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Occult revolt

  
  

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Pita
12:27 / 03.11.04
anyone want to join me?

we need to really organize

if the revolution proceeeds along the path dictated by John Bin Bush we are in for a nasty ride

lets derail this bullet train
 
 
FinderWolf
15:37 / 03.11.04
The magickal revolution to minimize the further damage caused by the 2nd Bush term (ouch, it hurts just saying that) starts NOW!!!! And maybe we can even get Bush to play nice a little bit with the Dems too...
 
 
Pita
15:41 / 03.11.04
being a bit of an outsider here I am curious to hear what approaches lithers would suggest to an all out occult revolt

my current thinking is organize something like the freemasons did back in the 1770s
 
 
FinderWolf
15:42 / 03.11.04
What did they do in the 1770s, Pita?
 
 
DecayingInsect
19:52 / 03.11.04
Sorry but I have to ask if some of the people posting here getting delusional.

The fiction-suits/sigil-charging attack on Bush appears to have had no effect whatsoever

What on earth makes anyone think that an 'Occult Revolt' (whatever that might be) will be any different?
 
 
LykeX
20:05 / 03.11.04
A change of strategy is required. Instead of sigilising for election, which is too hard because you have to influence so many people, try for a heart attack or a cocaine overdose. Fewer factors to influence and therefore easier.
 
 
---
20:12 / 03.11.04
What on earth makes anyone think that an 'Occult Revolt' (whatever that might be) will be any different?

Maybe because it could or would have to include a revolution of ourselves instead of just casting spells at muppets, even if a lot of us did put a lot of hard work into doing just that. A lot of it could of worked, but I guess there wasn't enough to bring about what we wanted.

It's also possible that some of us threw negative energies their way which they actually fed on. Infesting the planes with higher energies that they have no chance of being able to comprehend in their state could help us a lot right now. Simply because they wouldn't be able to siphon it for their own use and it could at the same time be used to raise overall awareness of what's going on at the moment for those with doubts about the Bush administration/any idea of what's going on at the moment. It could/would also open up more channels/energies for us to work with.
 
 
Unconditional Love
21:37 / 03.11.04
theres a book called change the world for a fiver.
one idea in it or its basic tenet is this.

You are what you do.

in my experience thats true, any action you are personally involved in that reinforces the kind of world you dont want to live in reinforces that world, think very carefully about what you do and the consequences of that doing. especially everyday actions, the most basic ones.

anyway i am preaching to the converted.
 
 
vajramukti
22:05 / 03.11.04

I submit that this event is a wake up call. indeed i will dare say this is THE wake up call for our generation.

this shit is not funny anymore. if it ever was. we've been backseat revolutionaries while the world goes for shit. how in the name of all names did we as society let things get to this point?

I'm prepared to blame myself, and anyone like me who professes to be in the buisness of consciousness expansion and evolution and still treats this nightmare like it's a game.


the prayer bots of middle america don't think this is agame. they think this is fucking end times, people.

the sucidal jihadist mystics don't think this is a game. how could we possibly deflect the energies they've unleashed right now? of course we couldn't.

I submit that waiting this out and playing the long term strategy is not cutting it anymore. we need to bring it to the next level, and we need to do it today. not 2008, not after george drafts everyone under thirty to go die in the middle east. TODAY.

i don't need to tell anyone that this fragile earth is in big trouble. watching it on tv is part of the problem. the 'youth vote' watched this shit on tv. you can be damn sure they will be listening when there are bread lines, rolling blackouts, no fucking jobs and a war that never ends so these cocksuckers can line their pockets and/or live in their private dream world where fetuses have halos and sodomites die in a rain of sulfur or whatever malfunction they've got today.
if you are still contemplating holding anything of yourself back from the struggle for our human future i respectfully suggest you need to pull your head of your ass.
if we claim to be forward thinking, morally advanced, compassionate, evolved, illuminated, a magician, a culture jammer, a memetic engineer, a shaman, a monk, a warrior, a teacher, a healer, an activist, an artist, a human being of any kind. it time to prove it. once and for all, for god's sweet sake. we may not get another chance.

I for one, will need to be able to look at myself in the mirror, and should i be so blessed, i will need to be able to look at my childen ,and know i didn't fucking sit this out.

love respect and hope
 
 
Boy in a Suitcase
22:18 / 03.11.04
Here's my succinct view of occult revolution:

Enact the changes you want to see in the world in your own life. BE your own utopia NOW. Make sure people notice. If you're on to something, you'll have the attention you need and people will duplicate by mimesis. Watch the contagion spread.

Don't dream it, be it.
 
 
LVX23
23:40 / 03.11.04
DecayingInsect wrote:
What on earth makes anyone think that an 'Occult Revolt' (whatever that might be) will be any different?

Well when you try to influence such a vast confluence of entities the best you can hope for is nudging the currents a bit. And I firmly believe we succeeded at least in this effort. The more energy and will we invoke into being, the more the currents shift.

Ultimately, I think none of us really felt incredibly strongly about having John Kerry as president. Really, we wanted to stop Bush but, more importantly, we want a better world for us all, free from corruption, oppression, and destruction. And in this, again, I think we've succeeded admirably. There is no doubt that these feelings are now stronger than ever in the collective consiousness.

Raise the vibration and keep nudging humanity closer to self-realization.

BiaC wrote:
Enact the changes you want to see in the world in your own life. BE your own utopia NOW.

You and me are buzzing on the same frequency, mate. From something I wrote over at Future Hi earlier today:

It's fair to be worried and it's critical to remain vigilant. A lot can happen in 4 years. But history has shown that the human spirit has only ever continued to grow in power, always moving forward against seemingly huge odds. If we're just floating and bobbing along in the currents of life, the political game is like a small boat on the surface trying to make us all believe we need to get onboard in order to survive. Everything we need is right here right now. Blaming politics or foreigners or drugs or any other scapegoat is a cop-out for weak minds unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions.

Evolve yourself and politics will eventually catch up.
 
 
sine
23:43 / 03.11.04
Moriamur et in media arma ruamus.
Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem
 
 
Information in formation
23:56 / 03.11.04
Ok, so this is all just way too fucked up to believe.

I second the feeling in the post directly above this one. But I would just like to add: ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS? Magick is not something to be fucked arround with or used irresponsably, and IMO magickal war is really fucking irresponsable, not to mention dangerous to everyone!

YES, use magick en masse to effect change, if ever there was a time to do it it is right now.

but please, before any or all of you commit yourselves to this course take an objective step back from the situation and think rationally about what you are proposing here.

Death and violence only bring further death and violence. We are all seeing the effects of this right now (turn on CNN, CBC, BBC or any other news channel) Why the fuck do you think that causing a heart attack on someone would be any different or somehow more justifyable? I would argue that it is infact the exact same thing, and in many ways even worse.

You are all talking about the negative energies of the people in power and how that might have adversly affected the campaign durring the debates, well why don't you stop and think about the negative energies/entities out there in the aethirs who would jump at the chance to help in a magickal war.

these forces don't give a good god damn about you or your lofty talk about revolution or direct action. and once they are through with helping you or they get bored they'll turn arround and fuck you up 100 times worse.

Yes the election results are fucking terrifying and yes we are slowly witnessing the collapse of western civilisation. But that is all the more reason not to contribute to it.

You people talk about how it's not a game and to stop acting like it... well here's your chance.

Here's your chance to rise above all the back biting and inconcionable violence, lies and irrationality.

Mohandis Ghandi once urged people to be the change they wanted to see in the world. I for one am trying to do the same thing here in this post.

All of you people in the communities, orders, covens, and cabals who think you are going to see a positive result by starting this occult insurection or what ever the fuck. Stand the fuck back a second and please weigh the consequences. If you don't we will all be in a world full of shit that no ammount of elections or regime changes will ever be able to heal.

you all want change, start with your fucking selves, all of us! I for one will have nothing to do with any sort of magickal war. because wether it's waged with wands or machine guns it's still a fucking war.
 
 
--
02:36 / 04.11.04
I feel like being a smart-ass quoting Philip K. Dick saying "To fight the enemy is to be infected by it's derangement". la la la...

I've always liked how Spider Jerusalem said that he didn't have the power to cause change, but his writing could at least influence those who could cause change on a mass scale. I figure my greatest tool is my writing ability so I hope to one day use that to influence people who would one day be in a position of power (among other things). In terms of power I've always liked how Morrison said that power is for people who just want to be childish... I want no power over anyone except myself. Word. far out.
 
 
vovinoiad
02:37 / 04.11.04

Personally, I thought there was ALREADY a war going on...

...and we've been steadily losing it. SO, obviously, a change in tactics is required.

Suggestions/concepts/ideas/etc?

(Note: If you disagree with the concept, I respect and admire your decision to take the stance of non-aggression. That being said...we are currently at war, whether you wish to acknowledge it or not. Should you so desire to sacrifice yourself for your stated beliefs, please try to do so in a way that doesn't interfere with the efforts of those willing to risk even more than their moral standings.)
 
 
LVX23
03:41 / 04.11.04
Information, as much as I appreciate you jumping in from out of nowhere and casting wild and ignorant judgement at a moment of deep hurt and concern, please take a moment to read some of the other threads on this topic. In spite of some fiery emotions at the moment I think you'll be happily surprised at just how restrained and conscious the work has been along this course.

For your much needed edification I suggest you read through the following threads:

No Bush in 2004

Combat Magick

Shift
 
 
vajramukti
04:00 / 04.11.04

i think it would be a mistake to limit the conceptual framework of this conflict to ideas like war and violence.

peace loving beings reject violence, and rightly so.

but unless you are prepared to play christ on the cross, i don't believe we are required to sit back as our future, our children's future, tolerance, compassion, and diversity get flushed down the fucking toilet.

why don't we infect the empire with our derangement?

why are we trying to fight money men and religious zealots on their terms? they have set the parameters of this struggle and of course they are winning.
i think it utterly telling that so many people were against bush, myself included. opposing that force only strenghtens it's reality. that shit won't fly anymore. we need to stand for something. not against what we don't like.

so far we've been fighting for the right to be uninvolved. we want this ugly political shit to diminsh to a dull roar so we can go back our solitary paths. right?

it's too late for that. it's too late to play the non involvement card. you are involved. you have something at stake. the future is cancelled my friends, unless we bring everything we have to the table right now.

yes humanity will evolve, but there's no guarantee any one of us will be there for it. there's no guarantee we won't spend the the next 1000 years in a dark age wondering what the fuck happened in the 21st century.
for the love of everything you hold dear, this is not the time for cliches and platitudes. this is time to think and think really goddamn hard about what you're preapred to do, and what you're capable of doing. there is no formula here.

love and peace doesn't mean be a victim. nonviolence doesn't mean lay down in front of a fucking tank.


it starts with you, in you, in everything you do with your life. hate is not going to change this thing. love will. love for justice, love for compassion, love for truth and beauty, love for growth and learning and courage.

to anyone who suggests that killing is the solution: i say you are thinking too SMALL. killing people never solved anything. indeed it almost always makes it worse.

people are tools of ideas, or ideologies, of phantoms that rule their lives. they're pawns of a pack of lies masquerading as love of jesus, love of freedom, love of country.

the only lasting victory is to destroy everything bush and his crew stand for. destroy greed, destroy hate, destroy infantile fear, destroy ignorance. destroy cynical manipulation. destroy apathy and resignation. destroy pandering to the worst in good people.

destroy these things in yourself, and all else will follow.
there are forces in this creation that are waiting, have been wating for a long long time for us to grow up and get with the program. do not doubt it for a second. there are legions of angels, boddhisattvas, devas, totems, elementals and a million other things waiting to be called on. these beings have no other purpose but to champion the best in us.

I'm not an american, just a concerned citizen of this fragile world, but i can guarantee you americans out there one thing:

in the place where spirits dwell there is an eagle, and it represents everything that is best in the american dream
it contains all the love that people all over the world have had and still have for the united states of america, and what it stands for. it's the avatar of freedom and justice, and liberty. it is a real force that can tear these criminals and everything they hold dear to confetti.

and if you call it, it WILL answer.

for my part i will take my refuge in the buddha, now and forever. skillfull thought. skillfull speech. skillfull action. nammo amitabha.
 
 
Z. deScathach
04:21 / 04.11.04
In resonse to the poster that said that a magickal war is crazy and irresponsible, I would posit a simple question: How does s/he feel about the magickal war already being fought by Christian fundamentalists in my country? I see books on the shelf over here with "spiritual warfare" in the title, with instructions on agressive prayer. A question was raised in terms of "What went wrong with the magick?" What went wrong is that in my country, many Christians pray fervently, and they have been doing so from little on. Ever seen a member of radical Christianity pray? I have. Bobbing up and down chanting, "In Jesus's name.... In Jesus's name......" Multiply that by tens of millions, and THAT is where the magick went wrong. They don't ask for God's will to be done because they think they KNOW what God's will is. Some people think that Christian prayer is quaint and ineffective. Witnessing a prayer circle in some of the more radical churches quickly puts the lie to that. Classic gnosis is at work in those circles and it is plain to see. To believe that Christian magick is ineffective because it is practiced by Christians is IMO both naive and dangerous. I've been on the receiving end of one of their "prayer campaigns", and while I came out on top, I was quite frankly impressed. We have a crazy brand of religion over here, a brand of religion that says, "If it is in Christ's name, then ANY amount of prayer force is acceptable."

That having been said, I don't believe that heart attacks and occult violence AS STATED INTENT is useful, here's why: Because it is inefficient intent. If the real intent is to stop what is a global disaster in the making, then that should be the intent. Let it find it's own path. Just like any magickal power, it will find the path of least resistance. Christian magick's achilles heel is that it will only accept ONE path. If the intent to stop this madness is forced to go through the path of resistance and violence, than so so be it. If the intent travels through the path of passivity or love, so be it, (and all the better). It's been my experience that when intent to counter violence goes through a path of violence it usually does so because the opponent is so gung-ho on destroying whatever it is that they wish to destroy, that the magick has nowhere else to go. We are a gregarious species, and magick will usually go through more peaceful channels if allowed. Seeing violence as always unacceptable fails to take into account that nature is full of it. Nature is full of symbiosis and cooperation as well.

Ghandi was mentioned above, as he frequently is in discussions like this. The question is, just how much success would he have had if had been facing a fascist regime like the third reich? We wouldn't be quoting him, because he would have beeen dead long before anyone was really aware of him. The secret to countering their magick is the fashioning of the intent. It should not be restricted, it should be allowed to find it's own way. It should be crafted so that it's only structure is to create what is TRULY desired. What is truly desired of course, will vary from person to person, but it'll come out in the end. Magickally getting rid of George will do nothing except make him into a martyr,and another just like him will step up to the plate, in the person of Dick Chaney. You can't stop a hydra by cutting off one of it's heads.
 
 
osymandus
07:20 / 04.11.04
To stand by and allow the helpless to be harmed is among one of the greatest evils of the universe.

That which we hate , we are most likley to become.

Violence is meraly an action, those mindfull of the ever present moment will know the right action to perform at the right moment.

There is no war , this is a rescue mission.
 
 
reFLUX
07:39 / 04.11.04
do you think it's possible to effect change upon world leaders or their actions? don't you think they've got witches on their side guarding against such attacks? believe it, they do.
anything we can put together has got something against it. which is not a reason to stop trying, just a warning.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
08:29 / 04.11.04
So what, specifically and individually, do you intend to do?
 
 
Z. deScathach
10:56 / 04.11.04
do you think it's possible to effect change upon world leaders or their actions? don't you think they've got witches on their side guarding against such attacks? believe it, they do.
anything we can put together has got something against it. which is not a reason to stop trying, just a warning.

Huh. The words "web-crawler" and "site monitoring" come to mind.
 
 
Aertho
15:02 / 04.11.04
We need Bush to go gay... or gay bash. Can Europe deny travel? Or exports? We need to make the world a difficult place to be. Jesus needs to come back. Can we pull a second coming wag-the-dog?
 
 
Sekhmet
15:44 / 04.11.04
What we need... is a private resort-prison island... where we can get special effects artists and engineering experts to design a gigantic horrible alien creature which will attack New York City and unite the human race as one against a supposed outside force...

Er, wait. I'm living in a comic book again, aren't I?...


The Christian prayer-warriors are both formidable and frightening. These are people who would, and sometimes do, have no compunction about wading into the middle of a Voudoun ritual or a Hindu village and slinging their faith around like a sledgehammer, to get rid of the "demons". There are groups who travel the world for the sole purpose of attacking and destroying local deities and spirits.

Bush and his administration have prayer coverage from thousands of them, 24 hours a day. I frankly doubt if even well-intentioned nudges toward open-mindedness or peace will get through that, much less actual attacks.

Bush in a Cell and LVX23 are, I think, on the right track. Change yourself first. Then, work with the people in your immediate sphere of influence. Work on the local level. Influence things in your circle of friends, your family, your neighborhood, your community. Use whatever techniques you have at your disposal, magical or not, to influence the worldview of those around you. Cast, visualize, paint, draw, talk, sing, dance, write, play, act, post links and articles, organize marches, communicate with your political representatives, debate with your friends. Fight the battles that are on your scale, rather than trying to singlehandedly assault the highest levels of the hegemony and dashing yourself against the walls. Erode the foundations out from under the tower of arrogance and ignorance. Eventually it will fall. You can't change everything at once, but you can change some things over time.
 
 
Pita
16:00 / 04.11.04
You are very correct Sekhmet

One of my goals for the next decade is to help develop a new linguistic paradigm much like the neocons did only I would like the focus of this paradigm to be liberation rather than domination

I look at the masterful coordination of the neocons and realize that this effort was many years in the making

If we are unable to maintain any focus, as they consistantly have, then we will continue to be beaten

this project is less aimed at confronting or attacking any group or individual, instead I am focusing on building

if we build a solid foundation and undermine the false definitions which have been propagated (the illusion of liberal/conservative duality) we will be much better prepared to meet the challenge of the new con (its getting old quickly tho innit)
 
 
Aertho
17:07 / 04.11.04
Work on a local level is already underway. Not talking to my piss-poor parents always pushes us towards SOME kind of confrontation. And wonderfully situated around the Thanksgiving-birthday-Christmastime glee. Let Daddy think I'm a terrorist for fucking with his holiday.

Someone was right: This is a culture war, and we all saw it coming. The problem as I see it is that there are those who are afraid and those who are not. Mom's been cowed to my idiot father for too long. I want my gloriously furious motherbitch back. I've got the Lucifer Principle as well as one dead grandma on my side.
 
 
Unconditional Love
17:13 / 04.11.04
there are other ways to influence these groups, become an agent, join them.

i have been practising kung fu and tai chi in a methodist church for nearly 2 years now, i am surrounded by christians, my first conversations with the instructor were about crowley, i played the convert me card, 2 learn what cards they were holding and how they worked. what i learned was that some fulfill the stereo types you carry but others do not, others have a profound sense of love and compassion, but i did find them to be few and far between.

the christian women seemed to have a real taste for the empowered female as prescribed by modern advertising, theres a starting place there, christians are by far not a unified whole, there is a huge amount of in fighting between various christian groups, theres potential in that.

theres a considerable amount of sexual tension which can be focused. alot of the sites of these places are old spiritual sites, there are intresting things lurking around, some not willing to take the forms they are directed with.

you will get a general feel for what is really there, rather than the mediated view we all recieve through various propaganda forms, you will also see how the conversion process works, what basic facets of humanity are involved in that process, it will give you a real insight.

my work is over there now, the instructor has now found his guru amma and is off to india to marry an indian girl from her ashram and teach kung fu and learn kalari.

i am not saying that is an easy choice but if you can tolerate the reduction of your ego and power for a period, theres alot to be learnt about christians, another impression i caught was that there are alot of people who are trying to learn virtue who perhaps have no real idea of what natural virtue is.

basically they read as mostly human, its the shepards that seem to create a majority of the problems.

the problem in trying to manipulate or influence people lies in the fact that you have to become like a politician, its worth while trying to understand people, but becoming the manipulator means you have to strip them of there freedom and you end up if not careful as conniving as a shepard.

all in all as a piece of magickal work its worth exploring to challenge your own notions of christianity give it at least a year go join a church activity see whats there, see how it works, to change something you really have to understand what it is your trying to change, id also say from what i picked up that theres alot of change going on within christianity itself, some of it very hopeful, its a small voice at the moment, perhaps it needs some support?
 
 
Pita
17:31 / 04.11.04
You make some very valid points wolfangel

I was actually raised in a southern baptist church with the added benefit of having a mother who wanted me to understand the true nature of said church. It was quite an enlightening experience to say the least. This background has led me to have a great deal of compassion for those of the christian faith as well as a bit of a unique perspective on the power structure which has been designed to control and manipulate these well meaning souls.

I feel that more depth of understanding of the neocons and the christian coalition could only strengthen anyone who opposes wholesale imperialism and oppression and infiltrating churches could be a means to achieve that.

I still feel however that we really need to form a solid network in order to do this. There are many groups who were working to stop Bush but they were and are still divided as a whole. The neocons on the other hand consolidated their base and overwhelmed the entire nation.

The best way to avoid defeat is to know ones enemy better than that enemy knows you

I am quite certain the neocon does not understand my perspective and I think this is likely the greatest strength of the underground magic community.
 
 
Sekhmet
17:31 / 04.11.04
By all means. Make friends within the system. Learn about them, and let them learn about you. Find out that you're both human. Maybe everyone involved can learn something.

Christians, even evangelical fundamentalists, are not all beyond hope. My inlaws, for example, have done a lot of thinking over the past few years and are very different people now than when I joined their family. I believe my husband and I, as well as their other children, played a role in that.

Challenge the beliefs of those who love you, and so hopefully won't reject you out of hand. Maybe they'll rant or rage or worry. But maybe they'll listen, too.
 
 
vajramukti
17:40 / 04.11.04

the lucifer principle! now we're talking.

and I think that's the right track. it's the narcissism of minor differences that leads to intertribal strife.

the prayer bot brigade hates and fears images of liberal sexuality and empowered women because they WANT it, obviously. it's the same reason the taliban does what they do. they're scared shitless that our ideas are going to infect their cultures and drag them into the aeon of horus kicking and screaming. and they're absolutely right.

the harder they clamp down, the more their kids want out of that stifling thought dungeon.

our job is to make them want to be us so much they'll stomp all over each other to get it.

" would you rather be sheep standing round the lake of fire, or a crowned and conquering child of force and fire? "

seems pretty cut and dried to me.
 
 
Chiropteran
18:05 / 04.11.04
vajramukti, I don't know if it's quite so cut and dried as you say. "Radical submission to Christ" can be, in itself, very empowering for certain kinds of people. Tempting, even. Let's see, a few years of dope, kinky sex, and humanistic philosophy, or an ETERNITY of BLISS in HEAVEN?? Seems pretty cut and dried to them.

~~~

Not all Christians - even among the most conservative - have any interest in meddling in anyone else's affairs who doesn't welcome their efforts. And a number of Evangelical groups have long eschewed politics entirely.

A big part of "knowing our enemy" is going to consist, I think, of breaking down the common view of CHRISTIANS as a monolithic body. There are Christians who might give their support to civil marriage for same-sex couples (if not marriage within their particular church) precisely because it's What Jesus Would Do. On the other side, there are Christians who pray for the death and eternal damnation of every American who voted for Kerry, because he wasn't a staunch enough opponent to the Sodomite Assault on a Christian America. If we look close enough, not only will we know our enemies better, but we may find unexpected allies, at least on some issues (the many Christian-based anti-war groups being one example).

~L
 
 
vajramukti
18:21 / 04.11.04

aye, fair enough. good points

I'm thinking anyway that what you need is a powerfull emotional appeal to all these folks who profess to love christ. the nice thing about that is there are lots of interpretations of christ.

the other nice thing, is that the harder your resistance to reason, the harder you fall to emotional persuasion.

what we need is some impassioned firebrand preacher whipping up storms of gnostic-jesus revivalism.

looks like jesus, talks like jesus... must be jesus.
 
 
Sekhmet
18:27 / 04.11.04
Maybe, maybe not... They think this is the end times, and so are expecting a series of false prophets claiming to be Jesus. Of which we've had several already.

Probably won't believe it's Jesus unless he floats down out of the sky waving a sword and miraculously casting instant death on the infidels...
 
 
vajramukti
18:30 / 04.11.04


well i'm not suggesting a litteral impersonation of christ. more like, a radical reinterpretive revival in the spirit of christ.
 
 
Sekhmet
18:44 / 04.11.04
It's a valid thought, and I think there have been some movements that direction in certain segments of the faith. As Lep points out, there are Christians-for-peace groups operating out there even now.

Might be difficult to put a large-scale revival into practice, though, unless someone here is a really fantastic, charismatic, evocative public speaker, and already has some "ins" with higher-ups in the evangelical Christian community, and...

Er.

Hm. If it wasn't for the likely-to-get-stoned-to-death-in-the-end factor, I'd nominate my husband...
 
  

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