Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Long distance relationships = long term?

Page: (1)2

Benny the Ball

14:05 / 29.07.04

I'm in love. In a way that makes it feel like the first time once more, in a way that makes me feel like a school boy in the summer holidays. I really do think I've met the one, however she is 7,000 miles or so away, and nice as the phone and letters are, I really want to be with her. But work, life etc is getting in the way. However I have a ticket booked and will be heading out to her arms soon. Ultimately the distance and time zone thing is an irratant rather than a hindrence.

So anyway, the question's in the summary kids.

ONLY NICE THINGS

14:10 / 29.07.04

OK... have you actually met this paragon of loveliness yet? We've had problems with that before...

pointless and uncalled for

14:14 / 29.07.04

The real hinderance to a long distance relationship is realism. Too few people use it.

Benny the Ball

14:17 / 29.07.04

Known her for nine years. Things got in the way in the past, but has all changed now, onto the next level. Always liked each other but have been clumsy in the past with this sort of thing.

No star here laces

14:18 / 29.07.04

Around six inches, I'd say.

ONLY NICE THINGS

14:19 / 29.07.04

Known her for nine years. Things got in the way in the past, but has all changed now, onto the next level. Always liked each other but have been clumsy in the past with this sort of thing.

Yes, but have you ever met her? Physically?

_Boboss

14:23 / 29.07.04

interesting to see how time and space are cognate no? so previously you were separated by nine years, that vector collapsed and now the separation is a mere seven thousand miles.

i think received wisdom, alas, is 'not much hope really'.

if you're seriously serious then you're proabably going to have to work out an arrangement that cuts around 6950 miles off the above figure. otherwise the odds are definitely against you.

Benny the Ball

14:23 / 29.07.04

Yes, physically really actaully been in her presence for long periods of time. Just happen to be in different countries for a lot of the time.

Benny the Ball

14:26 / 29.07.04

You old romantic, J'mapple!

No, we have been very realistic and discussed this all, and without sounding like a fool, the issue is not so much how we lose the distance between us, but when and in which direction.

Fist Fun

15:00 / 29.07.04

Dude, you are money. You will be fine but...

(pulling him aside, dead serious)
Now when you talk to her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everyone's pulling for. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie who you're not sure if you like.

Tryphena Absent

15:06 / 29.07.04

Well I think it helps that you're in love with someone you actually know. I mean, it helps if you know people's uglinesses and freak outs and still think it could work. So where do you both live? That seems like the fun part to me... I want to go all about the judgement on who should move where.

Benny the Ball

15:11 / 29.07.04

I'm a Londoner, she's an LA woman.

Grey Area

15:12 / 29.07.04

My other half is an ocean and a continent away. We've managed to keep things going for nearly two years now. Advice? Write letters. Real letters (not e-mails). If you've both got high speed internet connections, set up some webcams (hush, all you eejits who are readying their American Pie quotes). It does wonders to see your other half. And be prepared to spend quite a bit on phone cards (although they're getting cheaper). And learn to trust one another (that's the all-important bit). Distance is difficult, but not impossible.

sleazenation

15:27 / 29.07.04

AIM is also great if you both have mics and speakers...

_Boboss

15:35 / 29.07.04

ah man see, um

nah just leave it

Tryphena Absent

15:45 / 29.07.04

Well don't move to LA unless you can drive!

aurora

00:22 / 30.07.04

Indeed. LA is vile for non-drivers.

Long distance relationships are great on the way there, when you're all "Ohh, yay, ten more minutes and I'll be there!" and you've just had your legs waxed and things. But they're utterly horrible when you have to leave again and you both mope about as the bags get packed, going, "Oooh, I hate this bit. Gutted."

And I can't work out whether the 'going there' bit counteracts the 'going home' bit or not.

lekvar

02:49 / 30.07.04

Long distance relationships can work, you just have to be insane (or something approximating). my lovely SO and I lived approximately 237.56 miles from each other and neither one of us had a car or money for public transportation, so we alternated hitch hiked to see each other, switching every two weeks or so, for about a year.
The solution doesn't apply to you of course, but we stayed together through it, got some great (and truly freaky) stories out of it.
Courage. It can happen.

Alex's Grandma

03:47 / 30.07.04

Long-distance relationships are doomed. Actually, any form of relationship whatsoever is doomed, unless...

But then again, let's face it, that's never going to happen.

So if I were you I'd just spare myself the agony, and accept the fact that you'll always be alone. That all your good thoughts and kind intentions will amount to nothing, and that you probably won't die as early as you'd like. That you'll be the old gallows ghost in your local offy, with an arm like a pin cushion, lungs like cement, shouting a bit about the immigrants and so on, and the scum on the street.

During a good day.

long distance reminds you that you should have carped that diem, doesnt it?

Lilly Nowhere Late

11:56 / 30.07.04

One of you will have to move. I was LA and he was/is London. It has worked, but I had to move. If I had it all to do over, I might suggest we both move to a totally new place(Paris), but that isn't always practical. However, keep in mind that a true Cali-girl will never ever adjust to the hidious climate here in London. Or the litter.

Nobody's girl

13:18 / 30.07.04

I'm from Scotland and my partner of 3 years is from the US, we met in a Christian chat room both of us winding up fundies (I know it's bad, I've given it up). We were only long-distance for 6 months though.

People were terribly cynical about our relationship for a long time, but I think they can now see we're in it for keeps. Follow your heart, it's totally worth it

Benny the Ball

20:57 / 24.05.06

Here we are - long distance relationships, the next chapter. Four days ago I got married to my long distance love. So now there is a definitive Mrs The Ball. She's currently trapped thanks to some waiting for the marriage certificate that will facilitate her visa as a spouse, and I had to come back to engerland for work, but the whole thing is working out wonderfully. Still deeply in love, still very much happy. And in the next month or so, the distance becomes not so long, and has truely been overcome for love.

petunia

21:11 / 24.05.06

That's truly awesome!

I was reading this thread through hoping that the realists would get a good kicking.

Here's to stupid romance and idiot dreams!

Mourne Kransky

21:15 / 24.05.06

Yay! Gives me a big happy. Congratulations, Mr and Mrs The Ball. I always get emotional at weddings, mind you.

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:18 / 24.05.06

I was reading this thread through hoping that the realists would get a good kicking

What a curious hobby. Have you considered macramé?

Dead Megatron

21:19 / 24.05.06

There's no such thing as "too far" when you're in live. The one woman I ever truly love is now living in Washington DC and shall stay there for a couple more years, and although we both agreed to see other people in the mean time, I'm saving cash and mileage to meet her in NY as soon as possible. Maybe I'll squeeze a few exta bucks from my rich ass dad since my 30th birthday is 3 months away, and his 60th is 6 months away (which will put him in sentimental mode, hopefully). LOVE PREVAILS!!!

Dead Megatron

21:23 / 24.05.06

There's no such thing as "too far" when you're in live

I mean, in love. Heart-ache is harming my typing skills

ibis the being

21:24 / 24.05.06

Oh wow, congrats to you. I'd thought you'd already married a little while ago, but I may have confused you with the newlywed Steve? Apologies for that!

Dead Megatron

21:26 / 24.05.06

btw, I was so sucked in my own self, I almost forgot: congratulations to the Ball Couple. Hope there's a little Ball-ling soon. Bobossino needs play-pals for Barbelith 2025

The Falcon

21:30 / 24.05.06

Congrats, Benny.

I totally misread that as 'her 60th', DM. Which was an interesting spin on the topic.

Spaniel

21:40 / 24.05.06

Well done, chappy

xxxoooxxxx

Dead Megatron

21:56 / 24.05.06

I totally misread that as 'her 60th', DM. Which was an interesting spin on the topic.

Nice misreading. With some luck, I will be there for her 60th...

Princess

21:59 / 24.05.06

Me and mine live live eight hours apart for 3/4 of the year. We manage it by cultivating apathy, having amazing sex when we do meet up and having sex with strangers to provide intrigue when we are seperate.
But yeah, seconding the trust thing. You need to know that person isn't going to fuck you over when your not there.
But yeah, long distance can work, but meeting up is important. Touch is an important part of intimacy (both kinds).

Page: (1)2

Add Your Reply