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I'm so confused

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Lilly Nowhere Late

19:24 / 13.10.04

While I do find a lot of the things I read on here a bit dificult to believe, I cannot for the life of me figure out who's real and who's fake and which little stories are well, little stories. Am I just being naiive or is there a secret mark of fiction that I'm not clued to? Forgive my foolishness.

19:38 / 13.10.04

Think of it as a sort of Barbe-version of Spinal Tap, Lilly, albeit more derivative and increasingly one-note. "What's wrong with being sexy?"

ONLY NICE THINGS

19:49 / 13.10.04

*You're* confused? How do you think Ben feels?

19:52 / 13.10.04

Inauthentically horny. I'm guessing.

19:54 / 13.10.04

Having read the Ben and Steve saga, might I say that it sounds more and more like something that Kevin Smith(the Clerks guy) made up.

All we need is a lesbian and some guy who smokes a lot of weed and it will read like a cross between Chasing Amy and Mallrats(but not as cool, sorry guys).

James

20:08 / 13.10.04

The roommate James?

20:14 / 13.10.04

Ben:

Does James smoke pot, play video games, and/or know a lot about comic books?

Are you secretly a fictional construct written by Kevin Smith?

Did Steve end up sleeping with that girl you liked?

20:17 / 13.10.04

yes,
yes,
no,

I mean,

no,
no,
...yes,

or is it really

no
yes
no?

20:25 / 13.10.04

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING US FOR?!?

Tell me your taking the piss, please.

21:46 / 13.10.04

No, no. I'm not James "gets laid and has no respect for women", I'm James "has respect for women but can't get laid in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons".

Thank you for with the getting of straight.

James
wishes he didn't have such a common first name. His last is as bad if not worse.

21:51 / 13.10.04

MUST RESIST BAD PUNS
MUST RESIST BAD PUNS

22:25 / 13.10.04

You're

We'll get there one day.

23:47 / 13.10.04

I hope no one here really believes that Kevin Smith actually invented the idea of sex-obsessed guys who smoke pot, play video games and read too many comics. This theory has much of my reality repositied as some Matrix-stylee simulacrum penned by Silent Bob. This is too horrible even for me to imagine, although it would explain all the self-indulgent ranting, adolescent toilet humor and unimaginative cinematography I confront on a daily basis.

If Ben IS a put-on, I have to say, he sure seems realistic enough to me (except for the masochism required to continue chronicling his adventures in the face of mockery and...uh...mockery); seriously, this all sounds like the doings of people I eventually lost touch with when I decided it'd be wise to, y'know, grow up. (Still working on it.) In all honesty, if you spend any amount of time in bars that cater to a mid-twenties, midwestern, heterosexual clientele? You WILL meet Ben, Steve, that other guy, AND his pocket pussy. They're all there. Waiting. I promise. So Ben, if you're actually a forty-year-old gay British man with a phd in psych or something -- bravo. I'm not sure what you've accomplished, but....

unheimlich manoeuvre

23:56 / 13.10.04

In all honesty, if you spend any amount of time in bars that cater to a mid-twenties, midwestern, heterosexual clientele? You WILL meet Ben, Steve, that other guy, AND his pocket pussy.

and the same holds true of all of the towns in UK i have been too.

ironically, if Benfox is sincere, ze is the outsider at a forum for outsiders.

04:51 / 14.10.04

Not really. I'm sure he's not the only guy reading this board who discusses women in those terms.

Some of us try not to do it in mixed company, is all.

Lilly Nowhere Late

05:24 / 14.10.04

I give up, it's all beyond and below my intrest level now.

05:35 / 14.10.04

I can't help feeling that Ben is so emotionially invested in Steve's fuckin ass that he must be... 4 real.

And that if he isn't, well granted, that was pretty funny, hi five !

06:29 / 14.10.04

You clot, man, honestly, you bricklayer's waistline, you member of parliament, you member of a monkey's parliament that refused to apologise. You Delia Smith doppelganger, you Jordan clone. You Chris Evans wannabe, you Margaret Beckett vision, and you Fat Boy Slim. You the complete works of Travis, you Guy Ritchie, Nick Hornby and Richard Curtis, you Jamie Oliver, Bruce Springsteen and you Andrew Lloyd Webber, you're totally Bob Geldoff, and you're going to the gym.

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:07 / 14.10.04

but not as cool, sorry guys

Jesus, how damning can you get? "Not as cool as Kevin Smith" - that's like "Not as left-wing as Dick Cheney" or "Not as good a scholar of Islam as Ann Coulter"...

09:25 / 14.10.04

We're a forum for outsiders, are we? Yet another missed memo...

10:30 / 14.10.04

Ben, while this is all pretty funny, you are being a c***.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

14:56 / 14.10.04

I must admit I do think that this is for real and that Ben's heart is the right place but he's grown up in a fucked up paradigm (despite the best efforts of his saintly mother to educate him in sexual politics through the medium of Patrick Swayze films) and that you lot are encouraging him by comparing him to Kevin Smith.

And that he is so very,very gay.

17:00 / 14.10.04

I think it's a very, very gay (or rather, very, very homosexual) jokesuit.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

17:45 / 14.10.04

You're probably right but I prefer to think that he will be coaxed from his Chrysalys of misogynistic, repressed homesexuality into a wonderful gay butterfly with the help of Barbelith midwifery.

17:45 / 14.10.04

Ben, I'd like to apologise for my comments above, which were totally unwarranted, going much too far.

( One of those Smiley things, though the technology's beyond me. )

Now can we *please* have some more photos of Steve ?

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

17:46 / 14.10.04

"You tell 'em Steve-Dave!"

18:11 / 14.10.04

Studly sexgod Steve, Mmmmm...

Ben should be writing EastEnders scripts (because God knows the fuckers doing it currently haven't a clue.)

19:22 / 14.10.04

Perhaps Steve should be allowed onto the board. That way, Ben and Steve could really air their feelings to an accepting and encouraging crowd. Allow them to explore the boundries of their love in a consequence-free environment.

19:38 / 14.10.04

I prefer to think that he will be coaxed from his Chrysalys of misogynistic, repressed homesexuality into a wonderful gay butterfly with the help of Barbelith midwifery.

That is possibly the strangest, most disgusting, and most beautiful imagery I have read in months. Thank you Reidcourchie, thank you.

Oh, and just so it's known, I would settle for a no-holds-barred threeway cage match to the death between ben steve and james. Maybe with the 'pocket pusy' as referee (though she may be biased now)?

19:53 / 14.10.04

Oh, and just so it's known, I would settle for a no-holds-barred threeway cage match to the death between ben steve and james.

With or without the oil?

20:59 / 14.10.04

Of the petroleum, vegetable, or sensual variety?

21:05 / 14.10.04

I thought the latter was inclusive of the previous two

21:08 / 14.10.04

Tchoh! But Ben doesn't want to be a "gay butterfly" and God knows he doesn't want Steve to be, y'know, that way. He just wants them to be two studly straight guys pumpin' pussy together. Maybe catchin' sight of one another's ramrods as they nail those under-par chicks (in the same room, natch). And then - and only then - would Ben open his fundament, like a beautiful, 100% heterosexual flower turning its face to SunSteve.

But not in a gay way. Obviously.

21:59 / 14.10.04

finally, Ganesh! someone understands me, well, not really, but I do appreciate the effort, I will put in a good word with Steve in your behalf.

22:04 / 14.10.04

Actually, we're expecting you to put the good word to Steve. If you wanted to do that on Ganesh's behalf, well, whatever works, man, whatever works.

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