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It's for you-hoo...

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Mordant Carnival

19:33 / 25.10.01

Hi there, pop-pickers. It's update time.

Okay, first some background. Going through a heavy workload at uni at present; not exactly sleep-depped yet but definately not firing on all cylinders. Doing a lot of academic work on waveforms, signal processing, and so forth, which I think may have some subconcious effect. Also, I've been winding my imaginary telephone up regularly, although not as regularly as before.
This afternoon I took a short nap and as soon as I lay down I found myself slipping spontaneously into a light trance. I saw patterns of light and what looked to be an array of empty cylinders up near the ceiling on the other side of the room. They were arranged in a sort of honeycomb pattern and then shifted to reveal a more organic structure, like a dense network of branches.

I've never experienced anything quite like this before. I was definately awake and could see the rest of the room clearly. The images appeared absolutley solid. I've experienced hallucinations as a result of sleep-dep in the past and they weren't like this.

When eventually I did sleep, my dreams were all of travel and of meeting visitors, some freindly, some not so freindly. At one point I was being questioned rather aggresively by a male character.

Some sort of attempt at communication? has Fourier analysis succeeded where meditation failed? Or am I just losing the plot?

(Oh, and BTW: Immidately I woke, the very second after I became concious of being awake again, I got a phone call from a young urban shaman of my aquaintance who had been having some health probs and who I was concerned about. The news was good.)

07:07 / 26.10.01

One of my exams at college involved learning all about the Intel 486 processor and around about that time I had a dream where I was in a city like Venice, where all the streets were rivers and there were people moving around in boats, mimicking the fetch-execute operation of the processor architecture, in a weird way.
Not exactly bowel-shatteringly revelatory on the magickal contact question you were asking, but there we are.

07:32 / 26.10.01

Meme Buggerer: I’m not sure I’d remain sane if my dreams resembled Don’t Look Now.

14:22 / 26.10.01

At one point I was being questioned rather aggresively by a male character. – Mordant Carnival

Sounds like a guardian to me. Was he near a door or entrance? Guardians keep us seekers from experiences we aren't quite ready to process yet. What did he ask you about?
(What seems like
Guardian

Seeker

Is more like
Guardian

Seeker

)

Glad you updated, MC. (I can't remember if I asked you about that test you did the ritual for...did you pass?)

14:40 / 26.10.01

*slightly off-topic - don't feel like starting new thread for this*

You know, I don't have nightmares. I know why. As a child I was so scared of having them that my unconscious just blocked them from happening. I just know it. (In the beginning I would wake up as soon as things got really bad. Gradually bad stuff just ceased to happen).
Once and a while I get a slightly disturbing dream sequence (like this one where I'm having tea with someone I KNOW it's the Devil, and he finishes, looks at me in the eye and says: "You know what, I'm still HUNGRY") but things never get to the point of utter impotence/despair that are characteristics of nightmares.

Now, I think this is what is preventing me form having lucid dreaming experiences (and acessing the whole unconscious crap - sigilization, gnosis etc) ... somehow. I don't feel like I'm really acting in the dreams, I'm only watching them.

Anyone knows of some sort of exercise (I know it sounds weird) so I can have my nightmares back? You know, I FUCKING HATE them, but this shit is necessary for whatever inner workings of your subconscious mind, right?

P.S.: I kinda feel a slight change, however. Two nights ago I dreamed I was in the "HANNIBAL" movie. It was NOT nice. But still it was not a nightmare.

Ta.

15:11 / 26.10.01

quote:Originally posted by Imperador de Jade:
[i]

Anyone knows of some sort of exercise (I know it sounds weird) so I can have my nightmares back? You know, I FUCKING HATE them, but this shit is necessary for whatever inner workings of your subconscious mind, right?

I'm not sure where you're getting this information from,but if its personal experience then fair enough. Personally,I have a bit more faith in those inner mind workings to serve up a nice juicy nightmare if the time came where I really needed one. Maybe after all these years you've just been living in some kind of fairy land denial, maybe the devil already has your soul.Why not try to find the meanings behind the ordinary dreams first,then burrow deeper,until you're a shit kicking psychonaut.Guaranteed after a while,the pleasant mask of dream reality will reveal a truer picture of innermindworkings.

Recently I've had this strange sequence of trance experiences which have made me aware of these psychological layers that I could remove if I really wanted to ,but I don't exorcise all of these egoplexes because some of them are,...the person writing this.At the end of this road I find,you're either reaching a point of Nirvana,or you just end up being a boring bastard.

My posts sound different to me already,I am not Kobol Strom anymore,I ditched that whole plex recently in trance,so now I have these dream realisations about my current life rather than the 'soul wars' stuff-- which went when he did.
Keep on movin on with the dreamquest.Its going to be well worth it.And my home PC is gone,so this is from work,also why I'm posting less.
Have to say,the spirits work in mysterious ways and are currently playing about with events in my life,guiding me along a very odd path.I'm moving to a new flat in the centre of town,and spiritually I feel way off centre and so tired.Need Holiday.Need to put spaces between sentences.I feel like I'm in Kadath,and the palms of my hands are buzzing.I can make machines work.Strange magick.

17:19 / 26.10.01

At the end of this road I find, you're either reaching a point of Nirvana, or you just end up being a boring bastard. – kobol strom

Nobody could ever accuse you of being boring, kobol!

The guardians don't seem to faze you much, you just keep on keepin' on. I respect that.

19:12 / 26.10.01

This might be off topic, but could this group servitor, or perhaps another group servitor if the people here were interested in making one, be used to influence this whole war on terrorism thing? I read about something similar being done in Haiti when they were rebelling against the English(?), though it did sort of turn on them when nobody could agree what to do with it afterwards, and either fought over it or left it alone until it got angry. Not that I think that would happen to us if we tried, just thought it was worth noting. We'd just have to be careful.

But this isn't really a call to arms or anything like that, just a train of thought i wanted to get down. Thoughts? Should I have made this a new topic?

10:19 / 27.10.01

Thanks Ierne.

I guess I'm talking about the worry I have at the moment that I'm turning into a monk.
I wanted to go by 'the route less travelled'- when it comes to these bouts of sleep paralysis and trance states.I have found that it is posssible to destroy aspects of my subconscious thought process.
I think I went a bit too far.One of the problems now is,being a monk and secluding myself away seems like a really good idea.I'm laughing as I write this,but there is some truth to it.
Do you ever feel like a priest or a Holy person?I'm not worried or anything and I'm not about to join some consensus religious organisation.I've taken a few peeks into another spiritual spectrum and to be honest, having found aspects of this other life that is possible beyond this physical one,it feels like ... peace.Like a whole ego that I had built around the impermanence of the Human Body on Earth has gone.I've managed to convince myself of the reality of theses experiences to the point where they have,as might be expected from any 'real' and 'new' experience,changed me at every level.Or at least,I've reverted to a more healthy form,one that existed before all these physical notions were put upon us in our youth.The word 'Shaman',which Lothar mentioned in his article,means,'one who can see with eyes closed.'It makes me smile,but this is actually a really good description of what happens,and has multiple meanings on separate levels for me now.I think I might move in this direction for a while.

Mordant Carnival

12:28 / 27.10.01

quote:Originally posted by Ierne:

Sounds like a guardian to me. Was he near a door or entrance?

No. Actually I think he was near a building site; a new missle base was being built and I was there to stand around in the rain and wave a soggy banner at the Bad Guys.

quote:What did he ask you about?

Myself. He wanted to know why I was there and seemed to have decided that I'd come along to make trouble.

quote:
(I can't remember if I asked you about that test you did the ritual for...did you pass?)

Sorta. I mean, I flunked it but by such a narrow margin that they just posted me a copy of the exam paper and told me I had a month to finish it. Cool beans, eh?

Mordant Carnival

12:34 / 27.10.01

Oh, yeah, and apropos of the activity I mentioned on the lost mojo thread: stuff is still getting moved around in my kitchen. I leave things on the table, I come back a bit later, they are now underneath the table. Not fallen, placed very neatly on the floor. I never see any of this stuff happening but sometimes I hear it.

Mordant Carnival

14:56 / 27.10.01

quote:Originally posted by kobol strom:

One of the problems now is,being a monk and secluding myself away seems like a really good idea.I'm laughing as I write this,but there is some truth to it.

Why not go with it for a while?

Reading thru this post again I got a very strong image of the Hermit from the tarot in my mind. Maybe you need to take on the mantle of that monk-figure for a while, the holy man who puts some distance between himself and the world to get closer to other levels of being.

As for boring.... ROTFL! I'd like to see you even try to be boring. Boring Kobol Strom... talk about a mismatch of concepts. That's practically zen.

10:13 / 28.10.01

Judging by the altenations in your fictionsuit origin,I'd say you are probably unconsciously aware of some hidden forces at work in your home.This 'creeping up the stairs,in your hallway,creeping up behind you' stuff does suggest to me that something strange is going on there.(besides,you know,the legitimatley strange stuff that I 'm sure goes on there)

I just don't know how to deal with it besides the stakeout routine where you sprinkle flour in a pattern over the surface of the plates,and see if it becomes disturbed and that kind of thing.You could try sleeping in the kitchen for one night,be hardcore,and see if you can be woken by the noises as they happen, or you could try my cure for all known ills,and try to reach a meditative perception of your kitchen through dreams or vision state.For both of these you have to be in the kitchen and be ready to have the shit scared out of you.
Personally when I encounter something really scary,I make this noise kind of like a scream but more controlled,it sounds like,
OooouuwaaWaaaWaaaaa.lol.You just have to jump in the deep end and if it turns out to be a mouse,I'd crucify the son of a bitch. I've been known to get spooked by cats suddenly appearing at the window.I used to be quite a bit jittery at times.I'm not the best person to give advice about ghost hunting,and besides,I read that real ghost hunters can't drink alcohol on a watch.Which of course,marked the end of my interest in professional ghosthunting.

Mordant Carnival

16:44 / 29.10.01

Thanks, kobol.

I don't know if this is significant but the kitchen is my second-favorite place for meditating. My first favourite is in the bath; the bathroom in my flat opens off the kitchen. (That's Victorian terraces for you.)

I do not experience any feelings of fear in the kitchen or anywhere else in the flat. I suspect this is just the magickal universe playing up to get my attention. I'll try crashing out in the kitchen tonight just to see how I get on.

[ 30-10-2001: Message edited by: Mordant Carnival ]

12:50 / 30.10.01

No,no,no, wait one more night and then sleep in your haunted kitchen on Halloween night!

This is how great stories (and bad movies) are born...

14:14 / 30.10.01

Good luck MC.

[ 30-10-2001: Message edited by: kobol strom ]

Mordant Carnival

20:07 / 21.11.01

Updateorama:

#1: I'm having quite a lot of odd (communication related?) experiences lately; many unusual physical sensations, usually centered on around my crown chakra. A few of times I've heard a phone ringing in my house; it sounds a little like my real phone (rather than a neighbours, or whatever), but not entirely. When I get to the real phone the ringing has stopped, and when I dial 1471 there's no record of any call having come in. The latest occasion was today; just a single ring but I heard it very clearly. Could have been a glitch on the line- except that I'd unplugged the phone so I could take a nap. I suppose I could be having auditory hallucinations.

#2 Lots of dream experiences with a theme of standing at some threshold and being quizzed very intensly before I can pass through. Some of the door-keepers are hostile, some freindlier. Last night I was allowed access into a sort of storeroom and given a large, handsome necklace- almost like a chain of office, with three rows of blue beads and several large metal objects representing (I think) the phases of the moon. Which was nice.

#3 I did indeed spend a night in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor. I woke up about 3 times with the memory of someone in the room having spoken to me- on one occasion from right beside my head. I haven't done it since, but I'm giving it another try soon.

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