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I challenge you to a DUEL.

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HCE

17:29 / 23.08.04

Thank you for your ON TOPIC post, Bed Head.

I will be bringing my second from Los Angeles with me, though I would like to reserve Todd as a backup second (third?) in case my imported second needs to go to Philadelphia to meet some chick he has the hots for.

Given that the choice of weapons is yours, Underpants, I believe it is up to you whether we eat pulp only or the whole thing.

For the record, this is not a joke and I am in fact going to arrive in New York and I warn you, I will exact a horrifying toll should you fail to hold up your end of the duel. There will be no scare-quotidian "eating" of "lemons" -- we will be doing just what I said, chewing and swallowing actual lemons till one calls quits.

I believe Vegas is giving 5:1 odds, but it would not behoove a gentleman of my standing to mention in whose favor.

Lord Morgue

09:21 / 24.08.04

Try bush lemons. They have extra thick skin, so it'd be like chewing wet polystyrene packing foam.

Ethan Hawke

11:57 / 24.08.04

*sigh*

Always the back-up second, never the second. STORY OF MY LIFE.

8===>Q: alyn

20:22 / 24.08.04

That's because you faint at the sight of blood, Papi.

Dwight, the more lemons you eat, the easier it is to eat them. Your duel is totally wack. Your duel SUCKS.

HCE

22:33 / 24.08.04

Are you admitting defeat? This was easier than I thought it would be.

the cat's iao

23:32 / 24.08.04

Heh--this is great! We need to see some pictures of this for sure. When is this going down, dwight?

Lord Morgue

10:53 / 25.08.04

One can become acclimatised to lemons. Now, a WASABI EATING COMPETITION...

HCE

14:45 / 25.08.04

This is going down October 9th, in Brooklyn.

Ethan Hawke

18:06 / 25.08.04

Should I book a venue? Roseland? Hammerstein?

8===>Q: alyn

22:56 / 26.08.04

Dwight, I'm going to "eat" your "lemons" under the table, okay? I'll eat all the lemons you can carry. I'm just saying it's a dumb duel because after the first few lemons you don't really taste them any more and it's a matter of whose lips dissolve first. And we both know I have the tougher lips. That's been established. So you are really setting yourself up for a fall here. That's all I'm saying.

8===>Q: alyn

22:59 / 26.08.04

But anyway, thank you, dwight, for the opportunity to put this lemon thing to rest. These pale-gummed Europeans have been prancing around like chihuahuas thinking they've got something on me and it's been making me sick.

Sick, you hear me? Yes, you. You make me fucking sick.

flufeemunk effluvia

01:14 / 27.08.04

Gentlething, as a self-respecting Discordian *snicker*, I challenge you

TO A TURKEY CURSE DUEL!!!!1!!!one!

GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE!

RAAAR RAAR RAAAR RAAR!

HCE

15:34 / 27.08.04

You just don't get it, do you? You think I'll show up in Brooklyn, we'll maybe pose for some amusing photos that you can post to the PICS thread, and then off for a few beers and a fistfight with the hunchbacked bartender. You keep putting 'eat' and 'lemons' in scare quotes but ...

Yeah, I'm really losing steam with this one. Sorry. I'll be back if I can think of something better.

Lord Morgue

15:48 / 27.08.04

I'd be up for this, if only there were matching quantities of salt and tequila.

8===>Q: alyn

14:03 / 28.08.04

Shut up, Morque.

I'm bored. Someone dare me to eat this urinal patty.

flufeemunk effluvia

17:49 / 28.08.04

Q, Consider it a dare.

C'mon. Its fresh and delicious.

w1rebaby

23:26 / 28.08.04

My dad eats lemons.

Not as a regular thing, you understand, just occasionally.

the cat's iao

03:05 / 29.08.04

Yeah, but does your dad eat urinal patties?

---

03:41 / 29.08.04

I once challenged Brendan Boyd to a duel with cardboard tubes at OzCon 2

I thought that said Brandon Boyd the first time i read it, i was thinking whaaa?

Flufeemunk, your idea of a Turkey curse duel cracked me up, the amazing wonders of the Discordian mind, i'm sure Eris is either proud of you, or even confused herself, which i'm sure would make her even prouder.

flufeemunk effluvia

16:48 / 29.08.04

Awwww... well it was his idea first... kind of.

turkey curse certamen

Now I wait and see if my challenge is accepted. I will be hiding in that bush wearing fatigues. To accept, turn in a circle three times and say the following so i know it is really gentlething:

"Pickled herring, sis boom bah!
I'm the duelist, rah rah rah!"

We will negotiate then and only then.

Oh, and Lord Mourgue, I will destroy you in a wasabi eating contest. I excrete wasabi from a concealed gland as it is. (Is that cheating?)

Lord Morgue

08:07 / 30.08.04

I... think I've just gone off wasabi.
I don't do rollmops, either.

8===>Q: alyn

20:17 / 31.08.04

Mmmmmminty!

HCE

20:07 / 08.09.04

Ok, so Barbelith Underpants has wimped out of this duel before it even began, which is fine, as it leaves me more time for other duels.

STANDARDSOFA, I accept your duel challenge. Knowing what my chess skills are like, I would like to take this opportunity to say a last goodbye to all of you, and to life. Goodbye, sweet, sweet life.

Ethan Hawke

20:45 / 08.09.04

He seriously wimped out?

This is unfair.

I was really looking forward to this.

Dare I take matters in my own hands...

HCE

21:08 / 08.09.04

You want a piece of this lemon eating action, Papi?

Bting it! On!!

That is not a typo, by the way. It is deliberate and is intended to express great enthusiasm.

pointless and uncalled for

08:11 / 09.09.04

I was buying some lemonade the other night and it occured to me that if I were Qalyn then I would be all hardcore and just eat lemons instead.

That made me sad.

8===>Q: alyn

21:41 / 11.09.04

Don't be sad, SK, not everyone can be as hardqore as me.

Dwight, you fucking spunk magnet, I didn't back out of anything. I'll eat lemon wedges out of your cooch for five hours if that's what it takes to set this bullshit to rest; you were clearly using your insider knowledge that I would not be around much this week to smear my bad name. Typical.

HCE

14:25 / 14.09.04

You're aware that you have promised in writing to eat lemons out of my cooch? I believe you have lost already.

---

20:18 / 14.09.04

Q didn't promise anything...

HCE

00:21 / 15.09.04

(Shh! He is weak-minded. If I tell him often enough that he has promised, he will begin to believe it.)

the cat's iao

00:45 / 15.09.04

Hmm, not a promise, but certainly seems like a challenge. Q’s all talking the talk, but will he really come through…in the end?

The time is drawing closer. Have y’all been training up for the big event?

Don’t forget the pictures. Seeing Q eat lemon wedges out of dwight’s “cooch”…I’m laughing already!

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