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Ask Von Mises

  
  

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astrojax69
22:53 / 24.08.05
please herr von mises,

my brain is filled up with ideas of freedom and potential for individual wealth in the context of a democratic socialist state where everyone contributes and benefits equally, unless you are a politician, a corporate giant or a footballer.

as a gemini with my moon in my fifth house, what colours should i wear if i want to become a footballer?


astro-confused
 
 
Saint Keggers
22:58 / 24.08.05
none
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
23:08 / 24.08.05


Hello again all!

I started a thread about the TRAUMATIC experiences I endured over Christmas, but it seems to have disappeared - can anybody HELP?

astrojax - why, RED, WHITE and BLUE, of course - the objectively-proven colours of CAPITALISM!

Yours understandingly,

Ludvig Von Mises.
 
 
odd jest on horn
21:37 / 08.09.05
Dear Von Mises,
I have found your rightful intellectual property here

I hope I'm not impinging on your time as I can clearly see how that would be paramount to stealing, i.e. socialism (see: Hitler, Stalin, George W. Bush). I trust that you will answer my question in the spirit of libertarian freely donated charity, where you get to exercise real choice.


My question is this:
How are gays impinging on my personal freedom by demanding to be married? I can't find any objective reason as to how that might be, but I can smell socialism and thievery as surely as a shark can smell blood in the water, and that issue smells strongly.

Could a great economist, such as yourself, please explain to me how the gays are stealing from me by demanding to be wed?

yours sincerely,
OJOH
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
08:15 / 09.09.05


Salutations!

This tiresome matter of GAY 'MARRAIGE' is most simple.

I have nothing against THE GAYS, and would certainly never attempt to ROB them of their time (which is their rightful PROPERTY) by bothering them with my own needs, like my need to be serviced on a weekly basis by a fine Austrian teenage maiden.

So why do they need to PESTER me and take away my time by COMPLAINING so loudly that their so-called 'RIGHTS' are being INFRINGED upon? I would never dream of taking an UNDUE INTEREST in their sexual habits - I LIKE GIRLS! - so why must they FORCE them UPON me?

The gays claim that they are being denied the right to marry, but are they REALLY? I have never seen a gay attempt to be married to another gay and be stopped by the police, so I cannot confirm that it is true. It is certainly less important than the restrictions placed upon CAPITALISM by our evil Marxist governments, the evidence for which I see every day WITH MY ONE GOOD EYE.

In a CAPITALIST society, everyone would be free to PURCHASE a marrige license with money they had EARNED. Even if a man wished to marry a dog, which let's face it, is only a step away from marrying another MAN, ha ha! If the gays cannot marry, it must be the fault of BIG GOVERNMENT, ie SOCIALISM.

Thank me for my time,

Ludvig Von Mises.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
08:19 / 09.09.05
And another thing!



I have a question for you all,

Why must the gays QUEER the once proudly HETEROSEXUAL medium of SCIENCE-FICTION TELEVISION? We HETEREOSEXUALS have very little in the way of popular culture we can now turn to - IT IS ALL GAY. Must science-fiction also be gay? Where is the FREEDOM OF CHOICE (a key principle of CAPITALISM) in that?

I would appreciate an answer.

Von Mises.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:43 / 10.09.05
Dear Dr. von Mises.

How do I go about reviving Star Trek?

Yours aye,

The Shat.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
15:31 / 12.09.05


Dear Shat,

It is quite SIMPLE. Any new series of Star Trek must focus on the most ADVANCED and FREE civilisation in the galaxy: that of the FERENGI. They must be shown to be the heroes, with their NOBLE system of COMMERCE. Anyone who disagrees does not understand ECONOMICS.

Live long and PROSPER through the fair EXCHANGE OF GOODS AND SERVICES FOR CAPITAL.

Von Mises.
 
 
Jack Fear
15:39 / 12.09.05
Dearest Von Mises,

Which is better: an honest dollar, or a dollar made dishonestly?

Your pal,

Jack Fear
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
08:51 / 14.09.05


Goody Fear,

By DEFINITION a dollar in its natural state is HONEST. It is only made DISHONEST if it is STOLEN from honest workers and traders by the GOVERNMENT through a crime such as TAXATION.

A dollar made honestly through EXCHANGE OF GOODS OR SERVICES is one of the most beautiful things on God's earth. As the song says:

"Wha can I get for TEN DOLLAH? ANYTHING YOU WANT - unless OPPRESSIVE RESTRICTIONS have been IMPOSED upon TRADE by SOCIALISM!"

I hope this grants you understanding,

LVM.
 
 
■
11:48 / 14.09.05
Dear Von Mises,
I would like to "Pimp" my "ride". Considering that this might require some form of transaction with the GOVERNMENT or one of its agencies to ensure my completed bitch magnet is roadworthy, am I morally justified in bigging my vehicle up so?
Yours,
In da club
 
 
Evil Scientist
12:14 / 14.09.05
Dear Von Mises,

I just killed a man in cold blood and I'm scared I'll do it again.

Advice?

Kind Regards,

E.S.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
09:32 / 20.09.05


Dear Mr "cube",

SOUPING UP your automobile to indicate your level of WELL-EARNT FINANCIAL SUCCESS is a good and noble thing. I am glad you have chosen not to listen either to the DUPLICITOUS GREENS with their PSEUDO-SCIENCE claims about CO2 emissions from automobiles causing SO-CALLED GLOBAL WARMING - as if the world getting a little warmer would be a bad thing, with my gout! - or the SELF-HATING ANTI-CONSUMERISTS who would have a successful hard-working man FLAGELLATE himself for his own good deeds rather than indulge in some harmless WELL-EARNT CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION.

A new entry level set of CHROME RIMS is only about £1000-£3000 now, which should be EASILY AFFORDABLE for all who are WORKING HARD ENOUGH.

Further information on this subject can be found in my new collection of essays, Von Mises: The Theses, available at all GOOD, HONEST bookshops at a COMPETITIVE price.

Yours 'BLINGINGLY',

Von Mises.

Who?

VON MISES.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
09:34 / 20.09.05


Dear ES,

Was he a COMMUNIST, or did he attempt to SHARE YOUR WEALTH?

Von Mises must know.
 
 
Jack Vincennes
12:29 / 20.09.05
Dear Professor Von Mises,

I am having a difficult time at work just now. My boss doesn't appreciate me, my co-workers cruelly mock my music taste and even my attempts to find another herbal tea I like are thwarted at every turn. I think the herbal tea I am currently drinking is giving me a stomach ulcer, but that's more of a side issue. My life feels like an ever-tightening spiral of misery. Where, here, the beauty of the dollar honestly earned? What can I do to change this? Should I even want to change this? I am trying to be a capitalist but sometimes it is really hard.

Yours sincerely (or, to use the traditional salutation in my industry, "BRgds")

J. Vincennes
 
 
electric monk
12:30 / 20.09.05
Dear Mr. Von Mises.

In nine days, I will leave my job with a large multinational corporation. The decision to leave was a difficult one, as the pay was fair and the benefits were good, but in the end I realized that the office environment was oppressive and damaging to my soul. Further, I came to feel that they were stealing two of my most valued assets: my time and my talent . So I have decided to strike out on my own and am looking for work. I am also considering starting a business with a few friends of mine. We have talked a lot about opening a mural-painting business (painting murals in the nurseries and bathrooms, etc. of the gentry), and we all agree that there is a built-in clientele in our area, so our chances of success are very good. It has also occurred to me, after reading your tracts, that it may indeed be a good and noble thing to assist the well-to-do in their conspicuous consumption.

Mr. Von Mises, is this a wise thing to do? Bear in mind that I have a wife and a baby to take care of. One the one hand, I have an opportunity to do something I would very much enjoy doing and making money at it. On the other hand, there is a lot of uncertainty in being the owner of a new business, especially in today’s unsure American economy.

Your in CAPITALISM,

e/m
 
 
John Octave
03:46 / 21.09.05
Dear Mr. von Mises,

Having recently witnessed the brutal murder of my parents, I have recently come to be in a car of most peculiar design with a rather flamboyantly-dressed gentleman who shouts random insults at me. I find myself wondering who the hell he is anyway, giving out orders like this.

Mr. von Mises, am I dense? Am I retarded or something? Who the hell do I think he is?

Yours, etc.
-DG
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
00:41 / 15.01.06


Dear J. Vincennes,

Those individuals with MORAL FIBRE have no difficulty in working an HONEST NINE TO FIVE job. However, if you find this tiresome, why not try supplementing your herbal tea with INDUSTRIAL-SIZED DOSES OF WEAPONISED HALLUCINOGENS? This may help the days FLY BY.

Yours with respect,

Mises, Von.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
00:43 / 15.01.06


Dear MONK,

By now you are no doubt BEGGING IN THE GUTTER, hoping to take the honestly-earned POUNDS OR DOLLARS of respectable citizens through that DECEITFUL CIRCUS some call CHARITY.

You will get NONE FROM ME,

VM
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
00:47 / 15.01.06


Dear "John Octave", also known as "DG", or may I call you "Dick"?

On the one hand, your recent change of circumstances may be all to the GOOD if your newly found guardian spends his nights apprehending those THEIVES who wish to "redistribute" the WEALTH. However, it appears likely that this flamboyantly-dressed man may be a SEXUAL INVERT, which no matter what MODERN SCIENCE tells us, will always be UNNATURAL.

If so, flee.

VonMises... From The Austrian School.
 
 
eddie thirteen
17:20 / 15.01.06
Dear capitalist fuckpig,

Ha! Did you see? Did you see what I did there? By juxtaposing "dear" (a common salutation that implies affection for the addressee) with "fuckpig" (a snarky word that I just made up -- that's my intellectual property, by the way -- don't make me sue you, shiteyes) I have shown you all what a riot bastard I am, and you can't deny it, even as you just can't stop laughing at my incredible wit. You love me, yet hate me, because I've insulted you, see, and you just can't get enough. You're like, "Fuck! How did that bastard get to be so bastardly and clever? What a bastard! I worship him." Do you? Then EAT FUCK, assclown. Ha! Fuck! Ha...oh my...

Mr. Von Mises, I have a problem. No -- fuck that. THEY HAVE A PROBLEM. If you can believe it, there are some people who still refuse to acknowledge what a true bastard I really am. I wouldn't care, because I don't give a FUCK! what some basement-dwelling momma's boy thinks about me; how could someone like that ever hope to understand me, professional writer, downloader of pictures of high-school-dropouts/hot-tattooed-model-artists, family man, genius, scientist, novelist (six issues of a comic book IS A NOVEL, MOTHERFUCKER -- look it up), and consummate, magnificent, sterling bastard? It's preposterous. My ass needs a licking, fanboys -- get in line. I'm sure a man of your stature sees where I'm coming from, Von Mises. I'm sure you wish you were half the bastard I am, but that's ten times more bastardly than these wanna-be bastards to whom I refer, so if anyone could possibly start to grasp me -- an enigma locked inside a contradiction wrapped up in a paradox and sucked into a black hole that can only stay open for six minutes at a time every twenty-four hours (something else I created) -- well, then, I guess it would be you, fuckface. Here's a kerchief. I think that's some of my cheesy smegma sticking to the corner of your fucking split sphincter mouth, you withered shitlord.

But the haters are still out there. Some say that, at 68, I'm getting a little old for this sick, sad game...some even say I'm getting too old to rock out with my cock out. Some would even question my scientific credentials! HOW COULD I WRITE SCIENCE FICTION IF I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SCIENCE, ASSHOLE. Jesus. Do you see what I have to put up with, Von Mises? William Gibson doesn't have to deal with this shit. As long as these detractors are out there, spreading their litany of lies, that means there's still bedwetting virgins out there who have yet to become my devoted fans...and without their financial support, how can I be expected to provide for my family? This is BULLSHIT. God, I want to punch a baby in the face. (And I really mean that, goddammit. I'm not making that up. Even though I love children. You'll never understand, so don't even try.)

Von Mises, they're fucking robbing me over here, man, and I know this is the reason why I don't have a movie deal or a TV series yet. Those Hollywood fucks wouldn't know talent if it was shoving a sharpened cokespoon into their shaved nutsacs (FUCK! I'm awesome. FUCK!!!!), but they'd instinctively cower in the presence of a real bastard like myself were it not for all the spunkeyed masturbators who say I'm washed-up, a sellout, a poseur, and all the rest. They're standing in the way of my bullshit-deity-of-your-choice-given right to turn my obvious amazing abilities into the financial empire every atom in the universe is screaming for them to be. WHAT THE FUCK!

Answer me, you fucking mummy,
Warren.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
17:58 / 15.01.06


Dear Warren,

I sympathise with your plight. Have you considered setting up some kind of TEMPORARY AUTONOMOUS ZONE in which your WORD is LAW, using the wonderful technology of the internet? You could institute rules such as "No one is allowed to criticise the GREAT WORKS of myself and my friends", "If I post a summary of a new series and one panel of art, nobody can say 'IS THIS REALLY GOING TO COME OUT EVER?'", and "DEAR ZAFTIG YOUNG WOMEN WITH PURPLE DREADLOCKS, please post photos of yourself wearing a t-shirt which bears a logo I designed, and you might win a prize!"

Also, why not publish a book of photos taken with your phone, and charge LARGE AMOUNTS for this INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY?

Yours warmly,

Von "Fucking" Mises.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
13:11 / 23.01.06
Dear Von Mises,

I appear to be growing hair everywhere. I suspect I may be turning into a dog or possibly a large game animal. What can I do?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:30 / 23.01.06


Dear Nina,

BIG GAME, you say? Ah, that takes me back. The dusty plains of the Serengeti. The SCENT of BLOOD - and not my OWN. I remember a farm in Africa. It's not there anymore, because I KILLED every living creature on the farm with my BARE HANDS.

But on to the problem at hand. My advice to you is simple:

FIGHT THE FEELING. LEAVE IT ALONE.

If this does not cause your lycanthropic symptoms to ABATE, seek help from a DOCTOR of MEDICINE - for I am only a mere DOCTOR OF ECONOMICS OF THE AUSTRIAN SCHOOL.

Yours,

VM.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
13:54 / 23.01.06
Dear, sweet Von Mises- why is a mouse at if spins?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
14:12 / 23.01.06


Young man,

What NONSENSE are you speaking in now? SPEAK ENGLISH, and desist from this "TXT SPEAK" PLS [OK THNX BYE].

VM.
 
 
Disco is My Class War
14:14 / 23.01.06
Dear Dr Von Mises,

Should the right-thinking Libertarian pay for his goods on credit, with plastic cards, or should he toil and save every cent until he has amassed the wealth to pay for shit outright?

Also, what is your position on the L Word? I assume since this show demonstrates the take-over of all culture by those pinko socialist gays, you must disapprove. But a man of calibre may be tempted by the wilful display of so much luscious feminine flesh/girl on girl action. Is this wrong?

This is a serious question, and I would appreciate a serious reply with less shouting. My regards to your gout.

MD
 
 
All Acting Regiment
14:19 / 23.01.06
Y! Y! Y!11!!11!

Von Mises, how the sweet peppernickle!!11!!??!! am I to defeat those terrible mutants!!111!!??!!! at the treetop research facility on Far Cry?

How am I to get into the room with the shotgun (and I need to get into the room with the shotgun) if I keep getting mauled by those monstrous and (some would say) boringly designed mutants?


(-)/\<>
(-)




...from the beadle
 
 
Spyder Todd 2008
15:34 / 23.01.06
Dear Von Misis,

I have an acquaintance who recently was seduced by a SUCCUBUS BITCH. Now, I wouldn’t feel bad at all by this normally, for this acquaintance is a COMMIE BASTARD who, despite my urgings and arguments defending noble capitalism, he is unrepentant. However, this is the second time in as many years that a succubus has consumed the mind and soul of someone I know. I fear that somehow I attract these hellish demons to people I know. I fear for their safety, as many of the people I know are not in fact blood-sucking communists. In fact, the victim of the first such incident was an upstanding capitalist. I’ve researched into how to combat succubi, but it seems the only way to be rid of the demons is to kill the host body. I don’t want to kill a brother capitalist, but there seems no other way. What should I do?

Sincerely yours,
The Spyder
 
 
Never or Now!
19:46 / 23.01.06
Dear Von Mises,

I´m insufferably smug! Please advise!

Yours,

-F.
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
02:05 / 24.01.06
Dear Von Mises,

Can you please tell us about the torrid affair you had with Ayn Rand?

I need to live vicariously through you.

Love,

Solitaire
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:09 / 24.01.06


Dear Mister Disco,

In answer to your first question, you must no doubt be aware that I favour a return to the gold standard, in order that REAL and EXISTING monies can be exchanged for REAL and EXISTING goods and services. Further information as to why I favour a return to the gold standard can be found in my paper, 'Why I Favour a Return to the Gold Standard', (Rawls & McNulty press, 1982).

On to the thorny problem of credit. Let us first examine the LITERAL meaning of the word. The literal meaning of the word 'credit' refers literally to a fair exchange within an honest capitalist system: e.g., "Let us give Von Mises credit for his economic theories". As you can see, in this example credit is being given in exchange for REAL, TANGIBLE theories: a fair exchange. However the word 'credit' has been perverted by socialists to have a different meaning: for example, some might say "Let us credit the people of Barbelith with some intelligence." This advocates giving credit without anything TANGIBLE or CONCRETE being given in return! The people of Barbelith will get no such credit from me!

I hope this clarifies matters resolvedly.

Von Mises.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:12 / 25.01.06


Dear Mister Disco,

I will now move on to answer your second question, as it has sparked a pleasant reminiscence on my part, much in the way that Nina's question brought to mind my days WRESTLING MAN-EATING LIONS on the continent that you're not allowed to call "dark" anymore because of the PC NATIONAL SOCIALISTS.

In 1997 I was on a speaking tour of the United States of America, giving a series of lectures entitled 'MUSSOLINI: IF ONLY HE HADN'T LOVED MARX SO MUCH'. It was during this time that I encountered a young aspiring drama student by the name of Katherine Moennig. We differed on many issues, for example what to do about the poor and queer, but nevertheless we recognised in each other a passion for political debate and an appreciation of the arts.

A May to December romance blossomed. I say 'romance', but it was in fact limited to a few sweet moments of sexual activity in the back row of a small cinema during a screening of Fassbinder's Bitteren Tränen der Petra von Kant, Die. Shortly thereafter I ended my tour of those United States (not in DISGRACE as was FALSELY ALLEGED in the subsequent MEDIA CIRCUS). Young Katherine moved on with her life and has of late enjoyed success in her chosen career as an actor of parts. We have continued to correspond, however, although nowadays she does this through a needlessly aggressive ATTORNEY.

I hope this makes my position on the issue of "LESBIAN TELEVISION" quite clear.

Yours, fighting fucking living loving laughing singing ICED FRONTS BLINGING,

Von Mises.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:14 / 25.01.06


Dear drink me,

I'm afraid this is not a condition with which I am familiar. Could you please explicate your symptoms further?

VM.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
10:22 / 25.01.06
Dear von Mises,

In your capacity as a snappy wearer of clothes purchased with an honest etc., could I sound you out as to the virtues of the external ticket pocket on suit jackets? I have often believed it to be a great way to use more fabric, thus continuing the cycle of free exchange and to show one's own worth as a consumer. However, I have recently become afeared that this is TANTAMOUNT TO COMMUNISM. What do you think?

Yours aye,

The Haus the private ownership of which will not be recognised and respected by the GOVERNMENT unless the point is proven with GUNFORCE.
 
  

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