least that's what I'm hoping. If I really need to give up weed to be happy again then I'm fucking doomed.

I don't drink alcohol very often.

I'm not feeling this way because of a something that happened. Nothing happened. I switched schools recently, and that's been harder for me to deal with than it should be. And I switched my major, which was kind of a downer. I really liked my old major. As for the reasons why I swtiched my major, interest in the major I swtiched to was pretty far down the list. I really shouldn't get into the reasons behind this. Way way too much information about myself to be saying on Barbelith.

Um...I've been avoiding my friends. I have one very good friend who is on vacation in another country right now, so she'll still be my friend when she gets back, but the rest of my friends are probably mad at me for avoiding them. It's not that I've been avoiding them, exactly. I haven't answered my phone at all recently, and I've been avoiding everyone.

I'm listening to Tool right now.

I'm thinking about everything you've all said. Thank you.
 
 
alejandrodelloco
21:28 / 13.05.05
Go to an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting for the weed. No joke. Its been helping my freind out tremendously, mostly because the people there aren't puritanical assholes, but people who feel the same damnned way. Plus it's free.
 
 
w1rebaby
21:33 / 13.05.05
IME, in those sorts of situations you tend to have the odd flash of motivation, "I'm going to do something about this right now", which last for, well, an hour or so.

The thing is to identify things that continue to matter to you whatever mood you're in, and use those. For instance, I'm pretty obsessed with keeping commitments. If I promise to be somewhere at a certain time, I will make sure I'm there, unless I'm actually physically incapacitated. So during those motivated periods I make sure to organise some sort of meeting with friends which will cheer me up, and when the time comes around and I really just want to hide somewhere, I feel obliged to go, and end up feeling better. It's hard to generalise motivations across people but I'm sure you get the idea.
 
 
Papess
21:37 / 13.05.05
To be fair, *We* didn't say anything about using drugs or drinking. It was just a suggestion of what not to do when one is depressed.
 
 
ibis the being
22:22 / 13.05.05
If I really need to give up weed to be happy again then I'm fucking doomed.

Why? Do you have severe glaucoma? Live with a dealer who leaves bricks laying around all over the house? Seriously, why would you be fucking doomed if you had to just stop smoking weed? Flush it down the toilet and don't get anymore. I think NA was a good tip, because yours sound like the words of an addict.

Um...I've been avoiding my friends. I have one very good friend who is on vacation in another country right now, so she'll still be my friend when she gets back, but the rest of my friends are probably mad at me for avoiding them.

I bet they're not. Friends can be astonishingly understanding about addiction and depression, if you're honest with them about it... and like your Mom always told you, if they are mad at you, then they're not really your friends.

On the other hand, if you truly want to quit smoking, and your friends all smoke, maybe it's best to distance yourself - give them a call, but maybe don't hang out.
 
 
Papess
22:36 / 13.05.05
D'oh...I didn't see that *We had responded back. Cancel my last post.
 
 
Papess
23:09 / 13.05.05
...and like your Mom always told you, if they are mad at you, then they're not really your friends.

Indeed Ibis.

Just out of curiousity, I wanted to see what the recent reseach is saying aboutthe effects of marijuana addiction. I was I was surprised to read this. I wonder how reliable that information is. Sometimes people impose their own values when doing research.
 
  

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