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This thread seems to be based on a really odd premise to me: that people can freely, consciously and polutically-motivatedly choose their friends, when in my experience friendship is a two-way and very unpredictable process, and depends very heavily on things such as particular personal interests, which in turn can (don't necessarily) depend on upbringing/"culture" (in the background/milieu kind of sense) and religion or other important personal ideology - which in turn are linked, albeit hopefully not inextricably, with ethnicity...
In focusing on white people not having any black friends, and identifying this as a bad thing, i note the survey doesn't stop to consider whether black people want those white people to "have" them as friends...
my minority status, as a disabled person, is probably relevant here, as i think it's no coincidence that several of my closest friends are also disabled people, and there are things that (despite the diversity of their individual disabilities from mine and each others') all of them understand about me that none of my non-disabled friends "get". i imagine that for people of minority ethnic groups, the same or similar is true, likewise for people who are queer, transsexual, whatever...
i'm very very uncomfortable with the idea that people should be encouraged to "get more [group X] friends", probably mainly because i see friendship itself as a very individual, sacred, deep and personal thing - the idea of deliberately setting out to become friends with someone, not because of anything personal like experiences or interests shared, but simply because you "need" more friends in X category for political reasons, is one i find deeply abhorrent and almost impossible to get my head round.
if i want to analyse the demographics of my own friendships, of the 10 or so people i consider to be close and meaningful friends, 3 are white, queer and disabled, one (my ex) is mixed-race, straight and disabled, one is "black" (well, actually mixed-race but visually what most people would see as "black") and not disabled, one is "white" but of mixed ethnicity, unsure of sexuality and not disabled but sees herself as an "ally" of such, and the rest are pretty much white and non-minority (all are women, but that's more because of my own androphobia issues than anything else)... but does any of that really matter? they are my friends because things that happened in our lives brought us together and we ended up caring about each other, not because of any political demographics (tho i suppose aspects of the latter can be counted in the category of "things that happened in our lives to bring us together")...
i do know that i (usually) feel more comfortable around people who are in (some or any sort of) minority or badly-treated group than "mainstream"/"majority" people, but i don't know whether i should see that as a good or bad thing...
i think i don't really "see" race (due in part to my own upbringing (or lack thereof) and status as a socially excluded and invisibly disabled person - all "cultures", including the one that's supposed to be my own, are equally "exotic" to me), tho i do "see", and am often interested in, physical differences such as skin colour, hair texture, shape of facial features, etc (i find people of some "races" much more attractive to look at than others, which occasionally nags at me as a worry that that might make me racist). i also don't think i really believe in "cultures" as discrete, concretely definable entities (which is one of the reasons why i have problems with the apparently currently favoured definition of "multiculturalism"... i know there's a thread about that somewhere), but would rather see "culture" as something that can and should be cross-pollinated as freely as possible (but cannot be forcibly made to do so)...
hmmm, probably rambling now - sorry for not really coming to a point... friendship as a concept and its intersection with the personal-as-political is probably a good topic for a thread tho, tho i dunno if i'm the right person to start it... |
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