I've been fascinated by the stuff for three years, and done a lot of reading and quite a few half-hearted experiments/rituals. In the periods when I've done a lot of sigilization, thinking about magick, writing down dreams, some jabs at meditation, etc, there seemed to be a sort of cropping up of meaningful coincidence, synchronicities and general weirdness (crazy lady approaching me for no particular reason in the cafeteria talking about the world ending in 2012, the watch being 23:23 when I pick it out of my pocket to demonstrate synchronicities, ecstatic experiences during meditation, and, well, quite a lot of the sigils "actually working" (maybe)) .
It may well be due to the help of magic (especially sigils) that I secured a couple of nice jobs, shagged a lot, healed my aunt's cancer, got to India for a nickle (right now I'm in an Internet cafe in Varanasi with a Ganesh-clock on the wall), achieved a somewhat greater degree of harmony (v. recently), and... stuff.
It may also be due to being qualified, getting older, coincidence, etc.
Divinations I've done and had done for me seem to have given "meaningful" results for the most part (still remaining so vague that they're mostly useless for anything except entertainment, though). I've also changed my personality a bit, or at least my range of behavioural possibilities (becoming more extroverted, having an easier time socially and with women, becoming a bit less self-centred etc) both aided by sigilization and conscious attempts at change.
Right now I'm in a bit of a magical rut.. I don't think I've done anything in the way of magick since last autumn, when I tried to create a servitor with a material base whose purpose was to "make me happy." Ha-ha. I've been anything but happy since then. Relationship in the toilet, a couple of disastrous failures at work (won't get into details), depression, not-being-happy-with-neither-studies-nor-job-nor-chosen-career. I guess I haven't really done anything for/with the "servitor" since his creation though, so I might have myself to blame (if one is to believe the recipes.). I have a fair mind to smash the ugly fucking thing when I get back home. As of this being written, though, I have actually been able to resolve a few issues in my head (trite insights of the type: "You don't have to pursue a carreer you hate and feel destroys your soul, you don't have to compare yourself with others, you don't have to compete on arenas which you detest, you realy do have almost unlimited options & possibilities, why not enjoy them", etc. Truths that any self-help-book will inform you of for the cover price, but that isn't really of much use until you realize them by yourself the "hard way"...)
Why am I asking about concrete results? One reason is the thing I mention in the other thread. I have a certain fear that magic might become sort of a sleeping-pillow or a way of fooling yourself. Instead of isolating goals, finding rational and material (both being key words in this context, I think) strategies for achieving them, I fear I might fall into a wanky, self-absorbed state of sigilizing and ritualizing and seeing quasi-meaningful coincidences where there mightn't be any and blaming the "servitor" instead of my own laziness/personality/lack of motivation/whatnot. If you know what I mean.
The other is plain old curiosity. I've been lurking on this forum for the three years I've been "practising" (if one can call it that), and feel that there is a certain degree of... abstractness (? I don't know if that's a word you can use) prevailing over "concreteness" here. What I described as "feeling it in my tummy" or "hearing it in my head" as opposed to stuff that can be measured and weighed and written down. I don't want to walk the path of a hobby-schizophrenic. I wish to interact more fully with reality, fight my inertia, become a more rounded individual, correct a few personality flaws (preferably becoming a bit more caring and compassionate in the process), figuring out a sort of meaning to my existence and pursuing this meaning in some reasonable manner. I'm uncertain as to whether magic is a path that will take me closer to or further from these goals.
An incidentally, it would be interesting to know how you set about achieving the goals you mentioned, and how or why you think magic had an effect on your achieving them.
All the best! |
