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In With The New

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Jack Fear

14:19 / 08.09.04

Orange is the New black.

Chutney is the New salsa.

TV is the New bestselling novel.

Water is the New low-carb.

CS Lewis is the New JRR Tolkien. (Well, duh.)

Lemony Snicket is the New CS Lewis.

Doumbeks are the New tablas (but Hardanger fiddle is the New sitar).

Sincere is the New funny: Angry (which was the New funny) is the New sincere.

Eurocomics are the New manga (Comics in general are the New prose, which means Leah Moore is the New Martin Amis).

Viking is the New pirate: Highwayman is the New ninja.

Opera is the New jazz.

Wuxia is the New Bergman.

Eastern Europe is the New Africa: Africa is the New South America.

Monkeys are the New dogs: Badgers are the New cats.

Surreal has been the New ironic for a while now, but, in a twist worthy of the Old ironic, will continue to be the New ironic for the foreseeable future.

Marriage is the New pornography.

Chocolate is the New coffee (again).

Say sooth!

Ethan Hawke

14:23 / 08.09.04

Orange has been the new black for a good 3 or 4 years now.

Pink is the new Orange, though Qalyn will swear it's green. What people don't know about Qalyn, however, is that he's colorblind.

On balance, the 00s seem to be a parallel dimension where the 90s never happened. The 90s seem more and more like a dream, a more innocent time, and that's why I can confidently predict that there will be a new "Happy Days" style sitcom set in the 90s, probably in Portland Oregon, with a Riot Grrl type being the "Fonz."

Jack Fear

14:29 / 08.09.04

Double-posting flames are the New spelling flames.

Jack Fear

14:35 / 08.09.04

That said, I think you're spot-on about the consignment of the 90s to a sort of cultural memory hole, at least here in the States. VH1 is already doing "I Love the 90s," fer chrissakes.

It makes sense given the prevalent political worldview of America as a tiny island, a beacon of freedom (although not actual prosperity) threatened by outside forces: an (almost) seamless transition from Cold War to TWAT, wilfully ignoring an eight-year blip of relative peace, economic robustitude, and Democratic leadership.

Nostalgia is the New denial.

Ethan Hawke

14:36 / 08.09.04

RE: Chutney is the New Salsa

this sort of jibes with my recent assertion that people of Indian descent will be the new Latinos (as far as pop culture goes). There will be an Indian Ricky Martin by 2005.

Jack Fear

14:38 / 08.09.04

Latino is the New Mainstream Jewish: Orthodox Jewish is the New Latino.

Jack Fear

14:42 / 08.09.04

Whoa, synchronicity.

"Orthdox Jewish is the New Latino" holds as regards political constituencies: as regards pop culture, I think you may be right.

Bollywood musicals are the New kung-fu movies, as kung-fu movies themselves move into the position of intellectual acceptability once occupied by Northern European art films. The wheel goes 'round and everybody gets a chance.

sleazenation

14:43 / 08.09.04

Thursday becomes the new sunday, after having had its season in the sun as the neew friday, meanwhile sunday becomes the most popular day in the week due to its recent achievement of secular status...

John Octave

16:20 / 08.09.04

Old is the new new.

No, seriously. Maybe it's always been like this and I've just not been old enough to notice, but people my age (very late teens/early twenties) are finding Elvis Costello and XTC and stuff and that's our good new music.

Jack Fear

16:41 / 08.09.04

Elvis Costello? XTC?

Son, when you're listening to Vaughn Monroe and Jo Stafford and Vera Lynn, then you can tell me that Old is the New new. Right now, the real old stuff is still the next New new.

John Octave

18:55 / 08.09.04

Ah, I see I was mistaken and it seems instead that "(Not Really) Old is the old new." Dreadfully sorry.

deja_vroom

19:07 / 08.09.04

badgers are the new cats?

no way.

newly-born cats are the new cats.

(nice thread. will ruin it later.)

Linus Dunce

19:39 / 08.09.04

Worn-out shoes, mending-glue and religion. Pigeon will be the new chicken.

flufeemunk effluvia

19:51 / 08.09.04

Cleap aviator sunglasses will be the new Oakleys.

(I'm trying to singlehandedly start it. If the trucker hat bullshit could happen, this surely could.)

Billuccho!

20:43 / 08.09.04

Orange has been the new black for me for a while... I didn't really notice it at the time, but I pretty much switched from mostly-black to mostly-orange in my wardrobe.

And damn straight Snicket is the new Lewis! Only better. Those Snicket books have been the best things I've read in a dog's age. Or... monkey's? Pigeon's? Yeh've all lost me.

Char Aina

01:05 / 09.09.04

Cleap aviator sunglasses will be the new Oakleys.

dude.
been in, been out.
twice.
if they come back, it'll mean i'll need to find another look.
again.

there's something distasteful about appearing to be the sort of person who spends 60 quid on a trucker cap(like, uh, von dutch ones), even though i never spent more than a fiver on mine. i feel like aviators might be the same.

TeN

02:03 / 09.09.04

"Bollywood musicals are the New kung-fu movies, as kung-fu movies themselves move into the position of intellectual acceptability once occupied by Northern European art films."

I think you've got something there.

Bed Head

02:17 / 09.09.04

Venus to be the new Mars. Which could be groovy, in all sorts of ways.

Sax

06:23 / 09.09.04

Chutney is the new salsa.

How the hell do you dance the chutney?

ONLY NICE THINGS

07:02 / 09.09.04

I didn't realise you were a New York girl, Sax...

Sax

07:32 / 09.09.04

Oops. I was trying to be clever but it looks like I was actually being thick.

Sax

07:51 / 09.09.04

Haus is correct:

Sax is the new New York City Girls. We ain't that smart.

unheimlich manoeuvre

10:03 / 09.09.04

China is the new USA

Manchester Guardian is the new Pravda

Communism is the new Nation of Islam

pointless and uncalled for

10:24 / 09.09.04

George Bush will be the new David Icke

Cheney will emulate Prescott and get two Jags

Chutney's reign as the new salsa will only last until it makes a dramatic shift to become the new red pepper dip whereupon pate in squeezable bottles will become the new chutney.

Avacados will upset the apple cart (but the case will later be thrown out of court on a fruitnicality).

Beatnik will be the new l33t until a fusion of txt and jazz will steal the linguistics crown.

lately will be come the new recently

A sudden cultural shift will occur mid-decade when almost overnight people will change to knowing Jack Shit where he was largely unknown before.

Kit-Cat Club

10:35 / 09.09.04

Pate in SQUEEZABLE BOTTLES?

pointless and uncalled for

10:56 / 09.09.04

Like Tartex but different.

Apparently there will be a garlic and roasted red pepper version that will attract the attention of at least three celebrities on my list of people I would like to spend and afternoon riding a bike with.

Shocking isn't it.

Saveloy

10:59 / 09.09.04

Yeah, Kit-Cat, have you not seen the new squeezable glass, or 'transparent lead'? It's just ordinary glass diluted, to make it less stiff. You can make it at home, just smash up a load of old jam jars, melt them down in a pan on the stove and mix in some hot water.

In Britain, moving your entire family into your parents' house in the suburbs (with your parents still there) will be the new buying a 3 bedroom terrace of your own. UNLESS house prices crashing to record lows becomes the new house prices booming to absurd heights.

Jack Vincennes

11:01 / 09.09.04

Beatnik will be the new l33t

Straight from the fridge, hepcat!

The Isle of Mull will be the new Brighton.

pointless and uncalled for

11:09 / 09.09.04

Does tht make the Isle of Skye the new Hove?

Jack Vincennes

11:39 / 09.09.04

Yes, and the knock-on effect of that is that the Inner Hebrides become the new Outer Hebrides.

Kit-Kat, if you want to try making squeezy glass at home it's probably best to use a jam kettle. The broken jam jars need to get very hot to melt and you don't want hot glass spitting around the kitchen.

Sax

11:45 / 09.09.04

Eating brown bread marinated over night in human sweat will be the New Atkins Diet.

Saveloy

12:40 / 09.09.04

Vincennes:

"The broken jam jars need to get very hot to melt and you don't want hot glass spitting around the kitchen."

You're wasting your breath, mate - you're giving safety tips to someone who makes jam in a wok! [see Women's Institute Thread]. I feel embarrassed now for suggesting a pan; I reckon she'll be sticking a pair of fireman's gloves on and using her hands as a makeshift bowl in which to melt the glass.

Kit-Cat Club

16:01 / 09.09.04

Hot bubbly glass roly-poly.

■

16:21 / 09.09.04

Pointless-hyphens are-the-new mis'placed apostrophe's.

---

17:12 / 09.09.04

Tony Blair the new Fidel Castro.

Tapwater the new Sewage.

Techno the new Punk.

CSS the new HTML.

PC the new TV.

HVD the new DVD.

New Dimensions the new TAZ's.

Some type of Solar System owning game the new GTA.

and Weed and Lager will still be Weed and Lager.

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