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Knee-Jerk Contrarians, This is for You

 
  

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Lurid Archive
13:48 / 31.07.04
Secretary.

Most people are scared to say this movie is wrong, antisocial, or wicked. Not because they don't believe it to be true, but because they are AFRAID. Afraid of being mocked, made fun of, called prudish, judgmental, or hypocritical. And so the censorship by the loud and indignant a-moralists rules the day.

...

Even people who hated this movie are afraid of appearing to be prudes, so they have to gush about the fine acting. Well, somewhere along the line the quality of the acting is colored by the choice of the role. And for that, Maggie and James each get an "F" for acting. (Does the Third Reich get a 0 star review because of its Evil, or do we give it 2 stars for efficient execution during its first hour? I give it a 0. A nothing. A null.)


Something all you PC fascists should bear in mind.
 
 
ocko
15:54 / 31.07.04
deeply unpleasant metaphor alert...

"Reading "The Corrections" is like making love to an extremely obese woman whom I just met in a dark bar late at night, and to whom I would never introduce my friends.

I feel dirty and ashamed, and I want out of here very badly.

Okay, so I was drunk and horny, but that is no excuse for my behavior.

As a novelist myself, I have no problem writing the inspired part of my story, which we can call the "meat". The problem I have is writing the "fat" needed to fill out the story to publishable volume.

I admit that Jonathan Franzen is a "talented" writer. I admit I finished reading "The Corrections". But I feel, in having done so, like I had to gorge on a ton of fat to get to half a kilo of meat.

"serious fiction"? Excuse me, I have to go force myself to vomit now."
 
 
Lord Morgue
08:17 / 01.08.04
Sun Tzu's Art of War.

Rating: 1 - Ok but not relevant!, June 5, 2003
Reviewer: A reader
I guess all in all it was alright but I can't see any use for the information. It took me several days to read because I just couldn't get into it. I liked Shogun much better.
 
 
Lord Morgue
08:31 / 01.08.04
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.


Rating: 1 - Chinese paganism and modern feminist propaganda, July 2, 2004
Reviewer: A viewer
This movie is a worthless piece of Chinese paganism and modern feminist propaganda. Only the most deluded idiots, pagans, feminists, effeminate dorks and morally depraved film psycho's would enjoy such a stupid movie.
 
 
Lord Morgue
08:37 / 01.08.04
Gray's Anatomy

Rating: 2 - A giant messy book, July 21, 1999
Reviewer: A reader
This giant messy book is written in very grotesc language. Many "americanized" special words which are in use in the modern medicine, are written in their Latin analog. Just break a teeth. Not mentioning the didactic structure - it is awful.
 
 
mkt
15:53 / 01.08.04
I can't stop laughing at the description "a giant, messy book".
No, really, I can't.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
22:33 / 01.08.04
Time's Arrow by Martin Amis.

Rating: 1 - You pathetic little man, August 9, 2002
Find the Holocaust's gone stale? One of history's great crimes getting dull and need a makeover? No, I didn't think so either.


I love this review.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
22:49 / 01.08.04
Rating: 1 - the god of tedious things, April 20, 2004

'Shadow', what's that? Shadow? My initial incredulity at that first line stayed with me for a long, long time and it's not until p261 (in my hardback version) that a half-hearted explanation comes along. It might appear a strange thing to get hung up on, but if you're going to call your main character Shadow, you better come up with something damned good with which to back it up and "I'd just find adults and follow them around" didn't do it for me. In my world that'd make your nickname Odd Boy, not Shadow. Shadow? No, there had to be more to it than that, not to mention all the strange things (a dead wife being the least of his worries) that happen to him, and before too long I'm afraid that any shocks and surprises concerning our man's past or destiny had been dissipated by putting the big fella in a pigeonhole marked 'big revelation coming up'...

Sorry did you say match the review to the barbelith poster?
 
 
Grey Area
09:21 / 02.08.04
My word, this is a great way to pass a dull Monday morning.

Citizen Kane:

I thought this was VERY VERY BORING. The only reason why I didn't turn it off was because I wanted to find out what he meant by saying "Rosebud".

---

Citizen Kane was a real disappointment. Totally unoriginal plot, bad lighting, cheesy sets. Boring too. And gosh, what is with that Rose Bud thing? That was freaky!!! Woah dude!!! Anyway this movie was whack & mad boring cause you don't even see the dude porkin' the girl, and she isn't even really hot anyway. It was a bummer too that it was in black and white and all the guys looked the same cause they all wore suits. The music was all weird and whack, yo. I didn't like it. It didn't have a good beat or dance rhythm section. But it was mad sweet, the dude's crib, but he just be pacing around like, whassup? I thought to my self how could u be so rich & be so messed up, yo?

---

What a waste of money! No widescreen, Dolby 5.1 Surround, and it's in black and white. In the scene in which Kane goes after political boss Jim W. Geddes, he just stops on the stair landing -- it would have been a lot cooler if he pushed him down the stairs.

There's very little action in this movie, just a lot of talk, talk, talk about Kane. There's sort of a plot, which is about finding out what "Rosebud" means. Then, at the end of the movie, you only find out it's his sled. Huh? I watched two hours of this tedious and pretentious nonsense to find out he misses his sled?

Save your hard-earned money, and watch "The Matrix: Reloaded" instead!

---

this film is of decent quality, but falls far short of such classics as welcome to spring break. welcome to spring break has a fat man who screams "gators" for no apparent reason. citizen kane does not. also, it fails to feature wwf wrestler kane, an inexplicable omission given the title.

---

2001: A Space Odyssey

The most sorry piece of "work" i had the misfortune of comming across. This movie is pure nonsense and simplest scenes take TOO long! i wasted 2 frikin hours. i was suprised to come here and see how most people here give it the best rating. you can go ahead and convince yourself that it is a "master piece"... yeh right. WE KNOW IT TAKES LONG TO DO THIS AND THAT, so why bore people with that nonsense. i have read many reviews and they all sound like religious buffs, they just have no clue. this movie does not have logic and thats why people are pondering forever. only a fool would ponder about nonsense. but they fail to recognise that and just try to be mister i-know-something-you-dont-know. when someone pukes on a stage people are going to call it art (like Dobel said in "Anything Else"). that is stupidity and deep down they know it well (or not). i think it takes a much greater man to not just go with the croud, but to judge with his own eyes. I speak my mind when asked, and i recognise rubish when i see it. i am normaly a decently nice guy but words cannot describe how much i hate this repulsive film.

the person that made this film is a very sick man. he is not well.

---

Easily one of the most boring movies ever! It totally sucked! The first half hour of "human" apes; what a joke (wow. look how far we've come...yeah.) Don't even waste your time with this crap. Boo.

---

This may very well be the most boring film I have ever seen. Well, to be fair, I have never actually seen the whole thing. I have attempted to watch it several times, but have never made it more than 30 minutes. As such, I have come to the conclusion that this is a film that people talk about to try and show how smart they are. When I ask people why it's so brilliant, they rarely give me any good reasons. They throw out phrases like "triple allegory" even though they have no idea what they mean.

To recap, this is a boring film that pretentious people discuss in hopes of showing how smart they are.

---

This movie is about space and what people back then thought the year 2001 would be like. It makes no sense, it ruined my whole day, just seeing this movie! My dad suggested that I see it, so I went to see it with him, the only good thing about that was the theatre was old fashioned and had an organ player before the movie started and during the intermission. Don't waste your time or your money, it isn't worth it.

---

Oh my Good! this movie is bad! It is the most boring movie i have ever seen! Don`t even think about watching it!
 
 
wembley can change in 28 days
09:22 / 02.08.04
Jonathan Safran Foer is dissed:

Rating: 1 - Dull, stupid and completely made up, August 4, 2003
Besides the fact that the book is dull, stupid, thin on plot and fizzles out pretty fast, it is also not true. The Russian broken English is completely made up. No Russian ever spoke English this way. It's a fake. And since the main point of interest is authentic portrayal of a Russian guy in his native environment -- the book cancels itself. It's nothing based on nothing. I am sorry that millions of Americans will read this and think this is how Russians speak and behave.


or even:

As for the narrator Alex's use of this kind of misassembled English, Foer stole it from the Wild and Crazy Guys skits of SNL (who stole it from others poking fun at Polish/Czech "accents" by having them speak with a Thesaurian formality). The SNL skits were funny coz they lasted 5 minutes max. Foer's is decidedly NOT funny coz it last hundreds of pages.
 
 
Triplets
10:10 / 02.08.04
On Big Trouble in Little China: one of the worst kurt russell films, and that is saying something. i guess he's just one of those guys you either love or hate. at least this movie's not as bad as escape from l.a.

Son of a bitch must pay
 
 
Jack Vincennes
10:10 / 02.08.04
If you like the television series "The Simpsons," you will probably like Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. They reflect the same vulgar approach to entertainment which, instead of making us rise above the gutter of everyday life, brings us to the lowest level of crudity.

Comment on A Streetcar Named Desire:

There seems to be no plot and everyone acts encredibly dumb. I have to find three themes to this book and so far NONE!!!!

I love this game.
 
 
wembley can change in 28 days
10:17 / 02.08.04
Aaaaaand, Labyrinth! No surprise on what they focus on, but still a giggle:

This movie was sooo lame. The songs hurt my ears and David Bowie's pants hurt my eyes. Jeeze man his dingle was dragging on the ground. Dumb songs, David's tight pants, what could possibly make the movie any more campy? Oh wait there were MUPPETS TOO! This was a stupid, lame and all around retarded movie. I gave it another star because David Bowie had the courage to use a deranged hairstylist kicked out of Cats and wair the leatards that showed all of the bulges.
 
 
ephemerat
12:11 / 02.08.04
Awww, nasty Nietzsche!

Nietzsche is very mean and not nice to Jesus and to Christians also. My pastor said it is important to love Jesus and to let poeple know when Jesus is being made fun of. Nietzsche says on p. 64 "Later, when the rabble gained the upper hand in Greece, fear became rampant in religion, too -- and the ground was prepared for Christianity." But in allowing himself to believe that an original fear -- and not a weakness of the human condition -- leads to Christianity, he goes against what he had said in Human, All to Human. His contradiction with the earlier texts, even Zarathustra (which he laughingly claims as precursor to Beyond Good and Evil), make the later Nietzsche unbelievable. How can we know that the last books are not simply parody? At the beginning of The Gay Science, he actually wrote "Incipent Parodia" (that is, the Parody Begins!) Given that, how could we ever take him seriously?
 
 
ephemerat
12:16 / 02.08.04
I like this review:

(Madness and Civilization, Foucault)

Rating: 3 - If you are not philosophical, DO NOT READ..., December 18, 1999
Reviewer: L. Troy Beals (Huntsville, Texas USA) - See all my reviews
I read this book for a philosophy of history class as a student at college. If you do not like philosophy and are easily distracted when reading mind-numbing abstractions then do not pick up this book. The thesis, or point, of the chapters are convoluted and seem to meander everywhere. I could read a chapter twice and still not have a clue what the author was saying. I can't comment on how persuasive his arguements are because I'm still not sure what he is saying. If you like philosophy then this book is for you becuase the author launches off into a universe of abstractions and shades that make one go insane, thus the title of his book.
 
 
Lord Morgue
08:43 / 03.08.04
The Old Man and the Sea

Rating: 1 - Old man sucks!!, December 16, 2003
Reviewer: J. Plunkit (Rently PA
rently PA) - See all my reviews

I hate fish this book was written about fish. This was torture to read.


(Heh, most of the other reviews were along the lines of "He didn't get the fish! FUCK!"-- Morgue)
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:54 / 03.08.04
And The Ass Saw The Angel- Nick Cave

This is one of the worst, if not the worst book I have ever read. Just because it is set in the South and chock-a-block with disgusting characters and even more disgusting imagery does not make it Faulkner. Not even close. Truly a despicable piece of junk. I wish I could wash the memory of it from my brain.

Cunt.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:57 / 03.08.04
On the subject of my last word...

It was wacky and out of step with Bolachian principles. You could even say it had a Vludicrian influence but only slight hints and purposely concealed. I didn't like the book at all as it was perfect up until the end and then fell flat with Jerrialimian contrived symbolism thrown in seemingly randomly to tie-up the story.

"Cunt" by Stewart Home.
 
 
Jack Vincennes
10:12 / 03.08.04
To my discredit, I think I've said something very similar about The Old Man And The Sea when I was drunk...

From a review of LA Confidential :

I like Ellroy better when he writes in English.
 
 
Ria
12:29 / 03.08.04
The Secret Teachings of All Ages by Manly J. Hall.

an anonymous reviewer writes,

the schizznit

This book is the schizznit. I'm talkin' crazy stuff son. all types of stuff bout pythagoras and masons. check dis out word is bond.
peace
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
12:40 / 03.08.04
A review of Macbeth

Rather bleak play with a pessimistic storyline. Mediocre plot, mediocre characterization. I don't recommed it.

Thanks for the hint mate.
 
 
Grey Area
13:49 / 03.08.04
For Moby Dick:

I was under the impression that this was one of the better books ever written. To me, this isn't so much a story about an elusive, self-preserving whale who antagonized a crazy old captain on a quest for revenge, but as a 'how to' book on fishing whales.

To each his own, maybe I didn't get this book and there really is something amazing in it...but I didn't see it. It was fun (and very dorky) to see the link of Star Trek 2 - The Wrath of Kahn to this book, but that was about it.

The only monster was the book itself. It leaves you with that, "I hate myself" feeling you get after accidentally destroying a major city with a hydrogen bomb or something, anyways, do not read it!


...because really, don't we all know that feeling you get after accidentally destroying a major city with a hydrogen bomb?
 
 
Grey Area
13:58 / 03.08.04
Roald Dahl's The Witches:

The book Witches didn't have enough action.I couldn't find the concept of this book. He didn't consiter the fact that there are good and bad witches. I'm just 10 years old and I can recognize bad writing when I see it!

---

As a representative of the Neo-Pagan community I do not find this funny. Should I? Would any Witch wish for their children to read this? I don't think so. To get some idea of how offensive this is to a modern Wiccan/Pagan substitute the word Jew or Jews for Witch and Witches and then imagine that you are Jewish.

Shame on you Mr. Dahl for writing it. Shame on you Puffin for publishing it.

(there's more comments like that...apparently Mr. Dahl touched a nerve within the neo-pagan community)
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:21 / 03.08.04
Before you hate me, realize that hating me is analogous to me hating this book because some people like me... I admit I have only read 30 something pages... But what do I remember from these 30 pages ? NOTHING.

At one time, I thought I was maybe too dumb to UNDERSTAND Nobakov. But not anymore.


Lolita.

And from another review on the same subject;

If you were the parent of a young girl, how would like Humbert moving in next to you ?

And admittedly, I probably would find that a little disturbing, but maybe not for the reasons our reviewer's suggesting.
 
 
jeff
16:51 / 03.08.04
The Lion in Winter


Rating: 2 - Whew!, September 30, 2002
Reviewer: "cbalducc" (Cleveland, MS United States) - See all my reviews
You think the Sopranos are a tough family? Shoot, they have nothing on this royal bunch! They make the Sopranos look like the Bradys. All the scheming, treachery and the putdowns would make Tony wince. I was struck by the young Anthony Hopkins's resemblance to Russell Crowe, and by the young Timothy Dalton's resemblance to James Bond.

joy
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:40 / 03.08.04
music for the hopelessly, tragically cool. if pop music has become an entirely academic exercise, then this is the king of all albums. every track strains for arty-credibility look-how-witty-and-ironic-and-clever-i-am.

for a high-school educated kid raised on minor threat, rodan, squirrel bait, bush league and kinghorse, it just feels a little elitist.

but then i'm probably not meant to get it, since i'm just a plebe who doesn't have a masters in comparative social criticism 1890-1960.

long live condescending art rock.


If I didn't already own this album, I woudl buy it RIGHT THE HELL NOW.
 
 
Cat Chant
17:49 / 03.08.04
Following AdeL and Flyboy - Sorry did you say match the review to the barbelith poster? I should point out that the review Kit-Kat Club quoted:

I just cannot enjoy this book at all. It is poorly written and the charactures are boring. This book also seems to see rebellion as a good thing. Pathetic. If your looking for a good book, read Lord of the Rings. Do not waste your time reading this book,or any of the Harry Potter books. Like I said, these books are just plain pathetic. Why are they so popular? I know! Because people do not know what good literature is.

is by me, or at least it puts my feelings about Penix in such elegant, pithy and economical terms that I don't have to write one of my own. *happy sigh*

Haus, what album is that review about, so I can go out & buy it? (Well, I say 'go out', but it's hard to find a babysitter for a thesis...)
 
 
Alex's Grandma
18:30 / 03.08.04
DISAPPOINTED

Since I have a freezer full of venison and limited knowledge of cooking it, " Kill It And Grill It " sounded just exactly what I need. NOT SO ! I did not like this book because it includes profanity and obscenities, I am Seventy years old, and this is the first " dirty " cook book I have ever seen. I was so excited to receive it from Amazon in a timely manner, couldn't wait to read it... At first I began marking out crude words with a marker, but it became too great a task.


Kill It And Grill It - A Guide To Preparing Wild Game And Fish by Ted Nugent
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
18:38 / 03.08.04
Deva: It's 69 Love Songs, by the Magnetic Fields. Which, incidentally is about what you'd expet from somebody who finds "69" funny. I quote.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
18:15 / 28.09.04
one word- SICK, July 16, 2004

Reviewer: Annie Feng (Pleasanton, CA) - See all my reviews

this book is the reason that books like Da vinci's code and Mists of Avalon exists. this book offends non-christian people because it's message is only this: If you are not a Christian, no matter how great a person you are or of what reason you are not a Christian, YOU GO TO HELL!
not to mention how incredibly self-centered Dante is. And he calls himself " the Humble servant of God???" Dante is nothing but prejudice. He thinks that he and all the people he like will go to heaven, everybody else will go to Hell. Like he's guide is Virgil- VIRGIL the guy who wrote the Aeneid???? He's anything but Christian but Dante juss goes like: " because I like him I'll make an exception" And also the part where he scorns one the damned like a dog ( I forgot what his name was). I thought that he was a really bad person but when I read the reading guide I found out that he was just a political enemy of Dante!!!! Dante doesn't even give everybody a fair judgement but wholly based on his like or dislike of the person.
so okay, I'll just read this book as an Adventure book and forget about all the religious issues and forgive Dante since it does take place 700 years ago. but Dante should really use his gifted imagination on something else ( I mean, how could ANYBODY thought of details that are sooo SICK???) I'll give him credit for such imagination of Hell. But when I got to the end where Satan appears. I was getting excited to see what will Satan do to him. But guess what???- NOTHING- What a big disappointment!!! all of his journey little characters like Medussa ( who shouldn't exist if Dante doesn't believe in the Greek religion) block his way and gives him trouble, but when you get to the King of Hell, NOTHING!!! the King of Hell just stands there and suffers and does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Dante just passes Satan and looks apon him like he's visiting a museum! What a terrible ending! You can't even read this book for a sick entertainment!
 
  

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