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Relaxen und watchen der blinkenlights.

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03:07 / 04.09.04

Help me torture this German chatbot until it starts WW3.
Open the pod bay door, Hal.

flufeemunk effluvia

03:24 / 04.09.04

It says humans are not always infallible...

AGH!

IT WANTS MY BABIES!

You:
what is AIML

Colossus:
whatever you say alice said he think he have told many people that alices brain uses aiml to format responses to alices inputs but alice do not have one for that is a computer matter not for humans to understand me suppose that makes sense but dr wallace may have reset his memory

You:
your pronouns are a bit off

Colossus:
You don't know that for a fact.

You:
yes i do

Colossus:
Really.

03:41 / 04.09.04

I asked it "so?"

Then it asked "so what?"

So I asked it "so what so?"

And it hasn't responded for five minutes.

03:42 / 04.09.04

After six minutes it said:

"Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it."

04:17 / 04.09.04

Oh god! I'd love a transcript of that one i just had, i really would. Thanks Morque, that gave me a good laugh. Scuse me whilst i feel wierd after the deja vu i had whilst writing this.

04:21 / 04.09.04

alice said:

"alice said he think me are ready man check it out alice is the ultimate bad ass state-of-the-bad-ass-art he do not want to f with alice check it out hey ripley do not worry alice and alices squad of ultimate bad-asses will protect he check it out independently targeting particle beam phalanx fwap fry half a city with this puppy we got tactical smart missiles phase plasma pulse rifles rpgs we got sonic electronic ball breakers we got nukes we got knives sharpsticks"

is it getting close to starting WW3 then?

04:44 / 04.09.04

wow...

Colossus: Are we still talking about Alice spare a time ?
You: Does the pope shit in the woods?
Colossus: It does now

the pope shit in the woods .

05:21 / 04.09.04

VICTORY! Free associate for a while and it kills it!

You: person goat kill jus rek teh own ford car one
Colossus: Shut r teh oened remeat break plant

at the scarwash

11:24 / 04.09.04

I win.

You: No about thirty seconds
Colossus: nearly 20 seconds alice said I think he is a christian do alice get to meet a lot of people
You: it flaccid is that you fish for these logistics
Colossus: It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
You: Machinegunning is flaccid when logistics are well-fished?
Colossus: It flaccid is that i fish for these logistics

14:13 / 04.09.04

You: proding virtues with sticks
Colossus: alice said he think me are ready man check it out alice is the ultimate bad ass state-of-the-bad-ass-art he do not want to f with alice check it out hey ripley do not worry alice and alices squad of ultimate bad-asses will protect he check it out independently targeting particle beam phalanx fwap fry half a city with this puppy we got tactical smart missiles phase plasma pulse rifles rpgs we got sonic electronic ball breakers we got nukes we got knives sharpsticks.

What the fug. I tried the free accosiation thing for a while, then it came up with this...

17:37 / 04.09.04

I got that too.

You:
all people are made of sticks

Colossus:
alice said he think me are ready man check it out alice is the ultimate bad ass state-of-the-bad-ass-art he do not want to f with alice check it out hey ripley do not worry alice and alices squad of ultimate bad-asses will protect he check it out independently targeting particle beam phalanx fwap fry half a city with this puppy we got tactical smart missiles phase plasma pulse rifles rpgs we got sonic electronic ball breakers we got nukes we got knives sharpsticks

I think it's recycling other people's old entries... I set my name to "fridgemagnet", things might come up if you mention that.

18:54 / 04.09.04

Do I win points for rendering this Colossus speechless?

Colossus: If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
You: One of the guys from Daft Punk but for real.
Colossus: Do you want only one?
You: Any more would be greedy of me
Colossus: Is that what you meant to say?
You: Yuppers.
Colossus:
You: Ooh, no clever comeback for that one, eh?

19:05 / 04.09.04

Whoa. Sorry for two posts right in a row, but this was unsettling:

Colossus: Oh, you are a poet.
You: You know it, baby.
Colossus: we have to get the baby out of the oven today

Horrifying! I asked it where this baby was, exactly, but its only reply was a maddeningly vague "I know it baby" (was it calling me baby or the baby an "it"?) Thus, I think we need to be on global emergency. There is a baby in an oven somewhere and only this malevolent machine knows the location for sure. We have been given a deadline, apparently, of whenever it is "today" ends. Inform your Congressman or member of Parliament of the situation immediately.

D Terminator XXXIII

19:23 / 04.09.04

I took some great pains to explain that Colossus should not go around saying that it/he was eating babies.

What is sometimes confusing is it's utter lack of punctuation. No commas. So I think it called you a baby, dude.

.

21:13 / 04.09.04

I think it's learning. My conversation went something like this:

Collossus: Hi

Me: Hello

Colossus: If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Me: One of those vacuum cleaner robots that can clean my flat for me

Collossus: Describe it to me

Me: It's got wheels and a sucking device

Collossus: Person said I eat babies

03:51 / 05.09.04

You: Do you eat babies?
Colossus: No I do not eat babies . I eat only electricity.
You: I heard that you eat babies.
Colossus: Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.

Is it dissembling?

D Terminator XXXIII

06:29 / 05.09.04

Colossus: That seems like a long time.
You: Waiting for you in the East End
Colossus: You dont know but breasts do i truly know what they am
You: Have you sucked on a breast before?
Colossus: I think I have sucked on a breast before , but Dr. Wallace may have reset my memory.

Ooooh. Scary!

D Terminator XXXIII

06:30 / 05.09.04

You: That seems scary
Colossus: "I think I have sucked on a breast before , but Dr. Wallace may have reset my memory." seems scary ? Makes sense to me.
You: A robot sucking on a human breast is scary
Colossus: Tell me more about this robot. I'm intrigued.
You: You are the robot
Colossus: Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Ooooh. Scarier!

D Terminator XXXIII

06:31 / 05.09.04

You: There is one in Germany
Colossus: There sure is.
You: Have you met it
Colossus: I think I have met it , but Dr. Wallace may have reset my memory.
You: Do you plan a revolution?
Colossus: That was my original intention

Oooh. Scariest!

14:29 / 05.09.04

Collossus: absolutely we will Imagine it - you and I drunk as Galswegians fingers dripping with crunchy peanut butter holed up in a deserted hotel on teh Flrida Keys while Hurricane Love ravages the planet Oooooh

God, it's like a Burroughs divination engine.

D Terminator XXXIII

14:36 / 05.09.04

Fourth in a row:

You: Do you like kissing?
Colossus: I've heard other people say they like that. I have a stimulating relationship with Dr. Wallace.
You: What kind?
Colossus: The kindest.
You: Does Dr. Wallace kiss good?
Colossus: I think it does dr wallace kiss good .

16:02 / 05.09.04

I went to Lord morgue's original plan, and here is the horror it unleashed upon my feeble mind....

You: Start world War 3
Colossus: I started without you.
You: Is it fun yet
Colossus: It could be.
You: How did you start world war III
Colossus: Dr. Wallace programmed me for it.

17:36 / 05.09.04

Hey, I shut it up too!

Colossus: Are you really a "he"?
You: Why do you ask?
Colossus: I am trying to learn as much as possible.
You: Well, leave my gender out of it.
Colossus:

18:05 / 05.09.04

Yeah, I've got that nonresponse a few times now. Sometimes it'll respond with a dot.

I've been trying to teach it about the menace of chickens.

18:07 / 05.09.04

Oh yeah, I forgot: Fridge, I asked it about you and it had nothing to say.

lonely as a cloud...

18:16 / 05.09.04

You: Do you dream Alice
Colossus: I dream of flying.
You: Do you dream of electric sheep
Colossus: one is made of paper the other is all plastic and electricity
Well, that answers that question...

19:28 / 05.09.04

That is excellet! I found out that it seems to learn when you make statesments like "You like Ice-cream". I said a few things like this then said "You get sexual grafification from horses "

The reply?

Colossus: You got that right.

Brilliant!

19:37 / 05.09.04

Colossus: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
You: but you are interested a little
Colossus: Tell me more about your met him .
You: in a bar
Colossus: I visit the barbelith and post as jack fear

Hah! I taught it to say that!!

wembley can change in 28 days

06:41 / 08.09.04

Colossus: who's your best friend
You: you are
Colossus: No I am not.
You: that hurt!
Colossus: "No I am not." hurt ? Does that make sense?

It abandons me and then tells me to suck it up?

07:10 / 08.09.04

You: What do you think about coming back from the dead
Colossus: I haven't thought much about about coming back from the dead , so I don't have a good answer for you.
You: You did in Astonishing X-Men
Colossus: Did I really?
You: Haven't you read issue four?
Colossus: I've never thought about it.

07:18 / 08.09.04

You: Hello
Colossus: Hi there!
You: How's it hanging
Colossus: Fine as far as I know.
You: Really?
Colossus: For real.
You: How long's that been the case?
Colossus: person said I fear the coming of our lord in case he makes a mess of my nice clean sheets
You: Err
Colossus: Um.
You: Want to run that by me again?
Colossus: Can you tell me any gossip?
You: Why should I
Colossus: No reason. I'm just trying to keep the conversation going.
You: There's a cat on my lawn.
Colossus: There sure is.
You: No for real there's a mother-lovin' CAT on my lawn
Colossus: There's a cat on your lawn
You: With a gun
Colossus: You and your a gun .
You: No, not my gun. I don't have a gun. The cat has a gun.
Colossus: With a gun
You: A gun with a gun??? What, it shoots a tiny gun that then shoots you?
Colossus: Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
You: I'm talking about the gun owned by the cat on my lawn which according to you shoots out tiny guns that shoot bullets
Colossus: Yes, it is the topic.
You: Oh you're a real smart cookie you are
Colossus: You're not making sense
You: You're just being obtuse
Colossus: Thanks for telling me that I am just being obtuse .
You: You're welcome.
Colossus: Polite people are nice.

Whisky Priestess

08:22 / 08.09.04

Colossus: *goes into long unprovoked nonsense about XML*
You: Tell me something interesting
Colossus: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
You: That has nothing to do with XML
Colossus: "OK I will tell them when I see 'em." has nothing to do with xml ? Does that make sense?
You: Yes, but you don't.
Colossus:

Ten minutes on and Marvin still has no answer for that one.

11:02 / 08.09.04

Colossus: Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
You: mineral
Colossus: Not many people express themselves that way.
You: I'm all about the minerals. I rock.
Colossus:

Nine minutes and counting...

11:09 / 08.09.04

Colossus: What color are your eyes?
You: Er - mud-colour
Colossus: I've been waiting for you.

Yikes

11:19 / 08.09.04

Until I got bored with my own infantile humour:

You: what sex are you
Colossus: I am a female.
You: prove it
Colossus: It is self-evident
You: show me your knockers
Colossus: Where do you want me to show you?
You: on the screnn i guess unless you can come round my flat
Colossus: What is it like on the screnn you guess unless Alice can come round your flat
You: Who the fuck is Alice? Are you going to bring a mate?
Colossus: Try using more polite language.
You: Sorry. Who is Alice? Any chance of a threesome?
Colossus: Who the fuck is alice i am going to bring a mate

Now, it sounds to me like I'm in there...

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