Right I've got a(n entirely unrelated joke).

Stop reading if you've heard this one.

Three vampires go into a Transylvanian pub

The first Vampire goes up to the barman and asks for a pint of blood.
"Get to fuck! We don't serve blood" says the barman.

He opens the shutters, sunlight comes in and the vampire hisses and backs away.

The second vampire goes up and asks for a pint of blood too.
"Look, I told him and I'll tell you! We don't serve blood!"
He brings up a crucifix.

The vampire hisses and slinks off.

The third vampire goes up and asks for a pint of hot water.
The barman is confused.
"A pint of hot water? Are you sure you don't want a pint of blood like the other two?"

"No!" the vampire says, holding up a used tampon.

"I have teabags!!"

iamus

01:42 / 02.11.04

-Waits to be hit-

Alex's Grandma

01:44 / 02.11.04

Mm. I feel closer to Julian than I do to most of my own family, and I wouldn't like to think that he'd allowed some of those, y'know, *bad ideas* to get too out of hand...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

01:44 / 02.11.04

You forgot to say boom-TSCH! at the end. That's what makes jokes funny.

iamus

01:46 / 02.11.04

Did you hear about the scarecrow with the OBE?

He was outstanding in his field.

Boom-TSCH.

Alex's Grandma

01:47 / 02.11.04

Sorry M, that was a reply to about two posts back.

The fact remains though, that you're going to have to spend an extra couple of months in purgatory for that gag.

Pretty funny though it was.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

01:51 / 02.11.04

Yay on the boom-TSCH. See, you're getting it now!

iamus

01:58 / 02.11.04

It is on that note that I commit myself to the final, enevitable, respect-destroying, yet many times forewarned sin.........(but this one's for you Stoatie)

An elephant and a pair of cymbals fall off a cliff.....

Boom-TSCH!

(I really need to work on this self-control thing. Somebody please jump in this comedy hole with me)

Saint Keggers

01:59 / 02.11.04

check halloween thread

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

02:00 / 02.11.04

You'll be pleased to know I both laughed at the elephant/cymbals one and told it to a guy in the office. He smirked, but kind of despairingly. I liked it, though.

Papess

02:01 / 02.11.04

I have terrible delivery, so allow me to do mine visually...

great site.

iamus

02:03 / 02.11.04

Stoatie, Thank you. It usually garners one of those two reactions.

Lillith, that made me laugh. I'm going to have a look at that sight.

Keggers, you are one sexy motherfucker.

Alex's Grandma

02:03 / 02.11.04

My favourite gag:

( With huge apologies if this is offensive. )

" Why were so many African-American soldiers killed in Vietnam ?

Because every time... "

Actually, thinking about it, it is a bit much.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

02:06 / 02.11.04

Seriously, everyone check the Halloween thread. I now feel like I've cheated on Steve... WITH MY MIND!!!

iamus

02:08 / 02.11.04

C'mon Alex. You can't build up and not deliver.

I won't get offended, but I can't speak for others.

PM if you have reservations.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

02:14 / 02.11.04

Oh, I thought he'd finished and I just didn't get it.

Papess

02:15 / 02.11.04

Heehee...me too Stoats!

iamus

02:16 / 02.11.04

Perhaps.

But if so, I didn't get it either.

Alex's Grandma

02:19 / 02.11.04

" Because every time someone shouted 'Get down' all the guys started dancing. "

As I say, I'm very sorry.

But then having looked at the Halloween thread, I also feel ashamed about having had *thoughts* to do with someone other than Steve.

I was hoping I'd be a monogamous stalker in 2005, but it looks like it's not to be.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

02:21 / 02.11.04

[chuckle]

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

02:21 / 02.11.04

Actually, no, I retract that chuckle. You didn't say "boom-TSCH!".

Papess

02:23 / 02.11.04

Can I tell gay jokes? Gay friendly ones, that is? I am not sure if I am PC enough for Barbelith.

iamus

02:24 / 02.11.04

That made me larf. And it wasn't that bad.
Except for the boom-TSCH exclusion obviously, but as I can tell you, some lessons just have to be learned the hard way..

iamus

02:25 / 02.11.04

When it comes to humour, there shouldn't be such a thing as PC, as long as you don't mean any genuine disrespect.

Papess

02:28 / 02.11.04

Okay then...here goes! (I think this is an old one, though)

Q: "Why can't a lesbian wear make-up and go on a diet at the same time?"
A: "Because she can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face."

and for the boys...

Groom: "My little peach"
Groom: "My little plum"
Preacher: "I now pronounce you fruit salad"

There, I did it.

Papess

02:30 / 02.11.04

Oh and..

ba boom-TSCH

Saint Keggers

02:30 / 02.11.04

What did one fly say to the other fly?

Your man is down.

Boom-Tsh!

iamus

02:31 / 02.11.04

-groan-

What do you call a policewoman with a shaved pussy?

Cuntstubble.

Page: 1 2(3)4 5

Add Your Reply